Sugarkane Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I was thinking that in our grandparents generation, when people settled down young and got married and had children young. Did anyone of them get GIGS? Especially as they did this younger than majority of people do now.
Gisele Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Maybe having children younger made it harder for them to leave and explore GIGS Also it would have been more of a scandal, particularly if it was an extra marital affair Im sure the urges were still there, but everything was so much less sexualised in my grandparents' time. Maybe the grass just didn't look as green, or easy to access
oldguy Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Just about the time I think my avatar name just reflected a low spot I was in when I choose it I come across a question like this and I have to ask; What is a, "GIGS"? LOL
Art_Critic Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 All people in all ages from all of history in all relationships in all breakups have gigs.. What is Gigs ?
Call Me Al Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 why has this all of a sudden become the do all be all explanation of a relationship ending?
WTRanger Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 (edited) why has this all of a sudden become the do all be all explanation of a relationship ending? There's been buzzwords all over LS. I'm surprised Multiple Personality Disorder hasn't made a comeback. Everyone last year had that. Look it up, then you can claim your ex now has M.P.D.G.I.G.S. Because people are too scared to think that they themselves may have played a role in the breakup. They'd rather label it, blame the ex, and keep making the same mistakes. Don't you know how self help works these days? You don't solve the problem. You label it, blame someone else, and keep spending money prolonging the problem. Plus everyone expects their very first relationship to work. They don't want to put work into dating multiple people, they want isnta-love. If it's not, the other person must have something wrong with them. A lot of our grandparents generation also stayed in severely abusive relationships because getting a divorce was basically being kicked out of your community. You'd be shunned if you were a divorced woman. You were supposed to take your licks, that's part of being married. A black eye or two, a drunk husband, that's all normal. Trust me, the "Good Ole Days" weren't so good. A lot of abuse was swept under the rug. Edited May 28, 2011 by WTRanger
Dims85 Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 recently after my break up my grandma told me how my grandpa was not the best person for her but she made it work because she knew she would never get out of her small little town if she didn't marry him. She also said she never left him due to that was simply not what you did, divorce was not an option. She had gigs multiple times im sure but like everyone else has said before the times were different you were outcast if you got divorced, you took your lumps and kept on kicking. Just my little input to your question OP
GreenPolicy Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 There's been buzzwords all over LS. I'm surprised Multiple Personality Disorder hasn't made a comeback. Everyone last year had that. Look it up, then you can claim your ex now has M.P.D.G.I.G.S. Because people are too scared to think that they themselves may have played a role in the breakup. They'd rather label it, blame the ex, and keep making the same mistakes. Don't you know how self help works these days? You don't solve the problem. You label it, blame someone else, and keep spending money prolonging the problem. . We always need to take a good long look at ourselves and figure out what we did to contribute to the demise of a relationship. But in a lot of the stories I read on loveshack, there is a huge spectrum between the 19 year old girl that writes "OMG my first boyfriend just broke up with me and my life is OVER!!!!! OMG!!!" and the guy who writes "I've been married for 20 years with 3 kids and my wife just left me out of the blue." A lot of the stories I read on LS the dumpers are indeed jerks and behaved cruelly, even if we're only getting the dumpee's side of the story. In my own case, It's hard to figure out what I did to contribute to the demise of the relationship when five days before she dumped me she's telling me what kind of engagement ring she wants, she's telling me her parents want to meet mine so the future in-laws can get acquainted, we weren't fighting or not getting along, the dynamic of our relationship hadn't really changed. Of course I want to learn lessons and be a better boyfriend in my next relationship, but what can I do when she dumps me out of the blue and the last thing she says is "You're everything I ever wanted in a man, but I can't get married."
Art_Critic Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 M.P.D.G.I.G.S. or B.P.D.G.I.G.S. with some of N.P.D.G.I.G.S.
WTRanger Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 To reinforce how vague the terms of this crap is. A 24 year old girl who leaves her boyfriend of 3 years because he constantly beats her, she technically thinks the grass is greener. She know there's better things, therefore she has GIGS and is screwing over her current boyfriend because she wants to find better things. This whole thing is filled with logical fallacies and it's not like at your 25th birthday you get a present that says, "This is who you are so you won't have GIGS anymore." Here's BPD, so we can get back on this bandwagon. http://bpdresourcecenter.org/whatIs.html I qoute the above "In addition, individuals with BPD show great difficulties in controlling ragefulness; they are unusually impulsive, they fall in and out of love suddenly; they tend to idealize other people and then abruptly despise them. A consequence of all this is that they typically look for help from a therapist and then suddenly quit in terrible disappointment and anger." Oh, fell out of love. Must be 99% of the ex's on here have it. Tack on the GIGS and the fact that they broke up with their lover in World of Warcraft and now you've got B.P.D.M.M.O.R.P.G.G.I.G.S.
