NSDNQ Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 our whole county was under a thunderstorm watch. she and I used to go out in the rainstorms and just dance wildly and stuff. anyway we had a flood and tornado warning accompanying this one. she texts me " please stay inside for this storm its gonna be a big one" I replied "will do" this supposed to mean something?
lalalandman Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 it means she cares about you. She's probably trying to find a decent enough excuse to talk to you. As to what she wants...you should probably want to find out very soon. Be direct.
Author NSDNQ Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 that would have been my first instinct a long time ago. however, concern for my general safety doesnt nessacirly mean shes gonna come running back into my arms any second now grace, where are you when I need you? lol
sun_moon Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 It's sincere and she is concerned. I've gotten those texts before from exes bc of natural disasters, job in jeopardy bc of economy etc !
Author NSDNQ Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 shes shown concern like this before and still showed no interest in getting back together.
Fedor Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 so what do i do? just maintain NC? That seems best. A concern for someones well being shouldnt be mistaken for trying to get back together.
Graceful Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 grace, where are you when I need you? lol Oh, that really made me laugh!! Sorry! It's Sunday and I just got home and logged on! No guilt tripping, okay? First : YES, maintain NC. Always, always, always make that your default. The more I see of your ex and the dynamic between you, the more I agree with you that it's complicated. The thing is ... your ex is so young, you know. So we have to put that into account, no matter how she feels about you, and she does have strong feelings for you. The best thing you have done for yourself is distance yourself from her, keep your cool, and begin to regain strength and confidence. This is why she is coming around. You're not making yourself available to her, and she used to have you wrapped around her finger, right? Now that wasn't much fun. Right? The way you handed that bout of anger when you spoke to her not long ago (getting off the phone, taking the battery out of the phone, GOING OUT, etc.) was concisely what you need to do so your anger won't get the best of you. And in not showing her how angry you were, you did something very surprising to her, because you know, she was expecting you to explode. You also passed a test for yourself, because you thought about how much damage showing anger would do. So stay the course. I don't see anything wrong with giving her a two word response. But that is ALL she gets. Got it? however, concern for my general safety doesnt nessacirly mean shes gonna come running back into my arms any second now I agree. She's not coming back, and even if she wanted to, it's waaaay too soon. But regardless, she's not coming back now. This was her way of showing she cared, and of testing the waters with you (would you respond? would you ignore?) -- and keeping the line of communication open. It was a small gesture, and frankly, Luke, I would not over analyze it. Stay safe, and I hope your region doesn't get hit with anything serious. Glad you're okay, sugar. Take care, Grace
sinnister Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 At least reply to it, thanking her for her concern..but keep it as short as hers was...maybe even put a smilie behind it. You don't want to appear like you're taking the b/u THAT personally. Yeah, she may be gaming u..but play the game subtly. If you do it right, she'll talk more n you'll see her real intentions soon enough. NC is NOT for when you want her back...it is a strategy in it.
Author NSDNQ Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 Oh, that really made me laugh!! Sorry! It's Sunday and I just got home and logged on! No guilt tripping, okay? Deal First : YES, maintain NC. Always, always, always make that your default. The more I see of your ex and the dynamic between you, the more I agree with you that it's complicated. The thing is ... your ex is so young, you know. So we have to put that into account, no matter how she feels about you, and she does have strong feelings for you. The best thing you have done for yourself is distance yourself from her, keep your cool, and begin to regain strength and confidence. This is why she is coming around. You're not making yourself available to her, and she used to have you wrapped around her finger, right? Now that wasn't much fun. Right? The way you handed that bout of anger when you spoke to her not long ago (getting off the phone, taking the battery out of the phone, GOING OUT, etc.) was concisely what you need to do so your anger won't get the best of you. And in not showing her how angry you were, you did something very surprising to her, because you know, she was expecting you to explode. You also passed a test for yourself, because you thought about how much damage showing anger would do. So stay the course. I don't see anything wrong with giving her a two word response. But that is ALL she gets. Got it? I agree. She's not coming back, and even if she wanted to, it's waaaay too soon. But regardless, she's not coming back now. This was her way of showing she cared, and of testing the waters with you (would you respond? would you ignore?) -- and keeping the line of communication open. It was a small gesture, and frankly, Luke, I would not over analyze it. Stay safe, and I hope your region doesn't get hit with anything serious. Glad you're okay, sugar. Take care, Grace wait... so not only do I have to not initiate with her, I have to keep it zipped when she initiates? now this is gonna be a bit harder then i imagined. then again shes moved on and found a new love interest, so I probably dont want to hear anything she has to say.
