Memphis Raines Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 ok so in the last month or two my bestfriends wife and i started getting closer and ended up having an emotional affair. we both knew what we were doing was wrong and that it had to stop. we knew nothing physical could ever happen between us, and it never did. we didnt want to hurt her husband and decided to just keep it all a secret until it blew over. they have been having marital problems and of course you were there to swoop in. and a week ago decided they were done as a couple but will be waiting until the end of the year to seperate after they move cross country. looks like you helped it along, showing her that she can have this exciting fun with other guys. some friend. yesterday he tried to text me from her phone and saw me call her huni and saying i couldnt wait to see her. an hour or two later she called to tell me that she told him and that we couldnt talk anymore, im no longer welcome at their house, and he and i could no longer be friends. i know she and i were doing something wrong, but i dont wanna lose either one of them from my life. too bad. you have shown him you aren't a true friend. if they end up getting divorced, I'm sure if you stayed friends somehow, that he wouldn't be able to trust you with any woman he is with in the future. you didn't want to lose him, but you wanted to get close to his wife. just let him be. the only thing i can think of is giving him a chance to cool off and apologizing and begging his forgiveness. no, just let him alone. like I said, he won't be able to trust you around a girlfriend or wife in the future. so don't contact him. trust me, he doesn't want a thing to do with you and wants you to leave him alone. nobody needs friends like that.
Memphis Raines Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 i am honestly not interested in a relationship with her at all, i just want to keep them as my friends. they are like my family and the fact that this happened is killing me inside. is this really a done deal? is there no way i can go back and apologize and try to correct the mistakes that were made? thing is, how can you even be around them and look them both in the face after what you and she did? his best option is to dump you both and move on to relationships with people he can trust.
Steen719 Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Sadly, many of us have either had spouses cheat on us or suspect or expect it, but we do think our friends will have our back. I can tell you that an EA hurts, hurts, hurts and if my friend participated, I would not have any interest in keeping them as a friend. You need to move on, leave your friend alone and maybe the loss will help you make better choices in the future.
Steadfast Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Another perspective is that everything is on the MW's word. Who really knows what went on? A woman with low enough boundaries to consider/predate her H's best friend can be capable of anything. My instinct is she killed two birds with one stone and has a completely different goal in mind. Perhaps that's a cynical POV borne of MW experiences over the years in this realm. What a great point and one well worth considering. That's what some call a low down double dip...hard to imagine something hurting worse. I wonder if she poisoned his dog too? The key to her success is the heartless dumb ass who fell for it. Even The Man Code (which states as rule number one; leave married women alone) skips the part about having anything to do with your best-mates wife. Unthinkable. She's a piece of work, this one. OP? You were a pawn. Leave them alone.
Fugu Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Whatever the MW's issues may be, if it happened with me, it's hard to imagine me ever being friends with that person again.
YellowShark Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 Whatever the MW's issues may be, if it happened with me, it's hard to imagine me ever being friends with that person again. As someone who this *has* happened to I can assure you of two things. My EX will never hear my voice again and my ex-friend will never ever be a friend again. Both of them treated me with the utmost cruelty and disrespect. They are dead to me.
Fugu Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 As someone who this *has* happened to I can assure you of two things. My EX will never hear my voice again and my ex-friend will never ever be a friend again. Both of them treated me with the utmost cruelty and disrespect. They are dead to me. I think your feelings are completely understandable. I pride myself on being someone who doesn't hold grudges and turns the page, but there's no way to know how you're going to react and feel until you've been in that situation. I hope that never happens to me, and I hope you're able to move on at some point.
OldOnTheInside Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 I think your feelings are completely understandable. I pride myself on being someone who doesn't hold grudges and turns the page, but there's no way to know how you're going to react and feel until you've been in that situation. I hope that never happens to me, and I hope you're able to move on at some point. If shark's xW and x-friend are truly "dead to him" then he should consider complete apathy to them as a form of moving on...
YellowShark Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 If shark's xW and x-friend are truly "dead to him" then he should consider complete apathy to them as a form of moving on... I can answer that! I am indifferent to their existence. I have moved on. Yet a part of me still hurts a lot because I was with her for seven years, and he was one of my best friends for 5 years. I never said an unkind word to either of them and treated them with love and kindness. He and his wife, and my EX and I shared so many things together and I trusted both of them implicitly. I helped him with his business, my son cut his lawn, and then I find out my EX and him were throwing me under a bus for nearly a year. Double betrayal is a really bitter pill to swallow. I have good days and bad days... way more good than bad as time passes. I defy anyone to walk away from that kind of betrayal unscathed. I am only human after all.
OldOnTheInside Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 So we can conclude that there are different levels of "moving on" YS. Does moving on = stopping the past from interfering with the present? Or does it mean that you should let go completely and realise that what is done is done? IMO if the trauma is significant enough then the latter is practically impossible. Even if you want to let go completely, the trauma will be ingrained into your mind in some form, for the rest of your life. And that's really gotta suck.
YellowShark Posted June 5, 2011 Posted June 5, 2011 So we can conclude that there are different levels of "moving on" YS. Does moving on = stopping the past from interfering with the present? Or does it mean that you should let go completely and realise that what is done is done? IMO if the trauma is significant enough then the latter is practically impossible. Even if you want to let go completely, the trauma will be ingrained into your mind in some form, for the rest of your life. And that's really gotta suck. I've thought a lot about this and I have to say I shall never forget what those two people did to me. Its pretty mindblowng to find out your best buddy and EX are cheating behind your back. On one level, ya it sucks, to never be able to erase that from my mind. On another level I have let go of them, they are no longer part of my life and it shall always remain that way. The power they once had over me is gone. They are but a memory, albeit a bad one.
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