Cabin Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I was wondering - for curiosity's sake more than anything - how much time most AP spend with their MM... I know all A are unique, as are the people in them, and I wondered how unique the allocation of time and activities (what you do together) is too.. My MM and I work together every day, but apart from that, we eat breakfast together usually twice a week before work, we meet 2-3 x's a week after work for a visit, and then we see each other usually two nights a week. All in all, we spend an enormous amount of time together. When we talk about our plans to legitimize our relationship, I know it's based on the fact that we do know each other very well just based on sheer "face time" over the last two years. It's interesting to compare my A with my M... when first dating my H, we spent a lot of time together, but mostly in social circles with other people. We didn't spend a whole lot of time just sitting around the two of us. As our M has progressed, that time together has grown smaller and smaller. With my AP, we really can (and sometimes get a chance!) spend hours upon hours together and always want more. Anyway, just curious!
Gentlegirl Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Your marriage probably followed the natural progression of marriages. When you know you have each other, you don't hang around all the time. Life goes on in an oridnary fashion. Yes, sometimes, it can get tedious and feel unexciting, but it is a permanenet relationship. Marriage deepens into understanding of each other, acceptance and real friendship. I know, I had a really solid marriage for 31 years. THAT'S REAL LIFE, Affairs on the other hand, are temporary and as such, you feel you need to make every moment count because it might be the last. Believe me, it is easy to show somebody your nice side when you only spend a small amount of time with them. No matter how well you think you know him it's not 24/7. Thrown in is the excitement of the sexual attraction . All in all it is a rose coloured glasses situation, a fantasy with no real basis. I know... I had one of those for 3 years recently and it ended up in tears as they usually do. It can be wonderful at times, but in the end he is MARRIED AND HAS HIS OWN LIF WHICH DOES NOT INCLUDE YOU... and that real life too. Gentlegirl
2sunny Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 why not put that kind of time and energy and focus on your marriage? YOU are essentially shortchanging the M... if you choose not to - why not divorce - so your H can find the happiness you show towards your MM? you are the roadblock... why stay? why string two men along meanwhile with no commitment to either one? how is that right to either man? that's not happy.
2sunny Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 if you intend to leave your H - then leave. then we shall see if your MM makes the effort to be free and be with you. most of them freak out - because then they know YOU expect them to leave as well. then they withdraw from the OW - because she has expectations he knows he's not going to fulfill. what's the plan?
thissecretgirl Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Hi Cabin, I will answer the question you asked in your op, since so far no one has. I am no longer in my affair and when it began we were in different countries. In those days we spent around 4 hours a night chatting on MSN and relied on long phone calls and emails too. When I first moved to Australia I didnt live that close for the first 6 months and would see each other twice a week, once mid week and once at a weekend, inbetween we would chat daily on the phone and msn. Later I moved and at that point we saw each other pretty much every day.
Author Cabin Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 Thank you for your reply! While I am grateful for any replies, I do really appreciate the ones that align with my post and the questions I am posing. Have a good night.
jj33 Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 We spent most of the week together (M-F) we were able to stay at each others place, it was coming home after work, dinner evenings waking up the next morning breakfast etc. Not all week every week but a couple of nights a week and sometimes we were able to have lunch together sometimes with other people, sometimes alone. We didnt work for the same company but our offices were just a few minutes away from each other. Some evenings we were out with other people for some portion of the evening, it was normal everyday life. So I spent as much or more time with him as I did with single men I dated I just didnt typically spend weekends with him. During the time that we were together, it worked really well. Cabin it sounds like you are trying to distinguish the idea that people say you dont know the AP because you dont get to spend much time together. There are a lot of people who arent sneaking around spending little time together as shown by another thread started recently.
