TheVSilent Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Ok, I never thought in my life I would be so crazy about looking up peoples thoughts and views on relationships, but after this devistating blow, it helps, uplifts me and motivates me at times to move on. I want to tell the story, I met my ex-girlfriend (weird to even say that still!) in May of 2006, we just broke up May 13th 2011. Me and my girlfriend have always had a relationship that I couldn't compare to many of my friends. I was a shy person and she was a shy girl, we met each other, she was 17 I was 21, and we fell in love. The first 2 years were amazing, we found ourselves, we got in our click and our routine and never really looked back. Well going on the 3rd year, I was never a parent person, I never visited her parents and she never really did mine, I could tell something was bothering her about this, this would be some sort of foreshadowing years later. We had a slight argument and I told her that I just was a shy person and didn't think her parents cared for me since I didn't go to college. See I always did my own thing, I work for a communications company that pays out good money but I always felt like they wanted her to date a college boy. This was the beginning of the strain, that I must admit turned me into a complete *******, and her likewise. By December of that year, we were at each other throats about dumb stuff that we never fight about, and I started to feel confused like maybe this girl isn't the one for me, so I broke it off. Needless to say a week later I realized how dumb I was and called her and confessed my love, she didn't take me back at first, her friends told her that I was just a jerk and to get rid of me, but she eventually felt the love for me and we started anew. This would begin out great, with a new passion for each other like when we first met, but thats when I started to get bipolar. I was hanging out with a friend and he was joking and called my girlfriend fat, I felt really crappy for some reason, like really, she isn't fat, but she had gained weight. This would weigh on my brain actually and over the course of a few months she started to really gain weight, I don't really even know why. I started to actually rub her myself, calling her tubby and stuff, I know this is a forbidden thing to do, but I'm not really a nice person, I at least admit that now. It would make her cry sometimes and I would tell her I'm really sorry, I just wished she would motivate herself to lose weight, and she said she had been trying. In my mind, I was like she isn't really trying at all, and it began to piss me off. Trust me, I know I'm stupid now, none of this even mattered to me at all really, I was just being a dick. 2 years later, and alot of verbal abuse between the two of us, trust issues started to weigh in her mind and mine. She would say stuff like you only keep me around for sex, and I would question who she was hanging out with when she didn't pick up the phone. Well January of this year we had a long talk, we vowed to each other to stop all this because we really loved each other. I told her I was just a ****ed up person in the head and I didn't never mean any harm with these words that came out my mouth. Things were going great, but then a tornado hit her apartment about a month ago. She lost her car, and she had to get a rental. She lived with her best friend at the time, she used to complain about how she was so disrespectful to her when they lived together, but now all of a sudden have become tighter than ever. Once this happend, and she had to move back in with her parents, for 3 weeks, she started to ditch me. I used to call and she would just not want to hang out. I started to worry a bit like maybe shes going to dump me, so when she came over I asked her and she started to cry and said she just hasnt been happy for a long time but loves me so much. I asked her to leave if thats how she really felt, that I didn't want her to be with me if I didn't make her happy, but she couldn't she said she couldn't and stayed with me that night. A week later were about to go to the movies and I asked her to go to a concert with me, she declined, and it confused me because I know it is one of her favorite bands. We go to the movies and when we get out I go to put my arm around her and she threw it off. I started to cry in the car, I could feel it coming to a end, she told me to stop crying and I told her to leave because I know she doesn't love me anymore. She left, but called me back later that night and told me things in our relationship she didn't like. The fact I'm not real close with her parents, how she felt like she had to get my approval for things like tattoos and stuff, and that she wanted to hang out with her guy friend from high school because she felt like she lost a good friend in him when she started dating me. I told her I would let her do anything she wanted, basically pleaded with her and told her I loved her and I knew I was wrong about alot of stuff but not about her. She really completes me, but she said she just couldn't do it. She dumped me. Ok so I got all crazy ex boyfriend on her and text and called all weekend but she wouldn't answer, I thought surely she may change her mind, but she is strong in her decision. She told me in a facebook messege that she has been ignoring what is best for her for a long time, that I had chances to change but I never did, that the last 2 years or so of her life have been ****ty and that I was not the one. She then said it would be way to hard to even be friends or talk to me on the phone, and asked me to just leave her be, and that she hopes I learn from this experiance and she never meant to hurt me, and that if she ever did want to talk to me again she would. Yeah I was gutted, that was 2 weeks ago, and I can't seem to get over it. It is hard for me to think that she could throw away 5 years like that, like poof and I'm gone. I feel like I could never do that to her because I love her so much. I'm trying so hard to get over this, and I wanted to know if anyone thinks she will ever contact me again? I am working on myself here, trying to learn and become a better person but if feels like nobody will ever love me or I won't ever love anybody as much as I do her. I feel like her friend and mother had something to do with it since she had to move back home, ontop of her just losing all faith in me. I'm just a lost soul, I have listened to her though and deleted her, even blocked her from facebook and haven't tried contacting her. It is hard to accept reality. I live with this constant guilt and just want her to somehow forgive me. This NC stuff is eating me alive, losing sleep over it, and just want her back so bad. Do you think it is even possible to have any kind of connection with this person over time or should I just try VERY hard to forget we were ever anything. I am working on myself, I realize what I did was wrong, I just want to show her that.
