26pointblue Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Today I have over-whelming feelings of HATING him. I keep thinking he's a selfish, lying coward. Is this normal?? I don't like it.
jwi71 Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Yes, its normal. Its a process and you are simply walking throught the stages, which I liken to facing death: 1) Denial 2) Anger 3) Bargaining 4) Depression 5) Acceptance And it IS like facing death - its the death of a R. I tend to see those steps in OW/OM here in one guise or another - you can see it in the postings. Its ok to be angry: he used you and no one likes to be used. And yes, he IS a selfish, lying coward. Now, go to the gym and run, or hit the heavy bag or anything. Don't hold it in, let it out somehow. You'll get to the point where you look back and NOT feel anything - he will be a lesson learned. Happiness awaits you when you are ready. Trust me, you'll get there. I promise that an I make few promises.
BB07 Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Very normal and part of what you must feel in order to get to the end. BTDT. Let yourself feel it, don't run away from it and don't do anything that you might regret. It will pass........ Sending you a hug.
TaraMaiden Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Hate is not overcome by hate; by Love (Metta) alone is hate appeased. This is an eternal law. I have found, much to my continued frustration, that no matter how much I (or at times others) argue against this snippet, it never ceases to be fact. Damn, I sometimes wish it was not so. how many times have I come across someone I could cheerfully spark out and deck with an upper right hook.... But I have repeatedly found that nurturing this burning ambition, sears and hurts me, before it even begins to singe someone else....
AuthenticBliss Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I didn't write this, but you might find it helpful. "Understand this point: Hate is not the opposite of Love, because both are based on being obsessive and over emotional which is exactly NOT how you get over someone breaking your heart, letting you down or ruining your trust in them. Love and Hate both require you to invest a lot of mental and emotional effort into thinking about that person and developing an intense, critical reaction to even just hearing their VOICE or someone saying their name. If you want to find peace and happiness, you can’t have a heart filled with any hate, because the balancing force of Love is NOT Hate – It’s Indifference. It’s about getting to a point where you just don’t care what that person does, and you can honestly wish them the best because you no longer harbor hateful, mean spirited and badminded thoughts towards them, because you are truly past that. Anybody who has wronged you intentionally in the past can go to hell, because it’s ultimately THEIR LOSS they can’t share in the success and joy of YOUR life anymore. It’s THEIR LOSS that they can’t share those jokes with you anymore, or kiss you, or just call you to hear each other breathe into the phone like two stalkers. THEY MESSED UP when THEY made that stupid DECISION to wrong you and the best way to get on with your life is to clear out any HATE in your heart for them and keep being the best YOU, you can be. You can call this piece*“Let It Go” because that needs to be the theme for a lot of us in these last four and a half months of 2010. We need to just Let It Go and move on because all the toxic feelings we are holding inside are doing nothing but destroying any*possibility*for having a productive future. Some of us have been so stupid that we have let our hate for the last one, effect the love we can offer to the next one. Think about that for a second and let it really sink in: We have all at one point let our HATE for someone who has wronged us effect how much we can LOVE someone who is trying to do nothing but right by us. Ain’t that some BS. Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s time to Let It Go. It’s time to realize that we don’t need to LOVE those who wronged us, but we also don’t need to HATE those who wronged us because it doesn’t make us BETTER. It doesn’t make us better people to be around, or better people to learn from, instead it just makes us bitter shells of our formerly happy selves. Love will bring you together; Hate will tear you apart; but indifference will keep you sane." Source
Silly_Girl Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Today I have over-whelming feelings of HATING him. I keep thinking he's a selfish, lying coward. Is this normal?? I don't like it. Dunno. Me and He had two (intended to be) permanent splits and I never hated/resented him.
BB07 Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Let me ask you this.....if he is all of those things what does that make you? After going through your history I came across your original post where you came here to say how you were simply happy being this MM's OW 26 point has done a lot of hard self examination and I don't understand your point in bringing up the 1st posting here.......makes no sense because she is worlds apart from then and now. Why would you do this if it's not a means to pick her apart??? 26point........always remember you are not "required" to answer anything you don't want to here.