fooled once Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Your marriage probably followed the natural progression of marriages. When you know you have each other, you don't hang around all the time. Life goes on in an oridnary fashion. Yes, sometimes, it can get tedious and feel unexciting, but it is a permanenet relationship. Marriage deepens into understanding of each other, acceptance and real friendship. I know, I had a really solid marriage for 31 years. THAT'S REAL LIFE, Affairs on the other hand, are temporary and as such, you feel you need to make every moment count because it might be the last. Believe me, it is easy to show somebody your nice side when you only spend a small amount of time with them. No matter how well you think you know him it's not 24/7. Thrown in is the excitement of the sexual attraction . All in all it is a rose coloured glasses situation, a fantasy with no real basis. I know... I had one of those for 3 years recently and it ended up in tears as they usually do. It can be wonderful at times, but in the end he is MARRIED AND HAS HIS OWN LIF WHICH DOES NOT INCLUDE YOU... and that real life too. Gentlegirl Great post and so realistic. I know so many mistresses like to think they know the mm so well, better than the wife, etc. Do mistresses not realize the mm did all this plus more when he dated his wife? Do you really think you are the. "only one" he has spent time with and talked to? And of these cheaters, how many are parents? Why are they not spending tine with their kids? They will only have so much time with those kids before they grow up .... Mistresses will hang around forever. Shows how truly crappy these men are for choosing the sex time with the mistress versus spending time with the kudos, at the park, teaching them to ride a bike, reading, homework, etc wonderful dads For me, he was separated for the 1st year of our 2 year time together. We worked at the same place for that year. Saw him daily at work, he came over most nights for dinner and we spent weekends together (the day and night - not just a quick drive by). I always pity the many mistresses who rely on texting or emails or webcams as their communication. How sad
Breezy Trousers Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 (edited) Your marriage probably followed the natural progression of marriages. When you know you have each other, you don't hang around all the time. Life goes on in an oridnary fashion. Yes, sometimes, it can get tedious and feel unexciting, but it is a permanenet relationship. Marriage deepens into understanding of each other, acceptance and real friendship. I know, I had a really solid marriage for 31 years. THAT'S REAL LIFE, Affairs on the other hand, are temporary and as such, you feel you need to make every moment count because it might be the last. Believe me, it is easy to show somebody your nice side when you only spend a small amount of time with them. No matter how well you think you know him it's not 24/7. Thrown in is the excitement of the sexual attraction . All in all it is a rose coloured glasses situation, a fantasy with no real basis. I know... I had one of those for 3 years recently and it ended up in tears as they usually do. It can be wonderful at times, but in the end he is MARRIED AND HAS HIS OWN LIF WHICH DOES NOT INCLUDE YOU... and that real life too. Gentlegirl True. Interesting question, Cabin. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law are professionals at the top of their fields with three great teenagers. Wonderful, happily married couple. Anyway, my sister-in-law -- who was busy organizing her son's high school graduation party -- overhead her husband telling my husband about firing a longtime administrator who had yet another affair with a subordinate. My sister-in-law turned to us and said, "Hey! I've always wondered -- how in the @#!*% do people have time for affairs anyway? Seriously! I'm too busy with working, maintaining a household and being a wife and a mother for all that frivolity." She had a point. I ended up not having an affair but often wondered while in early love fog: If I cross the line here, then what? It wasn't just the thought of lying to my husband and to friends, family and workplace everyday. I had to consider how I would shoehorn an affair into my already busy life. And I don't have kids. I can understand how single women without kids can create space for secret love affairs. My girlfriend is one of these and is in her 3rd year of an affair. Her problem is that she doesn't see enough of MM, who calls all the shots. He's a professional with two teenagers and a wife -- and is always running out the door to pick up his 13-year-old daughter from soccer practice after their 20-minute sexual trysts. (Yeah. Even she says this is disgusting to her.) He makes it clear he doesn't have time. Edited May 28, 2011 by Breezy Trousers
DCMNW Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 When I was in an affair with xMM, we would see each other outside of work once or twice a week. At work, we would go out for coffee in the mornings or grab lunch together (once a week or so). I hardly ever saw him on weekends. Otherwise we talked on the phone multiple times a day and texted alot.
Breezy Trousers Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Y And for all the married couples who give their so superior speak, you're not superior, just married. If that comment was directed toward me -- I certainly wasn't implying that married people are superior, though I could see how you might interpret my comment that way. In fact, I think I may have gone on the record here by saying that two of the happiest, most successful people I know are both single women. Married people naturally have responsibilities to spouses and, sometimes, kids which single people needn't be concerned with (unless they are single parents, of course). The more accountable you are to other people, the less time you tend to have. In no way does this make married people superior.
