surfrider4284 Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 I've been dating a girl for a couple weeks now. Seen her 4 times. Spent the night with her twice. We've been kissing/making out, but haven't had sex yet. Does the fact we've spent the night together twice and haven't had sex mean she may not be fully into me, or just a sign she's looking for a serious boyfriend? How long did you and your SO take? Any thoughts?
Feelsgoodman Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 I've been dating a girl for a couple weeks now. Seen her 4 times. Spent the night with her twice. We've been kissing/making out, but haven't had sex yet. Does the fact we've spent the night together twice and haven't had sex mean she may not be fully into me, or just a sign she's looking for a serious boyfriend? How long did you and your SO take? Any thoughts? You need to clarify. Did you try to escalate and have sex with her? If you did and she stopped you both times, there's definitely a problem. If you didn't, then what are you waiting for?
Author surfrider4284 Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 You need to clarify. Did you try to escalate and have sex with her? If you did and she stopped you both times, there's definitely a problem. If you didn't, then what are you waiting for? Well, the first time I spent the night with her, we were making out, she got naked, then she starts taking my pants off. Pants come off but then before we are able to do anything said she wants to take it slow. So I thought, okay. The next time we spent the night, I didn't make a move on her bc I had the time before in my mind. I didn't want to keep pressing the situation; I figured I'd let her dictate that. I was assuming the deed would have been done by now, but could it be some girls are just more old-fashioned in this sense?
cerridwen Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Well, the first time I spent the night with her, we were making out, she got naked, then she starts taking my pants off. Pants come off but then before we are able to do anything said she wants to take it slow. So I thought, okay. The next time we spent the night, I didn't make a move on her bc I had the time before in my mind. I didn't want to keep pressing the situation; I figured I'd let her dictate that. I was assuming the deed would have been done by now, but could it be some girls are just more old-fashioned in this sense? What the what?! Getting naked to me means it's Go Time. Huh. Well...I suppose this is her process. Sounds like she's fully attracted but perhaps uncomfortable with intercourse so early and opts for Everything But. Yes, I think she's a Serious Relationship type girl. Given that, do you feel like bailing?
Author surfrider4284 Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 What the what?! Getting naked to me means it's Go Time. Huh. Well...I suppose this is her process. Sounds like she's fully attracted but perhaps uncomfortable with intercourse so early and opts for Everything But. Yes, I think she's a Serious Relationship type girl. Given that, do you feel like bailing? I actually don't. It's somewhat refreshing. I'm at the point in my life that I don't really need to continue having one night stands and always be "on the hunt". I realize its only been a couple weeks but we have great chemistry, I can definitely see a future, and shes beautiful to boot. I was just a bit worried that it was some indication that she wasn't fully into me and I might just be wasting my time.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Well, the first time I spent the night with her, we were making out, she got naked, then she starts taking my pants off. Pants come off but then before we are able to do anything said she wants to take it slow. So I thought, okay. The next time we spent the night, I didn't make a move on her bc I had the time before in my mind. I didn't want to keep pressing the situation; I figured I'd let her dictate that. I was assuming the deed would have been done by now, but could it be some girls are just more old-fashioned in this sense? If her reluctance to have sex with you was due to being "old fashioned, she wouldn't have gotten naked and pulled off your pants in the first place. Most likely, it was a case of last minute resistance. Women do that sh*t all the time. It's a psychological thing for them; if they don't at least pretend to resist, they feel slutty. The general rule of thumb is that you simply ignore what she said and continue to escalate. If she tells you again that she doesn't want to do it, then stop (you don't want to get accused of rape...) However, don't stay overnight in that situation. If you're not having sex, there is no reason to sleep together. The next time you sleep with her, definitely go for it. If, at this point, she continues to resist, there is definitely something wrong. Getting naked and sleeping together without actually doing the deed is not normal.
Author surfrider4284 Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 hmm..maybe I just don't get it. She continues to make plans with me, talks about planning on doing things with me many months down the road, etc. She is definitely giving me the impression that she is into me, but the lack of sex makes me think im getting mixed signals...I can't decide if its because there is a problem or she is just a serious relationship type chick.
Feelsgoodman Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 hmm..maybe I just don't get it. She continues to make plans with me, talks about planning on doing things with me many months down the road, etc. She is definitely giving me the impression that she is into me, but the lack of sex makes me think im getting mixed signals...I can't decide if its because there is a problem or she is just a serious relationship type chick. I'm telling you, try to have sex with her again. Regardless of whether she is a serious relationship type chick, there is no reason for her not to have sex with you at this point. if she continues to resist, the only possible explanation is that she's playing games.
