starmar Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Ive been reading some of the threads and decided to come up with my own steps for healing, hopefully this will help anyone who reads it: 1) Dont Take it Personal- NO ONE deserves to be thrown away. People break up, yes but how someone breaks up with you says a lot about their character. In my case, he started a fight and then went and slept with his ex that same day... Is this someone I want to be with? No Are his actions a reflection of me? No 2) Allow yourself to grieve- Give yourself a time frame, a week is what I'm giving myself...and it is to grieve the relationship, the dream. Don't get caught up in this phase...but do allow it, don't try to block your feelings. 3) Maintain NC- Specifically if the dumper went about it in a callous, inconsiderate, cruel way... as in my case. Block numbers if you have to. This is time to heal...if you ever wander if they are upset- stop yourself...tell yourself it really doesn't matter how they feel. They treated you poorly...Repeat every time you catch yourself wondering how they are doing. 4) Be Thankful- Look at all the things in your life that you should be thankful for. Your family, friends, work etc...be thankful for this forum because it allows us to vent our feelings and empathize with each other. 5) Accept what happened- I've been telling myself over and over: "I accept what happened" and in accepting it the shock factor has relieved somewhat. 6) Look forward to your future- I know it's easy to think this is the end. It is the end. But of a relationship that wasn't good for you. Any relationship that ends this way is not good for you. I have been able to remain friends with exes...only those who were honest, and had good character qualities...If someone dumps you out of the blue...remove them from your life. Feel free to add any steps you have
J0N Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Ive been reading some of the threads and decided to come up with my own steps for healing, hopefully this will help anyone who reads it: 1) Dont Take it Personal- NO ONE deserves to be thrown away. People break up, yes but how someone breaks up with you says a lot about their character. In my case, he started a fight and then went and slept with his ex that same day... Is this someone I want to be with? No Are his actions a reflection of me? No 2) Allow yourself to grieve- Give yourself a time frame, a week is what I'm giving myself...and it is to grieve the relationship, the dream. Don't get caught up in this phase...but do allow it, don't try to block your feelings. 3) Maintain NC- Specifically if the dumper went about it in a callous, inconsiderate, cruel way... as in my case. Block numbers if you have to. This is time to heal...if you ever wander if they are upset- stop yourself...tell yourself it really doesn't matter how they feel. They treated you poorly...Repeat every time you catch yourself wondering how they are doing. 4) Be Thankful- Look at all the things in your life that you should be thankful for. Your family, friends, work etc...be thankful for this forum because it allows us to vent our feelings and empathize with each other. 5) Accept what happened- I've been telling myself over and over: "I accept what happened" and in accepting it the shock factor has relieved somewhat. 6) Look forward to your future- I know it's easy to think this is the end. It is the end. But of a relationship that wasn't good for you. Any relationship that ends this way is not good for you. I have been able to remain friends with exes...only those who were honest, and had good character qualities...If someone dumps you out of the blue...remove them from your life. Feel free to add any steps you have I like this. It is very well written. The only thing I can add is that breakups suck. Period. There will be many up and down days, and you have to hang in there and never go back on these steps you mentioned. No matter ho bad things get. When things get really bad you can always post here. Put/Throw away things that remind you of your ex. Don't forget to keep to NC (especially since your ex left you out of the blue)! Stay away from your ex, block them on your social sites, etc. Don't go looking for any details as you might find something you really do not want to see. Hang in there.
Author starmar Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 I like this. It is very well written. The only thing I can add is that breakups suck. Period. There will be many up and down days, and you have to hang in there and never go back on these steps you mentioned. No matter ho bad things get. When things get really bad you can always post here. Put/Throw away things that remind you of your ex. Don't forget to keep to NC (especially since your ex left you out of the blue)! Stay away from your ex, block them on your social sites, etc. Don't go looking for any details as you might find something you really do not want to see. Hang in there. Thank you. I did get rid of everything that reminded me of him. I still had flowers in my house that he had gotten me and I had to throw them away *sigh* He is my best friends nephew so I told her to please not mention anything to me about him or his ex. I know she feels bad about what happened. But it is what it is. Every day gets a bit easier...
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