Lady Brett Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I've been hanging out with this guy I go to school with. I usually see him and we hang out in the library at school during the day (we go to a Uni) or at a coffee shop on campus. I like him a lot and would like a relationship with him. Well, last night I screwed up. I was having a bad day and feeling a little lonely and he invited me over to his house to have a couple drinks. We already had a date set for Saturday to go out and eat at a Mexican place. So, yeah, we had drinks and I ended up sleeping with him. He was so charming, we had such a great conversation - we were just kissing, but he picked me up and carried me into the bedroom - that is like so romantic. We have a class together this summer, so I know I'm going to see him again, but I'm pretty much expecting him to cancel the date on Saturday and make me a one-night stand. I don't usually do this. I've always had long-term boyfriends, so I'm not sure how to handle it. Do you think he will cancel the date? And it gets worse - the sex was not fabulous. For some reason he couldn't maintain an erection and never did come. I think maybe he jerks off too much or something. My girlfriend says that is probably why. But I know he was embarrassed about it. He hugged me after and asked me to stay the night, so I fell asleep. Woke up about 4 and found him asleep on the couch. ??? As I was getting my purse, he woke up and asked me what I was doing, I just kissed him and left. So I messed up, right? Never going to hear from this guy again?
oaks Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Don't forget that you can call him just as much as he can call you. Do you want to see him again? Make sure he knows that!
Author Lady Brett Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 My girlfriend says that's how it works. The guy is supposed to call you. If you call him then he'll think you like him too much. I don't want him to feel embarrassed about his bad sexual performance though. Do you think he would not call me just because he thinks I didn't have fun? Or he wasn't "manly" enough? With my last boyfriend, the first time was really bad, so I figured he was just nervous. Do guys usually get so nervous their first time that they can't keep an erection?
surfrider4284 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 for context..how old are you, your girlfriend, and the guy? fyi..guys usually have a hard time keeping it up when they've been drinking...this is probably what it was for him..
Author Lady Brett Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 I'm 23, he's 27. My girlfriend is 21.
surfrider4284 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 my first piece of advice..dont listen to your 21 year old girlfriend about how dating "works".
Author Lady Brett Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 Well, she's had a lot more sex than I have. I mean, she's had more sexual partners.
surfrider4284 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Well, she's had a lot more sex than I have. I mean, she's had more sexual partners. no offense intended, but.. just because your friend (may be) a skank doesn't mean she's qualified to give advice on how dating works. If you needed some advice on how to be someones flavor of the week, shes probably the go to person on that... But, I'm willing to bet the girl who's used to getting passed around probably isn't the best one to talk to about relationship/dating stuff..especially when its dealing with a guy you actually like. Trust me, give him a call. If he breaks up with you, because he thinks "you like him too much" it wasn't meant to be anyways..but I'd almost guarentee you, hes not calling because he feels bad about that first time with you...call him, youll be happy you did.
Author Lady Brett Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 He just texted. Said we should try it again while sober. So I guess the problem is alcohol? Not jerking off too much? I also have a guy friend who over-shares when he's drinking, and he says that he prefers jerking off to sex and can't have an orgasm with a girl. That scares the crap out of me. Does this happen to a lot of guys? btw my friend is not really a skank, she's just had this kind of experience before, where I haven't. Like get too drunk and end up having sex.
surfrider4284 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 He just texted. Said we should try it again while sober. So I guess the problem is alcohol? Not jerking off too much? I also have a guy friend who over-shares when he's drinking, and he says that he prefers jerking off to sex and can't have an orgasm with a girl. That scares the crap out of me. Does this happen to a lot of guys? btw my friend is not really a skank, she's just had this kind of experience before, where I haven't. Like get too drunk and end up having sex. yeah, id bet my life its bc he drank too much and not because he jerked too much... I've honestly never even that be a problem for someone... Hes fine, it was just the alcohol..thats all.
Author Lady Brett Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 Well good. I like him. He's really smart and cute. I still wish I hadn't done that last night. I made myself look like a "skank" pretty much. I'm afraid I've been put into the slut category in his head.
O'Malley Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 He just texted. Said we should try it again while sober. So I guess the problem is alcohol? Not jerking off too much? Did he mention anything about your plans for this weekend? Do you want to date him before you get emotionally and sexually involved with him any further, or are you fine with something casual? If it's the former, I'd tell him you're looking forward to going out on Saturday, and take your time to see where it goes from there. Just be cautious about allowing yourself to slide into some 'hanging out' scenario where it's all about sex and no actual dating or getting to know eachother. You're not acting like a skank; just determine what you want, and set some healthy boundaries.
Author Lady Brett Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 No, he didn't say anything about the weekend plans. I'm still a little concerned. I said something along the lines of "don't worry, the first time with a new partner makes people nervous" and then I asked him why he moved to the couch. No response. I'm never drinking alcohol again.
mogul Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 He just texted. Said we should try it again while sober. So I guess the problem is alcohol? Not jerking off too much? I also have a guy friend who over-shares when he's drinking, and he says that he prefers jerking off to sex and can't have an orgasm with a girl. That scares the crap out of me. Does this happen to a lot of guys? Yeah, alcohol can do that to a guy. I've had great sex while drunk, but it makes it alot harder to maintain an erection or finish.
FlowerGirly Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Don't feel bad about having sex with this guy, if he likes you and is interested, sleeping with him early won't change anything. If he doesn't contact you, than he wasn't serious to begin with. Thats one thing it took me years to understand- Having sex too early or late won't change anything if a man is truly interested. I slept with my bf on date 3, the second week.
mitchell Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Did he at least go down on you and make sure you were satisfied? Even drunk, he should have taken care of you. You may want to make it clear to him that your last encounter was an aberration, and that he should not count on you having sex with each future date.
Star Gazer Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Sounds like you're setting yourself up to be FWB, not dating.
oaks Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 and then I asked him why he moved to the couch. No response. Maybe you snore.
Mr. Savage Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I'm not totally sure it was the alcohol's fault for the impotence. Not if it were just a few drinks. He may be a virgin or have very little sexual experience causing him to be overly nervous. My first time was like this. I was so nervous and over thinking everything I could not get hard. She layed me back and calmed me down and got me hard with a blow job and then we had sex.
simpsonic Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I disagree with your friend. Like another poster said in here, I think it was the alcohol. Whenever my guy has a lot to drink it's hard (no pun intended) for him to keep his erection. When he's sober though, WOW!
627 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 it's 2011, the guy does not have to do every single thing, calling wouldn't kill you especialy given the potential awkwardness of the whole thing, he is probably as confused and shy as you are and he might be thinking "sh*t I screwed up how can I see her again" (guys have feelings too, women seem to forget that) so help him out too he seems like a nice guy
Feelsgoodman Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I don't want him to feel embarrassed about his bad sexual performance though. Do you think he would not call me just because he thinks I didn't have fun? Or he wasn't "manly" enough? Entirely possible.
mr.dream merchant Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 When I drink I get horny but not for sex, just her mouth on my penis.
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