lemonlegs Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 (edited) Hi everyone. I'm 19 years old and my boyfriend is 22, almost 23 (I'm almost 20 as well). We're about 15 days away from our one year. A couple months ago now, my boyfriend said something regarding my schooling and money (I made a thread about it) that really devastated me and made me so angry and kind of revealed his thoughts regarding many things including sharing his life with another person, money, and more or less a hint of selfishness. But before I get carried away, he is a great boyfriend. But after that incident, I was strongly considering breaking up with him, but after the anger faded, I realized I was just mad even though thinking about it still bothered me. Since then, I've been thinking about another guy I've met at school. I just want to make clear that I'm not planning to leave my boyfriend for this guy, but just noting the fact that I'm *thinking* about another guy, which I feel isn't a good sign? I never thought anything of it or spoke to anyone until my cousin met him and some other work friends and she instantly said "Wow, you guys have a connection and he is sexy" that made me think, holy.... should I be looking more into this? And I openly told my cousin, a work friend, and my sister, DRUNKENLY, I migght add, how I felt about my relationship. When I woke up, I thought what did I do that for and instantly messaged my work friend saying I was being ridiculous. But looking back, maybe I'm just telling myself this to push aside the feelings I truly have deep down. I feel guilty feeling this way about him but staying with him, waiting it out more or less. I know he loves me a lot, and I genuinely love him, but I'm so young. And I'm just so terrified that I am throwing away a great thing and won't be able to get it back. What if I'm wrong and my life is in shambles after I can't see him anymore? I love hanging out with him and his friends and I feel like my life would kinda empty if I lost him. I've never broken up with anyone.. Also, reading the dumpees' threads breaks my heart, and I never want to be villified like that, because honestly LSers, a lot of us seem to be hard on the dumpers, especially the ones who more or less don't have a reason.... Sigh... anyone with personal experience or insight? It would be greatly appreciated... Edited May 28, 2011 by lemonlegs
Fedor Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Your thread makes me angry but I am going to give you advice anyway. If your not in love with your bf, then its time to get out. I dont think you said you were "in love" with him in your thread so thats a little telling. Just please be honest with the fella.
Stilicho Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 honestly, u said it yourself, u dont really have a reason for breaking up with him, so why do it? the fact is, ur letting yourself think of another guy, and its distancing you, whether you admit it or not. in all honesty, if you ever loved your bf, sit him down, have a real talk with him about what he said, your guys shared future, and talk out whatever you both dont like, and try to work it out, or, be the same person you dont want to be, and leave him for another guy, justifying it on a single thing he said and what a friend said to you.
Author lemonlegs Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 Fedor, I think I am IN LOVE with him... I look at him and it genuinely breaks my heart to think of being without him. I'm just really confused. I feel so torn, part of me thinks I would be miserable without him, but part of me thinks it's for the best. Stilicho, I understand what you're saying and I've thought of this. But I feel like it's bad if I'm even having these thoughts. They never occurred the first 8 months of our relationship, so why now?
skibum Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 In every relationship you recah a point where you find yourself thinking about other people. Its impossible to be in the "lovey dovey" state forever. Love is hard work, not an easy feeling that lasts forever. Given that, I think you need to personally think long and hard about what you want. But most importantly, keep the bf in the loop. Although it may be hard if you and him break up, it will be much healthier if there is open communication beforehand. Break ups out of the blue are what makes it so hard. The guy thinks everything is fine and then all of a sudden BAM! you want it to end. That is why I am bitter at the ex and I feel that if she had told me months before that she was feeling iffy and there was a new guy she had a crush on then I would have handled it much better knowing that at least I would have had a chance to work though it and if not, then the breakup was for the best. In the end, it is up to you and you may decide that a new relationship would be better, but for the love of god dont spring it up out of nowhere on an unsuspecting bf who loves you
sinnister Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Or stay casual. If he is a great bf, he knows you better than pretty much anyone. If you can't handle criticism, keep your r/s's casual. Planning a future takes just that...planning. He may say things that sting..but you have to assess whether it is coming from a good place/heart or not. Neither party can be simply directionless, and this is something I sought from my SO, but she'd always thought that I was going to leave her for very little flaws, but flaws I saw were causing her pain..and even put in the best way possible...she took them badly, while I immediately tried to implement anything criticism/advice she gave me...even as she was younger, unless it was just nagging. Just assess it with a more open mind, weigh what he's trying to do and not be so hard on each other. It will work out if it's healthy. If the rs is in a rut, however, more criticisms come b/c the two of you r focusing on either why it won't work r each other too much. Break that cycle by doing more fun things and opening up your horizons together with more positive things...if you're broke..find things to do at home/online to ease the tension..but weigh breakups very carefully...especially when dumping for a mystery...you may never get back what you lost.
