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Don't know if it's too late

Timmy2

By Timmy2
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Timmy2 New Member

Timmy2

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Hi All,

 

I'm 32 years old. My girlfriend broke up with me in February after a year of going out after telling me she thinks she doesn't love me as much as I love her. It ripped me to shreds and I was crying a lot. I had never loved anyone as much as I did her.

 

I loved her very much so decided I want to remain friends with her. Then after reading many forums I decided to go with NC. I told her we had to stop speaking for a while but she continued with small talk txts, emails, facebook postings etc. I had written her a letter in the mail telling her how much I still loved her and we met up and spoke and again she said we couldn't back together "right now". I know it's stringing me along with those words but why would she say that?

 

Anyway, after that finally went 3 weeks of NC. One night I was in bed and "spoke to the universe" that I still loved her and if she hears me to give me a sign the next day. If she did I would ask her to dinner. Of course the next day she IMs me I know you don't want to talk to me but just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. So I said I was going to call you later actually - don't want to talk on IM. I asked her out later that night and she agreed.

 

We went to dinner - I kept it very casual with no talking about our relationship. After dinner we planned on one drink. It ended up many more drinks, we were making out on the dance floor and went back to her place and slept together. Next day she says it was a mistake. However we continued to talk and got dinner with no drinks another night and again ended up in her bed. This happened a few times now and haven't really discussed it. We've continued to IM/txt almost daily.

 

A lot of my pain has gone away but even though I see her often I miss her. The last time I slept with her she said this is going to end up bad. A week ago we went to a ballgame together but I didn't go back to her house. Since then I have not spoken to her (albeit only a week). I miss her very much but have resisted IMing, txting, etc. (we are currently not facebook friends which is a good thing).

 

We do have two running races coming up (in June and July). I didn't start running because of her but she def inspired me. She is basically doing those races b/c of me. I say this because they are shorter than what she is capable of and is there for support.

 

My questions are:

 

1) Can NC with hopes of getting back together still work? I know getting back together shouldn't be the primary purpose but that question lingers in my head.

 

2) Should I maintain NC even though we're doing the same race? Or can I have short casual conversations just so it won't be ackward at the race.

 

3) I thought about buying her a gift for being an inspiration to me....when she went away 2 weeks ago I brought her to and from the airport and she bought me two nice presents while she was gone. I don't want to buy her love I just want to make a nice gesture.

 

Thanks for listening to my rant. Appreciate any input!

 

Tim

Johnny85 Established Member

Johnny85

Posted
Posted (edited)
Hi All,

 

I'm 32 years old. My girlfriend broke up with me in February after a year of going out after telling me she thinks she doesn't love me as much as I love her. It ripped me to shreds and I was crying a lot. I had never loved anyone as much as I did her.

 

I loved her very much so decided I want to remain friends with her. Then after reading many forums I decided to go with NC. I told her we had to stop speaking for a while but she continued with small talk txts, emails, facebook postings etc. I had written her a letter in the mail telling her how much I still loved her and we met up and spoke and again she said we couldn't back together "right now". I know it's stringing me along with those words but why would she say that?

 

Anyway, after that finally went 3 weeks of NC. One night I was in bed and "spoke to the universe" that I still loved her and if she hears me to give me a sign the next day. If she did I would ask her to dinner. Of course the next day she IMs me I know you don't want to talk to me but just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. So I said I was going to call you later actually - don't want to talk on IM. I asked her out later that night and she agreed.

 

We went to dinner - I kept it very casual with no talking about our relationship. After dinner we planned on one drink. It ended up many more drinks, we were making out on the dance floor and went back to her place and slept together. Next day she says it was a mistake. However we continued to talk and got dinner with no drinks another night and again ended up in her bed. This happened a few times now and haven't really discussed it. We've continued to IM/txt almost daily.

 

A lot of my pain has gone away but even though I see her often I miss her. The last time I slept with her she said this is going to end up bad. A week ago we went to a ballgame together but I didn't go back to her house. Since then I have not spoken to her (albeit only a week). I miss her very much but have resisted IMing, txting, etc. (we are currently not facebook friends which is a good thing).

 

We do have two running races coming up (in June and July). I didn't start running because of her but she def inspired me. She is basically doing those races b/c of me. I say this because they are shorter than what she is capable of and is there for support.

 

My questions are:

 

1) Can NC with hopes of getting back together still work? I know getting back together shouldn't be the primary purpose but that question lingers in my head.

