Scott Free Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 (edited) I have come out of a bad (but it really was a lot of good too)relationship last October 2010 ...Now here we are and no real closure.... just confusion and mixed signals. Im done. but i wish i didnt have to be...like wishing on a star or waking from a dream...i just dont know I am a 43 year old man and she is 39. I was so in love with this girl, i truly never experienced someone so in tune with me before. Most everything was really good for 1 year and a half then it was all of a sudden no trust, suspicious, Sherlock Holmes acting, and I didn't do anything? She said I didnt share anything with her, but i did every day, cause i wanted to. She always accused me of sleeping around and being suspicious, again I was not. I had that gut instinct that whatever she doesnt want from me, is making her feel guilty, what else could it be, (she once told me she had three distinct personalities, but i thought she was joking, well jokes on me, i dunno maybe bi polar, she is not the healthiest person and she has had ailments with RA since age 7) Am i making excuses? I was not doing any of the stuff she was accusing me of. She makes me feel like I've lost my rationale and marbles. For the last 6 months I have tried so hard to work things out...We had a lot of fun, but she started seeing a guy ( November into December)who she made aware of me and he told her, to go back to me because she want over me yet. Now within the last 3 weeks, I think there is more to it since she has flings with me then i dont hear from her for a week. We had a real intimate encounter about 2 weeks ago, and in the days following she was so nice, and talking about a Our future, and i think we can make it I really Love you, then communication went blank. She comes back telling me she doesnt want a relationship, just wants to date and remain friends with benefits. I am really confused about my emotions on a daily basis with her. Now presently, she has told me she met someone new, and she doesnt know whats gonna happen but she'd like it to blossom...But me, I can still go with her to visit her family who lives 2 states away...next weekend. WTF...Now I am in a worse place than the Friend zone...I am in Oh you are more than brother to me Zone....I know I must step back from this situation and plain move on. Its just so nightmarish from the heavenly sweet dream it once was. I am still in love with this girl , how's that for pathetic, I am in love with an online slut. Yes I recently heard from a reliable source that this is how she gets her kicks- getting back at the male population that has tarnished her in the past. I was just a game to her, but then i must have made her feel like some over time, because we were together for 2 years, and she escalated the bad crap in our relationship to a point of break up from May til her departure in October. Another thing, she had lost her children from a abusive marriage, and i think she is desperate to have another, I have a vasectomy which i made her aware 2 weeks into our R, and she didnt like that too much, any way I was not above having it reversed, i just wasnt sure of what we would be...wow, i do now... Anyways thats not all of it, but it is the bones of it. Thanks for reading, I'm just crying...sorry if my clarity or jumping around was confusing...Please just have me committed, I feel nothing but emptiness w/o her...but i also know we will never be the same again....I AM SO MESSED UP OVER THIS and it affected my semester I failed one class out of four, but that was still too much, I am on summer break and this has o be remedied before summers end for fear of it impeding my responsibilities. I am in a funk that i cant seem to shake???? Edited May 29, 2011 by Scott Free
Popondetta Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Ok, first of all: Take a deep breath! I'm not sure if I understood everything in your post, but the thing that hits me is that she sounds like she's mentally unstable and probably not in a place where she can love somebody right now. It sounds like she has a lot of work to do on herself (and it doesn't sound like she's aware of it herself). Did I understand you correctly if her children were taken away from her? Children aren't taken away from their mother/father unless there's some really serious neglect involved. This says alot about her!! I hope someday you can be happy that you didn't father any children with her! I know it sounds harsh, but please, please go NC immediately!!!! This woman is not good for you! If you feel really, really bad, please see a doctor to help you cope with this. I think you're grieving the thought/dream of what could have been, more than what she/the relationship actually was. Stay strong!
Author Scott Free Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 (edited) Loss of child, she told me she was in the hospital and her sister in law, actually petitioned the court saying her brother and my ex were both unfit , she my ex said she was helpless to do anything in her condition. i KNOW she probably played the victim. I am thankful for your words. I dont want to contact her, but i am weak some times and i just want to make her understand my side, never works. I am glad that we didnt have any kids. I care about her, its just well, i see that she has no care about shoving a knife in my heart, i am the bad guy...always. I just have to be strong, thats all. Thank you, its just harder than it sounds...that caller id comes up and my heart just...I have to get back to who i am, and forget pining over this mentally unstable, girl...Oh I did make the mistake of saying i thought she may have a chemical imbalance given all the medication she deals with plus ailments. Anyway the remark back was " You think I have something wrong with me... F you" maybe? I just want to meet someone new and get my heart and mind off all of this. Cheers! Think i need a drink Edited May 29, 2011 by Scott Free
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