Lilmisus Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 If you were seeing someone who still used gifts that their former SO gave them, how would you feel about them or it? Could be anything: car, necklace, ring, watch, phone, book light, laptop, scarf, purse, wallet, toaster, etc. I don't ask really from personal experience, but I do know three guys who still use gifts that their ex gave them and are dating new girls. One friend said that he refused to ever get rid of a gift, no matter who it was that gave it to him (in his case, it was a watch with a tide graph on it), and said that he wouldn't get rid of it because he was dating someone else. The other guy, happens to be my ex, who still uses the watch (and wallet, jacket, and three other things) I gave him while we were together. I don't care anymore about it and I know it doesn't mean anything, but it makes me laugh to see him still sporting these items while walking around with his new girlfriend. I'm honestly just glad that they're getting used rather than being hidden away or pawned..the watch wasn't cheap.. Personally...if I dated someone who still used a gift from his past SO, it would depend on what the gift was, and it would also depend on where they stood with one another, for me to be "okay" with him using it or to not see an issue there. How would y'all feel? Would you say something? Do you still use gifts that your past SO gave you?
cerridwen Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 If you were seeing someone who still used gifts that their former SO gave them, how would you feel about them or it? Could be anything: car, necklace, ring, watch, phone, book light, laptop, scarf, purse, wallet, toaster, etc. I don't ask really from personal experience, but I do know three guys who still use gifts that their ex gave them and are dating new girls. One friend said that he refused to ever get rid of a gift, no matter who it was that gave it to him (in his case, it was a watch with a tide graph on it), and said that he wouldn't get rid of it because he was dating someone else. The other guy, happens to be my ex, who still uses the watch (and wallet, jacket, and three other things) I gave him while we were together. I don't care anymore about it and I know it doesn't mean anything, but it makes me laugh to see him still sporting these items while walking around with his new girlfriend. I'm honestly just glad that they're getting used rather than being hidden away or pawned..the watch wasn't cheap.. Personally...if I dated someone who still used a gift from his past SO, it would depend on what the gift was, and it would also depend on where they stood with one another, for me to be "okay" with him using it or to not see an issue there. How would y'all feel? Would you say something? Do you still use gifts that your past SO gave you? I don't care if he used the gift(s). I really pick my battles and that issue doesn't even rate. Also, past bfs have been very generous with me. I'd find it very odd if he had a problem with me using the Bluray player or wearing a certain pair of earrings. It reeks of insecurity to me. (Not you, just the issue of having a problem w/it.)
mogul Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I still use gifts my ex gave me. I'm sure she still uses the gifts I got her as well. The thing is, the people I'm dating now don't need to know that my ex got them for me. I feel it is a waste to get rid of them because they were quite pricey. I wouldn't let my future serious gfs know, but to me I still hold some meaning to the gifts she got me. They represent a time when her and I were two people in love, and she took the time and consideration to get me these gifts. Guess you never forget your first real love.
sanskrit Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 As long as it's not a vibrator, I'd be fine with it.
welikeincrowds Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I was going to make a joke about a cock ring but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Author Lilmisus Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 I don't care if he used the gift(s). I really pick my battles and that issue doesn't even rate. Also, past bfs have been very generous with me. I'd find it very odd if he had a problem with me using the Bluray player or wearing a certain pair of earrings. It reeks of insecurity to me. (Not you, just the issue of having a problem w/it.) I agree with you. While we were together, he used a few things his previous girlfriend gave him or that he got her. The biggest thing was he still had a little dog he got for her, that she refused to take with her when she left. I loved that little dog and was actually sad when he gave it away I had no issue with it, but then again, I also knew he loathed the dog for all it stood for and couldn't wait to give it away. But I do know of several couples, especially older ones who go through divorces, who hate the idea of "letting" their SO have anything that could remind them of previous relationships. Take for instance, the new wife/husband of a recently divorced man/woman who forces him/her to buy a new house (to not live in the one "they" shared) and buy new furniture and whatnot to start a new life together. There are plenty of stories like that, sadly. Hard not to wonder how many people here would react like that.
Sabali Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Some of my most precious pieces of possessions are gifts from exes. I wear and use them because they were great gifts and I like them. I do not offer the story behind the origin to the person I am dating now but she definitely has nothing to fear or worry about something given to me by people I no longer have contact with and have not had contact with for years. Why stop wearing something such as a nice, expensive watch that receives so many compliments and you enjoy wearing because someone in your past bought it for you?
