Girlfriend Never has been single wants a break to find herself

[Arob]

Ok So this is my first time doing a forum thingy after looking at all the great advice I have been looking at so I thought I would share my story and look forth for advice.

 

we are both 22 I will be 23 in a week but looks like i will be spending it alone.

 

My GF and I have been going out for 3 1/2 years The best times of my life with out a doubt. We have the relationship that everyone her friends and family envy. We rarely fight and we are very good at communicating. We met in college away from home it was a 2 year school then transfer to a better school(I was a slacker in HS but am very focused now and am an A/B student as is she) We had a great time there we got to know each other very well seeing each other every day practically living with each other she would stay the night in my dorm or i would stay with her on some occasions.

 

But after our 2 years were up there we both moved away and back home but we both went to different schools. but lucky for us we only live about 20 min from seeing each other. We have always talked about being together and we never want to break up with each other unless the other cheats on one another which I am certain i would never do.

 

But a month or maybe alittle over that she got a teaching job for preschool until school is out this friday just to fill in. that is when she met her teacher that she works with. That woman is going through a divorce and as you know the divorce woman is blaming it all on the man who left her, but my gf took over the job from her friend and her friend told her this woman was crazy and from the things she has told me it looks to be an accurate discription. My girlfriend comes from a divorced family and I understand why this affects her.

 

So 2 weekends ago on a friday she said we should take a break so I was baffled speachless I did not know what to think she said we need a break she said when she met me she saw that I knew who i was but she has never felt like she knows who she is and needs some time to find that out. her new friend was engaged and it was broken off with her so the new friend is sayin that it would be fun if they were single together.I always want her to be happy so I did not really try to stop it not to mention I had nothing to say because I never wanted to lose her I was crushed we got off the phone at like 1 am or so that night. then the next morning she calls me and wants to come over so i oblige and we had a great time as usual we went hiking to these things called the Indian seats on a mountain near my house which over looks the whole city an you can see for 50+ miles Its beautiful.

 

then the week went by the usual talking every night for an hour or so then go to bed. well 1 week after the first break try she did it again. She says she needs a break to find herself and that we do not do anything fun like when we were first going out. This part I can not argue I had not had a job in a few months but I had one now and got paid the day this had happend i was trying to find out something fun i could do with her with my first pay check I was ready to do stuff I feel as if its the mans job to pay for everything i think im a little old fashion. I could not argue with coming from her because what i think is fun and she does it 2 different things. we get to see each other 2 times a week if we are lucky so on the times that i get to see her i want to have her all to my self and no one else and this is prob not the best thing to do. But we never go out with other couples or anything other than dinner and a movie on Friday or sat. But she wants to go out as a couple and after a long thought about our relationship i think that would be a good idea we need more than just us at times because it can get routine and you guys take each other for granted. which i think it was getting that way. The only reason i was against really going to clubs or to parties is because when i was single i know what those places are for, if you go to a club or a party most people are just looking to hook up with someone else.

 

But she says she needs a break because we have not been moving any where really in our relationship and the next move would be engagement which i would really love but I had it planned to do when she graduated next spring but that will prob never happen now. She is very scared when it comes to marriage because it seems like every new person she meets they are divorced/ getting divorced, or parents are divorced and i come from the exact opposite of that i have always been around strong couples who have stayed together through the good times and bad. I think she just wants to know that I am really the one for her because she is always surrounded by relationships that do not work or end up with a divorce.

 

This whole debacle happened 7 days ago. she pretty much told me she needed a break to find herself but then texted me like 4 times asking me how my day was and of course i told her ( I lied though i didnt tell her that i missed her and i was an emotional disaster.) I said i was good and having a good day. but she has not really explained anything to me we talked last thur for like 20 min about this then she went to bed and I havent talked since. I really never want to lose her but it looks like its going to end that way. I asked her if she could give me some closure of what you wants to accomplish with this "break" and i need some guide lines she said she would call me tonight but im wondering if that is a good idea? I have not initiated no contact yet but i was thinking about it after tonight. Do you think we should have a conversation on the phone or should i meet up with her some where?

Im sorry this is so long but i have a lot on my mind right now and i could write 10 times as long as this but it hits a lot of points. I know i said we had a great relationship but we really only see my side not hers. if you have any question or any advice to help me with this i would greatly appreciate it

 

Thanks,

Aaron

Edited May 26, 2011 by Arob

[Chi townD]

God, I HATE when they use the excuse, " I need to find myself." Just tell her to look in the mirror, " THERE YOU ARE!!!" That possibly the most stupid excuse in the world to me.

 

Well, one of two things is going on here. One- there's someone else she's interested in and needs you out of the picture.

