captured_butterfly Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Sorry guys just need to have a rant! Been broke up with the ex about 6 weeks now and ive remained NC on my side, he hasnt! Ive been gettin at least 1 email/txt a week which up til now ive ignored. Yesterday had a bad day, felt a bit lonely and sad, (still know i dont want him back!) and was thinking about him last nite and then he txt! Sayin that he knows im ignoring him and hes tried all he can and he hopes i find happiness. This peeved me off tbh! I txt him bak sayin that i wasnt ignoring him to be mean its cos its for the best! I told him my gran died last week and that it makes you realise how short life is and that life moves on whether you want it to or not, i also said i didnt need anything from him and didnt know what he wanted from me and that i was doing alright on my own. I was quite proud of myself cos usually i crumble and we end up back together but im remaining strong! Anyway he txts back saying that he doesnt want us to get back together but that he cares to much for me and wants to just speak to me cos i was his best friend! Honestly why would he want us to be friends??? So he can rub my nose in it more when he gets a new gf??? So he knows im still there as his security blanket??? so he can change my mind and get me back??? Its got to me because i dont want to think of him as sad and upset and on his own and its making me feel guilty for putting myself first for a change :-( Talk some sense into me guys :-(
Author captured_butterfly Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 P.S My bros just told me that he saw on the exs facebook that he was going on a night out, so the ex prob had a crap night and thought he'd come harrass me, its nice to be sloppy seconds when no-1 else wants ya :-( Ive told me bro to not tell me anything that hes up to cos i dont even wanna think about him going out and trying to meet new girls :-( jeeeezzzz this break up thing is hard :-(
Rory12345 Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 You need to put yourself first. Don't cave into to his texts or emails or anything. Go no contact. Don't go on his facebook at all, you can deactivate it for a little while? Every time you speak to him, you'll just go back to how you feel now. Walk away and take care of yourself. Regards, Rory
Author captured_butterfly Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Thanx Rory I dont have him on my facebook, i didnt even have him on there when we was together this last time because i didnt wanna know what he was up to :-( Shows how much trust i had in him! Im sticking with NC its just hard that he keeps up with the txts and emails but up til last night i had been ignoring them, i dont want him back, sad realisation tbh :-( I just keep telling myself i have a happy life waiting for me, just have to muddle through this crap but i'll get there, just hope what im telling myself if true! x
TheVSilent Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Thanx Rory I dont have him on my facebook, i didnt even have him on there when we was together this last time because i didnt wanna know what he was up to :-( Shows how much trust i had in him! Im sticking with NC its just hard that he keeps up with the txts and emails but up til last night i had been ignoring them, i dont want him back, sad realisation tbh :-( I just keep telling myself i have a happy life waiting for me, just have to muddle through this crap but i'll get there, just hope what im telling myself if true! x I am wondering if this is how my Ex feels right now. I don't text her or call her, and I'm in the NC but she dumped me. She usually would contact me by now, but she's stronger now I suppose. Stay strong, but if these feelings keep arising, doesn't it mean you still care? You wouldn't reconsider anything or see if anything has changed?
Eddie Edirol Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 If you dont want him to contact you, and you dont want to be back with him, the close this chapter and TELL him not to text you anymore. if you dont do that, then you really do want to hear from him.
millimeter Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 (edited) He is doing this to because he doesn't want you to move on so fast. It is hard for the dumper's Ego to see that the dumpee is moving on so they keep stinging the dumpee along. DO NOT FALL FOR THIS! What you have to do now is to GET RID of any guilt you have, you're not responsible for his feeling and he'll be fine! Don't pity him, please! Your responsibility now is to take care of YOURSELF, it is ME time. Protect your heart and when you really have moved on, then you can reenact the contact. Don't waste your time, don't go for the breadcrumbs that he has to offer, PROTECT yourself. You can tell him that: I'm not mad at you but I am not available to be friends with you right now. Please do respect my limits and don't try to contact me anymore. In the long run, if there is a time that I feel I'd be confortable being friends with you, I'll make sure to contact you. Thank you. I did it and my ex who dumped me a month ago, who wanted to be 'friends' right after the break up and was trying to string me along (he wanted to downgrade the relationship to 'friends with benefits' and was trying to feel less guilty about breaking up), seemed to be respecting it for a week and a half now. Pfew. I guess it was a form of rejection for him that I told him I didn't want to be friends and I COULD'VE had felt guilty about it (he seemed pretty sad that I wanted to cut all ties) but instead I'm focusing on my healing... which is happening pretty fast, thanks to this NC! I'm redirecting the focus on me. Hey, they dumped us, they also have to manage their emotions, just like we do. We're not responsible for them, but for ours. Just be diplomatic and DON'T give in too much of an explication. You don't owe him nothing. You'll feel WAY better in no time after having exposed your boundaries. You'll be able to have your life back, go out with my friends and have fun. Edited May 29, 2011 by millimeter
