JJ The PUA Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 It's OK to have high standards, but if you have near impossible standards you'll find yourself being single for a LONG time. For example, I know a girl who will only date guys 6'6" and above with model looks and money out the wazoo (like net worth of $10,000,000 or more). The kicker is that she's only a little above average looking and expects to land a wealthy model. She's passed over some really great guys because they didn't meet her nealy unreasonable standards.
EyesWideOpen Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 ok mom. I am surprised that a seemingly intelligent and mature person would respond to EasyHeart's comment in this manner. She makes a perfectly valid point - often times when a person (or even a couple) acts in a manner that is suggestive that they are better than other people, are arrogant, or are self-absobed...they can be met with criticisms and assumptions that degrade their character. Rather than dismissing this viewpoint, perhaps you should reconsider how it is that you and your s.o. come off towards other people. Perhaps it is partly antogonized on your part. Perhaps it isn't. Note she didn't directly accuse you of being condescending, did she? So why lash out at her comment...ironically, in a condescending manner. Perhaps her comment applies more to you than you would like to admit. Your response certainly casts this as a possibility.
Author FlowerGirly Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 I am surprised that a seemingly intelligent and mature person would respond to EasyHeart's comment in this manner. She makes a perfectly valid point - often times when a person (or even a couple) acts in a manner that is suggestive that they are better than other people, are arrogant, or are self-absobed...they can be met with criticisms and assumptions that degrade their character. Rather than dismissing this viewpoint, perhaps you should reconsider how it is that you and your s.o. come off towards other people. Perhaps it is partly antogonized on your part. Perhaps it isn't. Note she didn't directly accuse you of being condescending, did she? So why lash out at her comment...ironically, in a condescending manner. Perhaps her comment applies more to you than you would like to admit. Your response certainly casts this as a possibility. Well I responded that way because she didn't clarify what it is she felt I was being condescending about. My response "ok mom" was meant to be light hearted. Not a big deal.
Bertram Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I meant standards more in the way of a persons character, or how someone treats you as a person. Those things, to me are way more important than the physical. Sure, everybody has different standards. Being fit, just like being successful, tells a lot about your character so it's not simply a physical attribute.
KR10N Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I am surprised that a seemingly intelligent and mature person would respond to EasyHeart's comment in this manner. She makes a perfectly valid point - often times when a person (or even a couple) acts in a manner that is suggestive that they are better than other people, are arrogant, or are self-absobed...they can be met with criticisms and assumptions that degrade their character. Rather than dismissing this viewpoint, perhaps you should reconsider how it is that you and your s.o. come off towards other people. Perhaps it is partly antogonized on your part. Perhaps it isn't. Note she didn't directly accuse you of being condescending, did she? So why lash out at her comment...ironically, in a condescending manner. Perhaps her comment applies more to you than you would like to admit. Your response certainly casts this as a possibility. How in the world did you get all of this from "ok mom"? Not a very insulting comment. In fact, not at all.
Author FlowerGirly Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 Sure, everybody has different standards. Being fit, just like being successful, tells a lot about your character so it's not simply a physical attribute. Being fit doesn't always tell a persons character...there are health reasons why some people are not "fit"
fishtaco Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I meant standards more in the way of a persons character, or how someone treats you as a person. Those things, to me are way more important than the physical. Right... If I could have a nickel every time I hear this... Anyway, successful men = pretty women. Men and women are equally superficial, just in different ways. You got yourself a successful man, high-five. I'm looking for a woman with "character" myself. Hopefully people will be making comments that I'm only with her because she has a nice rack. Then I'll respond with "But even though that is a plus, I'm actually with her because I love the person she is." Not trying to make fun of you, but just pointing out how generic this is. This is what everyone says. Like I said, if I could have a nickel...
Author FlowerGirly Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 Right... If I could have a nickel every time I hear this... Anyway, successful men = pretty women. Men and women are equally superficial, just in different ways. You got yourself a successful man, high-five. I'm looking for a woman with "character" myself. Hopefully people will be making comments that I'm only with her because she has a nice rack. Then I'll respond with "But even though that is a plus, I'm actually with her because I love the person she is." Not trying to make fun of you, but just pointing out how generic this is. This is what everyone says. Like I said, if I could have a nickel... Well, I wasn't being generic. I was being sincere. My bf won't be every woman's cup of tea, but I like him just fine.
Bertram Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Being fit doesn't always tell a persons character...there are health reasons why some people are not "fit" Well, I feel sorry for them but so what? There are also reasons other than character why some people are not educated or successful. It seems you are considering your standards to be "nobler" than mine and I don't understand why.
musemaj11 Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Haha, this woman is such a hypocrite. For her its good for women to judge a man by his success but its not good for men to judge a woman by the way she looks. Credibility shattered.
