Hp1991 Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Okay . I'm abit new to the whole relationship and dating scene and I've been driven crazy with this new game. I'm dating a guy 8 years older than me for almost a year and he seems experienced in relationships so I don't question much of what he does. The game? Yes don't tell me you've never heard of the asking "who?" game ..it's driving me insane. At first I was able to just not even notice it but lately that's all that been on my mind. Firstly it involves me getting a phone call , text, anything phone related you name it ...hes on the ball asking "oh who was it? " oh who is it? " ..yes sure I've got nothing to hide.. im completely honest in every aspect but lately i've been wondering why it matters SOO very much to know who it was on the other line , etc. We're almost hitting a year and i started asking "why?" sometimes when he asked who it was.. it was driving me nuts because : a) He doesn't know any of my friends except for 3 b) its for every single time c) since he knows no one I have to basically make these mini explanations such as where they are from ( school , friends friend, etc) , why they are calling.. and such ..BECAUSE telling him "oh my friend called " isn't enough for him .. I never did hide anything from him , i always told him who it was with a freaking explanation every single time. If my sister called he'd just casually ask oh why? and I'd explain oh I have to go out with her tomorrow.etc. It's beginning to become ANNOYING for me .. I like explaining my side of the STORY when there is an argument or some sort of tiff BUT just plain explaining over and over again its like discrediting from myself..why must i have to say who it is and why every single time? ...this is the ONLY question I had in my head up until today . He reasons that since most of our conversations are boring asking who it was would entertain us... or he's just curious as to who i'd text while he's on the phone.. and no i'm not a total jerk .. I don't blatantly text while he talks .. I say hold on a moment and check if i even got a text ..whereas I can HEAR him texting sometimes on the phone but it doesn't bother me at all. The thing is that okay I've given him alot of loose rope here.. I don't nag , I don't question , I basically gave him freedom. I don't beleive it having to explain yourself unless you have to and there must be some sort of reason to .. so I don't question who he was just on the phone with, who he was out with, who just texted, who hes JUST texting back... nothing... if anything i might hear the words ... " oh i was with these guys" yeah okay ... "these guys" is so very detailed for me to know who on earth it couldve been . I'm freaking telling you a story. who what why ...saying oh my friend isn't enough but on his side that seems to sum up his explaination pretty much .. So he finally got angry today because i keep asking "why?" when he keeps asking who? ....honestly IM ONLY ASKING BECAUSE HE ASKS WHO. I'm not nagging with the word why why why 24 hours of the day .. So I told him i haven't got time to keep explaining who it is so I want to know why you want to know... The result? Well He's pissed because i ask why and don't tell him and I'm pissed because he asks why. I know for a fact that neither of us can accept the other persons view... AT ALL. I know that but how on earth do you get through this issue? I just told him since its so very interesting to him , he better get ready with his side because it's turning to be interesting to me... ( i'm planning on asking who , what , why when he gets calls ,texts, ...it would throw him in a loop and shock. Maybe even anger because I'm in his business too much now. .. I know its pure childs play .. to do what he does right back but he's not getting it at all )
utterer of lies Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Tell him "Your insecurity and lack of trust is turning me off. "
EasyHeart Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I can honestly say that I've never heard of your "game", that it sounds really sick and horrible, and I would never, never put up with someone treating me that way.
oaks Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Next time, tell him the caller was your other boyfriend.
Jazzari Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 If he doesn't act jealous in any other way, then I would accept his explanation. People tend to share their lives and it's not unreasonable that he wants to know what is going on in your life. I think asking him about his phone calls is a good idea. As long as you don't do it in an aggressive "in your face" kind of way. Act genuinly interested. His response will answer the question of whether he is being jealous or just interested in your life.
Author Hp1991 Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 @utterer of lies : yea the weirdest thing he said was " you ask why because yoU think I don't trust you .. Get over it " BUT I've honestly never thought that it was a trust issue..more of a in my face technique to poke around is starting to piss me off...now I started wondering why on earth he said that when I never said anything like that... @easyheart: I know its annoying but I like him way too much to just drop him over it @oaks: oh yes I've used those lines before...it was my onnnline boyfriend what do you care, or I just say my bf called just now ..cannt tlk to you now.. But this is all in the name of fun. @jazzari: I know he's a very jealous guy, I don't like being monitored every single time, whether it be friends or someone I know I've got to give like a mini bio data and for me its hard because he doesn't know my friends history with me or that I just met this guy in a class and rather not be a loner ...stuff like that is hard to explain with a name that's going to be forgotten...I mke it a habit not to use names with people that don't know them or just not bring them up at all...also I'm VERY open . I can't be anymore transparent ,really I tell him everything . Not because I have to but just that I don't think there should be any secrets..he's knows a lot about me but I feel like he hasn't opened up that much with me . Hence his explanation "the guys". On another note I have asked him ONCE OR TWICE literally "who did you go with " or something along that line and he said something like why are you asking - do you need to know .. I answered saying oh well I was just wondering and w/ the answer I got I pretty much didn't want to ask twice. His age makes me feel like he's a big boy . I'm not his mom to ask all the time , he's free to do whatever he wants ..and that what he says sometimes . I'm old enough to go out and do whatever I want. After our tiff he replied saying we should not be talking on the phone if its such a big hassle for you to tell me who your friends are. I am the QUEEEN of feeling guilty and suckered into projected BLAME . If I wasn't clearly annoyed I probably wouldve said "oh no . That was just one thing let's not make it an issue" but I was fuming " so I said if our convos will resvolve around my friends then yes it would be good to not talk on the phone...face to face is always good " Can anyone think of any solution to this?????
oaks Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Can anyone think of any solution to this????? Tell him that he seems to do this all the time and you find it really tedious. Introduce him to more of your friends so that the explanation of who it is is shorter. If those things don't help and it's still annoying you then maybe you've just identified an area of incompatibility. Is it worth staying with him, or is it so annoying that you're better off finding someone less annoying?
Saxis Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 My ex did this to me all the time too. Drove me freakin' crazy! It actually brought the quote "Whoever cares the least, holds the most power." to light. I could've cared less who was calling/texting her. I'd ask if I thought I knew who it was, like "Oh, is that your mom? Tell her Hi for me!". Got to the point where she knew the sound my phone made for incoming email, and would ask about those, too! I asked why she needed to be so nosy.... it didn't go over well... Pretty much so engrained in my life that she almost didn't have ANY outside friends. I couldn't handle it. I just wanted to get away by myself most days, so it had to end.
Recommended Posts