Author lemonlegs Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 Break that cycle by doing more fun things and opening up your horizons together with more positive things...if you're broke..find things to do at home/online to ease the tension..but weigh breakups very carefully...especially when dumping for a mystery...you may never get back what you lost. In the end, it is up to you and you may decide that a new relationship would be better, but for the love of god dont spring it up out of nowhere on an unsuspecting bf who loves you This is my biggest problem. I've considered it for about a month now (when he first said the hurtful thing) but seriously started considering it a few days ago. I've told my friends about it and I'm gonna sit down and talk with a few of them. But, skibum, how do you casually mention that to somebody? I can't just tell him that I'm considering breaking up with him, that seems just as bad. As I said, yes, that ONE thing he said to me really made me think, but we've talked about that, and at this point... I just feel like I can't even explain in words what I want.
sinnister Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 This is my biggest problem. I've considered it for about a month now (when he first said the hurtful thing) but seriously started considering it a few days ago. I've told my friends about it and I'm gonna sit down and talk with a few of them. But, skibum, how do you casually mention that to somebody? I can't just tell him that I'm considering breaking up with him, that seems just as bad. As I said, yes, that ONE thing he said to me really made me think, but we've talked about that, and at this point... I just feel like I can't even explain in words what I want. Damn new semi starts tomorrow, but can't break off of here..never knew they'll be so many smart people on this site lol. But in your case, what was so hurtful about what he said? How he said it? What was said? Money is the most SENSITIVE issue in the world, believe me...there's a lot of pride/fear involved in being told you can't/not handling your business..but it is really something to break up for? If you've discussed it...was there any resolution made to get past it..or r you letting the fear linger too much in your mind n the criticism making you just want to jump ship thinking he's holding back on other things (what my ex thought, even as we were always open)? If it's a confidence issue..you can see your friends, and they'll tell you what to say as far as prepping him for break up..but there's 3 people you really need to be talking to right now: your bf (and really listen/communicate this time), your therapist (or get one if you don't have, cause criticisms if it is from a good place can't keep sending/setting you off like this...if he was rude then it was his loss), and yourself. This will come up in ANY r/s you have longer than 3 months..trust me, and in a marriage that is MAGNIFIED..you will have to have tough skin..n not take things personally when they are not meant to be. If I am projecting, forgive me. But if it's good, keep it good.
skibum Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 This is my biggest problem. I've considered it for about a month now (when he first said the hurtful thing) but seriously started considering it a few days ago. I've told my friends about it and I'm gonna sit down and talk with a few of them. But, skibum, how do you casually mention that to somebody? I can't just tell him that I'm considering breaking up with him, that seems just as bad. As I said, yes, that ONE thing he said to me really made me think, but we've talked about that, and at this point... I just feel like I can't even explain in words what I want. You tell the bf that you need to sit down and talk with him. Mention that recently you are having doubts, if you are having difficulty putting into words then just say that. As long as he gets the point that this is a serious issue and not something to just blow off. Im just so adamant about this point because my ex acted like everything was fine up until even days before. Then all of a sudden it was breakup time and I had no idea where it came from. Although it may be hard to tell him you are having issues because that will make everyone stressed, it is better I think for both your futures and friendship if that were the case. Then if it ends there are no "what if I knew, I could have tried harder" issues. Being open is part of a relationship and honesty counts for a lot. I would respect an ex a lot mroe if she were honest than if she lied to my face.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Talk to your BF. Tell him straight up that you are still having issues with what he said, you need clarity and you are having doubts about the two of you. DO NOT go to your friends on how to talk a breakup, they will only tell you how to lie to him because they think you need to break it to him gently. Give him more chances to convince you that you should stay in. Dont think of throwing away a good thing for a guy you don t even know. The new guy could be a pot addict, violent, he might be one of those guys that knocks you up just to keep you. Give your BF a chance to say something that might change your mind. vent to him until you can put it into words. Keep trying, but dont beat around the bush when you talk to him. Get straight to the point if you can. Sit down by yourself and think of what you want from the relationship and how you will have to let it go if you dont get what you need from him, then tell him that so he can at least let you know if he wants to do it. If he doesnt, and your request is reasonable, then you can consider walking away.
