ASG Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 You are fortunate to have women being so available for you. You can get a sense of the way it is for woman who have men wanting to go out with them, making time/effort to get a date with them. Maybe the tide is shifting these days, but it may still be more common for a guy to initiate a date. So you can imagine now what it feels like for a woman who has all these guys initiating dates with her. If that woman wants a date, she can easily get a date because she knows guys are actively wanting to spend time with her. Just like the chicks who constantly are trying to get time with you. It becomes ordinary and you get to choose who you want to be with and when. It's this good fortune of choosing that has become ordinary to you, even boring is what it now sounds like. What's missing for you, imo, are romantic relationships on a deeper level. The love, joy, happiness, intimacy, cuddling, snuggling, romantic smooching kind of level. The "I want to get to know you" and "I want you in my life more" kind of level. So don't give up. You are still very young and your relationships have a lot more room to mature. You can replace genitals, but you can't replace the heart and soul of one person. When you do find a special someone, you know they are not replaceable. This! For a few years I suffered from the same kind of problem. I just got bored. I would go out with a guy once, maybe twice, and then I'd be done, because I knew they were eager to carry on on going out with me and I just couldn't care less. I was challenged when some guys had the same kind of attitude and, even though I wasn't in love with them, I'd pursue them, because the chase was on, again! Then I'd eventually get bored and move on. But one day I met a guy and I was very "meh, whatever", but he kept insisting and I actually enjoyed going out with him. So much so that we fell in love and dated for a few months. Here's to hoping that will happen again. My point is, though, when the right girl comes along you won't be bored!
lapse Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 haaahahaha famous last words of any eligible basta... I mean, bachelor. The guy I was engaged to for 3+ years previously had this attitude. Women would tell him they loved him a few weeks in and he'd say, "What's not to love?" I mean, seriously folks... It'll work this way until it doesn't. And then your arse is going to get BUUURNED. And you won't even have any emotional practice. And it's going to hurt like heeeeelllll. LMAO
spiderowl Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Have you ever felt any attachment to any of the women? If not, there is something amiss. You seem so detached. Perhaps you should seek counselling to find out why?
Woggle Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 If you are going to be a player just be honest with these women. It might sound shallow but honestly at your age you are probably better off playing this game than actually caring about a woman who might GIGS when you show you care too much. I met women find this irresistible as well.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 (edited) So I ducked the girl for Sunday. She's pretty beat up about it. :/ Yes I'm detached, very much so. Why? I don't know. I have so little free time as it is, so my time has become very valuable to me. School, work, the gym...these all take up about 80% of the time I have during the day. The other 20% is solely time entitled to myself. I fear if I become involved with a woman romantically, she will take up what little time I had to myself. So it's hard for me to "share" that time with someone else...I'd rather spend it on myself and doing whatever I please. The only time I really want to be around a woman is when I want some ass. But nowadays, I don't even want the ass anymore because ass always comes tied to unspoken obligations. It's like a hundred dollar bill with a string tied to it. I don't want to be obligated to anything else except myself. Anymore obligations and I'd have no time. :/ That's the just of it really. It's actually pretty scary thinking about falling for someone. What if I give up the gym? What if I do bad in school? Work? Something is going to give if I'm involved with a woman for more than just sex. I don't want anything to give. Everything is perfect right now. It's understandable some women don't enjoy giving their body to a guy who doesn't want to be involved emotionally. But they've got to understand why I can't be involved emotionally - not just think I'm a douchebag. The last attachment I had was with a woman who I dated for about 2 months. In the end she flaked on me, claiming that we weren't fit for each other. I agree. I actually ran into her last week at the gym. She walked up to me and tried to converse but I kept my responses to one word replies, asked how she was doing, and disengaged as soon as possible. After that, she was coincidentally in my field of view for the rest of the night and looking at me on more than one occasion. Audacious of her. Edited May 28, 2011 by mr.dream merchant
Author mr.dream merchant Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 (edited) You are fortunate to have women being so available for you. You can get a sense of the way it is for woman who have men wanting to go out with them, making time/effort to get a date with them. Maybe the tide is shifting these days, but it may still be more common for a guy to initiate a date. So you can imagine now what it feels like for a woman who has all these guys initiating dates with her. If that woman wants a date, she can easily get a date because she knows guys are actively wanting to spend time with her. Just like the chicks who constantly are trying to get time with you. It becomes ordinary and you get to choose who you want to be with and when. It's this good fortune of choosing that has become ordinary to you, even boring is what it now sounds like. What's missing for you, imo, are romantic relationships on a deeper level. The love, joy, happiness, intimacy, cuddling, snuggling, romantic smooching kind of level. The "I want to get to know you" and "I want you in my life more" kind of level. So don't give up. You are still very young and your relationships have a lot more room to mature. You can replace genitals, but you can't replace the heart and soul of one person. When you do find a special someone, you know they