welikeincrowds Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Listen to those red flags... Believe me. I had a guy that initially said he wasn't interested in long term... in the next breath he was saying he loved me. It didn't turn out well- all his actions indicated he was 100% into me- but when the going got tough, he backed off and reminded me he had "told me" he didn't want anything serious....lesson learned. He'd busted out the "disclaimer" early on- and he really did mean it, despite his actions that led me to believe the contrary. Was it you who said "If they tell you why you should date them, wait until you see it for yourself; if they tell you why you shouldn't date them, take their word for it"? It was something like that. Anyway, that's easily some of the best advice I've gotten from here. The only thing worthy of accepting without question is anything someone has to say about their unavailability.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Actions speak louder than words is the biggest BS statement ever. It only really applies in certain situations. This is not one of them.
threebyfate Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I like to use the phrase "If words and actions don't mesh, you have a problem" and in this situation, it appears to be appropriate. If you want to proceed, proceed with caution but keep sex off the table. Bet he thought he was getting some last night since you're making him dinner at your place.
sanskrit Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 (edited) All this uproar over a single offhand comment? People say silly things in the moment all the time. Have caught myself doing it many many times over the years, thinking a bit later, "Why on earth did I say that and where the hell did it come from? should have just said googoogaagaa." If I had to guess, OP's guy is uncomfortable about the level of feelings he is developing for OP and it came out as a hamhanded assertion of independence. Put away the pitchforks, tar and feathers and see how this fellow continues to treat you, that's dispositive. As Pope wrote "Words are like leaves and where they most abound, much fruit of sense beneath is rarely found," and this is especially true when hormones are flaring. Also agree with Mister Dream Merchant, and men want the same things, just go about getting them in different ways. Mama lays the guilt trip, Dad grabs the belt, and it's funny how many posts here are true to that form. Oh and guys seeking dating advice, study this thread. SAY NOTHING, NEVER TRY TO EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS, MOOD, ATTITUDES to women until you have LOTS of water under the bridge and even then very sparingly. They sit in wait to twist your words into some contorted logic, same reason at the core why they are suckers for psychics and fortune tellers. KEEP QUIET! Edited May 27, 2011 by sanskrit
snug.bunny Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 All this uproar over a single offhand comment? People say silly things in the moment all the time. Have caught myself doing it many many times over the years, thinking a bit later, "Why on earth did I say that and where the hell did it come from? should have just said googoogaagaa." If I had to guess, OP's guy is uncomfortable about the level of feelings he is developing for OP and it came out as a hamhanded assertion of independence. Put away the pitchforks, tar and feathers and see how this fellow continues to treat you, that's dispositive. As Pope wrote "Words are like leaves and where they most abound, much fruit of sense beneath is rarely found," and this is especially true when hormones are flaring. Also agree with Mister Dream Merchant, and men want the same things, just go about getting them in different ways. Mama lays the guilt trip, Dad grabs the belt, and it's funny how many posts here are true to that form. Oh and guys seeking dating advice, study this thread. SAY NOTHING, NEVER TRY TO EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS, MOOD, ATTITUDES to women until you have LOTS of water under the bridge and even then very sparingly. They sit in wait to twist your words into some contorted logic, same reason at the core why they are suckers for psychics and fortune tellers. KEEP QUIET! Hi sanskrit, I tend to agree with some of your points. Sometimes we are too quick to stick a pitch fork into someone when they make a comment, and we perceive it negatively. Some of the men who posted in this thread, agreed though, in terms of this fellow's statement. But, OP can only go by what this man tells her, and what he said to her ----> had caused a bit of confusion. On a positive note, my friend and her boyfriend, started off similarly (such as how the OP described). About a month into it, he said to her "I don't want a girlfriend right now". Her response to that was "well, you could have fooled me by the way you're acting". Long story short, he made it official with her a few weeks after that comment, and they've been together now for 1.5 years.
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