3 yrs together of up and down...He broke up with me, I'm losing my mind.

[Persephonexx]

Me and ex were friends for 7 yrs and dated for 3 years. Hes been in med school for the majority of the time. I have always been extremely supportive of him and helped him overcome many obstacle. He even got a DUI and I drove him around for months helping him get his life back together. Me and him have always had a rocky relationship though. He kind of gets restless and breaks up with me saying I have to many problems or that he doesn't love me. We talk and end up getting back together. Everyone knows I've been kind to him.

 

Recently though, I lost my grandmother whom I was close to and I almost lost my job as well. Ive been very depressed and emotional. Mind you he had a huge final and was preoccupied with that. He tried comforting me briefly bc he was busy with his test supposedly. But day before his test I see him online for hours playing vid games. He had been ignoring my calls. Finally after work I called him 2 days after his test and he is really cold and dry with me. I ask, do you want to break up with me? He like yes stop calling me. I might have gotten a little needy and annoying calling him and asking him him whats wrong, why hadn't I heard from him..but ugh I was going through so much..

 

 

I lost it, I cried and cried. I'm still crying about it. I tried calling him about 4 days ago and he wouldn't pick up or reply to my emails. I havent called him or contacted him anymore.

 

I don't understand.. how can he be so cruel?

 

 

I'm not perfect, I know I can be

Edited May 29, 2011 by Persephonexx

[sinnister]

Alot recently and you're on emotional swings. A real man would accept that..even if he should've been more supportive during this period. School is VERY stressful, and he needs his outlet to keep positive and focused. This sounds more like concentrating on his career. Give him that out, but find out if it's about another person. Once u find out it isn't, agree that space is best for BOTH of you and take some time to do extracurriculars yourself. Do some things you wouldn't...grow a little..if it wasn't about trying to break up with you..he'll be responsive when his own stress level comes down. Get a LOT of ice cream/chocolate, mix w/Sambuca if you're a drinker and watch some movies or go explore yourself. This seems like a space issue. I'm sorry. Stay w/in yourself, let him contact you..but no more than a month...if after that he's still not talking...talk to him, but prepare on moving on and give him that warning after about another week. After a month of mutual NC, he should know where u two stand...he might ask for more time...give him that if he's not seeing anyone else..but don't get jealous/scared when you ask as it will be a sensitive/charged subject but...if he is...then it's a breakup but you've already prepared for moving on yourself.

 

Long r/s's r hardest b/c they get into a rut, but people misinterpret it as something else at times..plus they are too scared to ask for space, so they get cold/flaky/b--tchy. You can navigate through this and be stronger than ever, because it looks like you care about his needs...then he will follow. One of u will always hit this point eventually..it's just having the maturity, then clarity to handle it, lots of people get scared/clingy which strips the attraction level.

Edited May 29, 2011 by sinnister

[Idalis]

I know you mentioned several reasons why you're emotionally a wreck (sorry about your grandma by the way ) but I think the root of your emotional problems is your ex.

 

I think deep down you knew he wasn't completely invested in your relationship and that caused you anxiety, that was only aggravated by the things going on around you. Add to that the fact that you were giving and giving in the R and he was taking and you've got yourself a good reason for you resenting him, probably not voicing those concerns and they've manifested themselves in the form of instability. Trust me when you have a partner who supports you, a million things can go wrong but you will still have a handle on it.

 

If he dismissed you that easily then you are right, he is a very cruel and cold person and why would you want someone like that in your life? If after so many years he can write you off with out so much as some compassion then he is doing you a favor in the long run! I know you don't see it now, but you will be better off.

 

You should gather up your dignity and never call him again, at this point I don't think he will say a single thing to make you feel better, and I've seen the type, he will probably go out of his way to make you feel worse. Take care of yourself and forget him and move on. Every day will get easier!

[Persephonexx]

Thanks guys, both of you gave me fantastic advice. I really appreciate it, I got insight from both a man (I think) and a woman. So I received both perspectives.

 

UPDATE: I just received an email from him saying the following : "I love you alot and I just don't want to hurt you anymore"

 

This was a random. I haven't spoken to him in 5 days. What now?

Edited May 30, 2011 by Persephonexx

[Kodo]

Thanks guys, both of you gave me fantastic advice. I really appreciate it, I got insight from both a man (I think) and a woman. So I received both perspectives.

 

UPDATE: I just received an email from him saying the following : "I love you alot and I just don't want to hurt you anymore"

 

This was a random. I haven't spoken to him in 5 days. What now?

 

Sounds like blame shifting. He's making out that he's not good enough for you to keep away but at the same time throws a generic "I love you" to make him seem "nicer" and feel less guilty.

 

I wouldn't act on that message.