livefastdiehard Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Ok, for the past few weeks I've been dating a guy who seems to be so into me. He talks to me all day, everyday. Takes me out, spends money on me, and even wanted to meet my parents within the first week of knowing me. He tells me how great I am and how happy he is that he met me. He also always asks to see me even if the circumstances don't work out in his favor, just as long as he gets to spend time with me. We share similar bad experiences with relationships in the past and both agreed that we will not screw each other over. I can tell he is still hurt from his last relationship, which ended last year at some point I think, but I'm still able to put a smile on his face. He even mentioned how he wanted to wait to have sex with me till the time was right. I've never had a guy say that, they usually try to bang me at this point Anyway, last night we went out and had a great time. At the end of the night when I was leaving he says how glad he is that he met me and that he can tell I'm a great girl and how he likes that we're taking it slow. (Considering he tries to see me almost everyday no matter how little sleep he gets, I think taking it slow to him means not having sex yet?) Well anyway, after that he said "I'm not looking for anything now, I just wanna do me." Which completely threw me off, probably because from past experiences that's guy code for "I want something with no strings attached" or "I don't want anything with you ever." I feel a little uneasy about it today. He's not using me for sex because we haven't had sex yet. He wants to spend every waking minute with me. Talks to me all day. Tells all his friends about me. Wants to meet my parents. tells me how great I am. So I'm a bit confused and unsure how to approach the situation now in fear of getting hurt or feeling stupid. The only thing I can think of that could have caused him to say that he's not ready for something would be that he's having trouble with money lately, he lost his license a few months ago before we met due to a stupid mistake he regrets terribly, and he has problems at home that cause him anxiety. As a person who suffers from anxiety as well, I totally understand where he's coming from but at the same time I'm trying to protect myself. I'm trying to trust him with that he'll never eff me over "like all those other guys". What should I do? He just texted me from work telling me how excited he was to come over to my house tonight for me to cook him dinner and for us to see a movie together.
Kampo Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 hmmm gay or using the whole taking it slow and wait for sex thing as a ploy for you to want it more and make the move on him and thats what he is hoping for... I dunno I mean I'm dating a girl i'm going to try to take things slow with but tbh she is spending 2 nights at my place this weekend for the holiday if she gives me an opening i'm going to jump on it like an unblocked Ndamukong Suh running down Aaron Rodgers.
Author livefastdiehard Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 believe me, he isn't gay! hahaha I'm not getting any other clues that he could be toying with me with this. Why does everyone think all guys are in it for just the sex and to play games? Isn't it possible for someone to be genuine and just be honest?
Mrlonelyone Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 (edited) He does not sound gay to me. For starters he's dating a woman... which in this day and age would mean he's straight or bisexual. Second It sounds to me like he's frustrated at not getting sex yet and what he said is guy code for "I'm going to go get sex from someone else". Remember when it comes to relationships men are simple and basic creatures. All you have to do is Feed him, F_ck him and shut the F_ck up. I apologies for the crudeness of this statement but it's true. Do you cook for him or eat with him at least? If you give a man 2/3 of those he'll stick around... only 1 and he's gone. http://www.stand-up-comedy-videos.com/episode-27chris-rock-women-and-lies As Chris Rock puts it. Edited May 26, 2011 by Mrlonelyone
Author livefastdiehard Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 Yes I cook for him and he has for me too! Let me try to make this a little clearer about the sex thing, using last night as an example. We have gotten intimate....but no actual penetrative sex, we both make each other come in various ways heh, no oral yet either. So last night we wanted to go down on me (says he can't wait to taste me) and I was only for it if we would actually have sex afterwards because I feel like that it would just be a tease and I would want it all. But he said no to sex. Yeah, he said NO. I was fine with that, I'm definitely willing to wait. So if he really wanted to have sex with me he would have done that or we would have just had sex anyway. That's why I'm so confused!!!!!
Mrlonelyone Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Yes I cook for him and he has for me too! Let me try to make this a little clearer about the sex thing, using last night as an example. We have gotten intimate....but no actual penetrative sex, we both make each other come in various ways heh, no oral yet either. So last night we wanted to go down on me (says he can't wait to taste me) and I was only for it if we would actually have sex afterwards because I feel like that it would just be a tease and I would want it all. But he said no to sex. Yeah, he said NO. I was fine with that, I'm definitely willing to wait. So if he really wanted to have sex with me he would have done that or we would have just had sex anyway. That's why I'm so confused!!!!! He wanted you to keep asking for it. Allot of men these days are extra cautious about sexing a woman. Enough have heard horror stories of people changing their minds after the fact and suddenly look who's an accused rapist. The end result is the same... he's not getting it from you. It could even be that he's getting it elsewhere. Think of a man as being kind of like a reptile. In relationships all people but men more than women think with the ancient more reptile like part of their brain. It only understands food, sex, anger, pain, horny, etc.