Author surfrider4284 Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Yeah I agree with you. I think I'll make a hard play for it again and see what happens.
cerridwen Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 hmm..maybe I just don't get it. She continues to make plans with me, talks about planning on doing things with me many months down the road, etc. She is definitely giving me the impression that she is into me, but the lack of sex makes me think im getting mixed signals...I can't decide if its because there is a problem or she is just a serious relationship type chick. She's into you. Definitely. I know it's confusing but again, this maybe how she ramps up to it. Having intercourse could feel extremely intimate to her (versus manual or oral). Before she goes there she just may want to be reassured you're not a Hit It Quit It guy. Who knows what's she's experienced in the past. Perhaps it happened to her before. I don't think pushing the issue the next date is a good idea unless you're in a hurry.
Author surfrider4284 Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 She's into you. Definitely. I know it's confusing but again, this maybe how she ramps up to it. Having intercourse could feel extremely intimate to her (versus manual or oral). Before she goes there she just may want to be reassured you're not a Hit It Quit It guy. Who knows what's she's experienced in the past. Perhaps it happened to her before. I don't think pushing the issue the next date is a good idea unless you're in a hurry. yeah, I'm not in a huge hurry. I just don't want to come across as the "nice guy" who is too afraid to make a move, and end up losing her. Do you think its best to leave when we have sex up to her?
OliveOyl Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 You've slept over a couple of times and no sex. Unless you're both really young it's time to go for it. Don't wait for her to initiate. If she actually stops you then that's one thing, but otherwise... make your move!
mr.dream merchant Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Next time hug her from behind, lightly place your hands on her hips, and give her a long succulent kiss on her neck. That should put things in motion.
Author surfrider4284 Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 You've slept over a couple of times and no sex. Unless you're both really young it's time to go for it. Don't wait for her to initiate. If she actually stops you then that's one thing, but otherwise... make your move! nah, were both mid 20s. She already told me once that she wanted to take it slow, I was afraid of getting too aggressive now..
cerridwen Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 nah, were both mid 20s. She already told me once that she wanted to take it slow, I was afraid of getting too aggressive now.. Well, just to be clear, nothing wrong with initiating. But if she says no, and you're still feeling her afterwards, don't storm off and next her because you're under the impression she's not into you. She could just very well be a slow mover when it comes to intercourse.
musemaj11 Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Is this the same woman who always expects you to pay for everything on dates? If yes then you are falling for the oldest trick a lot of women use. She knows that you might leave after you get sex. So she won't give you what you want because she doesn't want you to stop giving her what she wants.
Author surfrider4284 Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 This is the same woman, although, we've been out a couple times since I made that post and she's been picking up drinks, cabs, etc. I'm fairly sure she's not using me for a free ride at this point..
musemaj11 Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 This is the same woman, although, we've been out a couple times since I made that post and she's been picking up drinks, cabs, etc. I'm fairly sure she's not using me for a free ride at this point.. Okay if you say so. I'm just sayin be careful not to get shortchanged.
Author surfrider4284 Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Okay if you say so. I'm just sayin be careful not to get shortchanged. yeah, I def hear you. something I'll certainly keep in mind. hopefully this will all be a non-issue soon
oaks Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Well, the first time I spent the night with her, we were making out, she got naked, then she starts taking my pants off. Pants come off but then before we are able to do anything said she wants to take it slow. Ask her what she means about taking it slow, because that sounds like full speed ahead and then dead stop.
Author surfrider4284 Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 I think she meant she wanted to wait a little while before we had sex. Her reason for wanting to wait is what had me confused..
Kaplan Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Ask her what she means about taking it slow, because that sounds like full speed ahead and then dead stop. That's what I was thinking. I'm all-for old-fashioned, but since when does being old-fashioned cause blue balls? But I guess that kind of thing happens. People who plan on taking it slow get a little carried away and then have to back-pedal. This makes a lot more sense than her just not being in to you. The only way that would make sense if is you look really bad with your pants off and that's what changed her mind.
Author surfrider4284 Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 That's what I was thinking. I'm all-for old-fashioned, but since when does being old-fashioned cause blue balls? But I guess that kind of thing happens. People who plan on taking it slow get a little carried away and then have to back-pedal. This makes a lot more sense than her just not being in to you. The only way that would make sense if is you look really bad with your pants off and that's what changed her mind. I think I'm okay in that regard
Country_Girl Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Some people won't jump into bed with just anyone, no matter how much they seem to connect. You guys met up a total of 4 times and you want sex already? I'm not a prude, but I would not have sex with someone I met up with 4 times. For most women, they have to have an emotional bond/connection before sex. If a woman doesn't get to know you, then it's a one night stand. Her with-holding shows more signs of her having deep feelings for you. She wants it to be special. She wants it to go somewhere. If those aren't your intentions, you should tell her.
Dust Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 We can’t tell you when the time to have sex is. Obviously holding out as long as you can is a good idea if you are being cautious. You’ve already spent the night together twice and been nude with each other so that was probably the time to have sex. I mean were you expecting us to give you some kind of chart. 1) Kiss happens first or second date 2) heavy petting by second week of dating 3) by 3rd or 4th week sex should be initiated unless waiting for some event like marriage.
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