Author lemonlegs Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 (edited) Talk to your BF. Tell him straight up that you are still having issues with what he said, you need clarity and you are having doubts about the two of you. DO NOT go to your friends on how to talk a breakup, they will only tell you how to lie to him because they think you need to break it to him gently. Give him more chances to convince you that you should stay in. Dont think of throwing away a good thing for a guy you don t even know. The new guy could be a pot addict, violent, he might be one of those guys that knocks you up just to keep you. Give your BF a chance to say something that might change your mind. vent to him until you can put it into words. Keep trying, but dont beat around the bush when you talk to him. Get straight to the point if you can. Sit down by yourself and think of what you want from the relationship and how you will have to let it go if you dont get what you need from him, then tell him that so he can at least let you know if he wants to do it. If he doesnt, and your request is reasonable, then you can consider walking away. To answer the question above, he basically asked me how I planned on paying for my student loans once done school. But he wasn't just asking, he was asking in a condescending and rude way while we were in a fight. Then while talking about it a few days later, he basically said that if he were to move in with me, I'm technically able to "take his assets" once we live together even after a short while and that he wants to make sure that I'm not putting myself into debt, unable to pay it back and whatnot and I feel like he asks that not for my concern, but for his own benefit. I'm a big girl and I'm going to school for a reason and it really pissed me off that he cares so much about my finances and how it will (negatively) impact him. Especially because I'm 19 and honestly, I told him that if money is that big of an issue with him, that I wouldn't be moving in with him for a loooooooooooooong time, assuming we would still be dating. Since then, I've just realized that he's kinda cheap. Sure, he'll take me out for dinner, but he's never treated me to anything nice. If we go away, we split on the hotel, meals, gas, whatever it is. I wouldn't bat an eyelash if we made similar money, but I'm in school, in debt from student loans, and he works a full-time job, making MORE MONEY THAN MY MOM DOES for Christs sake. Furthermore, he has expensive hobbies like snowboarding, dirtbiking, golfing, etc. He will do that with no hesitations (spend hundreds of dollars on it in a week or even a day) and yet bitch about spending money on something that's not those things. And of course I can't say anything because then I look like a controlling girlfriend who's trying to prevent him from having fun. I don't really care, but it does kinda bother me sometimes. I'm by NO MEANS a golddigger... I never expect anything from him, but it makes me think. And I like feeling taken care of. Sure, he drives me a lot of places 'cause I don't have a car, or he lets me borrow his truck, but as for gifts and whatnot, we always 'set a limit'. I don't know... also, to put it simply, I'm 19. The way he talks, he literally talks like we're going to be together forever. I used to think it was nice and romantic but now I feel overwhelmed 'cause I have a lot of life left to live. EDIT: It's just gotten to the point where my boyfriend feels more like my best friend or a good friend when I hang out with him. I love his company and we get along really well casually, but for the reasons I mentioned above, we fight over things that we wouldn't have to worry about as friends. Furthermore, our families are really different. I love his family, they're great people, but they're very close... to the point where he HAS to be at holiday dinners, no exceptions. I'm close with my family, but they don't treat me like a 13 year old. I know the whole 'wishing we could be friends' idea is extremely naive, but that's a good way to explain it I think. I'm still drawn to him in the sense that I feel totally comfortable being around him, we can talk about anything and we have fun, but there's obstacles and whatnot that prevent our relationship from being great. Sometimes being physically intimate (not cuddling or touching or anything like that) feels a lot different now as well. Probably because I feel guilty about this .... Edited May 30, 2011 by lemonlegs
Eddie Edirol Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Your bf is doing the right thing by not spoiling you. He is right by making sure he lets you pull your own weight. If you want to be a housewife that just stays home and takes care of the kids, then you should make that clear. he needs to make sure you dont have bad spending habits, and yhe knows you will be paying off that college loan for a looong time. If he doesnt buy you ANYTHING, I can understand cheapness. Maybe he doesnt buy you alot of things because he only wants to spend that kind of money if he knows you will use it alot, or really really light up when he gives it to you. Thats not cheap. Maybe he doesnt know what to get you, maybe he just doesnt like giving gifts. I HATE giving gifts. I dont give gifts until I am completely certain the gift is right. Just giving you things just so you can feel taken care of is not the way its gonna work for him. So hes never treated you to anything nice. What do you consider nice that you would want him to treat you to? And what nice things have you treated him to? So he talks like you will be together forever, do you see yourself marrying and having kids with him? If you dont, you better bail now. Dont stay just because he looks good to everyone else.