 

Or two- she's having the G.I.G.S. ( Grass is Greener Syndrome) She thinks she might be missing out on something by being with you.

 

So, here's what you need to do. No Contact with her whatsoever! No texts, e-mails or phone calls. Delete her from your Facebook page. She wanted to end it with you and that's EXACTLY what she should get. She is never going to miss you if you keep in contact with her. She needs to know what life is going to be like without you around. SHe wants you in the Friend zone. And I believe you didn't get into a relationship with her JUST to be her friend.

[Arob]

Thanks for the reply Chi townD I just asked her to meet up with me so we could talk about this if she wants to end it she is going to have to talk to about this in person. If we do take a "break" I will do NC starting first thing when i get home. Thanks for your reply. I feel like there is no one else but more like she is missing out. she is on her last year or college and she really doesnt drink or go out like normal college students but i dont either and i have no regrets. I guess since this is her last year she wants to live it up.

 

Thanks,

Aaron

[Chi townD]

Yeah, most people here don't think their SO would cheat on them. And by definition, they don't. However, I can tell you countless times where he or she would say, " That they need to find themselves." Or "they need to be single right now." And the person finds out that their Ex's hooked up with someone just DAYS after the break up. So, they lie, because that's not what I call needing to be single right now.

 

And lets be honest, "taking a break" means "Breaking up" just call a spade a spade on this one. If you meet up with her and she still insists that she needs to "find herself" then you have to lay down the ground rules. She'll probably ask to remain friends but you have to tell her no. She won't understand why. You need to tell her that you have to cut all contact with her in order for you to heal and move on. You can't be friends with her because you still have very deep feelings for her, and that wouldn't be fair to either of you. How can she argue with that? Then go into a deep NC. Sorry you're going through this.

[Arob]

its ok man me too. Its really hard to find out that the one person in the world you could always count on when noone else could is the one tearing you to shreads. it sucks very much but if they lose the passion its hard for you to regain it back. I am not sure what to do now that I have lost my other half but there will always be someone else. but i can not see that at this point.

[PegNosePete]

it would be fun if they were single together

Umm. You do know what this means right? It means they will be out on the town chatting up blokes. Is that really what you want? Do you really want her to think she can just put your 3.5 year relationship on pause while she gets sewn with wild oats and then you will be sitting there with her slippers and a hot water bottle waiting for her to come home? What would she think if YOU did that?

 

I don't understand this "break" thing.

If you love someone then why would you need a "break"?

If you need a "break" then do you really think there's any long-term future in the relationship?

 

No, I've never heard of any circumstances where I understand why a break would be necessary. A break is just a lame excuse for a long drawn-out painful breakup, or it's a time to decide if your plan B is any better than plan A.

 

Anyone asks me for a break, I will say see you in another life when we're both cats.

 

If you want to meet up with her then go ahead but you need to stand up for yourself. Don't be a doormat. Tell her that if she wants a break then that is the end. If she wants to stay with you then she STAYS with you.

Edited May 26, 2011 by PegNosePete

[Arob]

she says she lost the passion because I never fought for her. i guess in a since that she would go out and i wouldnt be there to fight off guys. I want to be back with her is there a way to restore this passion?

[Arob]

I feel like telling her the way i feel that i notice what she is talking about. That I can not change the way it was in the past but I can promise her that since this break it has changed the way i look at everything that has happened in our relationship and i did not ever go out with her and her friends I can not change the past but i can promise that things will be different. She says the only reason i am fighting for her is because i cant have her. in her eyes that may be the way it looks but to me its not from a stand point that i want what i cant have its from the point that I love this girl unconditionally and would do anything to be with her. She has given other boyfriends second chances so I hope she does the same for me because this time I will not screw it up. she is my soul mate.

[DD1]

Oh God!!

This is the EXACT same story as with me and my ex. We're the same age also, but have been dating for 2 and a half years. Same thing... "has never been single, he never knew himself and what he wanted and I always have, wants to experience things on his own, etc, etc". We even went thru the same "break" thing also, for like a month, then broke up for good, 3 months ago. He was very honest, nice, and respectful throughout the whole thing.

I really understand how you feel, we had the PERFECT relationship everyone envied, had so much fun together, similar interest, everything anyone could hope for in a relationship. But it did get a bit routine-ish towards the end but COME ON!!! Any relationship that lasted long enough gets there someday, and you just have to make little readjustments, not break the whole thing off after YEARS of a great relationship with no fights, great time, memories, love... I feel like these people don't realize the fulfillment of a good long-term relationship. And this stupid North-American culture of "going out, living the life" wtv.. is so immature. And we're bombarded with that stuff from songs, movies, etc.