are not replaceable. You ever been on a road trip and forgot to bring your bottle of water? The whole trip you're, what seems, dying of thirst. So you make a note to yourself, listen to it, and the next road trip you have a half gallon of water by your side. But this time during the trip, you're hardly ever thirsty because you know that the water will be there if you please to reach for it. This is the only way I can describe what has happened to my view on women within the last two years. Two years ago I was heartbroken and in **** for shape. Those two aspects changed dramatically and then I realized...maybe about the 3rd woman in? I am a glorified looker as far as women are concerned. I get it and hear it all the time. I don't have to look in the mirror anymore, just go out in public and I'll get confirmation on my attractiveness. So its like...I know I got it type of deal. And it's kind of gotten to my head. Women really really do come and go for me. A year or so ago I literally was involved with a different woman every month. So in that year alone, I was involved with 12 different women. How do you find a way for women to become important to you when they're so easily accessible? When you know you can easily have another one on your side if one leaves? It's hard. :/ I did have a period of time where I was actively seeking a meaningful relationship. Was kind of down and out because women looked at me as a player, a guy who just jumped around from woman to woman. Lol. They were spot on really. That's the guy I am. But it's not like I do it to hurt them, like I pride myself in it. It happens because when I start seeing that a woman is really into me....I get scared man. I get scared because I don't want to give up the lifestyle I have. It's perfect the way I have it set up. With just barely enough time left over for myself. If I get involved with a woman...I will not have that time to myself anymore. Not because I'd forfeit it over to her...but because it just isn't possible. My schedule is packed. :/ So when they get close - I move further away. Sometimes they've already slept with me by then, other times not. Edited May 28, 2011 by mr.dream merchant
OliveOyl Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Sounds like you have your life exactly how you want it. I don't see that there is any problem here. Not everybody wants or needs a relationship and/or sex.
Kamille Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 Your posts don't make sense. Are you happy or not? It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that you enjoy this, but at the same time, you keep posting about it as if there's a problem somewhere. If there's a problem. I don't see it... Where is it?
RecordProducer Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 If you are going to be a player just be honest with these women. That's like saying if you're going to steal your neighbor's car, ask him to borrow it and tell him honestly he's not getting the car back!
Woggle Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 That's like saying if you're going to steal your neighbor's car, ask him to borrow it and tell him honestly he's not getting the car back! Some women want the same thing he is doing so why not find them and nobody gets hurt?
Fugu Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 This is the only way I can describe what has happened to my view on women within the last two years. Two years ago I was heartbroken and in **** for shape. Those two aspects changed dramatically and then I realized...maybe about the 3rd woman in? I am a glorified looker as far as women are concerned. I get it and hear it all the time. I don't have to look in the mirror anymore, just go out in public and I'll get confirmation on my attractiveness. So its like...I know I got it type of deal. Except that you don't really 'know you got it'. You know you can attract women physically, but you don't know whether or not you really have anything deeper to offer them, which is why you never really go into a relationship expecting anything substantive out of it. You're in it for the mutual masturbation (i.e. casual sex), which is absolutely fine, especially given your age. But where it is no longer fine is when you confuse this momentary ability to attract women and lure them into bed with you for genuine confidence, because the two are in no way the same. Again, there's nothing that says you have to be serious in a relationship. There's nothing that says you have to want a relationship, with feelings and emotions. But if you're going into it hiding your real intentions while someone else is exposing themselves and making themselves vulnerable, well, that's not confidence. That's playing on an unbalanced playing field, stacking the deck if you will. I'm not preaching, mind you -- I'm just trying to make sure you understand this, because while it's not important for you to figure it out right now, it will be in the years to come. I did have a period of time where I was actively seeking a meaningful relationship. Was kind of down and out because women looked at me as a player, a guy who just jumped around from woman to woman. Lol. They were spot on really. That's the guy I am. But it's not like I do it to hurt them, like I pride myself in it. It happens because when I start seeing that a woman is really into me....I get scared man. I get scared because I don't want to give up the lifestyle I have. I agree that you're scared, and I can appreciate the honesty. Anyone who's ever been in a meaningful relationship or ever actively sought one has been scared at times. I just don't agree, though, that you're afraid of giving up your lifestyle. Your earlier threads and posts reveal a guy who is scared about being rejected, about being left behind. You're afraid of being hurt. You're afraid that your sense of self would be mortally wounded if a potential partner were to leave you. Different people respond differently to this fear. Some people confront this fear by trying to control and manipulate the other person; others simply avoid the situation altogether, which is what you're doing (or so it would seem). What you want to do is to get to the point where you can acknowledge this fear, and understand and accept that you cannot control other people, but that you will be able to survive on your own no matter what happens. It's a tough point to get to in life, but that's where you want to be.