Author lemonlegs Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 (edited) Your bf is doing the right thing by not spoiling you. He is right by making sure he lets you pull your own weight. If you want to be a housewife that just stays home and takes care of the kids, then you should make that clear. he needs to make sure you dont have bad spending habits, and yhe knows you will be paying off that college loan for a looong time. If he doesnt buy you ANYTHING, I can understand cheapness. Maybe he doesnt buy you alot of things because he only wants to spend that kind of money if he knows you will use it alot, or really really light up when he gives it to you. Thats not cheap. Maybe he doesnt know what to get you, maybe he just doesnt like giving gifts. I HATE giving gifts. I dont give gifts until I am completely certain the gift is right. Just giving you things just so you can feel taken care of is not the way its gonna work for him. So hes never treated you to anything nice. What do you consider nice that you would want him to treat you to? And what nice things have you treated him to? So he talks like you will be together forever, do you see yourself marrying and having kids with him? If you dont, you better bail now. Dont stay just because he looks good to everyone else. Thanks for your advice but I don't think you're grasping the problem here. Maybe I'm just not explaning myself clearly. I don't EVER expect gifts. EVER. And considering I make 12 dollars an hour and very rarely work more than 20 hours a week and he makes over double that working full-time, it'd be nice if he said, "hey, the hotel's on me!". And yeah, that's great and all that he "cares about my spending habits" but I don't think that's it. Not mentioning it's none of his business.... we're not married. We're not even close to being married, so until that day, I don't really want him poking around in my finances. He brags about how much his parents make, meanwhile I'm not comfortable discussing money. My ex-boyfriend was obsessed with money and I really don't enjoy dating a guy that's all about money. Yeah, I plan on making a lot (with what I want to go to school for), but I don't sit there and fret about it. I save when I can, and that's that. And.... I don't keep him around for looks lol. I won't say anything too conceited, but yeah.... I don't know where you got the idea that I'm staying with him because 'he looks good to everyone else.' Edited May 30, 2011 by lemonlegs
PelicanPete Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 I just want to make clear that I'm not planning to leave my boyfriend for this guy, but just noting the fact that I'm *thinking* about another guy I think I am IN LOVE with him... I look at him and it genuinely breaks my heart to think of being without him It's just gotten to the point where my boyfriend feels more like my best friend or a good friend when I hang out with him These lines just really stand out to me because it sounds like the same sort of thoughts my ex was thinking. If she was good at communicating her feelings maybe we'd still be together [although im glad we aren't], but instead she acted like everything was fine until she cheated on me with the guy she was "just thinking about", and then left me saying all the things I did wrong. Your boyfriends not a mind reader. He doesn't know he's doing anything wrong, and he doesn't know your gradually pulling away from him because your too busy thinking about another guy. Its not fair to him. If you blindside him like my ex did to me, the minimum consequence would be losing him forever. If he's not very in touch with dealing with his emotions, he'll probably hate your guts. The lines I quoted telegraph your behavior. You want to leave him for a shot with the other guy, just be honest. You're more than just thinking about the other guy, your boyfriend feels like a best friend because your focusing your romantic spark on the other guy, and because of that your falling out of love with your boyfriend. If there was no other guy, you wouldn't be thinking about leaving. At least give your current boyfriend enough respect to tell him what is bothering you about the relationship. If he makes an effort and changes the things you don't like, who knows maybe you'll want to stay. If he doesn't, he already knew he was on thin ice and there's an actual chance of being friends with him after the break up. Ontop of that, he wont have to deal with feelings of being used, betrayed, disposable, and heartache for countless months.