Graceful Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 wait... so not only do I have to not initiate with her, I have to keep it zipped when she initiates? now this is gonna be a bit harder then i imagined. then again shes moved on and found a new love interest, so I probably dont want to hear anything she has to say. You have to remember and keep a few facts in the forefront of your mind at all times. First one: she broke up with you. She was the initiator of the final nail. Yes, you were fighting and had a very unhealthy dynamic, and it was the right thing for her to get distance, but she broke up with you. Second, she did play you and string you along when you were together. She used other guys to make you feel insecure, jealous and to keep from making any type of commitment. The most horrible recipe anyone can put into a relationship. You allowed yourself to be strung along because you fell deeply in love and as you have said, despite the cr*p she put you through, she made you feel a kind of peace you'd never known, and for someone who was a rolling stone for many years and from a young age, that was very significant. What you're doing now with NC is what I call creating healthy "boundaries' for yourself. A boundary for you is making it clear to her (or anyone else for that matter) what is acceptable for you, and what is not. In the future, if you were to reconcile way down the road, a boundary for you would be that you want to be exclusive. If your ex still wants to date other guys, then it's no go. You have to be clear what your boundaries are. It's not an ultimatum, either. Boundaries give you clarity as to what you expect and need. Your boundary right now is that it's not healthy for you to be in contact with your ex, so you are NC. You're working on your own issues. You are figuring out what you will and will not do in the future, and what you expect for respectful behavior. You are getting grounded. Another boundary that is very clear is you don't date anyone that has a BF. And yes, your ex is seeing another guy, so that in itself, makes it a no brainer. Make sense? And the more you see what you are doing is for YOU, the easier it gets. As I said, there was nothing wrong with a two word response when she is looking out for your safety (will do), but otherwise, a general "what's up?" or anything else, should be ignored. Every day that goes by as you keep NC is a day you are growing as a person. And you know what? She's growing, too. Not that she knows it. Got it?
Author NSDNQ Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 You have to remember and keep a few facts in the forefront of your mind at all times. First one: she broke up with you. She was the initiator of the final nail. Yes, you were fighting and had a very unhealthy dynamic, and it was the right thing for her to get distance, but she broke up with you. Second, she did play you and string you along when you were together. She used other guys to make you feel insecure, jealous and to keep from making any type of commitment. The most horrible recipe anyone can put into a relationship. You allowed yourself to be strung along because you fell deeply in love and as you have said, despite the cr*p she put you through, she made you feel a kind of peace you'd never known, and for someone who was a rolling stone for many years and from a young age, that was very significant. What you're doing now with NC is what I call creating healthy "boundaries' for yourself. A boundary for you is making it clear to her (or anyone else for that matter) what is acceptable for you, and what is not. In the future, if you were to reconcile way down the road, a boundary for you would be that you want to be exclusive. If your ex still wants to date other guys, then it's no go. You have to be clear what your boundaries are. It's not an ultimatum, either. Boundaries give you clarity as to what you expect and need. Your boundary right now is that it's not healthy for you to be in contact with your ex, so you are NC. You're working on your own issues. You are figuring out what you will and will not do in the future, and what you expect for respectful behavior. You are getting grounded. Another boundary that is very clear is you don't date anyone that has a BF. And yes, your ex is seeing another guy, so that in itself, makes it a no brainer. Make sense? And the more you see what you are doing is for YOU, the easier it gets. As I said, there was nothing wrong with a two word response when she is looking out for your safety (will do), but otherwise, a general "what's up?" or anything else, should be ignored. Every day that goes by as you keep NC is a day you are growing as a person. And you know what? She's growing, too. Not that she knows it. Got it? hrm..... got it
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