Author 26pointblue Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 26 point has done a lot of hard self examination and I don't understand your point in bringing up the 1st posting here.......makes no sense because she is worlds apart from then and now. Why would you do this if it's not a means to pick her apart??? 26point........always remember you are not "required" to answer anything you don't want to here. Thanks BB. :-) It's okay, I can answer it & have been thinking about it on my own anyway. Yeah I was happy being his OW because things were up front & I knew where we stood. Then when he started lying & telling me we were going to be together, is when I look back & hate it. I understand it's a stage I'm going through in order to deal with it it & come out stronger. I understand that I made bad decisions too & I should be (& am) just as mad at myself for falling for his BS & allowing him to use me. I get all of that, I just wish I could get rid of these feelings of anger & hate & get to indifference, like one of the posters brought up. That is my goal & I know i will get there eventually but I sure hate this stage. :-/ Thanks again BB for the support. Hugs.
Author 26pointblue Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Yes, its normal. Its a process and you are simply walking throught the stages, which I liken to facing death: 1) Denial 2) Anger 3) Bargaining 4) Depression 5) Acceptance And it IS like facing death - its the death of a R. I tend to see those steps in OW/OM here in one guise or another - you can see it in the postings. Its ok to be angry: he used you and no one likes to be used. And yes, he IS a selfish, lying coward. Now, go to the gym and run, or hit the heavy bag or anything. Don't hold it in, let it out somehow. You'll get to the point where you look back and NOT feel anything - he will be a lesson learned. Happiness awaits you when you are ready. Trust me, you'll get there. I promise that an I make few promises. Thanks JWI for the very practice advice. I did go to the gym & ran a fast 3 miles on the treadmill -- it felt like a piece of cake!! It really helped. :-) Then I laid out by the pool & worked on my tan. :-) Now I'm busy moving into my new place -- on a short Internet break ha ha. I'm trying to stay focused on myself instead of on my feelings about xMM & the affair. My sister told me to write a mean letter to xMM & then put it in my desk as if I sent it. I think I'll do that. I have some things I would like to get off my chest but I know it would not be wise to direct them at him! Thanks again JWI.
fooled once Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Normal and actually heathy. You have come so far 26! I hope you are treating yourself good!
fooled once Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Also, many posters re-write their history;) Guess it is easier for them or helps them somehow
Author 26pointblue Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Also, many posters re-write their history;) Guess it is easier for them or helps them somehow Do you mean I re-write my history? How so?
Silly_Girl Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 You're doing really well and, if I'm afraid I'm suspicious enough to hope you're genuine and not just someone demonstrating how an OW 'should' be. Turnstone, you're the first (I've seen) to vocalise this. I thought the same because 26 had a surprisingly quick 180 on the 'happy being OW' front. Took me aback a little. I'm not calling it either way, just saying I had the same thought.
Author 26pointblue Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Turnstone, you're the first (I've seen) to vocalise this. I thought the same because 26 had a surprisingly quick 180 on the 'happy being OW' front. Took me aback a little. I'm not calling it either way, just saying I had the same thought. Turnstone & SillyGirl, wow, I sure wish I were 'faking' going through all of this. I'm not sure whether to be offended or flattered that you think I may be. I mean, I was definitely an OW for a year, year & a half depending on the point that it officially 'started,' & I'm definitely a recently former OW, & I have a lot of agonizing texts, calls & cry sessions into my poor sister to prove it! I was thinking about why it could seem that I am fake. I mean I am trying my hardest to be honest & genuine with myself & everyone else. But I still have a lot of conflicting emotions & I almost feel as if I'm trying to 'fake it till I make it' with myself-- I'm focusing on the ones that are positive & that I think will take me to where I want to be. I don't post nearly as often when I'm feeling 'I hate him," "I hate myself,' etc., & honestly I have evil thoughts that I don't post a lot, except for my recent post of discovering I may have something against his wife or all wives/mothers or something. I guess what I'm saying is I try to be sincere but I also focus on trying to be who I want to be which means quelching some emotions or thoughts. I just had my last therapy session & my therapist said 'I'd like to thank you for being so sincere & candid.' I looked at her funny because i feel I held a lot back. So maybe I am good at portraying [including to myself] what I want to portray. I also hope I am 'faster' at this process because I have done the OW-not-an-OW cycle over & over & over. Ironically enough I wasn't a 'happy' OW untilnearly the end of the relationship, when I first came to LS, & I suppose I was somewhat fooling myself & uncomfortable with it or I never would