Titania22 Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Hey Guys, Any of you who have been keeping up with my addicted thread, know that in the last few days, I have been consciously think negative thought about the subject of my addiction in order to get over it. But I haven't been trying to be negative about all men. In the past week and a half, in an effort to meet some new people (given that I have been feeling really housebound, and have limited options meeting new people until I start Uni in July), I spontaneously decided to reactivate my okcupid account and open a plentyof fish account. At first it seemed like fun, but now I feel very jaded, I just don't trust the legitimacy of the guys I have been corresponding with. One I worked out was just some troll pretending to be someone else. And it makes me think another one i have been responding with might also be a troll pretending to be someone else. (Given that he apparently has cracked vertebrae in his spine, and a broken webcam, but wants me to buy a webcam and skype with him.) And then there is the guy, who is over the top interested. I should be happy i guess, but it is too much. Since the first moment he messaged me he has been full on with the compliments (you're so beautiful, we have such a good connection, i am so happy i found you, i can't wait to meet you). Our first date is tonight, we had to wait a week, because he is very busy doing his masters. So he messages me last night, I have been thinking about you everyday, I even had a dream about you. To 6:30am this morning, I am just getting home now (from partying), and i couldn't stop thinking about you all night. So he worked all yesterday, stayed up all night partying, is working today, and we are supposed to be having our first date tonight, and all I can think is he will either a)collapse from exhaustion, b) he is on drugs or c) he is throwing back those energy drinks and will be completely wired. Any one of these things tells me I don't want to be on a date tonight, and coupled with the obsessive fixating on me when we have never even met, it saddens, because this is the only guy who has been genuinely interested in me. If you guys have any perspectives that I am not seeing here, I would appreciate them. I don't want to go around seeing only the faults and potential scams every guy might be running. But at the same time, I don't be naive.
sanskrit Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 The ones you want will 1) ask for your phone number on the second contact, 2) call you, chat for 10-20 minutes then ask you on a date, 3) not text, call, gush, etc. before that date. Then once you meet, you are in traditional dating land. The dating sites are just a database of records, they don't become people until you meet them and confirm to your satisfaction that they are in fact available for dating and who they say they are. The guy you have a date with tonight has problems, either he is a wannabe PUA who isn't good at it, emotionally unstable and clingy, or extremely inexperienced in dating. Not a good bet sorry to say, the good ones will not insult your intelligence with BS from the start. How could he possibly know you or anything meaningful about you at this point? Sometimes I think women want to be fooled and apply gullibility as just another kind of makeup.
Author Titania22 Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 Yeah Sanskrit, My thoughts exactly. While he was gushing all the compliments, i was kind of thinking, 'do you think i am that stupid to believe it?", or "are you that naive, that you actually believe it?", or "are you trying to speed through the getting acquainted so you can get to the sex?" None of these things are good. And to think he is 29yrs old, much older then I would have previously given a chance. Other guys I have spoken to besides the 3 i mentioned above, were overly interested straight up and then faded after the first conversation.
sanskrit Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Sorry you are having a bad streak then, how many substantive, well written emails are you getting? If not enough, then maybe some work on your profile is in order. There are tons of normal good men out there dating online, you just have to stick around long enough to let them find you, or if you are assertive, start writing outbound notes to quality profiles.
Author Titania22 Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 Sorry you are having a bad streak then, how many substantive, well written emails are you getting? If not enough, then maybe some work on your profile is in order. There are tons of normal good men out there dating online, you just have to stick around long enough to let them find you, or if you are assertive, start writing outbound notes to quality profiles. Really? In Sydney? Okcupid doesn't seem to have a large enough database for sydney, I like the way it works, they just seem to lack users. Plenty of fish seem to have tons of people, but from the brief look I took (between the incoming barrage of illiterate messages), the profiles look short and the search criteria quite limited. Do you think I should dig deeper with plentyof fish, or can you suggest another free dating site?
sanskrit Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Spend the money for match, the free sites are full of fakes and trolls, at least with match you know they paid money to be a fake or troll
Author Titania22 Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 Well tonights date has been cancelled, he had a family emergency.
Author Titania22 Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 I thought I would just make an update about that guy I was going to go on a date with, but he cancelled. Well oviously he was creepy with the whole "i've been thinking about you everyday and I dreamt about you" stuff. I wrote him a polite goodbye text on the sunday, after so many many red flags (not even counting that mentioned above). "Hello 'name' I did a bit of thinking, and I decided im not ready for something like this but I did enjoy talking to you, thanks for everything and goodbye" And today, thursday he sent me a text "I'm in hell :(" Now he never met me, and only had 2 conversations with me. I didn't think, I called the number to find out who it was, and it was him. I'm like "who is this?" and he's "you didn't delete my number" and I'm "I did" and hung up. He starts texting me how I am not a nice person, etc. So lame! Some people are so delusional. In the past I would have been upset and wanting to defend myself from his accusations, but now I know he is just projecting.