Author Cabin Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 My sister-in-law turned to us and said, "Hey! I've always wondered -- how in the @#!*% do people have time for affairs anyway? Seriously! I'm too busy with working, maintaining a household and being a wife and a mother for all that frivolity." I can understand how single women without kids can create space for secret love affairs. My girlfriend is one of these and is in her 3rd year of an affair. Her problem is that she doesn't see enough of MM, who calls all the shots. He's a professional with two teenagers and a wife -- and is always running out the door to pick up his 13-year-old daughter from soccer practice after their 20-minute sexual trysts. (Yeah. Even she says this is disgusting to her.) He makes it clear he doesn't have time. Hi Breezy, For me, I made the time by literally giving up all television. I don't watch one minute of TV now, ever. I used to watch TV probably every after my D went to bed, but now my H and I alternate going out in the evenings. (Please no judgment about us not spending that time together -- there is something very very lacking in our relationship and that is why we spend less and less time together.) Also, I started getting up earlier in the morning to go for breakfast. And I also reprioritized my time immediately after work... I used to work EXCESSIVELY and stay hours after I needed to be there. Now I spend some time with MM - focus still on work sometimes -- and still get home in time to make a family meal, play with D, clean the house, and do all my domestic duties. I'm sad to hear of your friend's 20 minute trysts... I have been very fortunate in this regard. When we make love, it's usually when we've blocked of 3-4 hour periods of time to be together. On the rare occasion when we've had quickies, it always left me feeling a little empty after.
Author Cabin Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 You know these threads always make me wonder why people start them in the first place... Is it to show that your R is so much better than someone else's? Or give the poster peace of mind? Quite frankly, the MP will find the time if made to, and if not, well, that's when the term crumbs comes in..../ Hi Elphaba, Please know I didn't start this thread with any negative intent AT ALL. This A is the first and only "cheating" relationship I have been or ever will be in and I have no one to really talk to about it. One of the common themes I've found on LS (while reading through back threads) is that MM never leave their wives, all A are fantasy and not based on anything real, and any perceived compatibility/suitability/actual soulmateship is just some pipe dream in the OW's head. Reading here has actually made me a bit paranoid!! Anyway, I had a conversation with MM a while back and he brought up the time thing. He said that there are few currencies in life that actually mean very much in the end. And the one currency that speaks volume - at least to him - is time. He is an incredibly busy man, father, professional, etc. He does not take time away from his children to be with me. He does not take time away from doing his job properly to be with me... but he does offer me almost all of his free time outside those two priorities. He seeks out opportunities for us to spend time together - in non-sexual ways - and we love each other's company. As you may know, I posted on here that we are in the process of each getting MC to end our marriages and be together. I know some people will criticize me and him for not spending all that time with our spouses... citing the fact that if we spent that time with our spouses our marriages would be better... but what if that's just not true? We each met our spouses in our early 20s. Since then, we've both grown and changed dramatically in our professional and personal lives while our spouses have stayed fairly stagnant. When I commit to spending evenings with my H, there is literally NOTHING to talk about. My AP has been having the same experience for years as well. My MC told my H and I that all the time in the world isn't going to change the fact that he and I don't think about anything the same, aren't interested in any of the same things, and want almost entirely different experiences out of life. Anyway, I'm rolling off topic here... I guess I'm trying to justify that sometimes you just do find a much better partner in your AP, and sometimes it is real, right? If we spend almost no time together, or all of our time was spent in bed, then I wouldn't be so sure. But I really would like to hear others' insights! Thanks.
