alexlakeman Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Online dating is great, but sometimes you have it's like pulling teeth to get a decent reply from a woman vs "yes", "no", "My career is xyz".... I'm talking when I email them and they respond so brief... It's hard to get more info to see if you are compatible or not.. I would prefer to just send out my questions to her and her the same, but sometimes they don't even ask..And I'm referring to women who I sometimes end up talking to on the phone..and/or meeting. What's your check list of the "have to have" for your potential significant other? Besides the typical "no cheating", "gentleman", "sexy", "not fat", etc.. I always say there's maybe 5(just to say a number) things you are looking for in a potential s/o, but you are not going to find it all in one person, so it's a matter of finding someone with at least some of qualities you are looking for...
oaks Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Some people are definitely not great email conversationalists, even if they are interested in meeting. I think "if you were a guy you wouldn't get anywhere with online dating because you can't write an email" but then I put up with it if she looks good. It's a weakness I need to work on.
thatone Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 to be honest i really pretty much give up on all of that stuff during the email phase. i don't try to find out anything deal breaker'ish before phone conversation. i'll cull the ones who don't match on religion, activity preferences, etc. but other than that there's really no way to know. other than the typical do-not-contact things, such as... a) duckface/peace sign b) text speak typed anywhere in their self description c) pics of tattoos etc
Author alexlakeman Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 Here we go, next one is up.. I emailed one on Sat, first email, she emails me back, "would love to talk on phone".. Da.mn girl, I want to know if you even speak English, etc, lol... As time has gone by and I've communicated / met a bunch of women the last 7-8 months, I think I am realistic in what I want, again, I don't expect it all in one woman, but my wish list and it's not selfish , I think, just basics.. This is the "wish list", in order of priority - Physical attraction - Let's face it, it all first goes in through the eyes. I am not looking for perfection, but I always judge it "can she wear a bikini", for example (I live near the water and pool / beach is a regular activity). This has been the biggest deal breaker over the course of the year. I loosened up my criteria in picking online and decided to pursue those without a full body shot, big mistake. I've learned to ask for a full body pic, but it's always different when we meet or they "don't have any"..desperation on their part, I guess. I went back a few days ago to only full body shots, screw it.Kids - they should have kids, so they fully understand being a parent. Of course with flexibility built in on their end.Chemistry. I've talked to some women, where we're on the phone b4 meeting for hours during the course of a few days vs others where I have to think of the next subject to talk about... safe bet in those instances is the "kids", since I typically pursue single moms.Music - sounds so simple, but I love certain genre of music but hate jazz, country, and old music (ie 60's-70's-and some 80's stuff). Music is a big part of my life (ie on in the car, at home, the type of places I go to with certain types of music).Social events - She has to like to go out to happy hour, etc.. simple enough..Outdoorsie type - That would be great, she likes mountain biking or at least biking, can deal if we go camping.Travel - Well "they all like to travel"... but has to have the financial resources to support my habit, maybe not all the time but once in a while it's nice to travel with the girlfreind.Career / education - Would be nice that she would have a similar career and something more than a high school diploma, so we can have more things in common, dialogue, etc.. but I've had 2-3 long terms relationships with no undergrad/grad degree and it's been grade, so guess it all depends. So I should just send a check list on my next email online when the respond.... physical - check music - check.... etc... to be honest i really pretty much give up on all of that stuff during the email phase. i don't try to find out anything deal breaker'ish before phone conversation. You mean you do or you don't.. Some people are definitely not great email conversationalists, Man, if they can't communicate on email, where they can sit back, think of what they will respond, I wonder how much creativity / thought they actually have...
oaks Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 other than the typical do-not-contact things, such as... a) duckface/peace sign I don't even understand those photos. I can't see how they ever look good or positive in any way. Does this mean I'm getting old?
Author alexlakeman Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 I don't even understand those photos. I can't see how they ever look good or positive in any way. Does this mean I'm getting old? Hey the duck face is so popular there's even a web page for the haters, lol http://antiduckface.com/ :laugh::laugh:
curlygirl40 Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Physical attraction - Let's face it, it all first goes in through the eyes. I am not looking for perfection, but I always judge it "can she wear a bikini", for example (I live near the water and pool / beach is a regular activity). This has been the biggest deal breaker over the course of the year. I loosened up my criteria in picking online and decided to pursue those without a full body shot, big mistake. I've learned to ask for a full body pic, but it's always different when we meet or they "don't have any"..desperation on their part, I guess. I went back a few days ago to only full body shots, screw it. . If I remember correctly, we're about the same age. I'm not sure how many of my single girlfriends, who are attractive with average body types (and, remember, who have pushed out some kids in their time since that's one of your criteria as well) could pull off a bikini. I work out. I'm a runner. I couldn't pull off a bikini. But I'm 41, I've gone through 2 pregnancies and the changes that does to your body, and I'm pretty confident (most days!) in my own skin. I understand the physical attraction bit of course. But I think this one is limiting you. Are you looking for a girlfriend or for a trophy to show off at the pool?
