Entropy3000 Posted June 1, 2011 Posted June 1, 2011 (edited) I am not sure if this is the right approach. You basically treat the cheating spouse as a child. This approach comes across as very controlling. Dr. Huizinga is actually against informing family and friends and says that the BS should focus on himself/herself. "Coming to her senses" sounds pedantic. Maybe the fact of wanting to reconnect with the old friend is healthier than staying in her marriage. We don't know how she feels in the marriage. The so-called midlife crisis is sometimes simply about people figuring out what they really want. There are a lot of people who leave their marriage after 20-30 years who are happier with their new partner than they were with their old one. I think we will see more and more that staying with the same partner you married when you were young become exceptional. People change a lot and we live very long. Why should we keep the first marriage together at all costs? If it is a truly happy one, it's great to do that but how many truly happy marriages are there? The WS is very much acting like a child. I do think you hit on it!! An affair does seem like a regression. Essentially it needs to be treated like an addiction ... which it is. We are just taking dopamine and oxytocin here. There is a Dr. for every point of view. Disposable partners may very well be in the future. Pity. Edited June 1, 2011 by Entropy3000
Entropy3000 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 I am not sure if this is the right approach. You basically treat the cheating spouse as a child. This approach comes across as very controlling. Dr. Huizinga is actually against informing family and friends and says that the BS should focus on himself/herself. "Coming to her senses" sounds pedantic. Maybe the fact of wanting to reconnect with the old friend is healthier than staying in her marriage. We don't know how she feels in the marriage. The so-called midlife crisis is sometimes simply about people figuring out what they really want. There are a lot of people who leave their marriage after 20-30 years who are happier with their new partner than they were with their old one. I think we will see more and more that staying with the same partner you married when you were young become exceptional. People change a lot and we live very long. Why should we keep the first marriage together at all costs? If it is a truly happy one, it's great to do that but how many truly happy marriages are there? Hypergamy.
Torytorytory Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Get the book Love Must Be Tough. My counselor just recommended it for me.
nyrias Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Disposable partners may very well be in the future. Pity. Why is that "pity"? It may result in less betrayal, and better lives for all. If humans have to fight the urge not to cheat, we are not meant to be monogamous. If so, why not have other institutions of relationships besides marriage? Cheating only hurts because of the lies & betrayal. What if relationships are accepted to be short-termed, or with multiple partners? Would that at least take the lies away? And with all the divorce & SP today .. disposable partners are already here. No need to wait for the future.
OldOnTheInside Posted June 7, 2011 Posted June 7, 2011 Why is that "pity"? It may result in less betrayal, and better lives for all. If humans have to fight the urge not to cheat, we are not meant to be monogamous. If so, why not have other institutions of relationships besides marriage? Cheating only hurts because of the lies & betrayal. What if relationships are accepted to be short-termed, or with multiple partners? Would that at least take the lies away? And with all the divorce & SP today .. disposable partners are already here. No need to wait for the future.Pretty much everything you are proposing is already becoming more and more of the norm. So yeah... As for why people choose monogamy...on reason is because we are all illogical. You're illogical (whether you choose to believe it or not). I'm illogical. And that isn't always a bad thing...a logical life is, in all honesty, a pretty boring life.
Entropy3000 Posted June 11, 2011 Posted June 11, 2011 Why is that "pity"? It may result in less betrayal, and better lives for all. If humans have to fight the urge not to cheat, we are not meant to be monogamous. If so, why not have other institutions of relationships besides marriage? Cheating only hurts because of the lies & betrayal. What if relationships are accepted to be short-termed, or with multiple partners? Would that at least take the lies away? And with all the divorce & SP today .. disposable partners are already here. No need to wait for the future. Pity for those with disposable partners. Now or in the future.
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