spinwayway Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Hey everyone I decided to register for this site because I am having so many relationship issues and I dont really have anyone to speak to about it. I have been with a girl now for 2 and half years. Over time I have become very close with this girl and I can not live without her. I am very dependent on her for my happiness and it makes me miserable. I am very weak in this relationship and I fall in to a deep depression when things are not ok. Until recently she has been unemployed and was collecting unemployment. Therefore she was always available and I could always see her whenever I want and she was never busy. So I got used to it. Recently she has gotten a job and now its not as easy. She could hardly communicate with me at work. She has told me that there was a guy that tried talking to her already and me being highly insecure it made me very depressed. She said it was nothing but I dont know what to think. She is always worried about what she is going to wear to work and its bothers me because I feel like she is trying to get some ones attention. She made a girlfriend there and sometimes they go to to get drinks after work and then go home but this bothers me as well. When I bring up these things is turns in to a huge fight with her getting upset and me getting depressed. I need some advice guys. How should I handle this isssue? with this new job I feel like I am not important anymore but I know these thoughts come from my insecurities, jealousy and lack of trust. In my previous relationship I was cheated on lied to for about 3 years. I know most of my feelings come from that. She has given me no reason to expect her doing anything but I just dont know what to think. Thanks for any replies.
vsmini Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I need some advice guys. How should I handle this isssue? with this new job I feel like I am not important anymore but I know these thoughts come from my insecurities, jealousy and lack of trust. In my previous relationship I was cheated on lied to for about 3 years. I know most of my feelings come from that. That's not entirely true is it? It sounds like you have some really deep issues about how you feel about yourself and though being cheated on and lied to is hard and can rip your heart out - it does not cause the level of insecurity that you are describing to us. If anything you should have been able to learn from that terrible experience and apply it to what you know in your new relationship. There is nothing your girlfriend can do for you. You said you depend on her for your happiness - well that's a huge problem because she can't be responsible for it and that will wear her out. Seek therapy and figure out how to be secure with yourself.
Author spinwayway Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 That's not entirely true is it? It sounds like you have some really deep issues about how you feel about yourself and though being cheated on and lied to is hard and can rip your heart out - it does not cause the level of insecurity that you are describing to us. If anything you should have been able to learn from that terrible experience and apply it to what you know in your new relationship. There is nothing your girlfriend can do for you. You said you depend on her for your happiness - well that's a huge problem because she can't be responsible for it and that will wear her out. Seek therapy and figure out how to be secure with yourself. Thanks for the reply. I know I need some help but I dont know where to start. I hate being so weak. I am mentally exhausted and I just dont know what do anymore.
vsmini Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Thanks for the reply. I know I need some help but I dont know where to start. I hate being so weak. I am mentally exhausted and I just dont know what do anymore. I wasn't kidding around - therapy can help you. That's where you can start. http://www.baggagereclaim.com is a good site.
lordWilhelm Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Therapy would be a good thing to consider and would help you a lot in dealing with your feelings. Another thing to do is to make sure you have some hobbies; instead of channeling your energy worrying about what your gf is doing, go play sports, or read a book, or whatever your hobby might be.
Silivren Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 I agree with the therapy... It is normal and healthy for people in a relationship to have different interests,... in fact some time apart is good for you to appreciate and miss each other... Be careful with projecting your anxiety on your girlfriend, as you don't want to push her away... Get some therapy and try to heal yourself so that you're not completely dependent on her for your happiness... maybe you'll find out there are things you like to do while she's having her girl time..
Datura Posted June 4, 2011 Posted June 4, 2011 (edited) Have you acknowledged to your girlfriend that you are aware of your insecurities, and can recognize that this behavior is not healthy? You might want to do that. Don't bring up her getting drinks with a friend, etc. Deal with your insecurities and these difficult emotions. Sit with them or use distraction rather than having her be a part of this. It has nothing to do with her at all. The pay off isn't worth it anyway, since a fight ensues and you end up depressed. What you need to focus on is your behavior, what problems it's creating for this relationship, rather than concerning yourself with your girlfriend's choice of work clothes, who she's talking with. She's paying the price for what someone else did to you. Get out of the house and get your own life. Edited June 4, 2011 by Datura
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