Blood Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I thought I would just make an update about that guy I was going to go on a date with, but he cancelled. Well oviously he was creepy with the whole "i've been thinking about you everyday and I dreamt about you" stuff. I wrote him a polite goodbye text on the sunday, after so many many red flags (not even counting that mentioned above). "Hello 'name' I did a bit of thinking, and I decided im not ready for something like this but I did enjoy talking to you, thanks for everything and goodbye" And today, thursday he sent me a text "I'm in hell :(" Now he never met me, and only had 2 conversations with me. I didn't think, I called the number to find out who it was, and it was him. I'm like "who is this?" and he's "you didn't delete my number" and I'm "I did" and hung up. He starts texting me how I am not a nice person, etc. So lame! Some people are so delusional. In the past I would have been upset and wanting to defend myself from his accusations, but now I know he is just projecting. You did use an obvious lie to dump him so he is kind of right about not being nice.
Blood Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 And to think he is 29yrs old, much older then I would have previously given a chance. How old are you?
Author Titania22 Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 You did use an obvious lie to dump him so he is kind of right about not being nice. Well considering I have given up any desire to date right now, or have a relationship, I don't see how it is a lie. Second would it have been much nicer, to be rude and perhaps point out all his red flags to him, or maybe I should have gone NC, and just ignored any attempts he made to contact him. You tell me, what was to nicest way I could have got away from this person. How old are you? I am 38. How is that relevent?
Blood Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Well considering I have given up any desire to date right now, or have a relationship, I don't see how it is a lie. Second would it have been much nicer, to be rude and perhaps point out all his red flags to him, or maybe I should have gone NC, and just ignored any attempts he made to contact him. You tell me, what was to nicest way I could have got away from this person.Is it better to be nice or honest? I am 38. How is that relevent? For the purpose of contrast since you are very touchy about age.
Author Titania22 Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 Is it better to be nice or honest? Good point! Given my conversations with him earlier, he doesn't hear the truth when I give it to him. I had 2 very honest conversations with him, and he didn't take in anything I said. Some people are a waste of breath. Trust me, I would have got a ton more hate thrown at me if I had listed out his red flags. (I know justifying right, but not necessarily inaccurate anyway) Since he completely turned me off both him and finding someone, my polite response was actually a truthful one. For the purpose of contrast since you are very touchy about age. I still don't see the relevance. Call me stupid but you may have to spell this one out for me.
ChessPieceFace Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 And to think he is 29yrs old, much older then I would have previously given a chance. I am 38. How is that relevent? ........ I was giving you the benefit of the doubt until this. I am kind of at a loss as to why a 38 yo woman would only want to date guys, what, 25 or younger? And then think they are the ones in the right. And also be looking for maturity. So, yeah, I really think you're getting what you deserve here, complaining about the immature actions of the men you're trying to date.
Author Titania22 Posted June 2, 2011 Author Posted June 2, 2011 ........ I was giving you the benefit of the doubt until this. I am kind of at a loss as to why a 38 yo woman would only want to date guys, what, 25 or younger? And then think they are the ones in the right. And also be looking for maturity. So, yeah, I really think you're getting what you deserve here, complaining about the immature actions of the men you're trying to date. Actually that guy was 29, knew i was 38 and contacted me.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 ........ I was giving you the benefit of the doubt until this. I am kind of at a loss as to why a 38 yo woman would only want to date guys, what, 25 or younger? And then think they are the ones in the right. And also be looking for maturity. So, yeah, I really think you're getting what you deserve here, complaining about the immature actions of the men you're trying to date. What's your problem dude? She can date who she likes. It's OK for men to prefer 20 year olds but not OK for women? Give me a break
Blood Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 What's your problem dude? She can date who she likes. It's OK for men to prefer 20 year olds but not OK for women? Give me a break Of course she can date who she likes but let's not pretend it is the same. I still don't see the relevance. Call me stupid but you may have to spell this one out for me. When one makes an issue out of a quality one seeks in a partner then it does relate back to that same quality in the seeker. Also with the way you worded your post it appeared as if you were one of those 18 year girls who would freak out if they had to spend an evening with anyone over 22.
thatone Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 The ones you want will 1) ask for your phone number on the second contact, 2) call you, chat for 10-20 minutes then ask you on a date, 3) not text, call, gush, etc. before that date. Then once you meet, you are in traditional dating land. The dating sites are just a database of records, they don't become people until you meet them and confirm to your satisfaction that they are in fact available for dating and who they say they are. The guy you have a date with tonight has problems, either he is a wannabe PUA who isn't good at it, emotionally unstable and clingy, or extremely inexperienced in dating. Not a good bet sorry to say, the good ones will not insult your intelligence with BS from the start. How could he possibly know you or anything meaningful about you at this point? Sometimes I think women want to be fooled and apply gullibility as just another kind of makeup. agree with this completely. for online purposes i'll of course wind up sending the first message, the follow up after a reply is equal to (but no more) than what she revealed and both my number and a request for hers. that's it. normal people see online dating as nothing more than the first hurdle of meeting people, after that it's just like anything else. would you be attracted to some guy who walked up to you in a restaurant or store and told you he dreamed about you? probably not. this is no different, imo.
Shaun-Dro Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 agree with this completely. for online purposes i'll of course wind up sending the first message, the follow up after a reply is equal to (but no more) than what she revealed and both my number and a request for hers. that's it. normal people see online dating as nothing more than the first hurdle of meeting people, after that it's just like anything else. would you be attracted to some guy who walked up to you in a restaurant or store and told you he dreamed about you? probably not. this is no different, imo. I had a dream about a girl I only met once. Stranger things happened.
thatone Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I had a dream about a girl I only met once. Stranger things happened. yeah but you wouldn't tell her that the next day .
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