Author alexlakeman Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 If I remember correctly, we're about the same age. I'm not sure how many of my single girlfriends, who are attractive with average body types (and, remember, who have pushed out some kids in their time since that's one of your criteria as well) could pull off a bikini. I work out. I'm a runner. I couldn't pull off a bikini. But I'm 41, I've gone through 2 pregnancies and the changes that does to your body, and I'm pretty confident (most days!) in my own skin. I understand the physical attraction bit of course. But I think this one is limiting you. Are you looking for a girlfriend or for a trophy to show off at the pool? My mistake.. you are right, I meant BATHING SUIT.,,,, lol.. sorry, but then again it's possible.. I am not looking for a barbie doll body.... My last two long term ex gf's were about our age, one had one child , the other two, and both could pull off a two piece.. NOT perfect. but at this stage none of us, including myself... I should've clarified.. But even a one piece can be sexy.. NO, not looking for a trophy, honestly.... You said it, "average bodies".. that's all I want.. The problem is online that "average" has many meanings, lol.. I am NOT looking for a size 0-2-4, etc.. Heck, i don't remember what size my exes where, but I know , for example they wore medium size Bebe tops, if that gives you an idea... You are right, physical attraction in not it, but you have to have some physical attraction..
oaks Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Hey the duck face is so popular there's even a web page for the haters, lol http://antiduckface.com/ :laugh::laugh: I know! It's like a freak show.
Author alexlakeman Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 Here we go, next one is up.. I emailed one on Sat, first email, she emails me back, "would love to talk on phone".. Da.mn girl, I want to know if you even speak English, etc, lol... Man, if they can't communicate on email, where they can sit back, think of what they will respond, I wonder how much creativity / thought they actually have... There we go, a second one who just wants to talk after one email.. ugghhh.. I swear this is her message quoting verbatim the line "Hi - Thanks for writing. I am from xxxxx. Where are you from? We do have a few things in common. Maybe we can talk live. My number xxxxxxxxx"... Don't get me wrong, it's great that I got "the number", woopie... but we don't even know if we have any compatibility initially.. What's happened in this scenario in the past, for example, within 5 minutes of the convo I'll ask, "so what do you like to do in the weekend?" Their answer (just an example) "I like staying home"... That would've been a deal breaker, so now I don't want to be rude and say, "ok, goodbye, good luck, we're not a match", lol... Just ranting on memorial day.. I guess..
oaks Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Their answer (just an example) "I like staying home"... That would've been a deal breaker, so now I don't want to be rude and say, "ok, goodbye, good luck, we're not a match", lol... I know what you're getting at, but isn't a quick phone call early on actually going to save you time in the long run? 5 or 10 minutes on the phone, don't ask her for a date if you're not feeling it, no need to call her back or email her any more. I had one woman say in her reply to my initial email that we did have some things in common and that she didn't like long email conversations, so I replied with my number and asked for hers and suggested that we talk instead. Didn't hear from her again.
curlygirl40 Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 There we go, a second one who just wants to talk after one email.. ugghhh.. I swear this is her message quoting verbatim the line "Hi - Thanks for writing. I am from xxxxx. Where are you from? We do have a few things in common. Maybe we can talk live. My number xxxxxxxxx"... Don't get me wrong, it's great that I got "the number", woopie... but we don't even know if we have any compatibility initially.. What's happened in this scenario in the past, for example, within 5 minutes of the convo I'll ask, "so what do you like to do in the weekend?" Their answer (just an example) "I like staying home"... That would've been a deal breaker, so now I don't want to be rude and say, "ok, goodbye, good luck, we're not a match", lol... Just ranting on memorial day.. I guess.. It's funny because I can see both sides of this. I like to e-mail back and forth a little in the beginning also, to see if we're compatible, before the phone call. BUT guys oftentimes ask for the phone number right away, so maybe the women in your area are so used to that, that they are just giving it out w/o you asking, expecting you're going to want it right away anyway? I've never found a good way to say 'I think we should e-mail a few times before going for the phone call', w/o sounding controlling or uptight or whatever. But I feel the same way you do. The phone call is crucial, but then when you go into it right away, I feel like I'm going in blind because I want more to talk about, and I can usually get that more to talk about by e-mailing a few times before the call. Then I feel like I know them a little more before we talk. Everyone has their different opinions of what works for them, so it's best to just go with the flow. You could find yourself pleasantly surprised. Idk. Guess I'm just ranting on Memorial Day too.
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