ls32ssibm Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Long story short, I got in a little argument with my girlfriend of about 2 months over something kind of stupid, but I was just wondering who you guys think was right. Anyway, she's had two serious boyfriends before me, both were 6'2+. I am just about 5'10, and she is 5'4. We got on the topic somehow, and she basically ended up saying after a little bit of prodding that she was happy with my height but wouldn't mind if I were a few inches taller and that she likes tall guys. I got pretty offended/upset about this, and told her that I wouldn't change a thing about her if I had the choice. She claimed I was overreacting, and denied my allegation that she would be offended if I made a similar claim regarding her appearance. Things are fine now, but it put a damper on the otherwise great weekend we had together traveling. We are a newer couple and I personally can't stand fighting. Did I overreact?
robdrm32 Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 I would say yes you overreacted, came off as a bit insecure. This is coming from another insecure man so don't take it harshly.
Author ls32ssibm Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 The thing is, is that I'm 1000% happy with my height. I am a USMC officer (candidate, yet to be commissioned) and the bigger tall guys get killed doing some of the body weight things we have to do. I just thought she was 100% happy with me, and was sad to hear that wasn't the case.
robdrm32 Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 well look at your original post. You brought up that fact about her ex's being taller so that tells me you were taking it as her comparing you to her ex's. is she a 10/10? you may be happy with her but to say you wouldn't mind if she was a little thinner, had bigger breasts/butt is a little unrealistic. Now maybe it wasn't the nicest thing for her to say to you i'd agree with that but if your past it move on. If not say something similar to her, "i wouldn't mind if you were a couple inches shorter, i love short girls" see how she takes it and if she gets upset then maybe she will understand why you did. it's not a right vs. wrong so we can't tell you that.
FryFish Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 5'10" and you are not totally secure about your height... If only...
AmEricanWomann Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 If she came out of nowhere and said she wished you were taller, I'd say she was wrong, but you admit to prodding her. I take this to mean you brought it up and you kept asking her if she was OK with your height. If you aren't ready to hear an answer you don't like, don't ask the question. So if you kept pestering her to tell her how she felt about your height, in an attempt to get a compliment or validation and then got mad because she didnt say what you wanted her to say, then yeah, you're were the wrong.
curlygirl40 Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 If she came out of nowhere and said she wished you were taller, I'd say she was wrong, but you admit to prodding her. I take this to mean you brought it up and you kept asking her if she was OK with your height. If you aren't ready to hear an answer you don't like, don't ask the question. So if you kept pestering her to tell her how she felt about your height, in an attempt to get a compliment or validation and then got mad because she didnt say what you wanted her to say, then yeah, you're were the wrong. ^^This. You said you prodded her. Were you just looking for validation and then didn't get it so it ruined your weekend? That's very silly.
Imajerk17 Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Now why did you prod her about this in the first place? What were you expecting? Your own damn fault.
