Pinkphone Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 So....my ex texts me every morning when he gets up and then calls me every night before bed. Sounds promising, right? I thought so too, so I decided it would be a great idea to surprise him one night by showing up at his place even though we havent seen each other in many months. (Long distance relationship). Well he acted polite enough when he opened the door and saw me but then that faded and he started to act panicked and made it clear that I would have to leave soon because he was going to bed. Then things got kinda ugly when I pleaded that he let me simply crash on his sofa for a few hours until morning. He insisted that I leave and I stormed out of his apartment, pretty furious. He chased after me and unhappily relented to letting me stay until early morning. I begrudgingly accepted his not so kind offer. At this point, the night actually turned pleasant, we had a nice chat before sleep and when I left early the next morning he acted as though he didnt mind my staying longer, but I left as early as I could. Of course a million apologetic texts followed where he apologized profusely about how he acted. And everything went back to "normal", texting me every single moring and calling me every single night. I dont understand? Why does he contact me so much and in such a "boyfriendy" way when he doesnt even want to see me?? Does anyone understand this????
Livelovelearn Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 im sorry it wasnt right of you to show up unexpected..as i read that i thought "stalker" which im sure you r not but thats how u came off..i think after that u should let him do all the contacting and go low contact you r coming off as pushy let him chase u
soapopera Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 He probably DOES want to see you, why else would he text you, but showing up uninvited probably shocked/scared him. It sounds like he panicked and didn't know what to do, I mean, seeing your ex for the first time, let alone a surprise visit in the middle of the night that you did NOT see coming, when you are completely unprepared, is unsettling and probably scared him. Fear/running away is often a typical panic repsonse, so it's not surprising he told you to go away.. just my thoughts. So he's normal-acting because he does care, and wants some level of positivity, but my thoughts are showing up and surprising him probably scared him. Maybe he wasn't ready to see you. When I see my ex, I have to psychologically prepare myself for days, and if he showed up at my door I would absolutely drop DEAD
TaraMaiden Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 How long have you been broken up? I take it he dumped you? You do realise you should go complete No Contact, don't you? Why on earth would you want to stay in touch with someone who's yanking your chain, throwing you breadcrumbs and alleviating his own guilt, when he obviously has no intention whatsoever of getting back together with you? He's contacting you to make himself feel better, not you.
betterdeal Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 I dont understand? Why does he contact me so much and in such a "boyfriendy" way when he doesnt even want to see me?? Does anyone understand this???? Because he wants to have a relationship with the you in his head, not the you in the real word. The you in his head is perfect for him. He and she never have rows or do anything that hurts one another, and if they do, the him in his head is cool about it and turns it into a positive. Him in his head is getting along fine with you in his head. Imagine life before texts / emails / phones. The way you contacted people then was either by talking to them or by letter ( which took time to write and arrive and cost money to send ). That's real life. Virtual life is what's in his head, and it's seeping out, down the phone to you in the mornings and evenings. Next time he texts, call him and tell him you'd like to meet up, or you'd like him to stop texting you - whichever you prefer. The point is to call him and talk directly about what you want. These small talk texts and calls are just ways to pass the time, to fill the emptiness inside. Don't turn up unannounced and don't be his emotional sponge, sopping up his mess as and when he feels the need. Let go.
selena_cat Posted June 3, 2011 Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) im sorry it wasnt right of you to show up unexpected..as i read that i thought "stalker" which im sure you r not but thats how u came off..i think after that u should let him do all the contacting and go low contact you r coming off as pushy let him chase u I'm sorry but to that response and the one afterwards,thats a bunch of fat crock! The guy texts her day and night and pretends he's interested and then freaks out when she shows up at his door?? This reminds me of this story I read on one of these relationship books of this wierd guy who had a set day during the week to meet this woman he's dating for 6 months and then take her home right on the dot. One day there happened to be a terrible snowstorm,he couldnt take her home-even though he enjoyed her company immensely and the feeling was mutual. He totally freaked out when he couldnt take her home,he did his best, called cabs,the police,the road patrol,he'd even call the National Guard just to get this woman out of his house. Not sure if he called a hotel,still there was no way to get anywhere bc of that snowstorm. He wouldnt let a dog out in that weather,much less someone he 'cared' anout. Talk about wierdo. When i read the op's exes reaction the first thing I thought,uh oh theres another woman. But if thats not the case,he shouldnt have reacted that way,not if he claimed to like her. Now i'm not saying that she should keep showing up at his door,but still what does this guy really want? Does he really want a relationship or a text buddy? And why hasnt he invited the OP to visit him at all? I say he just wants a text buddy,I wouldnt pay any attention to him, because she can be texting this guy till the stars from Heavens fall to the Earth in the next millenia and nothing will come out of it. Edited June 3, 2011 by selena_cat
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