zlatnapolja Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Hi guys, I have a (maybe an embarrassing one) question. I never quite understood the whole American dating thing. I don't think they have it anywhere else in this world (or maybe they do, but not on this big of a scale). So Im a regular European girl -Eurotrash- as I've heard a couple of times while watching American televizion. I'm really interested in american dating. I myself am used to the following scenario: girl meets guy (at school, work, through friends, sports etc), usually they know each other for a while (sometimes not) and then they ask the girl out (or the other way around, but usually guy asks girl) and unless the date was an absolute catastrophe, they'll go out for a second date. Usually though there is an intention (even before dating) of being with that person since you allready like them before asking them out. During the 'dating period' you don't date anyone else. What I've seen of-heard about American dating is: you meet someone online, through a friend or on in the store, ask for their number and have date within a week. You can be dating severeal people at the same time, without it being refered to as cheating and it's a big step to be 'exclusive'. Is this correct? It's really intereseting for me, thank you!!
Author zlatnapolja Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Good to hear, you dont date like this hehe! Do ppl date like this all over the US, or is this type of dating only in certain areas of the US? I have seen women that have regular sex with men for a year and have no clue about exclusivity yet. Sometimes this can be stressful when they develop feelings. Men love this setup because they can have all the sex they want without actually having a GF. BTW, some women also love this style of dating. I think it is confusing to constantly date and sleep with many at the same time. I don't see the advantage, but that is me. To me it seems really stressful to, you never really get to have a relaxed type of fun with a guy or girl, since the first few dates (in my experience) are usually really stressful hehe, always trying to look and act perfectly. And on top of that, you don't have some sort of security that the person is even going to call you back.. Good for you, you dont get sucked into this weird dating world! and thank you for sharing!
OliveOyl Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Not all Americans multi-date. Many don't. I don't. I think it is more a personal approach than an American vs. European approach, although I have heard multi-dating is more common in America.
Author zlatnapolja Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Not all Americans multi-date. Many don't. I don't. I think it is more a personal approach than an American vs. European approach, although I have heard multi-dating is more common in America. Yes its a personal approach, but I was wondering if its generally exepted as 'normal' way of dating? I'm not one to judge, it's just that it seems so stressfull, like Pierre said! And really wonder you know at what point does the dating turn into something exclusive? It would seem like you would have so many awkward moments and talks when you're 'multidating'.
musemaj11 Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 American dating is a dating phenomenon where men are expected to do everything while women are expected to do nothing but look pretty.
sanskrit Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 (edited) What I've seen of-heard about American dating is: you meet someone online, through a friend or on in the store, ask for their number and have date within a week. You can be dating severeal people at the same time, without it being refered to as cheating and it's a big step to be 'exclusive'. Is this correct? It's really intereseting for me, thank you!! Yep, there are variations, and couples are free to agree to anything they like such as only dating each other from the start, but the above quote from your post is accurate. BTW, "Eurotrash" almost always refers to "European" men (or any men who look swarthy, dark complected) here in the states who wear their shirts unbuttoned down their chest, wear chains and too much cologne, with pants too tight, and ironically, is used to describe Middle Easterners more than Europeans in my experience. Polite people do not use the term. Edited May 29, 2011 by sanskrit
OliveOyl Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 (edited) Yes its a personal approach, but I was wondering if its generally exepted as 'normal' way of dating? I don't think there is a "normal" way of dating in America. It's as individual as the people, who are extremely heterogenous, given the large size of the country and diversity in ethnicity and (sub)cultures. I bet you would find a big difference in dating between the East and the West, or large metropolitan communities vs. smaller towns. Edited May 29, 2011 by OliveOyl
musemaj11 Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Good to hear, you dont date like this hehe! Do ppl date like this all over the US, or is this type of dating only in certain areas of the US? To me it seems really stressful to, you never really get to have a relaxed type of fun with a guy or girl, since the first few dates (in my experience) are usually really stressful hehe, always trying to look and act perfectly. And on top of that, you don't have some sort of security that the person is even going to call you back.. Good for you, you dont get sucked into this weird dating world! and thank you for sharing! Its sressful only if you are a man. If you are a woman, american dating is great. First you can expect the man to be the one asking you out, then You can expect the guy to come pick you up in his car however far the distance is, after that you can also expect him to give you nice first dates if not all dates and pay for them. And lastly, if you want you can also multi date and do this to different guys and get free dinner or entertainment every single day. Sounds like heaven, no?
Author zlatnapolja Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Hehehe sounds like men nor women are to happy about it:laugh: I now know that its not as common as I thought it was, it's just that without American televizion, I would have never have known about this way of dating. would be embarrassing though, if someone who doesnt know about this would get asked out, have a lovely date, followed by... NOTHING! hehe.