Breezy Trousers Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Hi Breezy, For me, I made the time by literally giving up all television. I don't watch one minute of TV now, ever. I used to watch TV probably every after my D went to bed, but now my H and I alternate going out in the evenings. (Please no judgment about us not spending that time together -- there is something very very lacking in our relationship and that is why we spend less and less time together.) No, no judgment here. It is what it is. I had to laugh at your comment about TV. Your response makes perfect sense. We do bleed out time in many ways -- TV, internet, etc. Also, I started getting up earlier in the morning to go for breakfast. And I also reprioritized my time immediately after work... I used to work EXCESSIVELY and stay hours after I needed to be there. Now I spend some time with MM - focus still on work sometimes -- and still get home in time to make a family meal, play with D, clean the house, and do all my domestic duties. I work excessively, too, which is why I pondered this in my own experience -- how to fit it all in. Again, your response makes sense. I'm sad to hear of your friend's 20 minute trysts... I have been very fortunate in this regard. When we make love, it's usually when we've blocked of 3-4 hour periods of time to be together. On the rare occasion when we've had quickies, it always left me feeling a little empty after. My dear friend is not in a typical affair, Cabin. I know many affairs are not like hers, and I knew before you posted that your affair in no way resembled hers. Her MM is not loving or supportive. She instituted NC again this week and actually deleted three years of e-mails, pictures, etc. She's very brave. Fingers crossed.
RecordProducer Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 My MM and I work together every day, but apart from that, we eat breakfast together usually twice a week before work, we meet 2-3 x's a week after work for a visit, and then we see each other usually two nights a week. What does two nights mean? Evenings or entire nights? It sounds like two nights and two breakfasts; the rest of the time you're not alone, right? Just comparing it to the dating phase with your husband. we really can (and sometimes get a chance!) to spend hours upon hours together and always want more.Well, if you marry your MM, you will be spending much more time together - except for two mights and two breakfasts a week, which will be resreved for his next affair.
Author Cabin Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 What does two nights mean? Evenings or entire nights? It sounds like two nights and two breakfasts; the rest of the time you're not alone, right? Just comparing it to the dating phase with your husband. Well, if you marry your MM, you will be spending much more time together - except for two mights and two breakfasts a week, which will be resreved for his next affair. We don't spend overnights together, so we might do two breakfasts, then on different days two evenings, etc. We see each other every day of the week, seven days, one way or the other. While I can appreciate your humour about a "next affair", I will never find myself in this position again. Though I'm grateful to have met AP and sad that this was the way, I will never entertain an A again because it is very emotionally draining at times. But I do not regret it.
RecordProducer Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 While I can appreciate your humour about a "next affair", I will never find myself in this position again. Though I'm grateful to have met AP and sad that this was the way, I will never entertain an A again because it is very emotionally draining at times. But I do not regret it.I wasn't talking about YOU having an affair - I was talking about HIM. Are you both getting divorced? What are the plans, any young kids? While I agree affairs are wrong (and as you said yourself you wouldn't want to even engage in one in the future, let alone to be the betrayed spouse), I do want to hear of at least one happy ending affair here on LS. I mean, ultimately, people get divorced, kids get traumatized and people re-marry - how is that different from affairs other than the fact that the couple met while they were still married? I get it, cheating is wrong, but I am talking about LEAVING to legitimize the affair. In fact, it might be better for the kids (and the married couples, too) to have parents who cheat than parents who leave. Sometimes being stuck in the wrong marriage seems to be the only wrong thing in the whole ordeal.