have come here. [A friend of mine initially pointed it out as she was trying to get me to stay away from MM - but I was soon fascinated with it & trying to work out a lot of things by reading & posting here. In many ways it has been more helpful for me than therapy- I suppose because of the 2 by 4s that you guys give me that my therapist doesn't. ] I can't count the number of times I broke it off with xMM, & my sister would say, 'now this time MEAN IT, for GOOD.' I always had a feeling that it wasn't really over . . . that a big part of me wanted it to be but a smaller part was still stuck in it & wanting it. I like to think that was the unhealthy part in me because I really want to be done with him now. After thinking about JWI's post I believe/hope [because that might make it faster to get to 'acceptance!'] that maybe my 'I'm a happy OW' stage was part of my 'bargaining' stage. Since I couldn't kick him, why not join him? kind of mentality. I felt weak & powerless over the relationship & so I decided to just go with it & enjoy the positives. Honestly that was the only time I was truly 'happy' in it & it was kind of a forced & focused happiness . . . & I also knew it was going to be very short-lived & depended on the next D-Day occurring. I suppose I worry I deluded myself into thinking I was 'happy' & now I'm deluding myself into thinking I'm 'healthy"'& can get over this. But I have to do it or else I will remain stuck. So perhaps I'm trying to convince myself so hard that I come off as fake. Just know that I am definitely struggling with a lot of emotions & I have been an OW & don't want to be one anymore. I try to take my temperature about feeling whether or not it is truly over this time . . . usually I feel it is, a different feeling than I've had when it has ended before, & other times I worry that he will come back. I know that it all depends on whether I want it to be over, & then it will stay over. I really really really want it to be over but I don't trust myself because I have wanted it in the past & have fallen back into it. Idk if this makes sense but I think I've been trying to 'speed up' my recovery so that by the time he contacts me again, I will really & truly be over it, & I will just look back & think helllllllllllll no.
Author 26pointblue Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 (edited) Turnstone, you're the first (I've seen) to vocalise this. I thought the same because 26 had a surprisingly quick 180 on the 'happy being OW' front. Took me aback a little. I'm not calling it either way, just saying I had the same thought. Oh & about this Silly Girl I just wanted to say . . . when I was a 'happy' OW, I knew it wasn't going to last long. I bet if you went back & read my earlier posts you'd see I always clarified with things like 'this is very temporary' & 'something's gotta give.' By that time xMM & I had had a few D-Days & had been apart for a couple months completely & his wife was suspicious again so we were walking on very thin ice. I think part of me knew he wouldn't 'chose' me & our time was limited & so it was my way of coping with things . . . instead of putting demands on him I knew he wouldn't/couldn't follow [like I'd done in the past], instead of crying about the things that weren't what I wanted in the relationship [like I'd done in the past], I decided to change my thinking & just go with it & be happy. I knew our final end [i [u]hope[/u] it's our final end!!] was on the horizon & I wanted to feel like I had given it my all & done all that I could & enjoyed it for what it was [& it was easier to do that knowing it was temporary & after having my hopes crushed previously, than towards the beginning when I really believed he was leaving & it seemed like it was taking an eternity & dragging out forever. I think I was ready to end it one way or the other & knew it would & was just chilling for the time being. I also had a feeling that he was actually going to leave, but that turned out to be dead wrong.] Looking back that was not the best strategy & I just ended up getting hurt even more. But it was how I handled it. I think I knew that all this pain & hurt was coming, so I'd better enjoy it for the little while we had left. I don't know if that makes sense to you or anyone else but it does to me, & of course you don't have to believe it but I'm a real person & this is my real story. I guess I'm quite encouraged by the fact that some question if i was really an OW, because maybe it means I'm finally done being one!!! Maybe i have finally come far enough. Edited May 29, 2011 by 26pointblue
Author 26pointblue Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Im actually not trying to bash but simply pointing out the obvious. Lets be honest the guy is a liar and I find it hard to believe that you can look back at any point of this relationship and claim that he was up upfront. He was/is a cheater and you helped him do that. The best way to get rid of that is realize your part in this and confront your own faults. You can't control the way he acted or was/is. But you can control the person you are/want to be Hi Aasdf, you know I wasn't sure if you were trying to bash or not & initially your post stung but then in thinking about I decided that whether you meant it with ill will or not, it was something important that i had been thinking about myself. I knew he was a liar & a cheat & I offered myself up to him & helped him do it & at one point, yes, was happy doing it. The strange thing is that I knew him in one context