KR10N Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 This thread is on its way to being locked. I just know it.
fishtaco Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Well, I feel sorry for them but so what? There are also reasons other than character why some people are not educated or successful. It seems you are considering your standards to be "nobler" than mine and I don't understand why. This is very typical. If you reworded your standard to women-speak, but essentially say the same thing, then she would accept your standard. Like for example, someone that is capable of setting and reaching goals. The fitness is just a "bonus", but it shows her character - she's not a quitter, and she's capable of accomplishing difficult tasks in life. Man-speak: She's got a hot body. Same thing.
musemaj11 Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 A gold digger is if you want someone who has the money that you yourself dont have. If you have just as much money as the person you want, its not a problem. Many people today choose to get with equals.
EyesWideOpen Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 A gold digger is if you want someone who has the money that you yourself dont have. If you have just as much money as the person you want, its not a problem. Many people today choose to get with equals. That's a pretty craptastic definition...and an incorrect assumption. A gold digger is someone who's motivation for being with someone based solely (or at least mainly) due to that person's wealth. There's a HUGE difference between simply not having money, and actively pursuing someone because of their wealth. By your definition, my Mom is a gold digger...because she makes 20k a year and my Dad makes ten times that. It ignores the fact that she sacrificed her own education and career to put him through college and to raise his children. By your definition two of my best friends shouldn't be dating. She makes half of what he makes. But in reality, she's with him because she adores him...and she's more than capable of taking care of herself without him. And he adores her and sees her as a valuable addition to his life and great potential as mother to his children. I'm in a relationship with a guy who...although educated...makes quite a bit less than I make. I work in a high paying field. He works in an average paying field. So should I just dump him under your definition that he's a gold digger because the money isn't equal? That would make me ignorant for putting a price tag on a relationship. The reality is that he's a great guy. He pays for a majority of our outings of his own voalition. He is fully capable of supporting himself. And he has displayed time and time again that he his interest is in *me*.
OliveOyl Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 The thing with "standards" is they may have very little or no correlation with what actually makes you happy in a relationship. You could end up very lonely with a tall hottie earning six-figures if you haven't figured out what you really want and need.
OliveOyl Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I want a beautiful, educated and rich wife. Be careful what you wish for. You could have all that but she could end up being an ice-cold frigid b*tch. Rich may only keep you warm at night by buying a fancy electric blanket.
musemaj11 Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Be careful what you wish for. You could have all that but she could end up being an ice-cold frigid b*tch. Rich may only keep you warm at night by buying a fancy electric blanket. I see ugly, uneducated, and poor ice-cold frigid b*tches all the time. I'll take the alternative.
NeoGen85 Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I see ugly, uneducated, and poor ice-cold frigid b*tches all the time. I'll take the alternative. This made me laugh so hard. But anyway. At this point in life I've been proven wrong so many times about a lot of things. I just want a woman who knows her history, can take care of herself, and accepts me for who I am. My sister is a good example of all this. She has high standards and when her ex-boyfriend became content with his life she thought he was settling for less simply because he never finished his degree and she felt he lost his ambitions. He is a simple blue-collar man who's responsible, and can take care of himself. He's intelligent, and very kind. Not to mention he loves life. Now..every time she dates someone new there's this brief period where she reminiscences about her ex. He was everything she wanted accept for being "ambitious". What's funny is I work with him, and he makes way more money then most educated men in their mid/late 20s. And she graduated from an excellent college and still slaves at a desk still paying college loans, etc. But I can still understand why you have high standards and that's okay. Our parents have taught us that(mine in fact have). But sometimes you can miss the diamond in the rough. I actually have a friend who's even worse. For some reason her standards are too high, yet we don't know what they are. I went out to bar and there was a young commissioned Navy officer who could get any women he wanted. He was took shy to get my girl-friends attention and asked advice from me. When he offered to get her favorite drink at the bar she insisted I sit between them because she was not impressed. Yet she complains that she can't find a good man.
MrNate Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 This thread is on its way to being locked. I just know it. Yep. I'm not even sure what the purpose of this thread is.
Sanman Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Nothing is wrong with having high standards. Have whatever standards you want. There are no standards police. As for arguing about what those standards should be..who cares? Have the wrong standards and the only person who is unhappy is you. Ask Neogen85's sister apparently.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 don't listen to what other people say about why you are with him. once you listen to them and apologize or try to reason out, then you're just making yourself look defensive and guilty.
627 Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 the thing is that, if you want to set high standards, you are expected to meet them yourself, or to be of high value, otherwise I'd personaly see it as unjustified arrogance. example off the top of my head... a barely high school graduated person who does not date except people with university education... or a person who can't keep a job only wants to date rich people
Ross MwcFan Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 As a woman, I have high standards when it comes to the men I date. I have always been attracted to men that are well spoken, educated and successful. Men like this, in my experience, know how to treat women with respect and dignity. My current boyfriend, has his faults, like anyone else, but he also has the qualities I admire. He is very intelligent, cultured, successful and well mannered. I'm asking this question because since I have been with my boyfriend, sometimes people make comments that I'm only with him because he is successful. But even though that is a plus, I'm actually with him because I love the person he is. Nothing wrong with having high standards unless it really limits your success with dating and relationships.
Disillusioned Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I want a beautiful, educated and rich wife. People in Hell want ice water.
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