Author captured_butterfly Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Thanx for the words guys :-) TheVSilent - I definately dont want to get back with him, of course i still have feelings for him, i still love him, but he didnt love me or treat me right. He cheated on me 3 times and each time i went back hoping things would have changed but they never did :-( Its just hard cos he was all i've ever known, my first love, my first everything, its hard to get over something like that but im trying and NC does help me, im fine when i havent heard from him, but when a txt or an email comes it does upset me :-( Eddie Edirol - I have told him that i want to be left alone and i want to heal and get over this, but he keeps on contacting me :-( Thats why ive now taken the ignoring approach in the hope he gets the message, it just upsets me because i dont like seeing ppl upset or hurt and i end up feeling guilty for it :-( I still do care about him alot and i would have loved for it too work out but theres just no going back now :-( Millimeter - Thanx sooo much for the kind words :-) NC does work wonders for me, i actually do feel relieved that im not in the relationship and that i dont have to worry if hes gonna cheat on me or what hes up too or who hes with, i was healing really well until this latest txt. I dont know if its just cos im really emotional at the moment (broke up with my first love 5 weeks ago and then my beloved gran died last week) but the txt really got to me. Ive been seeing a counsellor and she sed its like im constantly trying to make everyone else happy instead of thinking what would make me happy, and im trying really hard to be a bit selfish and do what will make me happy which is ultimately ignore him and be with someone who really does care for me and wouldnt make me feel like he did. Easier said than done to think like this!! I'll keep battling on though, its the only way! Hope everything is going ok with you :-) xx
lalalandman Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Ego boosting. Just stop replying to him then if you really don't want him. Jeez
Author captured_butterfly Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Im sorry lalalandman but i dont think that response was called for tbh. If you'd read the previous answers you would see that i have been ignoring him and not replying jeeeez try reading what ive put before replying nastily, its not nice when people are actually hurting!
lalalandman Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Oh my mistake. I thought I read that you texted him yesterday.
Author captured_butterfly Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Dont try to be smart! If you have nothing nice to say dont bother saying anything at all, all ive come on here is for some FRIENDLY advice not for nasty comments. Hes been txting and emailing me alot since the break up all of which ive IGNORED apart from last night to tell him where we stand and why ive been ignoring him in the hope that he will stop, not because i want him to contact me!
lalalandman Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Lol. I'm not being nasty. I was just saying not to text him back if you don't want to reconcile. If you reply to him then he's going to get the wrong impression.
fetish Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 hey captured butterfly, your ex is just trying to see if you're w/in arms reach and to see if you still will available to him. I can identify because my girlfriend of 8 years and i broke up in February after a fight regarding finances. We mutually decided to end the relationship but she stormed out of the house and moved out all her things talking about she needed her own "space" as in living by herself. We had been engaged for 2 years. She continued to text me and call me, and we even met up a few times until i realized, this is really more for her, to ease her own guilt. Being said that, i understand the guilt you feel. I feel it too when i know she's trying to reach out to me. You need to analyze your guilt to know that its completely unjustified. He needs to feel the pain of losing you, especially after having been the cheater.
millimeter Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 (edited) Ive been seeing a counsellor and she sed its like im constantly trying to make everyone else happy instead of thinking what would make me happy, and im trying really hard to be a bit selfish and do what will make me happy which is ultimately ignore him and be with someone who really does care for me and wouldnt make me feel like he did. Easier said than done to think like this!! I'll keep battling on though, its the only way! Hope everything is going ok with you :-) xx GREAT! She is so RIGHT! You know darling, this is something a LOT of women has to learn: to put OURSELVES on a pedestal, not others. I give you the credit: it is counter-intuitive.. BUT it is the only way we can make this world a better place, as women. Think about this: in an airplane, if there is a problem and you have to reach for the oxygen mask.. don't they ask you to put yours FIRST before helping any others? Please do apply this to any situation. LEARN to take REALLY good care of yourself firts. Observ yourself in daily situations and ask yourself if you are prioritizing your wellness or the others. Also, here is a little quote from Von, another poster, that inspired me to act in a more self-respectful way in a relationship : To start off, start doing things COMPLETLY OPPOSITE of what youve been doing. Like, if you put people on a pedestal, DONT, put yourself on a pedestal. When people ask you to do things, say NO. Make yourself the most important person. Dont ask someone what they want to do or where they want to go, TELL THEM what YOU want to do and just DO IT. LEAD the way. And when someone does something you dont like, CALL THEM OUT ON IT. Dont be someones doorstep. You need to build a strong boundary around yourself like a shield the protects you from other people trying to walk all over you and push your buttons. I call this "the RESISTANCE". Its naturally a "challenge" to people and with the opposite sex creates attraction. Learn to listen to your inner voice and don't accept to stay in situations where you are not respect. Learn to respect yourself and you will inspire respect automatically. It is a fun exercice to try! Edited May 30, 2011 by millimeter
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