GreenPolicy Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 BPD is a real phenomenon, not a ego-saving label to spare a dumpee's feelings. I have nothing but compassion for somebody that has been involved with a Borderline. It's NOT the same thing as a relationship with somebody that runs its course because of a lack of compatibility or goals, or over time you drift apart or stop getting along.
sinnister Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 (edited) BPD is a real phenomenon, not a ego-saving label to spare a dumpee's feelings. I have nothing but compassion for somebody that has been involved with a Borderline. It's NOT the same thing as a relationship with somebody that runs its course because of a lack of compatibility or goals, or over time you drift apart or stop getting along. BPD is effin real. Imagine someone trying their hardest to get you to love them...then constantly fear that loss of love and the way they feel with that love, the so-called need. I mean, causes them pain..but you don't know what the hell it is, but that they react to some things very intensely and it takes a lot of talking down. Now fast forward to when they perceived they've been threatened and strike first? First there is confusion, just like so-called GIGS, then when they don't get their desired effect, which they don't even know but it's just for everything to stop testing them, they flip a switch and try to destroy you in every way possible, while get this, actually loving/stalking u same time. Should've thought of this so far earlier...but ex was actually listening to our favorite songs as she was calling cops on me I saw in retrospect...I mean wanted me out of her life forever, but... It's just too embarrassing to keep going on, I'm hoping it's the tamer GIGS or it's a chance to be painted white again, cause when we were good, we were really good. We weren't bad often, but it was usually some kind of fear that I was losing interest. Since it was a LDR that I was working so hard to complete, and I had a calmer yearn...just thought it was that, b/c we had some very good passionate nights. I mean 4-6 hour straight b---ers on Skype. You do this a lot and start to think it is real. Then priorities/friendships/morals completely change...in this case based on being in a hopeless/uncontrollable/unrewarding but temporary work situation. Her mum seems insane but warm when it's to keep her and deadened hubby around n maintain employment at such an advanced age. Unfulfilled but taking it out on everyone else n push/pull. Read up on BPD and BPD Waifs....this isn't some excuse...I mean, I don't know if it applied in my exe's case but she complained about every feeling in the DSM-IV checklist...in the beginning of the r/s after we'd shared the first Love You's. She then got scared and tried to disappear...then became committed to us. BPD's seek to get rescued and when they break-up, it's usually ugly, with an affair and the guy/girl is presented as some kind of savior, even if the r/s was good/great before. The ONLY bad with BPD other than the cheating is that they require way too much time to deal with their abandonment issues with their SO, and since they live out their perceptions, if they think you are going to leave, they strike first harder and they have low tolerance for naked stress, ie that which doesn't have a defined exit/motive that can be dealt with quickly. Usually too insecure to have many side projects even when talented and had them BEFORE you, they're time/emotional vampires and they split and discard when they're done with you...with the coldness of a cobra. Don't believe me, look up all many false police charges are those from people suspected of BPD and how GIGS symptoms seem the EXACT same w/breakups, cept these r ugly. It makes the person used feel empty b/c the person was beautiful and had they known triggers/splitting beforehand, which they don't...the person is usually is unsuccessful therapy, which mine was b/c they're scared to reveal what they feel inside to the therapists. Very secretive about their pasts. Now this was my exe. But this is textbook BPD too. Make up your own mind if it's a buzzword..but a pattern is science no? But I know I'm gonna get hate for this and it waters down my case for her back..cause she seemed crazy to the outside, but she was VERY intelligent...and these swings weren't really common..it was the yearning was..and when she was scared for us, like in a usual spat...mostly about space...they were intense..but there was love there, and a patience. But had I'd known...which is why giving all these blanket passes for aberrant behavior got to me and me here in the first place. Maybe we should stop either blaming the dumped...being jaded..and actually know that this world creates issues for us all..there are struggles that some of us win that others may lose, or they could be biologically prone to something we didn't know about 30 years ago..but it fits a pattern once thought as something else. It's a very bad time for lovers when we're here, and we either want to protect ourselves/bit of dignity or stop false delusions..but we must keep our minds open as we do. I wish the world was more black/white than it is..but you can't tell me normal human beings go from undying love to extreme hate in a week, unless you cheated. Edited May 29, 2011 by sinnister
mmiller5373 Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 (edited) I'm gonna go ahead and agree that too many people on this board label their ex as having G.I.G.S. However, WTRanger's beating example isn't a good example. Yeah, I'm sure the loser boyfriend would somehow find his way to this board, search for his ex's symptoms, and diagnose his ex to have G.I.G.S., but that's not the kind of relationship homebrew (or anyone else) is talking about when it comes to GIGS. We're talking about a nice relationship, where everything was perfect (almost), and then out of nowhere it all goes wrong. I mean, we can't trust that every dumpee on this site is totally telling the truth on their side of the story, but take stories like mine, GreenPolicy, suddendumpee... And ask, what did we do wrong? Was it loving our exes too much? I've taken time to look at my last relationship to realize what I did and didn't do wrong, and I can tell you with 100% certainty that I had nothing to do with the downfall of the relationship. Edited May 29, 2011 by mmiller5373
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