Fedor Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 You called her tubby? Really, bro? Really? The only thing you can do is fight for her now. Dont leave any what ifs
Author TheVSilent Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 I don't understand what you mean by fight for her, I realize my mistakes in our last conversation which was 2 weeks ago she says she appreciates that but she doesn't think she will talk to me again. I will change from this, I just want her to see that, I know she won't talk to me now, but I'm just wondering if she ever will. I keep beating myself up, because of what I put her through, it is very hard to get over it when I felt like she was the one, I just let her slip away with my actions.
Fedor Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I don't understand what you mean by fight for her, I realize my mistakes in our last conversation which was 2 weeks ago she says she appreciates that but she doesn't think she will talk to me again. I will change from this, I just want her to see that, I know she won't talk to me now, but I'm just wondering if she ever will. I keep beating myself up, because of what I put her through, it is very hard to get over it when I felt like she was the one, I just let her slip away with my actions. I mean fight for her! Show her that you truly love her by any means necessary. Dont just sit around and talk about how she slipped away. Get up and try to grab her back to you.
sun_moon Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Sometimes mistreating someone doesn't hit you till the other half gives you the wake up call. I left my bf after 2 years because i didn't like the way he treated me, as much as I told him, it was too much in the end, and our constant fighting drove me over the edge, I also has to do with the fact that I didnt trust him. Sometimes we don't realize what we had till they are gone and it's too late. She had enough and it looks like she built up a lot of resentment for you. I hope this will allow you to grow and learn for your next relationship. FYI next time your gf gains weight, you suggest running in the park together on a Sunday morning instead of having brunch , joining a gym together, or going rock climbing indoors as a date.
Author TheVSilent Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 I mean fight for her! Show her that you truly love her by any means necessary. Dont just sit around and talk about how she slipped away. Get up and try to grab her back to you. Yeah, that isn't going to work, I tried that, I told her all these things, and thats when she just blew up at me and said look you are only making this harder, stop talking to me I don't think I will ever talk to you again. Now friends of mine have suggested to give her time, and maybe she will talk in the future when she is healed, it has only been 2 weeks though and it feels so LONG without her. I feel if I break NC I will only be hurting myself, but I just want her to understand that I truely am sorry.
lalalandman Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Yea I'm not too sure about that one Fedor. I think you're leading him into a trap. She wants to be left alone and once girls make a resolve like this, you just need to give them their space. I'm not sure how he is supposed to "fight for her". If you mean call her up and argue about her decision to break up? Bad idea. Show up at her place unannounced? Bad idea. Text her that he loves her and can't live without her? Bad choice. It honestly sounds like there might be another guy involved as well. I think if VSilent goes after her, he will probably be learning of this truth very quickly. She's getting attention from elsewhere, FOR NOW. You can't just change a girl's mind dude. They make up their minds on their own. I would say, go ahead and put up a decent fight for her. Spend a week on it, just to let her know this is not what you want. If she's not having it still, then just walk away. She has to live with her decision. She needs to find out what life is like without you. This is exactly what brings them back. The best thing you can do is show her that you are a confident and strong person. Of course, you will be hurt that she is leaving, but you're DEFINITELY not going to succumb to your knees.