before we began the affair & I didn't like him! I guess i had a strange love/hate/fascination relationship with him where I like parts or him & didn't like parts of him. Who would go into an affair with someone they sometimes hate?! I did. It's weird. He & I are [or I hope were] similar in some ways so I think I hated the duplicity-filled manipulative side of him that I recognized from myself. If there's one thing good that I learned from the affair is that I was/am[?] a lot like him . . . yeah I'm not married but I can be selfish, immature, okay with lying to get what i want, etc. He would point out this double standard - we recognized these things in each other - & he was right. So I need to somehow change how I operate or I will never be able to have a healthy relationship. I realized I had been the same way before him, but he was the only one to call me on it. So maybe i was with him because I saw a lot of similarities but hated the ones I hated in myself. I used to have so much self-hate & for the first time I have self-love. I'm scared I can't change but I'm really trying. So I do think your question was valid & has merit. As for your first paragraph, you're right, I used to think I was special to him & he was up front with me, but I later discovered a trail of lies, & you're right that he never was, with me or anyone else. I hope your last sentence is right that I can control the type of person I am & who I want to be. I really hope that is true because I'm trying but I've realized I have an evil side to me for sure & I don't know what people do to 'cure' that. And funny enough I'm not trying to bash myself by saying that but I've just been doing a lot of self-examination & that's what I"ve discovered, ironically with the help of xMM & this relationship. I feel like I was at rock bottom emotionally & I need to change in order to be happy.
Author 26pointblue Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 26pointblue, I hope you can understand why I'm sceptical. OW coming out of an affair are far less positive than you appear to be and certainly far less aware, both of themselves and their ex MM. That and the constant and obvious lies that are told on this board, not only by OW, has given me a lot of examples to compare posts with. I don't see your need of LS; by your posts, you seem to be doing pretty good without it and I can only feel that LS is more likely to bring someone who is doing as well as you, down. Turnstone, My sister always says [when I kept falling back into the affair anyway] 'the strange thing about you is that you already KNOW what you need to do, you just don't do it.' Now she's changed it to, 'you knew you needed to do this, now you just need to keep doing it.' At times I've questioned whether going on LS keeps me stuck in the past & brings out negative emotions from the past. When I've felt that way, I've stayed away. But at other times I feel very alone & I come here to stay accountable - to keep from contacting xMM & to be able to talk about it with people who understand. And then I see myself or my old self [?] in so many posts by other OWs & I hope I can ask them helpful questions like I asked myself. I've also questioned the value of therapy & have told my sister that sometimes I feel I can get the same use out of talking to my cat for free! I know therapy has helped me, to the point where hopefully I no longer need it [& now I am done, unless I want to change therapists, because mine moved . . . so, I guess I'll get to find out . . . I'm not sure if my therapist agrees because she referred me to a different therapist at the same place she left, for further counseling], but it's the same kind of deal where I know what I need to do, I just need to do it. I am really afraid of falling back into the same patterns. The affair is not the only really stupid choice I've made. I can't even say on here some of the things I've done that are worse. Sometimes I seriously think there are two sides of me. One is good, aims to live a happy life, & the other is evil & self-destructive! Omg have I have been self-destructive. It's like something inside me doesn't want me to be happy! I think that with counseling & doing a lot of reading & thinking I have become a lot more self-aware & that will help. My therapist has talked a lot about 'integreting' the different parts of myself while listening to all of them. I've realized I sometimes live to fit a certain image that others have of me but that I don't feel totally comfortable with, & I've sometimes rebelled against that, maybe in an effort to be the opposite of what everyone wants me to be, or maybe because I don't know who I truly am & am trying to find out, or both. [The same is true about xMM - we have very similar patterns]. I just want to be true to myself & honest with myself & others - I really think that is the key but I'm not sure if I've slayed my dragons yet. I hope I'm finally at the point where I can be happy, confident, & make the right decisions, but I'm not sure because I've messed up my life very very badly. I've often thought it's a wonder I'm not unemployed, on the streets or dead by now. I have a very bad talent of looking like I'm doing just fine but inwardly tearing myself & my life apart. That is why I'm here - to remember what I truly want & for help being kept accountable to my goals. At this point I think LS truly helps me but eventually I would like to be so happy with my life that I don't think of being an OW, that I just have moved on & don't look back.
