Survivor12 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 "How would she like it if you said you missed one of your ex's who had bigger breasts than her?? Not the same thing. SHE didn't compare him to her ex's--HE compared HIMSELF. This is nothing more than a "tables-turned" version of the old, "Honey, does this dress/these pants make me look fat?"
samspade Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Long story short, I got in a little argument with my girlfriend of about 2 months over something kind of stupid, but I was just wondering who you guys think was right. Anyway, she's had two serious boyfriends before me, both were 6'2+. I am just about 5'10, and she is 5'4. We got on the topic somehow, and she basically ended up saying after a little bit of prodding that she was happy with my height but wouldn't mind if I were a few inches taller and that she likes tall guys. I got pretty offended/upset about this, and told her that I wouldn't change a thing about her if I had the choice. She claimed I was overreacting, and denied my allegation that she would be offended if I made a similar claim regarding her appearance. Things are fine now, but it put a damper on the otherwise great weekend we had together traveling. We are a newer couple and I personally can't stand fighting. Did I overreact? You were wrong, and I'll tell you why: 1. You prodded. 2. You showed insecurity. 3. You bothered to argue. Women are always babbling about their "ideal" type of guys. (News flash: Usually they're tall!) However women have much more malleable standards than men. I can't tell you how many women I know who dated long term or married men who were, physically, nothing like what they "usually" find attractive. This is because WOMEN PLACE A FAR LOWER PREMIUM ON LOOKS THAN MEN. Looks count, but my friend, your charm and confidence did far more to rope her in. And when you prod about past boyfriends, push her to admit she likes tall guys, and in general engage in stupid arguments that are meaningless, you ERODE your status in her eyes. She will start to think you're not as secure as you seemed - the kiss of death. And let me tell you one more thing. Arguing with a woman is a waste of time. (Sensible debate or discussion of a topic excepted.) Even if you "win," you lose. That doesn't mean women are always right...it just means they aren't likely to see themselves as wrong, and will resent the challenge. If you have a disagreement, state your point, and leave it at that. Attention is your biggest asset, and withdrawing it will speak more volumes than squabbling.
carhill Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 OP, read this post as an example of how a man reconciles with a woman who has deemed his comments in a fight offensive. Then, read the rest of the attending thread. That thread, juxtaposed with yours, underscores this: Arguing with a woman is a waste of time. (Sensible debate or discussion of a topic excepted.) Even if you "win," you lose. That doesn't mean women are always right...it just means they aren't likely to see themselves as wrong, and will resent the challenge. If you have a disagreement, state your point, and leave it at that. Attention is your biggest asset, and withdrawing it will speak more volumes than squabbling. Which is why I'm divorced and enjoy the company of a very loyal cat. Women, in my humble opinion, aren't worth the trouble they bring to my life. Your experience will necessarily differ. When I was your age I would thought an old coot like myself was nuts. I see things differently now. Try this: There is no right and wrong, merely different perspectives and interpretations. Free your soul.
dispatch3d Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Carhill I don't see how that applies just to women. Everyone always thinks they are right. There's a pschology term for this, I think it's called self-confirming bias. basically if you had an opinion that you were wrong about x, you would change your opinion to be y (what you believe is the right answer).
vsmini Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 When a partner gets ballsy enough to tell you what's "wrong" with you no matter the tone or context it is time to call it quits. They've lost interest. When you are in love you can't see the flaws. When you are not in love all you see are the flaws. He never said that she said "this is what is wrong with you." He pestered her to keep going and be honest and then she did and then she gets punished for it. She wasn't just sitting there and one day said "Hey! you know what? I wish you were taller!" She didn't ask him to change or say she loved him less. I like ya blood but you make some bold statements that sometimes just do not make sense to me at all.
carhill Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Carhill I don't see how that applies just to women. Everyone always thinks they are right. There's a pschology term for this, I think it's called self-confirming bias. basically if you had an opinion that you were wrong about x, you would change your opinion to be y (what you believe is the right answer). I accept their perspective as their perspective and not right nor wrong. Who is the arbiter of right and wrong? You? Me? Them? If a person overwhelmingly is incompatible in their perspectives and such is irreconcilable, then they are a waste of my time and energy and I theirs. EOS. And yes, it doesn't just apply to women; it applies to everyone. The key is the OP likes the touch of his woman's hand and the feel of his penis in her vagina, and it was hard for him to achieve that. He values it. He wants it. He cares. He's invested. Note how the woman turned his 'hurt' into an offensive. Not only would she like him to be a few inches taller (haha, just a joke, insecure boy-man), she was offended that he was offended. Pure manipulation. Cares less. I called this kind of behavior out in MC. The psychologist supported me. I call it mind-fµcking. Sure, men can do it too, and some do. In this case it was a woman. She's entitled to her perspective but not to my presence. The OP can do as he wishes.
Titania22 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 How did you figure that out? Basically from this thread I am getting that to be in a relationship, you must be willing to constantly lie to your partner, and heaven forbid you ever have a moment of weakness and are actually honest. But who the **** wants to hear their SO say that they'd be happier if you were "something you cannot control or change". Man...see, this is where I'd tell my GF she's an idiot and possibly cheat on her lol. When a partner gets ballsy enough to tell you what's "wrong" with you no matter the tone or context it is time to call it quits. We got on the topic somehow, and she basically ended up saying after a little bit of prodding that she was happy with my height but wouldn't mind if I were a few inches taller and that she likes tall guys. I got pretty offended/upset about this I think she was being a bitch when she said that. You missed your chance to tell her this "well I prefer bigger boobs, my exes had bigger boobs than you...." taste of her own medicine. Rafallas you asked a question about my quote, and there is my answer in other peoples words. All of them outraged that someone in a relationship after being prodded, actually told the truth. How dare she? The heartless bitch! Didn't she know she are always supposed to pretend you consider your partner to be perfect (despite the fact that not one single person on this planet is perfect).
rafallus Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 (edited) No. He wasn't perfect just because he was fishing for that answer, which reeks of insecurity - screw aspiring to be perfect, that's a rather major flaw, no? And only secure in themselves seem to deserve the truth as this topic shows for like bajillionth time (same deal as women not disclosing or lying about their sexual past to judgemental guys in fear of being labelled as sluts). As for her wishing he was taller - well, I wish to have a farm on the Moon too He probably wishes his gf looked like (insert favourite female celebrity). All in all, way to mess things up. Edited June 3, 2011 by rafallus
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