ConfusedGuy28 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 He doesn't sound like a keeper. He's playing head games on you right now. He's going to start saying things in a nice way that put you down ever so slightly. Just wait. For example - let's say you get a pimple on your chin. He'll notice and say something like "ohh, what is that right there on your face? makes you look a little different sweety" or some crazy **** like that. that kind of talk sounds exactly like a few guys I know - and they are NOT good relationship guys, but are good guy friends...if that makes sense
Author livefastdiehard Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 wow so everyone thinks this guy is bad news. well i guess time will tell.
snug.bunny Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 He's being confusing. Verbally, he's saying one thing. Yet, he's behaving opposite of that with his actions outside of bedroom. I dunno. Perhaps things may align at some point.
Author livefastdiehard Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 He's being confusing. Verbally, he's saying one thing. Yet, he's behaving opposite of that with his actions outside of bedroom. I dunno. Perhaps things may align at some point. Yeah, that's why I'm at a loss here. Been there done that with the guys that say they don't want anything right now, but act totally different than this. For example, dated a guy who said he doesn't want to be official anytime soon because of blah blah blah so he only wanted to see me when it was convenient for him. Little did I know he was ****ing his ex gf at the same time. The signs were all there, I just didn't pay attention to it. Kinda hard with this guy to do the same thing if he is constantly communicating with me throughout the whole day and wanting to see me every night. Like if I'm tired from work and don't feel like doing anything, he'd just rather lay down next to me and watch tv, don't have to makeout or get intimate or anything, he just wants to see me somehow. And it's never just on his terms either, if I make a suggestion to see him or do something he's all for it. So there's no one else, it would be impossible. Everyone will say that he's using me I guess. I think most of the time, yeah this means that. But I'm definitely confused on this one. It's like a bad stigma or something, like if a guy says he's busy it automatically means he's not interested, no way he can be busy. Hell I'm busy sometimes I don't want to talk either. I think people are too quick to think someone's bad, but I do appreciate the concern.
RovingReporter Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 he wants to eventually have sex with you with no committment.
Cee Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 My curbside diagnosis is this guy is a trainwreck. I presume your BF got a DUI/DWI and that's why he lost his license. That's not a silly mistake or a misunderstanding. That's someone playing with a loaded gun. Unless somebody dropped GHB into his club soda, this guy needs to take responsibility for his actions. I think his shady behavior is related to him knowing he shouldn't be dating. But he's needy and trying to suck you in. He's showing addict behavior in not having you as a girlfriend, but keeping you as a hostage. That's why he dominates all your time, but doesn't have sex with you. But as you said, time will tell. Be careful. Or better yet - RUN!
xpaperxcutx Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 he wants to eventually have sex with you with no committment. This summarizes everything. You're the new girl who attracts him mentally and physically but not emotionally, that is why he spends so much time with you. This goes for both genders, we're attracted to new things, fresh things, and curious things like apple ipods that first came out to apple ipads that recently came out. Think Christmas when we unwrap presents for that new video game. We're always gratuitous and happy with it, but two weeks later, we'll have gotten bored of it. In simplest terms, you're fresh meat. You add a little thrill in his life ( with all the teasing, touching and romantic possibilities) but given time, if he's still " doing his things" expect him to do the fade very soon.
Sabali Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Well, tell him to go and F**K himself. Get it? He says he "just wanna do me" and is not trying to have sex you... Seriously, men make sacrifices for sex. He is avoiding it for non-religious reasons. This can't be good. That's all I will say.
lolo1234 Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 (edited) I agree with carhill... Dont give this guy the benefit of monopolizing your time . If he wants to think about himself, you should just think about yourself too. Do not be exclusive with him and rule out other possibilities for love. Edited May 27, 2011 by lolo1234 Spelling
SJC2008 Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 So you try to sleep with a woman fast and you'e a pig, you wait you're a trainwreck. Just because a man (although rare) wants to wait for sex does not mean he's a train wreck. Personally, I think a woman worthy of a relationship should wait AT LEAST a month beofore letting a man sleep with her. But looks like I'm in the minority on this one. He may still be hurting and not want to get emotionally involved or he may be full of crap. Thats what sucks about dating new people, you don't friggin know. But, YOU took a risk knowing he got out of a bad r as he did with you. Try to get to know him better to get a better read to see if he's telling the truth.