Author lemonlegs Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 (edited) These lines just really stand out to me because it sounds like the same sort of thoughts my ex was thinking. If she was good at communicating her feelings maybe we'd still be together [although im glad we aren't], but instead she acted like everything was fine until she cheated on me with the guy she was "just thinking about", and then left me saying all the things I did wrong. Your boyfriends not a mind reader. He doesn't know he's doing anything wrong, and he doesn't know your gradually pulling away from him because your too busy thinking about another guy. Its not fair to him. If you blindside him like my ex did to me, the minimum consequence would be losing him forever. If he's not very in touch with dealing with his emotions, he'll probably hate your guts. The lines I quoted telegraph your behavior. You want to leave him for a shot with the other guy, just be honest. You're more than just thinking about the other guy, your boyfriend feels like a best friend because your focusing your romantic spark on the other guy, and because of that your falling out of love with your boyfriend. If there was no other guy, you wouldn't be thinking about leaving. At least give your current boyfriend enough respect to tell him what is bothering you about the relationship. If he makes an effort and changes the things you don't like, who knows maybe you'll want to stay. If he doesn't, he already knew he was on thin ice and there's an actual chance of being friends with him after the break up. Ontop of that, he wont have to deal with feelings of being used, betrayed, disposable, and heartache for countless months. Thank you for your insight. You know what, I think you're right. There are many things I like about this guy, but I will stress again, I have absolutely NO intentions of breaking up with my boyfriend for this guy or any other guy. I guess maybe feeling even a hint of something for another guy raises red flags for me and I know that it's just not fair. I feel like he has an idea he's on thin ice because this weekend he's been saying things that not only make me feel like bursting into tears but things that would make me reassure him that I want to be with him for a long time. I do not want to just break up with him because I agree that it would be extremely out-of-the-blue for him and he would not be expecting it. But I'm clueless... what do I say? I'm not convinced there's even much he can do at this point and by attempting to talk it out is just giving him false hope, if that makes sense. Pete, what would you have wanted your girlfriend to say, for instance? And I really don't want to mention to him I have feelings for someone else because I think that would make him feel worse about himself and hate me... and it's not like I'm ditching him to be with another guy, so I would like to omit that from the conversation. That's where I'm left clueless... Edited May 30, 2011 by lemonlegs
Eddie Edirol Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Just as you dont want him poking around your finances are, you cant complain about how he spends his money, nor use that as a reason to be mad at him. If it isnt about money, it you shouldnt mention it even if it helps your argument. Youre all over the place with the reasons you want to break it off, youre talking about youre 19, are you saying you never saw yourself marrying him? It sounds to me like theres a bunch of other things that bug you about him that youre not mentioning. So far I got: hes selfish he pokes into your finances hes too close with his family I had a whole bunch of evidence that would make you out to be just as selfish as he is, but in the grand scheme of things, you wont be thinking of this guy when youre 29. Youre going to find another guy. Another few guys before youre 29. You really are too young to be tied down anyway. I say you go for the new guy. Just be prepared for the big void that youre worried about. Be ready to face it, and work through it. And dont be selfish, give your bf a heads up so he can see it coming.
PelicanPete Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Thank you for your insight. You know what, I think you're right. There are many things I like about this guy, but I will stress again, I have absolutely NO intentions of breaking up with my boyfriend for this guy or any other guy. I guess maybe feeling even a hint of something for another guy raises red flags for me and I know that it's just not fair. I feel like he has an idea he's on thin ice because this weekend he's been saying things that not only make me feel like bursting into tears but things that would make me reassure him that I want to be with him for a long time. I do not want to just break up with him because I agree that it would be extremely out-of-the-blue for him and he would not be expecting it. But I'm clueless... what do I say? I'm not convinced there's even much he can do at this point and by attempting to talk it out is just giving him false hope, if that makes sense. Pete, what would you have wanted your girlfriend to say, for instance? Have you actually talked to him about the things that bother you? My ex was taking some things I said the wrong way that I was completely clueless about it until the break up. I didn't mean it the way she took it and it was frustrating because she emotionally detached from me due to miscommunication. If you clarify for him exactly what is bothering you, maybe he will make an effort to change things and you could possibly have a change of heart. If he gets overly defensive, or starts to be aggressive and argue about the things that bother you, it's a different story.