Enchanted Girl Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 (edited) Well, I'm going to be the first on your side. I think she was being a bitch when she said that. How would she like it if you said you missed one of your ex's who had bigger breasts than her? I'm like you. I live this quote: "Love is about loving an imperfect person perfectly." In fact, men I date say to me,"I've never told anyone that" often and I get to know them better than anyone (even their own mother's) know them. They hate losing contact with me and usually try to continue to confide in me even after we break it off. NC is hard for me to achieve with men I've been even with only a few dates on. Because they say that I'm genuine and that I don't judge them all the time and that they can tell when I fall in love, I don't want to change the person. I think this is extremely important to feel! My boyfriend told me when we were around the time in our relationship that you two are: "Do you love me how I am now? Or do you love what you think I might become? Because I'm always going to be who I am right now." I told him I love him how he is right now and he says now that I re-affirm that with all my actions. I'm never trying to make him something he's not. What she's doing is not thinking about all the things that make you awesome for being 5'10". My ex was 5'5" and my current boyfriend is 6'1". With my ex, I was always excited because it was easy to just run up and kiss him and certain sexual positions and things were easier to do because we were around the same height. My current boyfriend, I love his height as well. He's tall and makes me feel little which I enjoy. I found that doing 69 with him was easier because he can bend forward more because he's taller than me. So on and so forth. I'm not comparing the two of them. I'm usually just focused on whoever I am with at the time and how all the little things about them add up to make an awesome and beautiful person that I love. Because if they didn't have all those same aspects about them, they wouldn't be the same person I fell in love with. I do not compare them to other people. I do not have some stupid imaginary ideal that everyone falls short of or whatever. I treat them all as individuals that I love individually as they are. And if a guy were to say ANYTHING comparing me to an ex or anyone else and say I wasn't as special for it, then I'd know they didn't really love me. They love that ideal they created in their head that they expect everyone to live up to and not me. Otherwise why would they always be comparing me to that girl that lives in their head instead of loving me as I am? Edited May 30, 2011 by Enchanted Girl
Eddie Edirol Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 You missed your chance to tell her this "well I prefer bigger boobs, my exes had bigger boobs than you...." taste of her own medicine. You did over-react, you cant take something to heart that you cannot change. You ignore it and move on to the next subject. Right now youre chipping away at her attraction to you by trying to do the slick woman trick of keeping something to hold over her head, and being insecure to be indignant about her preference instead of throwing it back at her.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 The thing is, is that I'm 1000% happy with my height. I am a USMC officer (candidate, yet to be commissioned) and the bigger tall guys get killed doing some of the body weight things we have to do. I just thought she was 100% happy with me, and was sad to hear that wasn't the case. Yes, you over-reacted in a huge way. No one is physically perfect, so of course there are aspects of your personal appearance that, ideally, could be more attractive in her eyes. If not height, it would be your teeth, the shape of your ears, the size of your d!ck...whatever. I'm sure there are aspect of her appearance that your also change if it was up to you. The truth is, you are not "1000% happy" with your height. If it was the other way around, and she said that while was happy with your height but wouldn't mind if you were a little shorter, you likely wouldn't have gotten upset. This whole height-related insecurity seems to be a popular topic on this board. For what's it's worth, I see guys well below 6' with attractive girls all the time. It's all in your head.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Long story short, I got in a little argument with my girlfriend of about 2 months over something kind of stupid, but I was just wondering who you guys think was right. Anyway, she's had two serious boyfriends before me, both were 6'2+. I am just about 5'10, and she is 5'4. We got on the topic somehow, and she basically ended up saying after a little bit of prodding that she was happy with my height but wouldn't mind if I were a few inches taller and that she likes tall guys. I got pretty offended/upset about this, and told her that I wouldn't change a thing about her if I had the choice. She claimed I was overreacting, and denied my allegation that she would be offended if I made a similar claim regarding her appearance. Things are fine now, but it put a damper on the otherwise great weekend we had together traveling. We are a newer couple and I personally can't stand fighting. Did I overreact? I see this as being similar to the difference between a story seen in Newsweek, and a story seen in the National Enquirer. If your story shows up in Newsweek, and you are slandered and misrepresented to the point of it harming your life or your person, then you have a definite case against somebody. (in this case, that would equate to references to breasts, weight, fuller lips, or a bump on one's nose) BUT, when a story shows up in the National Enquirer, and is written in a way that the average reasonable person would not believe something so outlandish, then the law isn't the same. (for example, when they say "Justine Bateman is married to a martian" - she has no case) SO, the fact that it is unfathomable that you could be expected to 'change' your height, then comparisons to breasts, weight, hair color or the like aren't accurate. With that in mind, her 'wishing' you were a bit taller should just be overlooked. She's allowed to 'wish' you had more money too, by the way. Here's your chance to prove that you are "1000% happy with your height".