 

2) Should I maintain NC even though we're doing the same race? Or can I have short casual conversations just so it won't be ackward at the race.

 

3) I thought about buying her a gift for being an inspiration to me....when she went away 2 weeks ago I brought her to and from the airport and she bought me two nice presents while she was gone. I don't want to buy her love I just want to make a nice gesture.

 

Thanks for listening to my rant. Appreciate any input!

 

Tim

 

1) The main issue that I have with using no contact as a way of getting her back is that you will continuously be thinking about her. Yes, NC will allow her to miss you but it will not allow you to heal if there is constantly a future date set in your mind when you will contact her. It will only drag out the process of getting over her. You already miss her after only one week; imagine how you will feel after 4 weeks (with the intention of breaking NC because your NC plan backfired). Odds are not in your favor of getting her back. I am willing to bet, however, that she will miss you and unless she is really stubborn, she will contact you. Why? Because she still likes you and letting go is hard.

 

2) There is no reason why you should act any differently towards her just because of this. Be polite, the nice and caring guy that she knows you to be. Remember, no games. While it is possible to influence another person, you have to work on accepting that she has a free will and has chosen not to be with you (right now). The sooner you accept that she is out of your life, the more attracted she will feel towards you when/if she decides to come back.

 

3) I think that this is up to you. If you had the gift of knowing the future, and you knew that you would never be together with her again, would you still buy her a gift? Are you OK with just being her friend? You may be influenced by the rule of reciprocation (because she gave you something, you feel obligated to give her something). If you are alright with just being her friend, and you don't expect anything in return, I think giving her a small gift is a nice gesture.

 

 

I hope this helps! Good luck at the race:)

Edited by Johnny85
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Timmy2 New Member

Timmy2

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Thank Johnny. I did write her this morning to enjoy the holiday weekend wherever she is and what she's doing. I don't plan on anything else until the race. I really need the NC to properly heal which I haven't been able to till now. (She already wrote back "thanks! you too". I'm leaving it at that.)

 

I would still buy her the gift knowing we would only be friends. I actually thought of buying the gift before she bought me mine. I just don't want her thinking I bought it because I want her back.

 

For the record I would love to have her back but am not banking on it. Besides two weeks ago I haven't asked her to come back since we first broke up in Feb. I have asked her if she's thought about me and the possibility and she says all the time. I think it's cause we have been hanging out sporadically and I'm in her head. The question was usually posed while we were in bed. I won't ask her anymore and will assume it's a no unless she says something to me.

 

Thoughts?

Johnny85 Established Member

Johnny85

Posted
Posted
Thank Johnny. I did write her this morning to enjoy the holiday weekend wherever she is and what she's doing. I don't plan on anything else until the race. I really need the NC to properly heal which I haven't been able to till now. (She already wrote back "thanks! you too". I'm leaving it at that.)

 

I would still buy her the gift knowing we would only be friends. I actually thought of buying the gift before she bought me mine. I just don't want her thinking I bought it because I want her back.

 

For the record I would love to have her back but am not banking on it. Besides two weeks ago I haven't asked her to come back since we first broke up in Feb. I have asked her if she's thought about me and the possibility and she says all the time. I think it's cause we have been hanging out sporadically and I'm in her head. The question was usually posed while we were in bed. I won't ask her anymore and will assume it's a no unless she says something to me.

 

Thoughts?

 

Hi Timmy. You're welcome! I wish there was a magical formula for getting her back that I could share with you. Unfortunately, I am in the same boat as you are, and I have been struggling with getting over my ex myself. I have been doing a lot of research on the topic and have reached the conclusion that the best thing to do is to let her be (this will allow you to heal and become the man that any woman would feel attracted to emotionally). Allow her to make the decision (whatever is best for her) on her own. This is easier said than done, but unless she has a change of heart soon, this is the only thing that you can do for yourself at this stage.

 

I cannot advise you not to be her friend or to avoid seeing her. That is up to you to find a way that works best for you. You still think about her romantically, and as long as that is the case, you will always have higher expectations of what might be than her.

 

 

Have you read the laws of attraction thread? :)

 

Cheers,

 

John!