AD1980 Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Id trade shoes with you in a second,i wish i had enough opportunities to get "bored" by women..I cant even get a women to look my way or acknowledge my existence when im out never mind throw themselves at me
iJester Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 MDM, I know how you feel. I'm in a similar position now, in that I have "everything" and it's still not enough. I don't really have everything, but by society's standards I am very successful, yet I still feel very empty. Something that you said rings very true with me, and that's that you don't even have to smash anymore, just setting up the date is enough, and I feel the same way. I think that we're good looking, and we have our method down, so to us, starting the game is equivalent to ending it, since we've done it so many times before and know how it will play out. Part of it is that we don't care because we see women as replaceable and don't care if they reject us. They can pick up on that somehow. I assume you will say whatever you're thinking to girls, when most guys would bite their tongue for fear of blowing their chances; they eat that up as long as it's not too disrespectful. I'm kind of tired of hitting and quitting, mainly because I've become such a coward about ending things with women(as are you), but I still haven't figured out how to change it. I still haven't given up hope, as I have met some great women out there, and I do think that someday I will fall in love again and want to settle down. Do you have any notable contributing factors as to why you treat women like this?
johan Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Your posts don't make sense. Are you happy or not? It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that you enjoy this, but at the same time, you keep posting about it as if there's a problem somewhere. If there's a problem. I don't see it... Where is it? I have the same reaction. Most posts in which someone is complaining of something have a problem statement in them. One sentence that identifies what it is that they want that they aren't getting. That is missing from this guy's posts. As far as I can tell, everything is fine with him as it is: no changes required. So it all just sounds like bragging.
iJester Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Some women want the same thing he is doing so why not find them and nobody gets hurt? You want the feeling to be real, at least I do. When I have sex with someone, I love them in that moment. Sex is very mental for me, so I want a connection with someone I'm doing it with. I want her to make love to me, not just **** me. I want eye contact, lots of kissing, spending the night, everything. I want it to be real. I don't just want sex, I want intimacy from everyone I sleep with. Can't have that with a **** buddy, and it will never be as intense as someone who really wants you.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 It's as if knowing I can get it is good enough for me. But the thought of committing to something else ontop of everything else that's already on my plate, it always makes me think twice about the amount of weight that'll be on my shoulders. A number of times I've had women comment on my dedication to the gym saying that I spend too much time there, etc. Just a taste of what I don't want. To be with a woman who will require me to give up part of or completely, things I love doing.
Kamille Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 It's as if knowing I can get it is good enough for me. But the thought of committing to something else ontop of everything else that's already on my plate, it always makes me think twice about the amount of weight that'll be on my shoulders. A number of times I've had women comment on my dedication to the gym saying that I spend too much time there, etc. Just a taste of what I don't want. To be with a woman who will require me to give up part of or completely, things I love doing. Ok. Fine. Then you move on because the women who comment on how much time you spend at the gym aren't the women for you. Big whoop. This board if filled with stories of people who have yet to meet someone with whom they're truly compatible. Again, where the hell is the problem MDM?
Ms. Joolie Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 How do you find a way for women to become important to you when they're so easily accessible? When you know you can easily have another one on your side if one leaves? It's hard. You don't find women important to you. You also don't believe that having a woman in your life, a romantic relationship, will add any value to your life. Unless you see a woman's worth, unless you add that value, there is no reason to add them into your life in any meaningful type of way. You have to acknowledge and accept that this is okay for you, that this is what works in your life. Nothing is wrong with this. You just have to choose it. This has to work for your life, towards your fulfillment. I get scared because I don't want to give up the lifestyle I have. It's perfect the way I have it set up. With just barely enough time left over for myself. If I get involved with a woman...I will not have that time to myself anymore. No one is twisting your arm demanding you to give up your lifestyle. You can breathe now. If it's perfect the way you have it set up, then you can relax and enjoy! Only allow a women into your life if you value her presence, if she adds to your life and not takes away from it. Maybe one day that will happen and maybe one day it won't. You may find happiness in a romantic relationship, or you will stay happy as a single man. Whatever you choose is best for you, and always choose what is best for you.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 No one is twisting your arm demanding you to give up your lifestyle. You can breathe now. If it's perfect the way you have it set up, then you can relax and enjoy! Only allow a women into your life if you value her presence, if she adds to your life and not takes away from it. Maybe one day that will happen and maybe one day it won't. You may find happiness in a romantic relationship, or you will stay happy as a single man. Whatever you choose is best for you, and always choose what is best for you. That's so smartly put. And please stop dissing women who easily have sex with you, since you and they are clearly on the same page. Also, stop dissing women whom you've had sex with if they actually behave as if they want something more. You don't owe them (unless you mislead them intentionally), but you did engage yourself with another human being who is going to have priorities, hopes and desires of her own. Just because she wishes you would be her boyfriend and spend time with her rather than going to the gym does not make her worthy of being treated like garbage, or somehow "manipulative" or bad. Just make sure that she knows all the time that you are not offering ANYTHING other than a few moments with your fine self. And move on. Like others here, I cannot understand why you keep posting here when you seem to be conducting your life exactly as you wish to.
LexiB Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 You want the feeling to be real, at least I do. When I have sex with someone, I love them in that moment. Sex is very mental for me, so I want a connection with someone I'm doing it with. I want her to make love to me, not just **** me. I want eye contact, lots of kissing, spending the night, everything. I want it to be real. I don't just want sex, I want intimacy from everyone I sleep with. Can't have that with a **** buddy, and it will never be as intense as someone who really wants you. <<swoon>> Marry me? :love:
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