vsmini Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 This is where it gets tricky because supposedly actions are supposed to speak louder than words. BUT - when a guy is telling you he's not looking for anything serious you have to believe him. Don't stick around and wait for him to say "ok, now" because you could be waiting for a long time. If you want to keep dating him, go ahead but do not have false expectations of where it's going. He told you straight up...he doesn't want anything.
daphne Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I agree with the last poster. I don't think he's a trainwreck because he wants to wait. I think he's a potential trainwreck because I believe, like RR, that he's setting up a FWB situation and he does sound needy. It's one thing to say that you've been hurt and want to take things slowly (as in not see each other every waking moment) and see where things go. It's another thing to send severely mixed signals. Since you're not having sex, I don't see any reason not to simply proceed with caution. You sound young and it would be good experience for you to give someone the benefit of the doubt but learn to trust yourself to know what the right thing to do, and not necessarily his words. Cos they dont' match his actions. Just don't sleep with him.
carhill Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 FTR, I take my time with sex, and always have. Hence my advice. More datapoints equals a better sample size from which to choose a compatible partner. Also, looking at the title of the thread, I've never come close to saying anything remotely similar to that. If I want to 'do me', I don't waste women's time. I get some Astroglide and some flicks off the newsgroups and 'do me'. EOS. That's double-talk. Disclaimer. A sign.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 The only way you will find out his true intentions is after you have sex with him, or if you refuse to have sex when he is ready. If his behavior changes after sex, like he slows down in contacting you and seeing you, then he was setting you up for a booty call situation. If he gets upset when you refuse him sex and slows down in contacting/seeing you, then he just wanted you as a booty call. Him saying "I just wanna do me" seems like an almost nuetral way of saying he doesnt want a relationship, or he isnt over his ex and just wants you for light company, but nothing serious.
D-Lish Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Listen to those red flags... Believe me. I had a guy that initially said he wasn't interested in long term... in the next breath he was saying he loved me. It didn't turn out well- all his actions indicated he was 100% into me- but when the going got tough, he backed off and reminded me he had "told me" he didn't want anything serious....lesson learned. He'd busted out the "disclaimer" early on- and he really did mean it, despite his actions that led me to believe the contrary.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 Look at it this way. Are you attracted to this man physically? Are you on the pill and do you insist on protection at all times? If the answers to both of those are yes just stop thinking of him as a BF and think of him as a FWB until you find a BF. Use him to release your own sexual energy. It's the 21st century. A woman is only a slut these days if she sleeps around then lies like she doesn't.
spiderowl Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 A few thoughts ... A guy who's really, really into me from the start and wants to get embroiled in my life is not acting normally. He doesn't know enough about the real me to be acting so keen so I surmise that he's suffering a temporary infatuation. Being really keen does not mean he cares. Believe me, a guy liking me or saying he loves me or wanting to spend lots of time with me does not mean he gives a damn. Some guys just come on strong at first. It means nothing. This guy either does not know what he's looking for or he's only looking for sex without commitment. I am going by what he said himself. You say he's told all his friends about you; how do you know this? Did he tell you this? Have you met any of his friends or family, been to his home? What do you really know about this guy? Take everything a guy says with a pinch of salt until you have seen him in context, in his home or with his friends or family. He could be anyone, living anywhere with anyone, unless you know for sure, wait until you have evidence to back up his words. Not appearing to be in a hurry for sex may be a good sign or it may not. It is no guarantee that that's not all he's after. I speak from experience. Players and guys who are already getting sex elsewhere are not in a hurry either. They know that by being gentlemanly and 'waiting', they will gain your trust. I've said all the above and it comes from experience. I hope no-one else suffers similar experiences to me. It's worth reading and thinking about, but most guys are OK and not out to lie, cheat and con, so learn from this but don't let it eat away at you. Just be mindful that people aren't always what they say they are.
mr.dream merchant Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I do it all the time. When I meet a lovely woman, and I can tell she wants to take me off of the market, I hit them with "My plate it pretty full right now, so I'm not looking for anything too serious.". So if we have sex and she gets attached, that's on her because I already told her what it is. There's nothing wrong with a man wanting sex minus the strings. Women are so caught up on securing...security, they get all pissy when a guy doesn't want to be with them. But they get confused cause said guy makes her vagina wet. So what does she do? She sleeps with him then gets mad at him because trying to win him over didn't work. Now she has little power in the situation, and that thoroughly pisses her off cause let's face it - women want power. They want security. They want control. ****ed up part about that is when they get it they get bored. So I say the OP's guy is doing the right thing. **** em and move on. Life's too short to be tied down to one woman anyways. Lots of good looks to enjoy, lots of lovely women to explore. No time for a relationship, a young man is too busy doing him and getting his **** together. Women will just hold you back.
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