sonic3 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I stupidly checked her Facebook after hearing a rumour about something else which got me curious and came across a change in relationship status and some comments about her new boyfriend, which I wasn't expecting. The amazing thing is, I don't seem to care. I'm sitting here with a smile on my face because I'm now free of feeling bad about ending the relationship and thinking she may in anyway care or be upset. I don't even care that I checked her Facebook after all these months, I'm glad I did. My suspicions that she just views men as objects for her own needs is now confirmed, she's out to find the next anyone rather than the next someone. I just think the whole thing is pretty pathetic and Im glad to be the hell out of it. Luckyescape.com
confused1989 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Good for you that you don't care. I found out that my ex was seeing someone too, I cared but mostly because it just made me feel bad about myself that she found someone "so much better" than me 2 months after we're done. "because I'm now free of feeling bad about ending the relationship and thinking she may in anyway care or be upset." ... That's a good way to think about it too, I didn't break up with my ex but I agreed to it after she told me the spark was gone and that we felt like friends. She led me on and gave me mixed messages for months though, I'm starting to see now that it was because she was trying to decide between me and this new guy she's seeing who she just met around that time. I should sort of have this attitude too, the F**K her attitude, she manipulated me and made me feel like she was soooo hurt and so shook up by our relationship ending and that I hurt her soooo much when I wasn't even the one who broke up with her, just agreed to it. She wouldn't have moved on so quickly if she was so hurt by me and the relationship which almost lasted 2 years. I can now stop feeling bad about stuff and realize that she was full of games anyway. "My suspicions that she just views men as objects for her own needs is now confirmed, she's out to find the next anyone rather than the next someone. I just think the whole thing is pretty pathetic and Im glad to be the hell out of it." I can relate to that too..... my ex's friends told me that she wouldn't leave me unless she had someone else lined up so that makes sense. She even used to say that she preferred my d*ck but that any d*ck would do. All my ex cared about was her own needs, never did care about mine or what I wanted. Luckyescape.com for me too.
GivenUp0083 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I can't help the feeling my ex felt the same way. Not so much as men being objects, but relationships supposed to be a certain way, and that boyfriends are "supposed to" do certain things and act a certain way. When myself, and others before me, didn't live up the the cookie cutter relationship expectation, she chalks it up to the love not being there or wanting "true love". I've written an email I someday will send to my ex, explaining everything I wanted to say when we broke up, but held my tongue on. One of those key points in that email is how we are different in the sense that when I tell someone I love them and go out of my way to do special things for them....I absolutely mean it. She did not mean any of those things, she just did them because she felt it was the social norm for behavior in a relationship. Everything I did with her was special to me and her....everything she did was routine.
confused1989 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 GivenUp, I can relate to that too. I think my ex watched too much tv, read too many romance novels, and watched too many movies. I like the cookie cutter relationship expectation analogy too, my ex told me she wanted true love and someone who showed the world how much they loved her (I was affectionate and showed it, but I guess I didn't hack google.com and put a banner there saying how much i loved her so I didn't do "enough"). Your words are very wise and true to my situation too, thanks for sharing, the both of you. I thought my ex was the only one messed up in the head who acted this way, but I guess there are plenty out there.
Author sonic3 Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 What your both saying sounds familiar. My ex was always desperate for marriage and me to move in, this was going to solve everything, she NEEDED this to be happy. It was like a mix of what she believed a relationship should be like - go out for 3 years, get married blah blah blah. Those are her needs and she's desperate to have them fulfilled, if I wouldn't marry her there and then which would have meant giving up my education, then she just discarded me and moved onto the next one. She just wants an object that will marry her for social status and fulfil all her unfulfillable needs, and so the cycle repeats. In perspective, I can now continue my education and do a Masters degree, set up my own business and find a women who genuinely cares about me. Beats wasting my time with some women who's thrown her toys out of the pram because I wouldn't give up my education and marry her. That would have ruined my whole life.
Author sonic3 Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 GivenUp, I can relate to that too. I think my ex watched too much tv, read too many romance novels, and watched too many movies. I like the cookie cutter relationship expectation analogy too, my ex told me she wanted true love and someone who showed the world how much they loved her (I was affectionate and showed it, but I guess I didn't hack google.com and put a banner there saying how much i loved her so I didn't do "enough"). Your words are very wise and true to my situation too, thanks for sharing, the both of you. I thought my ex was the only one messed up in the head who acted this way, but I guess there are plenty out there. x2 They live in little romantic fantasies, my ex told me I should fight for her when thing's went downhill. I think she had thoughts of me ridding into her back garden on a white horse in the middle of the night and singing at her window. I did everything for the bitch, and her child (who is lovely) but nothing was ever good enough. Took her away for Valentines day to a hotel for the weekend, took her out both nights for dinner and drinks, paid for it all, she didn't have to spend a penny. I thought I was being fairly generous/romantic. Her response was: "The was the last thing I needed" lol
confused1989 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Wow sonic, your last post is 100% identical to what I had to go through too. My ex told me to fight for her too, pretty sure she wanted me to do the same things that you're describing. I fought for my ex a couple of times but this time I wasn't doing it, she never did fight for me so I said screw it, it was exhausting. "Took her away for Valentines day to a hotel for the weekend, took her out both nights for dinner and drinks, paid for it all, she didn't have to spend a penny. I thought I was being fairly generous/romantic." ... I did the same thing, word for word. She also told me the same thing, word for word.
Author sonic3 Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 Haha, you should do a little research into Borderline Personality Disorder, theres some articles on Google, signs your partner suffers from BPD etc.. I was shocked when pretty much everything I read pointed towards my ex. Your better the hell out of a relationship like that where nothing you do is good enough, theres plenty of women who would be grateful of everything you do for them (I think lol). I bought her a ring as well, she cried because she didn't like it (was probably expecting an engagement ring) and then a few months before we broke up she handed it back to me and told me to put it in the drawer, it was bringing her bad luck. How ungrateful! Pretty much every present I bought her ended up going back to the shop or her being upset, nothing was ever good enough. Bitch!
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