GG3 Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 My ex has never really made sense. Some of our mutual friends have confided in me that they think he is bipolar. We were together 4.5 years and broke up last year. The relationship became extremely one-sided (all about him all the time) and I was very unhappy, the breakup was mutual although supposedly he was really upset for a while. We have recently been trying to be friends. For a couple of weeks, he had been sending me a lot of messages that were definitely mixed messages. Things such as, "Wish you were here" and "been looking at your pictures" and texting me everyday and all night, etc. I have since moved an hour away for a new job and a few nights before I left, we had dinner. The night before having dinner, he had texted asking me to come over but I declined and was already in bed. Want to make clear, I have not slept with him since our breakup. At dinner he acted completely different - he had a lot of walls up and was basically a jerk. He apologized later when I told him he ruined my evening by acting so weird and said he was scared and wanted to be sure he didn't "mislead" me. Mislead me? He led me on all week??? And I'm not mistaken. He was definitely leading me on. We had a long conversation on the phone that night afterwards and he kept insisting that he was trying to be friends and that he didn't want to mislead me. I told him that his behavior made no sense and that I didn't believe it was the truth. Since then, I have definitely put the walls up. I have moved away and he has started texting everyday again. He has tried to flirt with me and every time I tell him, "That's misleading." Last night he got really mad when I told him to stop and that it was misleading again and he said, "We are confused." I said, "No, you said you want to just be friends and that is what I am doing. YOU are confused." It is not the first time since I've known him that he seems to project. And I mean really bizarre projection. He called once yelling at me telling me how angry I was when I was totally calm...and then admitting it was him that was angry when I pointed it out. Just extreme things like that. He never knows what he wants. And it's not just with me. I helped him pick out his new car last year and one of the salesmen wouldn't work with us because my ex didn't know what he wanted and was jerking the salesman around. Or he went off on a boss at work who gave someone else a promotion my ex claimed he didn't want. I guess you could say he has some personality issues. And they just don't make sense. You could say that he sounds like a jerk, but I really think a lot of this behavior is some wires are crossed somewhere. Has anyone else seen this before? I had hoped we could be friends, but even that feels like work for me. I'm not sure what he is trying to accomplish from his behavior or if he doesn't know his own feelings or what. I strictly do not flirt with him or go along with any misleading messages or send them. But if he is sending them hoping to feel like he has me waiting in the wings, I don't want to enable that either. What does everyone think of this?
daphne Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Last night he got really mad when I told him to stop and that it was misleading again and he said, "We are confused." I said, "No, you said you want to just be friends and that is what I am doing. YOU are confused." I'm exhausted just reading that. How can you not be? You have a clear grasp on the problem, which is fully his. He doesn't want to just be friends. He wants you to want him, in case he changes his wishy washy mind. Any chance he's a Gemini? I love it that you called him out on it and you aren't believing his nonsense. I do hope, however, that you realize that his behavior is too aggravating to be rewarding for any kind of friendship. It doesn't sound worthwhile at all. I had an ex who was similar, but didn't project. He would run after me if I left, but then push me away if we became emotionally intimate, which he would always initiate. I gave up because he was a serious pain in the ass and it was very painful because, at the time, I thought I was in love with him and vice versa. He did the same thing to another ex.
Author GG3 Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 I'm exhausted just reading that. How can you not be? Agreed! And by the way, he's a saggitarrius...have never met a good one of those yet. No I agree. And it has me questioning the whole "friendship." We are in the same line of work and used to work together. So I have enjoyed the talking everyday. But his behavior keeps it from being rewarding. And I told him this morning, "I've started a new job, moved to a new town and am tired. I don't need this drama. Please stop doing this, I need to focus on my new things here." I know he won't take that to heart. He doesn't listen or put much effort into doing the right thing.
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