lalalandman Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I definitely relate with sun_moon as well. I got treated like a piece of trash for the first 4 years. In August of 2010 when she dumped me for like the 4th time and I found out she cheated on me again, I ended up having so much resentment for her. I ended up meeting a new girl a month later in October 2010, which my ex RUINED by coming to my house unannounced, calling 50 times a day and scaring her off within 3 months. My ex actually called and Facebook messaged about 10 of my friends begging for them to talk with me and make me take her back. She admitted how for the last 4 years she was a complete bitch, took me for granted and just EVERYTHING. I was shocked. I took my ex back in February of 2011 after the other girl and I broke up, but I just had so much resentment afterwards. We ended up fighting alot, but I really loved her. I just, was very, skeptical and kept my guard up. Well she left me again about a month ago. Just tossed me like a piece of trash. I'm not sure if I treated her like **** these past months or just had my guard up, but I know what it's like to have resentment. But I also will tell you that your girl still loves you. There is no denying that at all. She's thinking about you. And she might find out later that you are the one. It' really hard to tell. You sound like a decent guy, and obviously have some humility if you're able to admit your faults. I doubt you really treated her like **** as much as she got bored and wanted something new. I really think she's getting attention from someone else, FOR NOW. Just walk away. She needs to know what life is like without you. Honestly, I've said in previous posts, if she wants to come back, you'll consider it. If not, her loss dude.
Author TheVSilent Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 I definitely relate with sun_moon as well. I got treated like a piece of trash for the first 4 years. In August of 2010 when she dumped me for like the 4th time and I found out she cheated on me again, I ended up having so much resentment for her. I ended up meeting a new girl a month later in October 2010, which my ex RUINED by coming to my house unannounced, calling 50 times a day and scaring her off within 3 months. My ex actually called and Facebook messaged about 10 of my friends begging for them to talk with me and make me take her back. She admitted how for the last 4 years she was a complete bitch, took me for granted and just EVERYTHING. I was shocked. I took my ex back in February of 2011 after the other girl and I broke up, but I just had so much resentment afterwards. We ended up fighting alot, but I really loved her. I just, was very, skeptical and kept my guard up. Well she left me again about a month ago. Just tossed me like a piece of trash. I'm not sure if I treated her like **** these past months or just had my guard up, but I know what it's like to have resentment. But I also will tell you that your girl still loves you. There is no denying that at all. She's thinking about you. And she might find out later that you are the one. It' really hard to tell. You sound like a decent guy, and obviously have some humility if you're able to admit your faults. I doubt you really treated her like **** as much as she got bored and wanted something new. I really think she's getting attention from someone else, FOR NOW. Just walk away. She needs to know what life is like without you. Honestly, I've said in previous posts, if she wants to come back, you'll consider it. If not, her loss dude. Honestly I was really mean, but deep down she knew I loved her, well I hope she did. I am working on myself, and will leave her alone, I also suspected another guy. I honestly don't blame her, maybe this guy is actually treating her right. It is just so hard, I feel so empty and I feel as though I will never find love like that again. I'm just going to wait and see if she ever contacts me, but chances are she's not and I just need to move on. It is so weird how things can be what they are then 1 day changes your whole life, you feel like everyone is against you.
lalalandman Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 You act like you're nothing to her. 5 years dude. Trust me, she loves you. She's thinking about you. But right now, she doesn't want to be brought down by you. Just back off and give her the space she desires. Respect her decision. If you have Facebook, I would suggest deleting it. The best thing you can do is disappear completely. Just be gone. Personally, I think she'll contact you at some point. Will you get back together, who knows. But right now you need to be confident and strong. That's the best thing you can do. Just walk away. The more you stick around, the worse it's going to get. She already knows you disagree with the breakup. So she's aware that this is her decision. Is it her fault? No. But it is her decision. So just move on.
Author TheVSilent Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 You act like you're nothing to her. 5 years dude. Trust me, she loves you. She's thinking about you. But right now, she doesn't want to be brought down by you. Just back off and give her the space she desires. Respect her decision. If you have Facebook, I would suggest deleting it. The best thing you can do is disappear completely. Just be gone. Personally, I think she'll contact you at some point. Will you get back together, who knows. But right now you need to be confident and strong. That's the best thing you can do. Just walk away. The more you stick around, the worse it's going to get. She already knows you disagree with the breakup. So she's aware that this is her decision. Is it her fault? No. But it is her decision. So just move on. It just hurt when she said "you're not the on David". I honestly believe someone is showing her what a real man is and it hurts so bad when I think of when she said that. But thanks for real, I am trying and I will live on and hopefully in the future our paths will cross so I can at the very least show her I'm a changed man.