Author 26pointblue Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Yes, I can see you've read an awful lot and are certainly exhibiting all the facets one would expect from an OW going through the termination of an affair. That's unusual in itself. You come across as far too intelligent to take LS so seriously that it would help you from re-entering the affair or participating in any other self-destructive behaviour. It's unusual to exhibit facets that one would expect from an OW ending an affair? I guess I'm confused by that statement. Anyway what I'm trying to say is that everyone thinks I'm so smart [& I know I am] & that I have it all together [i so don't] but inside I'm a mess. At least I always have been but I've been trying hard to seriously sort it all out once & for all. LS has helped me with that a lot, whether or not I seem too smart for it. I really don't appreciate having to defend why I'm here.
Breezy Trousers Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 I don't see your need of LS; by your posts, you seem to be doing pretty good without it and I can only feel that LS is more likely to bring someone who is doing as well as you, down. Can't speak for 26, but just want to say that many of us here don't "need" LS. We come back to share what we learned -- just as we learned from others who shared on LS while we were deep in love fog/affairs. LS does tend to be anti-affairyland, but it's not necessarily anti OW. It may bring people down, but only down to earth. That's what 26 seems to be seeking support for. Affairs are very isolating experiences, often treated with open scorn from the public. What better place for her to come than here?
Author 26pointblue Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Can't speak for 26, but just want to say that many of us here don't "need" LS. We come back to share what we learned -- just as we learned from others who shared on LS while we were deep in love fog/affairs. LS does tend to be anti-affairyland, but it's not necessarily anti OW. It may bring people down, but only down to earth. That's what 26 seems to be seeking support for. Affairs are very isolating experiences, often treated with open scorn from the public. What better place for her to come than here? Thanks Breezy. I do need LS. Whenever I start to miss xMM or glamorize what we had, LS brings me back down to earth, like you said. It helps me remember why it wasn't working & why I needed out. I tend to live in my head & live in a fantasy while over-analyzing everything. When I come to LS it's very simply there in black & white - I can re-read my own struggles & reasoning, I can read everyone else's really good advice, I can see the pain that other OWs are facing, & remind myself to stay away. And I can share current thoughts I'm having & get everyone else's input, which helps me even more. Yes, it's very solitary & although my sister & a few good friends know about xMM, I don't think anyone understands like those on LS who have been through it. And I feel better taking up hours & hours of time on LS than taking up hours & hours of their time [i already have, ha ha].
Geminigrl Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Don't know if this will help you 26, but it helped me in an affair I once had that ended so ridiculously badly I can actually laugh about it now. Yes, it's been along time. Anyway, if you can instead of hating him try to forgive him and thank him for the wisdom he gave you. I know this probably feels impossible right now. You are angry, hurt and devastated. But your anger is only hurting you. He has to live with himself and he has to go back to his life and his wife and deal with the disaster he created. That is his journey. Yours is to take care of you and by forgiving him and thanking him for the lessons he has taught you, you can let go of the negative and make it postiive. Also, do not diminish the love you shared with him. It was real. Just because the situaiton was bad, just because he lied, doesn't change the fact that you loved him and he loved you too. It is difficult when we find out someone we loved isn't as good a person as we thought they were. Not only because we feel betrayed but also because we feel it is a reflection on us. How could we choose to love someone who isn't "good"? Remember, no one is all good or bad. We all make bad choices sometimes. You loved the good parts of him and your love was real. Don't minimize it. I don't know if that helps you at all but it helped me. And, you WILL heal from this. Yes, it will leave some scars but eventually the pain will lesson and you will move on to something or someone else with all the knowledge you have taken from this experience. Hugs to you...I know it hurts....been there done that TWICE! You would think I had learned my lesson the first time.
