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What Does This Mean?


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Posted

Ok...here's the scoop......my boyfriend broke up with me about 3 1/2 months ago (we dated for over 2 years). Since the break-up he has never really left me alone. I had not talked to him in about 1 month and I ran into him at a bar. He gave me the whole story about how he missed me and wanted to fix things. We spoke until 3 in the morning and left it with him saying he wanted to make things right. I did not hear from him after that for a whole week until I finally called him and asked what was up. To make a long story short, he told me that he "didn't remember" saying that he wanted to fix things. Totally denied ever saying that but remembered everything else and said he meant everything about missing me and us!! Keep in mind....this guy is 25 years old!

 

Since then, I have caught him sending me fake emails under someone elses name (ie. I checked the IP address!), and when I told him I knew it was him, he made up some contradicting story.

There's more......

 

He contacted me about 2 weeks ago asking for his jersey (that hardly fits me and that I thought he gave me). When I didn;t respond b/c I was so busy...he called me and emailed me for it. I told him I would leave it on the porch for him to pick up b/c I was not going to be around. He didn;t like the idea of having to come to the house and asked if I had any ideas. I told him no....and I guess he didn't like the response b/c he emailed me and said KEEP IT!!

 

I am trying to figure out what his motives are!! I always thought he had insecruities and a control issue. Not sure what to read into this. Does he really want me back or is he just trying to get the last word in? Why would a guy who broke up with me be constantly contacting me? Having a hard time dealing with this....maybe because he won;t let me move on?

 

Any ideas men and women?

 

 

HELP!!

Posted

It would appear to me that he is too stubborn to admit he made a mistake by breaking it off with you. admition of wrongness on his part might make you feel good about yourself..wouldn't want that to happen...him wrong ..forget it. it seems he has insecurities, therefore he must keep you below him.

 

he keeps in contact with you...asking for stuff back, he is saying "i don't really want to end things with you..i thought you would have come and begged me back by now."

just my wisdom, i could be wrong.

 

anyway good for you, keep him at a distance and move on with your life, i doesnt sound like you need advice, your handling things quite well.

if he keeps bugging you for stuff give him one last shot to give you a list of his wants, tell him if he doesn't retreive it by xxxx date, everything if left to you donate or throw away.

no more BS no more talk, no reason to communcate.

  • Author
Posted

Many people have said the same thing about him..........it just kills me that he can let his pride get in the way! It makes me wonder what he really wanted out of our relationship.....LOVE OR CONTROL AND POWER!!

 

I am interested to hear what any of the guys or any other girls have to say about this!

 

Come on guys...now is your chance to voice your manly opinion!!:)

 

Guess it is safe to say a guy will never crack and put his feelings first before his stupied pride?

Posted

Do you want him back?

 

Curt

  • Author
Posted

I know what you are going to say......if I don;t want him back then why do I care right??

 

I guess there is a part of me that wants to see if he wants me back! The fact is that I would never go back to him on my own b/c if I did there will always be a part of me that wonders why he is taking me back (ie. he did the breaking up). Is it really because he wants to fix things, or is it just what he wanted in the first place....to break up with me and then have me "crawl" back to him. Which is actually what it seems to be what he wants right now....by the way he has been acting since he broke it off.....

 

Make sense?

Posted

I think that the best you both can do at this point, is to give each other time.

 

Yes, it may (in part) be stubborn pride on his end Blueeyes. Given two things you've offered:

I guess there is a part of me that wants to see if he wants me back!

and

...is it just what he wanted in the first place....to break up with me and then have me "crawl" back to him. Which is actually what it seems to be what he wants right now....by the way he has been acting since he broke it off...

 

Honestly, I suspect that in both of your hearts, each wants the other to a certain extent. However, I also feel that pride is now intermingled with the desire you both have...resulting in both of you not wanting to have to "give in" to the other.

 

My feeling on love is quite simple, really. Love should never come second to one's pride. If, at some point during a relationship (or during a cooling off period) pride is the only thing that is holding each to the other (or, similarly, keeping each other apart) then either or both partners have, for whatever reason, not kept focus on what was so important in their love to start with.

 

Perhaps in a period of time, you both might see that you cannot live to be apart from each other, and you will choose to come back together. At that point, love will be the reason you rekindle your bonds together...pride will have fallen away, suborned by your desire to be part of each other's lives. This will undoubtedly lead to a relationship of much stronger resolve that you had before.

 

Alternatively, if time proves merely to magnify either of your feelings of pride, such that one (or both) is emblazened NOT to "give in," then your love was perhaps not strong enough, and moving on would be best at that juncture. Embrace the good times you both had, and move on, devoid of bitterness, to find that love that endures.

 

My best to you both.

 

Curt

Posted

I totally agree that pride should not come second to love. When I realized I still love my ex very much and wanted him back, I just told him so. Even after he declined, I am not ashamed to show that I still love him very much, as in I do not see any need to deliberately hide it or to put on an act that I am over him. I am proud of my love for him and it is a wonderful feeling to know that you love someone so completely.

 

Of course there are the sad moments too, but I still think it's a beautiful thing to know that you were willing to go through anything for someone because of the simple fact that you love him or her.

 

Even if in the end he turned out to be just trying to be a jerk, you can pity him for not being able to appreciate the true beauty of love.

Posted

Blueeyes,

 

A Guys Opinion:

 

This guy sounds like a dumbass. I say initiate the launch sequence, and proceed with the no contact rule. Anyone who is smart enough to figure out IP adresses can find a better guy than a moron who can't leave someone alone after they dump them.

Posted

Can we say commitmentphobe? Take Steven Carter's Men Who Can't Love off the shelf sometime and read through it. Guy's textbook.

 

-- uriel

Posted

Your ex is playing games with you. And I totally dont think he wants to get back with you.

 

If he did want you back... he would have asked for that and done it long time ago.

 

People who love each other can not keep apart.

 

Move on and forget the a** clown.

  • Author
Posted

Hey guys....

 

Things have really taken a different turn since my first post. This past week......I was told that my ex bf and his 2 buddies were jumped and attacked outside a bar by about 20 guys (presumed to be a gang by the cops). He was stabbed 3 times and his friend took 65 stiches to the head. He is doing ok....but now....its one of those things for both of us where its "we are coming to realize how petty somethings are" and it was a wake up call for both of us.

 

We have spent the last couple of days together, and talking everyday.......just not sure what to make of this right now. It freaked me out that I almost lost him and him the same. We expressed how we both still love eachother very much and just deciding how too approach things.

 

If I was confused before....its even worse now!!

Posted

Nothin' like being jumped outside a bar and being stabbed a few time to adjust your attitude.

 

 

Well, I'd write more, but I gotta mosey down to the nearest barrio for a beer!

Posted

Nothin' like being jumped outside a bar and being stabbed a few time to adjust your attitude

 

A brush with death isn't a highly recommended way of learning about oneself but it certainly can focus one!

Posted

Extreme circumstances require extreme action:

 

Hey, Pedro, una otra creveza! RAPIDO, MUCHACHO!!!!!!

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