Author lemonlegs Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 Just as you dont want him poking around your finances are, you cant complain about how he spends his money, nor use that as a reason to be mad at him. If it isnt about money, it you shouldnt mention it even if it helps your argument. Youre all over the place with the reasons you want to break it off, youre talking about youre 19, are you saying you never saw yourself marrying him? It sounds to me like theres a bunch of other things that bug you about him that youre not mentioning. So far I got: hes selfish he pokes into your finances hes too close with his family I had a whole bunch of evidence that would make you out to be just as selfish as he is, but in the grand scheme of things, you wont be thinking of this guy when youre 29. Youre going to find another guy. Another few guys before youre 29. You really are too young to be tied down anyway. I say you go for the new guy. Just be prepared for the big void that youre worried about. Be ready to face it, and work through it. And dont be selfish, give your bf a heads up so he can see it coming. Exactly. There are a litany of things that don't sit well with me. And I have NO idea why. I know that with my ex-boyfriend, his family barely talked to me and never invited me over for dinner, but it wasn't until he cheated on me and I moved onto the angry stage that I thought about that and found it annoying. My point being that maybe I'm looking for reasons... maybe I just do want to explore things but am afraid of being honest with myself because overall, he's a pretty good boyfriend. I don't want to be the villain. Have you actually talked to him about the things that bother you? My ex was taking some things I said the wrong way that I was completely clueless about it until the break up. I didn't mean it the way she took it and it was frustrating because she emotionally detached from me due to miscommunication. If you clarify for him exactly what is bothering you, maybe he will make an effort to change things and you could possibly have a change of heart. If he gets overly defensive, or starts to be aggressive and argue about the things that bother you, it's a different story. We've spoke about the things I've had problems with. I've told him that his putting his hobbies above me and spending time with me makes me feel crappy and he'll sometimes get defensive and tell me that it's just something he'll always do. It's not the 'doing' that I have a problem with... it's his not being able to set it aside for other things sometimes, just as an example. I've given him hints, like being more vocal about things when his guy friends tease him and I'll chime in. I don't do it on purpose but sometimes it just comes out that way, and I know he picks up on it. And I've been denying his advances for sex and whatnot. But when he tells me he loves me, I tell him I love him. Because I do love him. I just find it hard to bring up old arguments that he feels have been solved for a while. *shrug*
PelicanPete Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Well, if he knows full well there are problems and he's not addressing him, then I guess you can just relay what's wrong and tell him it's over. My ex was acting like everything was perfectly fine the day before we broke up, we had sex, cuddled, all the couple stuff. I had an idea that something was wrong and I asked her but she acted like everything was fine until the day she broke up with me. Your situation sounds different, so as long as your 100% positive he's well aware of things I give you the green light.
Author lemonlegs Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 What about suggesting a break? Maybe that's what I need... to just take sometime to myself and examine how I feel about everything. Or is that equally as bad?
PelicanPete Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 If you don't see yourself with this guy long term, then don't take a break and just break up with him. If you feel you just need to analyze the relationship and how you feel about the future better, maybe spend some time away from him and see how you feel, then the break can be productive as long as you tell him why your taking a break to begin with. As long as you aren't pursuing or flirting with another guy while your taking a break it seems like a good idea.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 (edited) What about suggesting a break? Maybe that's what I need... to just take sometime to myself and examine how I feel about everything. Or is that equally as bad? Yeah you already know you want to explore someone new, so you would have to tell him that you want to take a break to see another guy, and you want him to wait on you just in case. Your best bet, since youre looking for reasons, is just to make a clean break and stay away from him, move onward and forward, and be ready to face being alone if it doesnt work out with the new guy. I think you should try thinking about this without being in denial. You already know hes a good boyfriend, but now you can be honest with yourself. Even ask him, does he think you two are compatible when he wont budge on those things. Im pretty sure his answers will make your decision for you. That way, you explore these things with him, and he sees it coming when youre ready to break up. But dont give him **** tests, ask him direct questions to get direct answers. Dont ask him questions under the guise of normal conversation to see if he will give you the right answers. Edited June 1, 2011 by Eddie Edirol
Fedor Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 If you feel you need a break, then the relationship needs to be done and over with. If you want to be this dude, then be with him. It's not that hard. It seems like you guys have no compromise in your relationship. Both of you need to be understanding of each others needs. If for instance, you are the only one willing to compromise, the resentment will build up and the relationship ending wont be pretty. You sound like my ex. Dont make her mistake and play your bf like a yoyo. Be straight up. If you want to end it, then end it but leave the door open for the future and leave it at that. I know you said you have no intention of leaving your bf for this other dude but dont take a break or break up and then fall into the arms with that other dude.
timchambo Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 Seen this story before..about 5 times since the beginning of the year with personal friends of mine. This is what is going to happen. You will end up "dating" this new guy at some point. If you don't end it now with your BF you will end up cheating on him. In fact your already cheating emotionally if there are "feelings" there. Your reasonings are weak at best for the breakup. He sounds like he wants a solid financial foundation for the future of your relationship. You are young, but I also don't see that as an excuse. The fact that the reasons are all over the place tells me you are reaching. Chalk this up as a learning experience on what happens when you fail at communicating with your partner. Sorry for the tough love, but this is coming from a man who was blind sided by a woman just like you.
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