Author Cabin Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 I wasn't talking about YOU having an affair - I was talking about HIM. Are you both getting divorced? What are the plans, any young kids? While I agree affairs are wrong (and as you said yourself you wouldn't want to even engage in one in the future, let alone to be the betrayed spouse), I do want to hear of at least one happy ending affair here on LS. I get it, cheating is wrong, but I am talking about LEAVING to legitimize the affair. In fact, it might be better for the kids (and the married couples, too) to have parents who cheat than parents who leave. Sometimes being stuck in the wrong marriage seems to be the only wrong thing in the whole ordeal. I am not worried about either of us cheating if we were a legitimate couple. Neither of us has cheated on anyone in the past, and I firmly believe that if we hadn't met each other, we wouldn't have cheated. We take care of each other emotionally (and physically of course) in very natural, magnetic-chemistry kind of ways and neither of us ever had or have this in our mutual marriages. But neither of us knew any better when we selected our MPs. Normal people cheat - I'm not talking about egoists or serial cheaters here - because they have essential needs unmet. If we were ever legitimate, we have discussed the importance of meeting one another's needs on all levels. Some might ask why we don't just do that with our MPs then? Well, my H is not capable of meeting many of my needs -- not intellectually (sounds snobby, but it's true), not emotionally, and not physically. We just don't have "it", you know? With my AP, the connection was instantaneous and overwhelming. It's funny to me that there are relatively few success stories on LS about As becoming legitimate. I personally now know of 11 couples that began as APs while one or both partners were married. And I don't know a ton of people or anything, so I think it happens much more than people realize. Successful As turned into real relationships likely don't publicize how it happened, so many times I think people just don't know. My AP and I discuss our options at length - his biggest worry is doing irreparable damage to his children and always feeling that his decision to be happy in love will harm them dramatically. I certainly don't want to do harm to his children, or my D either. But he said that staying in his marriage would ONLY be for this children, which both of our MCs have said is a bad idea. In the end, he'd end up leaving when they grow up, and he'd have wasted all that time. Plus the MC said kids sense that burden, they sense the lack of a real relationship between their parents. When crying one night to him about the pain of wanting what's best for our children (without ever being able to say for sure what that is) and what's best for everyone involved (which many of you know isn't nearly as simple as some people like to think), my AP said that if he ends up spending his life apart from me, he's going to end up like Heath Ledger's character in Brokeback Mountain at the end... a broken man living a small life void of the joy only one's soul partner can truly ever fill. You'd have to know my AP to know the sincerity of that statement.
waytogo Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I am not worried about either of us cheating if we were a legitimate couple. Neither of us has cheated on anyone in the past, and I firmly believe that if we hadn't met each other, we wouldn't have cheated. We take care of each other emotionally (and physically of course) in very natural, magnetic-chemistry kind of ways and neither of us ever had or have this in our mutual marriages. But neither of us knew any better when we selected our MPs. Normal people cheat - I'm not talking about egoists or serial cheaters here - because they have essential needs unmet. If we were ever legitimate, we have discussed the importance of meeting one another's needs on all levels. Some might ask why we don't just do that with our MPs then? Well, my H is not capable of meeting many of my needs -- not intellectually (sounds snobby, but it's true), not emotionally, and not physically. We just don't have "it", you know? With my AP, the connection was instantaneous and overwhelming. It's funny to me that there are relatively few success stories on LS about As becoming legitimate. I personally now know of 11 couples that began as APs while one or both partners were married. And I don't know a ton of people or anything, so I think it happens much more than people realize. Successful As turned into real relationships likely don't publicize how it happened, so many times I think people just don't know. My AP and I discuss our options at length - his biggest worry is doing irreparable damage to his children and always feeling that his decision to be happy in love will harm them dramatically. I certainly don't want to do harm to his children, or my D either. But he said that staying in his marriage would ONLY be for this children, which both of our MCs have said is a bad idea. In the end, he'd end up leaving when they grow up, and he'd have wasted all that time. Plus the MC said kids sense that burden, they sense the lack of a real relationship between their parents. When crying one night to him about the pain of wanting what's best for our children (without ever being able to say for sure what that is) and what's best for everyone involved (which many of you know isn't nearly as simple as some people like to think), my AP said that if he ends up spending his life apart from me, he's going to end up like Heath Ledger's character in Brokeback Mountain at the end... a broken man living a small life void of the joy only one's soul partner can truly ever fill. You'd have to know my AP to know the sincerity of that statement. I happen to agree with both your MC's. Children do know something is wrong. I believe it is healthier for them to have happy parents who live separately than growing up to believe 'you make your bed and lie in it.' May I ask what is stopping you two? You want to be with each other. You have proffessional blessing for the children. You have personal knowledge from 11 couples that worked out after an A situation. What is holding you both back from what you really want?