Star Gazer Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I don't care if he used the gift(s). I really pick my battles and that issue doesn't even rate. Also, past bfs have been very generous with me. I'd find it very odd if he had a problem with me using the Bluray player or wearing a certain pair of earrings. It reeks of insecurity to me. (Not you, just the issue of having a problem w/it.) I agree with this. The watch I wear every day was quite pricey, and was a gift from my last ex (Skiman). I also have a bracelet and ring from another ex that are common, almost every day pieces.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 i still use the things my ex gave to me. it's not like i pine for him everytime i use them. the only thing i gave him back was the diamond ring lol. he was actually being a b*tch about it when we broke up because he wanted me to give him back the xbox that he gave me. what the eff? i have given him lots of watches and he didn't offer to give it back (not that i wanted to, a gift is a gift) but his audacity to ask for the things he gave me as gifts really made me mad.
carhill Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Recently, my best friend and his wife had dinner with my exW and her boyfriend in the home she received from our divorce, fully stocked with nearly everything from our marriage, right down to the china and silverware. I asked him how it felt to see our former home in a new location. He responded 'you're just bitter'. We both laughed. So, anecdotally, her live-in BF clearly has no issues with her using anything from our M, gift or otherwise (and there were a lot of gifts). Nor does she. It all works out. On my end, looking around, I see the important lesson from our M that, absent one onyx ring and the iPod she bought me for my BD while we were separated (strange but true), there are no gifts at all here from her for me to use. I just smiled. Clarity
vsmini Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I assume my ex still uses his wallet I gave him a few months before we broke up. It's a good leather wallet and it will probably last for a few years. My last ex was a complete jerk so I find that I can't wear any of the jewelry he gave me because the memories are so bad. I wouldn't mind if my current BF wore wallet/shirts/coats from his ex. I doubt he's thinking and drooling over her every time he uses them.
Sabali Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Recently, my best friend and his wife had dinner with my exW and her boyfriend in the home she received from our divorce, fully stocked with nearly everything from our marriage, right down to the china and silverware. I asked him how it felt to see our former home in a new location. He responded 'you're just bitter'. We both laughed. So, anecdotally, her live-in BF clearly has no issues with her using anything from our M, gift or otherwise (and there were a lot of gifts). Nor does she. It all works out. On my end, looking around, I see the important lesson from our M that, absent one onyx ring and the iPod she bought me for my BD while we were separated (strange but true), there are no gifts at all here from her for me to use. I just smiled. Clarity Sorry about this, man, but I genuinely appreciate these anectdotes. It helps me to continue to feel good about my decision to remain a bachelor. A toast to all of the George Clooney wanna-bes...
tigressA Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I don't care about gifts from exes. I had/have some stuff from exes that I use. My LTR-ex got me a book light that I use pretty regularly, as well as a set of satin sheets that I used for more than a year after we split, until I graduated to a bigger bed. (Can you imagine the awkwardness if I casually mentioned "Oh yeah, my ex bought me these sheets" to a new bed partner? ) There's probably other stuff that I can't recall right now.
phineas Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I think it's best not to volunteer the source of anything I have to women i'm dating. But for some reason women feel the need to tell me. I don't care for the most part, but do take notice if she has a lot of stuff from guys she still knows that are "just friends". I don't give those women anything. They got plenty of other friends who give them stuff. LOL!
Art_Critic Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I was going to make a joke about a cock ring but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Performance issues Using gifts from another relationship is just fine... What isn't fine is someone asking for that pair of jeans or necklace to be thrown away because of their own insecurity. My wife on occasion wears jewelery from her past.. Our house has things in it from her previous marriage and from mine as well.. I would think that if the gift was intimate.. like a vibrator.. that should hit the trash can though..
threebyfate Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 The only gifts ever dispensed with, were my rings symbolizing the prior marriage. They were recast as other pieces of jewelry which are still worn today. My attitude is that gifts are freely given and once given, belong to the giftee and they can do whatever they want with them since they're only material goods. I've seen some of my exes using gifts given and thought nothing of it, with the reverse holding true. There are far more important things in life than worrying about trivialities.
Sivok Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Here is my opinion. If you have gifts from an ex, don't state their origin. I was gifted and cursed with a strong memory and a vivid imagination. If I'm in love with a person, I understand that I may not have been their first, but I do not need a constant reminder of it. I'm a very secure person, but I can't help looking at those earrings and thinking what her reaction may have been upon receiving them and the intimacy that followed. Yeah, it's a specific issue I personally may need to work on, but that vivid imagination of mine is a pain in the ass in that regard. And no, I don't expect infidelity at all interms of my imagination if she's not answering her phone or what have you - but my mind tries to capture that image of the past each time she's carrying a memoir of it. If you have stuff from your ex, just don't say it was from your ex - out of respect if anything.
veggirl Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I gave back a necklace to an ex once when we broke up. Totally will not do that again! I have jewelry from an ex that I wear on a regular basis. I didn't wear it for a while after we broke up cause it reminded me of him and all that, but now it's just another piece of jewelry I wouldn't care if I was dating someone who was using gifts from an ex. How would I even know? I don't ask where they get their stuff
TheyCallMeBruce Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I don't have enough stuff to throw useful items away.
Recommended Posts