sydneysider1978 Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Hi All, This is me being a little bit insecure but I'm not sure what the best cause of action is and would like some male and female points of view. There's a friend of a friend who've I've thought was cute for a while. Last saturday night we all got together and had a night out. To be honest, I think the evening was a bit of a set up. We got on great, have loads in common and the night ended in a little kiss. Which was lovely. He got my number. The next day he sent me a nice message asking me out on a date in a week and a half's time. I said I that I was free and would it would be great to see him. He replied great!, leave the details with me and I'll get in touch closer to the date. We've not been in contact for the past week. I'm a struggling, reformed rules girl. He did say he'd get in touch so on one hand I want to leave it to him. BUT he did go out on a bit of a limb and ask me out straight, which I appreciate, so maybe it would be nice for me to initiate some contact. I would like to confirm our date and find out the time and place (it's in two days time) Partly because I've had a few guys flake on me recently and partly because I want to organise my training for the week, I do martial arts quite seriously. On one hand, I'm thinking I should be less insecure - assume the date is on and let him follow through on his word. He's 30, a professional and seems like a lovely guy. But on the other hand, maybe he'd appreciate some contact and I get to organise my week. Boys, girls, what do you think?
D-Lish Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 The next day he sent me a nice message asking me out on a date in a week and a half's time. I said I that I was free and would it would be great to see him. He replied great!, leave the details with me and I'll get in touch closer to the date. Boys, girls, what do you think? He said he'd be in touch closer to the date- you've already confirmed it because you said yes when he asked! If you really have to organize your week- go ahead and do it! You've already chosen an evening right? He's either going to follow through, or he isn't. Regardless, you reaching out to to him isn't going to change anything. Patience....
alphamale Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 just text him asking if you're still on because another "friend" wants to get together that same night
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 just text him asking if you're still on because another "friend" wants to get together that same night Yes, I use tricks like that in the initial stages. It will save you a lot of waiting around and doesn't come across as desperate.
D-Lish Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Something that strikes me... If you guys hit it off, why aren't you at least texting back and forth in between dates? You'd think if he liked you enough to set up another date for 10 days later- that he'd want to have some light conversations in between?? Why the whole "Wanna go out in 10 days? Okay, I'll be in touch closer to the date..."
D-Lish Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Yes, I use tricks like that in the initial stages. It will save you a lot of waiting around and doesn't come across as desperate. That's ridiculous for you to think you'd have to do that!!!! Why would you have to trick someone into confirming a date or prodding them to ask you out? They either want to go on the date or they don't! The whole point is that you don't put yourself in a position to wait- you don't stop your life for some guy you just met! She can plan her week- she doesn't have to wait around!! OP says she's a rules girl, so she should already know this:rolleyes: In my opinion, if someone sets up a date and says they'll call- I'm not going to call them because I'm wondering why they haven't called yet. If they don't end up calling- oh well, they won't hear from me. I think confirming for a second time IS going to look like she's chasing him down (even if she uses a "trick"- which I personally would see right through!)
alphamale Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Something that strikes me... If you guys hit it off, why aren't you at least texting back and forth in between dates? You'd think if he liked you enough to set up another date for 10 days later- that he'd want to have some light conversations in between?? Why the whole "Wanna go out in 10 days? Okay, I'll be in touch closer to the date..." he's playing it cool...you know, to build up interest and anticipation and show he's not some needy chump
D-Lish Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 he's playing it cool...you know, to build up interest and anticipation and show he's not some needy chump Is that something you'd do MR?
alphamale Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Is that something you'd do MR? sometimes...each chick needs to be handled differently
D-Lish Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 sometimes...each chick needs to be handled differently LOL, you kill me Alpha. I just think that if a dude says he's going to call, then it's on him to follow through. If you're concerned about planning your week around the date you're not sure is going to happen... You're waiting and planning around a guy you met ONCE. I still don't get the lack of contact in between dates- I'd take it as a sign of disinterest. OP, your friends know this guy, as they obviously set you up, what's the deal?
Sabali Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 I never confirm dates. I expect the person to be there just as we initially discussed. You should expect him to show up for the date. If he doesn't, you will have a wealth of information. Typically, I don't contact my dates in between our dates in the beginning. Part of the fun of the date is getting to know the person more which is so much more fun and exciting when it's done on the actual date.
alphamale Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 I just think that if a dude says he's going to call, then it's on him to follow through. i totally agree
Author sydneysider1978 Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 Thanks for writing back guys. I don't think that he hasn't been in touch with chit-chat all that strange. We don't really know each other at this stage. I suppose my concern is that he hasn't got back to me by now with more specific details by now. Even though the evening is "locked-in" according to him. My concern, I suppose, is that he might think I'm being aloof in that I haven't initated any contact with him. Although I did agree to the date with no ambiguity.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Honestly, he is not going to lose interest if you ask him for details. That's just silly.
Author sydneysider1978 Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 Thanks Sunshine. I had a bit of a flash of inspiration. This isn't just about me behaving in a perfect way to make him like me. It's also about if he's keen, genuine, a good communicator and can organise his time. Whether he's suitable for me, not just the other way around. If a guy is genuine and not into weird game playing, this is not a big deal. So I texted. And he replied. We now have a place and time set and I can organise my gym-time, friends and date preparations
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Thanks Sunshine. I had a bit of a flash of inspiration. This isn't just about me behaving in a perfect way to make him like me. It's also about if he's keen, genuine, a good communicator and can organise his time. Whether he's suitable for me, not just the other way around. If a guy is genuine and not into weird game playing, this is not a big deal. So I texted. And he replied. We now have a place and time set and I can organise my gym-time, friends and date preparations Glad to hear it If a guy likes you, he is not going to go "OMG this chick contacted me first, I am now losing interest". Have fun
D-Lish Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I'm still wondering why you guys aren't having regular contact with one another... You had a great date time together that first meeting, he called to set up a date for 10 days down the road... So why aren't you guys having some interim chatting in between that last date and your next one? It's seems strange to have radio silence for those 10 days in between dates. I'm just trying to figure out the reasoning behind it?
Author sydneysider1978 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 I'm with Sabla and Alphamale on the chatty texting. I would find radio silence between dates strange once we'd been dating for a little while but not at this stage. He's working 6 days a week and spending time on a personal project at the moment so the 10 day gap doesn't worry me either. He was possibly avoiding double-texting me. He was pretty responsive when I got in touch. I'll suss it out tomorrow.
D-Lish Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 I'm with Sabla and Alphamale on the chatty texting. I would find radio silence between dates strange once we'd been dating for a little while but not at this stage. He's working 6 days a week and spending time on a personal project at the moment so the 10 day gap doesn't worry me either. He was possibly avoiding double-texting me. He was pretty responsive when I got in touch. I'll suss it out tomorrow. Okay.... but for TEN days??? I am not saying it has to be chatty texting, but nothing at all???? That just seems really odd. It doesn't matter if someone is busy or not, when they are interested, they will make an effort. This guy hasn't made any effort at all- and YOU had to reach out to him to confirm the date. I don't think your main concern was planning out your activity schedule for the week, I think you had some concerns over whether or not he was going to follow through with the date.... (as anyone would given his lack of contact). I can understand not texting back and forth 10 times a day - but nothing at all? Really? That's not a good sign.
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