Author zlatnapolja Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 BTW, "Eurotrash" almost always refers to "European" men (or any men who look swarthy, dark complected) here in the states who wear their shirts unbuttoned down their chest, wear chains and too much cologne, with pants too tight, and ironically, is used to describe Middle Easterners more than Europeans in my experience. Polite people do not use the term. Hehehe, sounds like most guys I know! A few weeks ago I went on a trip to NYC. I went shopping with a gay guy, and I told him I was looking for a 'mensbag' for my BF, hehehe he had NEVER heard of that. As I discribed my BF he started wondering if my my BF was gay, but I told him its just European style (tight tshirt-tanktops, mensbags, shine clothes etc). Never knew the differences were so big. But I enjoy both US as I do Europe!
sanskrit Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Hehehe, sounds like most guys I know! A few weeks ago I went on a trip to NYC. I went shopping with a gay guy, and I told him I was looking for a 'mensbag' for my BF, hehehe he had NEVER heard of that. As I discribed my BF he started wondering if my my BF was gay, but I told him its just European style (tight tshirt-tanktops, mensbags, shine clothes etc). Never knew the differences were so big. But I enjoy both US as I do Europe! Some various U.S. man purse schtick.
bac Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 American dating is a dating phenomenon where men are expected to do everything while women are expected to do nothing but look pretty. In fact, it is much worse in some other countries. Women are still expected to look very pretty. Men are expected to spend tons of money during the first dates to impress women. They also expected to tell a lot of romantic things about love and great intentions. They also expected to present themselves as wealthy, strong, supportive and willing to do many things to prove themselves as a great catch. After the first date, a woman feels terrible because of all the pressure of money he spent on her. It fells terrible to reject a guy who spent a lot of money on you. It also feels terrible to be rejected for a guy because the guys can not handle rejection well.
Eclypse Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Golden Fields, if you are from where I think you are, then we are from the same country. I live in Australia now though, but I think it is more or less the same as America. It really all comes down to the personal preferences. If you choose to date multiple people in the early stages then you are allowed to, but I would choose to not bother calling for a second date if I found out she was seeing other men. I also don't think all that 3 date rule crap applies here. Most people that I've talked to just let the relationship progress naturally. If I ask someone on date it means that I am interested in getting to know them and will call back for a second date and so forth unless I found we didn't click or get along. I can only assume women feel the same way since they accepted the date. I was back in our home country this past winter, I didn't notice any real differences in the dating culture there compared to here in Aus.
Author zlatnapolja Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Some various U.S. man purse schtick. hehe yea I've seen those, you forget the friends episode where joey owns a mans bag:p
Author zlatnapolja Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Golden Fields, if you are from where I think you are, then we are from the same country. I live in Australia now though, but I think it is more or less the same as America. It really all comes down to the personal preferences. If you choose to date multiple people in the early stages then you are allowed to, but I would choose to not bother calling for a second date if I found out she was seeing other men. I also don't think all that 3 date rule crap applies here. Most people that I've talked to just let the relationship progress naturally. If I ask someone on date it means that I am interested in getting to know them and will call back for a second date and so forth unless I found we didn't click or get along. I can only assume women feel the same way since they accepted the date. I was back in our home country this past winter, I didn't notice any real differences in the dating culture there compared to here in Aus. Hehehe.. I dont know where you are from could be several countries:D but could be that I'm very old fashioned. I'll go out with ppl or have a drink in a friendly way, but I would never go on a date unless I'm developping a crush;) But the when you were visiting the home country, you noticed ppl just fooling a round a bit, dating several ppl at one time? I actually no two girls who (from the same country;) or area) that date like this, and they're sort of fround upon, not by me because it's their own choice, but in general I think it's fround upon.
musemaj11 Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 In fact, it is much worse in some other countries. Women are still expected to look very pretty. Men are expected to spend tons of money during the first dates to impress women. They also expected to tell a lot of romantic things about love and great intentions. They also expected to present themselves as wealthy, strong, supportive and willing to do many things to prove themselves as a great catch. After the first date, a woman feels terrible because of all the pressure of money he spent on her. It fells terrible to reject a guy who spent a lot of money on you. It also feels terrible to be rejected for a guy because the guys can not handle rejection well. Boohoo, Ill take feeling bad for taking someone elses money than feeling bad because someone else takes my money.
