spiderowl Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 I think I have to come to terms with the fact that I won't meet a guy I want to be with now. I'm over 50 and have been alone for a while, though had brief relationships during that time. I was optimistic that it would happen a couple of years ago but now I'm losing heart. I've met lots of guys but they are: attached, uninterested, interested but unattractive, interested but dim/boring/ill-mannered/smelly/crude, or too far away/smokers/heavy drinkers. I don't think I have extraordinarily high standards, but I'm finding guys less and less attractive rather than more. I also feel I've lost confidence in myself as a result of things just not working out and no longer feel I've got much to offer. Somehow, I need to come to terms with not ever having a relationship again. As other areas of my life are tough at the moment and I've been through some major stresses recently, it really does feel as if all joy has gone from life. Have others felt like this? What did you do when you reached this point?
Stung Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Spiderowl, it is important to rediscover joy in your life, but it is not so important where it comes from. Take a break from worrying about dating; concentrate on fixing the other aspects of your life which are causing you stress or unease. Cultivate your hobbies, or find new ones. Spend time with your girlfriends. Take a night class, volunteer with children or animals, save up to take a trip to a country you've always been curious about. Take up something invigorating that you never thought you'd do, get your heart rate up. Adopt a puppy, a kitten, something that needs your affection and returns it tenfold. But never give up. My aunt got remarried in her sixties, nearly thirty years after a divorce from an angry, alcoholic man. She and my new uncle are like hot teenagers for each other, it's adorable. My MIL is also in her sixties, widowed ten years ago, and navigating the dating world. She has a new boyfriend ten years her junior, a classical musician. Love often takes us by surprise when we are least expecting it.
carhill Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 I dealt with something like this last year, when my mother died and my divorce was final all within a couple months, and no real healthy relationship prospects appearing for a good long time. What I did was focus outside myself, rebuilding friendships which had languished, traveling, renewing old interests and taking the lessons learned from those painful experiences and moving forward from them. I'm a little older than you and got married late in life. TBH, I'm quite content being single, so I don't crave a girlfriend or wife to 'complete' me, but do enjoy human interaction and relationships. I personally find it hard to believe that someone of your age and life experience has little to offer a partner. You have a lifetime of living, loving and learning to offer anyone. The tricky part is that compatibility thing. Will you each see those aspects as positives and attractive? Unknown. What could you do tomorrow to feel better about yourself? Pick one thing. Me, I'm trying out a new texture gun in the bedroom. Playing home remodeler, moving on from the struggles of my marriage and the symbol of that era, the master bedroom, by revitalizing it into my own image. One simple thing, perhaps meaningless to others. That's the key. It's OK.
Author spiderowl Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Thank you both, I really appreciate your thoughtful comments. I can see you've also had a lot to deal with. I know things could be worse but that connection with someone else seems to matter a lot and yet it's so rare. I know I'm not alone in feeling like this. I guess I've just gone from feeling quite hopeful to thinking it's near-on impossible to meet anyone sane and decent who I feel some attraction to. It's not as if I don't get invitations, I do, almost every night that I am out or online. I'm repelled by many guys who do not seem very sensitive at all. I guess I'm not perfect myself. I heard an old song the other day and the words seemed to sum it up: "Young men are a-plenty, but sweethearts are few."
Author spiderowl Posted June 3, 2011 Author Posted June 3, 2011 Thanks for your thoughts Serena but although I'd like to believe in the law of attraction, I'm not convinced. Where are all these decent guys who I could attract into my life? The ones that are unattached seem to be unattached for good reason, like they drink too much or have unpleasant or off-putting manners or habits. I guess I'm just too fussy and I'm not willing to accept someone who can't have a decent conversation or who assumes I'll be happy to sit and watch manga with him!
Recommended Posts