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Timmy2 New Member

Timmy2

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So I went to pick up my bib for Sunday's race on Thursday and as I'm walking out of the building I see the ex (mind you this is NYC and she is rarely ever in the city). We get her bib and we both haven't eaten lunch so we grab a sandwich and sit on a stoop somewhere. I'm being very aloof - don't ask about anything remotely close to relationship, other dudes, other girls, etc. She mentioned she was going to the beach Saturday (which we did a lot of last year) and I mentioned how none of my friends go to the beach. We go to part our ways and I say call me if you want a partner for the beach Saturday - she says "we'll see". I knew it was a mistake the second I said it and felt worse when I heard the "we'll see" cause we all know that means no. Wasn't so much upset that she said no but the fact that I gave her any power to say so. I probably will see her Sunday for the race. I don't really know the point of this post - maybe just wanted to vent. It's now coming up on 4 months of actually being broken up though only 3 weeks since I last slept with her. The pain is absolutely gone but I still miss her tons.

 

Also, have still been in contact with cousins of hers plus her sister, not to talk about her or anything, but just cause I really got to like them and have developed a friendship. Should I stop that??

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Timmy2 New Member

Timmy2

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Basically have been NC for 3 weeks save for the race which was minimal chatting and me sending her a pic from the race. Today is the Belmont Stakes and I'm going with my friends and she was supposed to go w hers. They bailed on her and now she texted me asking if I'm still going. Should I just ignore her, tell her I'm going but its best she doesn't join me. I would love to hang w her but I also want her to know I'm having fun without her.

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Timmy2 New Member

Timmy2

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I didn't end up making plans with her for the Belmont - I was tempted to go look for her but I resisted. Apparently she IMed me the other day asking how the Belmont was. I didn't see it but wouldn't have responded. Yesterday I went to a baseball game and she texted me at 9pm "Everything ok?" I didn't answer - an hour later "hellllllo?" I didn't answer.

 

This morning she IMs me "[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#677788]seriously - i know you dont want to talk to me but are you okay"

 

[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]I can't be a dick so I just respond I'm ok. She asks if I promise - I say yeah of course why would you think I'm not. She responds with "you weren't responding to me" and that she was worried about me and that she doesn't like when I don't text her back. I told her that I know and that it takes a lot for me to not respond. She took that as a compliment....

 

We IMed for a little more but then I cut her off and said I can't do this. I need time. Us talking does not help me heal.

 

Why is she so confusing? She knows I don't want to speak to her but she she wants to know if I'm ok like 3 days in a row...

 

I think she finally gets that I want NC (but then again she said she knows I don't want to talk to her but txted/IMed me anyway). She worries about me, she cares about me or is she just selfish and doesn't want to feel guilty, or is there a possibility or reconciliation?

 

I've been going on dates, hooking up, working out - but I still friggen miss her. This SUCKS!

  • 1 month later...
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Timmy2 New Member

Timmy2

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a little update - and need some advice (maybe)

 

About a week after the Belmont I bumped into her in a bar - this happens way too often for NYC - bumping into someone that often. She was all over me and vice versa. Her hands running through my hair, hands everywhere, etc. We made out a couple times for a few seconds before she realized what we were doing. We drunk txted later that night how great it was to see one another, bla bla bla and then it turned into a late night call. I asked her out - she said "is it a good idea" I said yes so she said ok. A few days later we spoke again and she said she would go out but not as a "date" and "no expectations". I told her I didn't want to just be friends. I told her I have to go NC again until July 9th when we were doing another race together. We had also discussed a wedding I wanted her to go with me to prior to this and decided to not to do it. We both knew we would end up sleeping together all weekend and unless we got back together it would only set me back.

 

I met up with her for the race on July 9th. Had breakfast with her after the race. It was pretty tough on me. I almost started crying because I do miss her so...everything I think about her gets confirmed when we hang out. All the good, silly and the bad and stupid that make me love her.

 

We exchanged a couple of emails after that only to send each other pics from the race.

 

We had a casual exchange the other day when I commented on her friend's pic on facebook.

 

So I went to the wedding this weekend and had a great time. It was a beautiful place, danced like it's my job, and saw a lot of people I haven't in a while. I wanted to txt the ex like a million times but was strong enough not to. This morning she texts me "how was the wedding"? I didn't answer. I want to but I don't think I will. Is this another breadcrumb. Why does she do this?

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Tim

wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

Posted
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She keeps doing this because you opened the door to being friends with her. If you see her out in public again, how about just leaving and finding another place to go to.

 

She told you she does not want to go on a date with you, its pretty much crystal clear. Ex's hook up with each other. It happens, thats why you all did what you did but in the end thats all it is. Just a hookup if it happens

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Timmy2 New Member

Timmy2

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So was the txt this morning a breadcrumb? Do I just ignore?

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