PhillyDude Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 it's easier for women to date multiple men because they are not paying. Me on the otherhand who is a guy with a regular job and part of the "working poor", how many females do you think I' going to date at one time? 6?-lol
PhillyDude Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 hehe yea I've seen those, you forget the friends episode where joey owns a mans bag:p Unless a guy is going to work in an office why else would he have a man's bag? I don't wear a man's bag on a saturday
thatone Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Hi guys, I have a (maybe an embarrassing one) question. I never quite understood the whole American dating thing. I don't think they have it anywhere else in this world (or maybe they do, but not on this big of a scale). So Im a regular European girl -Eurotrash- as I've heard a couple of times while watching American televizion. I'm really interested in american dating. I myself am used to the following scenario: girl meets guy (at school, work, through friends, sports etc), usually they know each other for a while (sometimes not) and then they ask the girl out (or the other way around, but usually guy asks girl) and unless the date was an absolute catastrophe, they'll go out for a second date. Usually though there is an intention (even before dating) of being with that person since you allready like them before asking them out. During the 'dating period' you don't date anyone else. What I've seen of-heard about American dating is: you meet someone online, through a friend or on in the store, ask for their number and have date within a week. You can be dating severeal people at the same time, without it being refered to as cheating and it's a big step to be 'exclusive'. Is this correct? It's really intereseting for me, thank you!! it's different here in that getting the first date doesn't really mean anything, lots of people will give a first date a chance, but will typically cut it off right there before a second one if there's no interest. yes it's common to go on multiple first dates in the same week. and there's no stigma attached to it. i tell women if i have other first dates on certain days of the same week i'm supposed to meet them for a first date. i don't lie about it, there's no reason to over here.
PhillyDude Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 If a woman tells me she is dating several other men besides myself I will give her space. I am certainly not going to compete. I also feel that multidating cheapens the experience. When I date I am actually looking for a steady GF. I have no interest in dating for sport. A woman would not tell a guy that if she is interested. A girl I met last week has yet to mentioned that she is going out with other guys even though she maybe but the point is that people only provide that type of info to purposely pusb someone away.
Sanman Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Hi guys, What I've seen of-heard about American dating is: you meet someone online, through a friend or on in the store, ask for their number and have date within a week. You can be dating severeal people at the same time, without it being refered to as cheating and it's a big step to be 'exclusive'. Is this correct? It's really intereseting for me, thank you!! As Sanskrit pointed out, this is pretty much the way of things. It may vary by person or reason, but it is quite popular in NYC.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 I don't think there is anything particular to the USA in the way we date. If anything the ideal for how we are supposed to date is. Girl and boy meet eachother and are immediately physically and emotionally romantically connected. "love at first sight". (Oh and if this does not happen then you are in the friend zone. Ideally there is no "geeting to know eachother at school or work etc first in the USA). After a few dates girl and boy are in a "committed" relationship and aren't supposed to date anyone else. After a few months girl and boy get engaged or just run off and get hitched. After a few years boy and girl get divorced...because they fell in "love" at first sight which is what we are told we should do in the US instead of getting to know the person for a while before even getting romantic at all first.
traces Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 I think there's a little confusion about what "dating" means. From my experience, it isn't common to be simultaneously going on many dates with multiple people. However, it isn't strange to be testing the waters with a few people. Especially in the online dating world, you may get messages from multiple people, so you set up a couple first meet up "dates" in a small time frame. Not all of those dates will make it past the first meeting, and when you hit it off with someone most people stop meeting the others or planning new dates. So I don't think it's very different when you realize when people say "date" it's more like, meeting someone face to face for the first time and getting to know them in person, not jumping into romance.
Sanman Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 I think there's a little confusion about what "dating" means. From my experience, it isn't common to be simultaneously going on many dates with multiple people. However, it isn't strange to be testing the waters with a few people. Especially in the online dating world, you may get messages from multiple people, so you set up a couple first meet up "dates" in a small time frame. Not all of those dates will make it past the first meeting, and when you hit it off with someone most people stop meeting the others or planning new dates. So I don't think it's very different when you realize when people say "date" it's more like, meeting someone face to face for the first time and getting to know them in person, not jumping into romance. There are certain groups who do that and others who feel free to date anyone until they become exclusive. I personally am not a fan of multi-dating past 3 dates, but I have run into women who would date until we were exclusive. Though, they were not the healthiest women.
Author zlatnapolja Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 I think there's a little confusion about what "dating" means. From my experience, it isn't common to be simultaneously going on many dates with multiple people. However, it isn't strange to be testing the waters with a few people. Especially in the online dating world, you may get messages from multiple people, so you set up a couple first meet up "dates" in a small time frame. Not all of those dates will make it past the first meeting, and when you hit it off with someone most people stop meeting the others or planning new dates. So I don't think it's very different when you realize when people say "date" it's more like, meeting someone face to face for the first time and getting to know them in person, not jumping into romance. I always thought Americans had an incredible amount of activities (sports, all kinds of clubs etc) especially in high school- college -university and even after that. Everyone knows people right? It's so much easier to naturally fall in love with people you know, than to force love by dating so many ppl. I don't know if that would work because I never tried it but it doesn't seem ideal. Does anyone have a successtory?
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