BB07 Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 26point........I was shocked that it was alluded that you weren't real.........geez. You've poured your heart and soul out here and it boggles my mind that you could come across as fake to anyone. Anyway.......from your 1st post I sensed that you weren't really happy with the status of ow and I identified with you because your posts and I was one of the 1st ones who responded to you because I could relate and I still do as you go on your journey. In a little more than a month I will be 1 year out and I'm doing well. There have been few huge moments that could define my progress but to look back and see how far I've come is very satisfying and I'm feeling quite good about where I am. I just started therapy and can't say I've accomplished anything there yet but maybe because I've started it gives me a sense of the final nail in the coffin on this chapter in my life. My therapy isn't going to be so much about him and that relationship but I want to address my childhood issues and want to be able to fix my broken man picker/or be content alone. As for hanging out here, do what is best for you but yet I think your posts are invaluable for the ow who wants to heal and walk away from something that they recognize is not a healthy choice for them. Lately I come and I go as I please.
Breezy Trousers Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Thanks Breezy. I do need LS. Whenever I start to miss xMM or glamorize what we had, LS brings me back down to earth, like you said. It helps me remember why it wasn't working & why I needed out. I tend to live in my head & live in a fantasy while over-analyzing everything. When I come to LS it's very simply there in black & white - I can re-read my own struggles & reasoning, I can read everyone else's really good advice, I can see the pain that other OWs are facing, & remind myself to stay away. And I can share current thoughts I'm having & get everyone else's input, which helps me even more. Yes, it's very solitary & although my sister & a few good friends know about xMM, I don't think anyone understands like those on LS who have been through it. And I feel better taking up hours & hours of time on LS than taking up hours & hours of their time [i already have, ha ha]. We all live in our heads/fantasy while in affairs, 26. Even today, for all I know about my own MM and how dumb my attraction to him was, I still have to say, "Whoa! Down girl!" when I see him at times. It's been a year, but I still have my moments -- and I'm a happily married woman who was threatened by this same MM a year ago and then watched him smoothly move onto another co-worker. I had lots more advantages than most people here, who believe they are the MM's one true love and how wonderful he is. But, for all that, I still have my moments. Just goes to show you how irrational all of this crap is. The good news is that the more aware I grow, the easier it is to detach. That's already proving true for you, too. It's funny how we think our affair is so "unique" and "special" and then come here and find out how cookie-cutter our experiences and perceptions tend to be ... LS is truly the next best thing to therapy. Hang in there. Hope you continue to have a great day.
Silly_Girl Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 We all live in our heads/fantasy while in affairs, 26. Even today, for all I know about my own MM and how dumb my attraction to him was, I still have to say, "Whoa! Down girl!" when I see him at times. It's been a year, but I still have my moments -- and I'm a happily married woman who was threatened by this same MM a year ago and then watched him smoothly move onto another co-worker. I had lots more advantages than most people here, who believe they are the MM's one true love and how wonderful he is. But, for all that, I still have my moments. Just goes to show you how irrational all of this crap is. The good news is that the more aware I grow, the easier it is to detach. That's already proving true for you, too. It's funny how we think our affair is so "unique" and "special" and then come here and find out how cookie-cutter our experiences and perceptions tend to be ... LS is truly the next best thing to therapy. Hang in there. Hope you continue to have a great day. BT, sorry I think I'm mixing you up with another poster. Did you say you didn't actually participate in an affair?
Glinda Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 BT, sorry I think I'm mixing you up with another poster. Did you say you didn't actually participate in an affair? I've read quite a few of your posts. You seem overly eager to discredit people. Why is that?
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