26pointblue Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Great post and so realistic. I know so many mistresses like to think they know the mm so well, better than the wife, etc. Do mistresses not realize the mm did all this plus more when he dated his wife? Do you really think you are the. "only one" he has spent time with and talked to? And of these cheaters, how many are parents? Why are they not spending tine with their kids? They will only have so much time with those kids before they grow up .... Mistresses will hang around forever. Shows how truly crappy these men are for choosing the sex time with the mistress versus spending time with the kudos, at the park, teaching them to ride a bike, reading, homework, etc wonderful dads For me, he was separated for the 1st year of our 2 year time together. We worked at the same place for that year. Saw him daily at work, he came over most nights for dinner and we spent weekends together (the day and night - not just a quick drive by). I always pity the many mistresses who rely on texting or emails or webcams as their communication. How sad My xMM was by his own admission not a good dad when we were together. :-( I feel he is a good dad in terms of loving his kids & providing for them & wanting them to be happy, but it's almost a selfish kind of love, where he wants their love & to show them off but he's not really consistently there for them on a 24/7 basis because he's out doing his own thing. This was true before our affair & while we were on breaks & he was out drinking, so, Idk if he's ever been a 'good' dad by the second definition . . . he says he was when they were little but then as they got more independent, he lost focus. Towards the end of our affair he was telling me that his wife's conditions for getting back together were that he could not go out & drink or hang out with anyone who drinks etc. [Although then she let him back home even though he was still doing those things, so, maybe she won't stick to it]. I think this would honestly be best for him in terms of being a father. So that is an additional reason I'm glad the affair is over. And I myself, although not a parent, have a lot to work on that requires staying away from xMM. I guess my point is that an affair to me anyway seems to encourage a lot of other bad behaviors that aren't good for the person or the family or overall goals. Yeah inherent to affairs is lying, sneaking around, living a double life -- none of that is good for anyone! -- but then with the affair I was involved in at least there was a lot of drinking, staying out late, escaping into each other & other things etc. All of this took time away from his kids & his business, & for me it took away from the quality of life I'd like to have. To answer the question it depends on what point of the affair I look at. Before D-Days we would see each other constantly -- every single day, sometimes all day, sometimes all night. It didn't feel like an 'affair' because I saw him so much-- much more than his wife & kids. :-/ After D-Days things would calm down & I'd see him sporadically when he was able. We would skip work which was not smart in order to spend time together, we would have happy hour or dinner & then he'd get home by a respectable hour, or he'd stop by on his way to work instead of or before going to the gym, & bring me breakfast or coffee etc. Looking back it was a lot of work & stress to be able to see him & for what. A quick shag & some mushy talk is what it boiled down to in the end after one too many D-Days. I'm not saying he didn't genuinely care about me but his priority was keeping up his image at home & I feel to very last place, whereas before I honestly felt I was the first priority in his life [which was bad for his kids]. I hope this helps, Cabin. Just my experience.
Silly_Girl Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I know so many mistresses like to think they know the mm so well, better than the wife, etc. Do mistresses not realize the mm did all this plus more when he dated his wife? I so wish my boyfriend had experienced that. Truly, I do I always pity the many mistresses who rely on texting or emails or webcams as their communication. How sad Out of the affair I still use texts a lot, occasionally even when in the same room.
Author Cabin Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 I know so many mistresses like to think they know the mm so well, better than the wife, etc. Do mistresses not realize the mm did all this plus more when he dated his wife? Do you really think you are the. "only one" he has spent time with and talked to? I, like SillyGirl, wish that was true for my AP... but the nature of his relationship with his wife was not a typical romance, they started out as acquaintances, then dated casually out of convenience. He is gearing up to tell her, at the counsellor's, that he was never really in love with her, not even in the beginning.
Silly_Girl Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I, like SillyGirl, wish that was true for my AP... but the nature of his relationship with his wife was not a typical romance, they started out as acquaintances, then dated casually out of convenience. He is gearing up to tell her, at the counsellor's, that he was never really in love with her, not even in the beginning. Sad isn't it. In my case they worked in a specialist field, all socialised together as a group, drifted toward one another (both shy) and when everyone else had gone off to live/work elsewhere there seemed no real reason to split, yet it was never fun and fuzzy. Very safe and convenient. And what was expected.
Windblue Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I still see my mm, we are still living together...and have been for a while. I see him every night and every morning...he now comes home to me.
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