lalalandman Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Don't take it personally man. You said yourself you were mean, and she's saying things she knows will hurt you. But you can't let it phase you man. Trust me. If that's what she thinks, then fine. Just go with it. And trust me, if there's some other guy giving her attention right now, it won't last. He is not her Knight in Shining Armor by any means dude. But the best thing you can do, is just walk away. You don't want to be involved. You don't need to be worried about what's going on with her. Be strong, be confident, and respect her decision. Don't expect to see her again. I'm telling you, they only show up when you've forgotten. Be a better person for you. I'll say it again, if she decides to come back, you'll consider it. If not, her loss.
Fedor Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Yeah, that isn't going to work, I tried that, I told her all these things, and thats when she just blew up at me and said look you are only making this harder, stop talking to me I don't think I will ever talk to you again. Now friends of mine have suggested to give her time, and maybe she will talk in the future when she is healed, it has only been 2 weeks though and it feels so LONG without her. I feel if I break NC I will only be hurting myself, but I just want her to understand that I truely am sorry. I'm sorry for giving you bad advice. Had a bad morning. Look, you just have to stay away from her and let her have her space. Is it selfish of her? Yes. Does it make sense? No. But it is essentially what needs to happen if you want any chance of extending your relationship with this person. It will show maturity on your part if you are able to simply leave her alone and she will like that. Try not to end up bitter and angry like I am.
Author TheVSilent Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 I am having a hard time today. Even though she told me not to contact her I so want to, it has only been 9 days but feels like forever. I want her to see how much I care but I know it won't do any good. It feels like with each day she slips further away, and everyone keeps telling me she will eventually contact you but I'm just not so sure. Do you keep no contact forever? Sorry, I'm just struggling, I know everything is my fault.
sinnister Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 We don't really know all sides...cause a lot of times people r harder to themselves more contrite about themselves postb/u. But, if what I'm hearing is right, you have a few things to work on. Emotions/support/family are VERY important to a young woman. If her parents are around, you have to see them sometimes in a LTR..that's a fact...if you want to be with her. Any future you have will have to involve them at some point..plus they can give you a heads up on things. I know your shyness is rooted in a lot of insecurity...I wish I'd talked to you sooner. Seek therapy when you KNOW it's affecting your r/s cause a lot of times we're shy b/c we don't have someone..if you're still insecure w/the love of your life, YOU HAVE TO FIX THAT. Bottom line...for the time being...you need to get some anti-anxiety meds and chill on this one. She's with that boy that she'd claimed she lost b/c of ur r/s...nearly guaranteed. She telegraphed that punch as a wake up call, and when you submitted, she knew she had the power in the r/s now..and she choses to use it to make you a Beta..he's now going to take care of her for awhile. Grow..and wait it out of possible...you might actually find that your treatment of her spoke volumes to yourself that you were just keeping her around, just to have someone. Once you open yourself up to all possibilities...you might find that this breakup was best for all involved. Good luck.
Author TheVSilent Posted May 30, 2011 Author Posted May 30, 2011 We don't really know all sides...cause a lot of times people r harder to themselves more contrite about themselves postb/u. But, if what I'm hearing is right, you have a few things to work on. Emotions/support/family are VERY important to a young woman. If her parents are around, you have to see them sometimes in a LTR..that's a fact...if you want to be with her. Any future you have will have to involve them at some point..plus they can give you a heads up on things. I know your shyness is rooted in a lot of insecurity...I wish I'd talked to you sooner. Seek therapy when you KNOW it's affecting your r/s cause a lot of times we're shy b/c we don't have someone..if you're still insecure w/the love of your life, YOU HAVE TO FIX THAT. Bottom line...for the time being...you need to get some anti-anxiety meds and chill on this one. She's with that boy that she'd claimed she lost b/c of ur r/s...nearly guaranteed. She telegraphed that punch as a wake up call, and when you submitted, she knew she had the power in the r/s now..and she choses to use it to make you a Beta..he's now going to take care of her for awhile. Grow..and wait it out of possible...you might actually find that your treatment of her spoke volumes to yourself that you were just keeping her around, just to have someone. Once you open yourself up to all possibilities...you might find that this breakup was best for all involved. Good luck. Thanks, everyday is a fight but I will learn and I will become a better person because of it.
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