Titania22 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I think you overreacted. Ask yourself do you want an honest relationship, or a relationship where you only ever hear exactly what you want.
Star Gazer Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Now why did you prod her about this in the first place? What were you expecting? Your own damn fault. I think you overreacted. Ask yourself do you want an honest relationship, or a relationship where you only ever hear exactly what you want. Yup and yup...
Dust Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 You both screwed up even having this conversation. Once she offended you she should have probably just said “I like you just the way you are.” I think you’re both being kind of stubborn and both at fault. Really I could see this pissing you off to the point of dumping her so just go ahead and do that if she makes you feel unattractive.
rafallus Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Keep at it, and you'll break it up. She's already seen your insecurity and it's gonna make her dry. Hell, I'm about 5'10'' and it's pretty much average male height around the world. Get some muscles if you're that insecure about it.
Flgirl44 Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Ya I learned the hard way not to prod at people as far as what they think about your looks. It's much more smooth and less awkward for them to initiate any 'looks' conversations/compliments.
dispatch3d Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 sort of comment i'd roll my eyes at and move on (like immediately). Obviously she said something stupid, don't beat a dead horse.
Els Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 The thing is that YOU prodded her, OP. C'mon. That's exactly like a woman a few pounds overweight prodding her bf til he says something like, "I love you no matter what but maybe the gym would be a good idea sometimes?", and then getting all sensitive about it...
vsmini Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Someone earlier in this thread posted that your girlfriend was a b*tch for saying what she said - no she's not. You overreacted. It was just a little thing and you will both get over it.
Blood Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 When a partner gets ballsy enough to tell you what's "wrong" with you no matter the tone or context it is time to call it quits. They've lost interest. When you are in love you can't see the flaws. When you are not in love all you see are the flaws.
mr.dream merchant Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I think you should somehow manage to slip into future conversation with her, that you'd wish she'd do that thing with her mouth that your ex used to do. Or maybe that she could never really make you cum as hard as your ex did. Or possibly that you wished her vagina wasn't looser than your ex. See if any of those offend her. Do I think you overreacted? Yeah a little bit. But who the **** wants to hear their SO say that they'd be happier if you were "something you cannot control or change". Man...see, this is where I'd tell my GF she's an idiot and possibly cheat on her lol.
Titania22 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Basically from this thread I am getting that to be in a relationship, you must be willing to constantly lie to your partner, and heaven forbid you ever have a moment of weakness and are actually honest. Well I shouldn't be surprised, the whole world (dating and otherwise) seems to be built around the better the liar the bigger success. Personally in my last relationship, my partner recognised alot of detrimental behaviour patterns, and I begged me to tell me about them, he was wary, but in the end gave me the benefit of the doubt. I learnt so much, that I had the opportunity to become a better person. I was really thankful that he did. I know height isn't something you can effect, but an honest relationship, includes being honest about many different things. You can't have it, 'well be honest about this, and lie to me about that'. It just doesn't work that way. An honest partner is an opportunity to get honest feedback about how others see us. How can we have an honest partner, if we attack or go on the defensive everytime we hear something we don't like?
ChessPieceFace Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I am insecure about almost everything about myself, I am like 5' 10 1/2" and I am totally secure about my height. We are above average height, what is wrong with that ??? That said, it seems more like you are insecure because it's something she outright said wasn't perfect about you. However, did you really live under the illusion that she saw you as perfect? Well then, welcome to reality. Overall I would say you are the one in the wrong, because you prodded her on the subject then overreacted about it. I fail to understand why you even brought it up. It's like a woman who says "Do I look fat? Do I seem fat?" and then if you slip up and don't give the perfect answer one time they flip out. Just a bunch of neurotic nonsense. Seriously dude, get some perspective.
rafallus Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Basically from this thread I am getting that to be in a relationship, you must be willing to constantly lie to your partner, and heaven forbid you ever have a moment of weakness and are actually honest. How did you figure that out?
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