All this to say, I really understand you, and it sucks so much because you feel like the relationship was great, and there was no need for it to end (as opposed to other really "unhealthy" relationships). It hurts a lot.

I recently realized that I sort of lost myself towards the end. I was always so independent, but less so lately. I think that also played a role.

Now it's just time to do things for yourself, better yourself, and do everything to love yourself and love your life. Oh and COMPLETE NC! NOOOO friendship!!

 

Good luck!

[EgoJoe]

Cut the ties before you get to where I'm at. Don't let her walk over you. Tell her straight up. I love you and I want to be with you. But, I can't. I am going to be single and I don't want you back because people with experience are telling me that this is a shenanigan and I wont have any part of it.

 

If and when you get your **** together, I am willing to talk hard facts. Not reconciliation.

[PegNosePete]

she says she lost the passion because I never fought for her. i guess in a since that she would go out and i wouldnt be there to fight off guys. I want to be back with her is there a way to restore this passion?

Yes, don't do this:

I feel like telling her the way i feel that i notice what she is talking about. That I can not change the way it was in the past but I can promise her that since this break it has changed the way i look at everything that has happened in our relationship and i did not ever go out with her and her friends I can not change the past but i can promise that things will be different.

She wants a real man. Not the sensitive girly-man type. She doesn't want you to talk about your feelings, she wants you to take charge and be assertive.

 

You tell her that if she wants to take a break then that is the end but if she wants to carry on with the relationship then she needs to commit to you, as you have done to her.

 

I do get the feeling that this "break" business is the final test of your manhood. If you don't stick up for yourself then this break means permanent breakup. To pass the test you need to take no sh*t. Some women will deliberately try to start a fight with you, after all if you fight with them then you will fight for them. So go for it dude.

[hill]

it did get a bit routine-ish towards the end but COME ON!!! Any relationship that lasted long enough gets there someday, and you just have to make little readjustments,

 

I'm sorry to interrupt and not give any advice, but I was just wondering what it means when a relationship gets routine-ish?

 

THanks and I apologize for the interruption.

[Eddie Edirol]

I feel like telling her the way i feel that i notice what she is talking about. That I can not change the way it was in the past but I can promise her that since this break it has changed the way i look at everything that has happened in our relationship and i did not ever go out with her and her friends I can not change the past but i can promise that things will be different. She says the only reason i am fighting for her is because i cant have her. in her eyes that may be the way it looks but to me its not from a stand point that i want what i cant have its from the point that I love this girl unconditionally and would do anything to be with her. She has given other boyfriends second chances so I hope she does the same for me because this time I will not screw it up. she is my soul mate.

 

Youre only 23, shes not your soulmates. You'll go through a couple more before you find someone close to your soulmate.

 

Whatever her reason for breaking up for you is, its not because of what she said. She is making up anything to throw you off. It could be a number of reasons, she could have used you as a rebound when some other guy broke her heart. You never believe anything anyone says, until their words and actions match, and then you still blink slow at them. Do not wear your heart on your sleeve. You give ladies just a sliver of your heart at a time, they want to earn it. That could be another reason she lost her attraction to you. Gave too much too easily. Right now she has been looking at someone for a while, and is just now starting to work on him. Before you say "i know there isnt someone else...", there ALWAYS is. If you run through peoples posts here, they always come back when they found out someone else was in the picture at least a month before the breakup.

 

Shes young, she wants to upgrade, dont contact her. Theres nothing you can do to change her mind. What you can do is the exact opposite of what you think you should do, especially if it doesnt work out with the new guy and she comes looking for you.

Dont contact her, - let her look for you

dont tell her how you feel, - let her think you dont feel anything

dont tell her youre sad shes gone - let her think youre relieved about the breakup

dont tell her you understand why she broke it off, dont relieve her guilt, let her know shes a bad person, let her feel horrible

she led you on for months knowing she was going to break it off, and didnt want to work on it with you.

 

She doesnt care that things will be different, she has her eyes on someone else, she has left you in the dust in her mind already. If you want to be different to her, you have to change EVERYTHING about yourself. Better clothes, more attractive, build up the body, more assertive, more confident, and you have to NOT need her. Right now she knows you need her and that keeps her away from you. You have to make her think you moved on. The way top do that is to ignore her. Dont give her updates, dont answer her calls and texts. It will be hard, but you dont take her texts/calls unless she says she wants to work it out. You have to let her miss you, she wont miss you if she knows youre readily available and waiting for her. When you ignore her, she will think you moved on, and thats exactly what you want her to think, because now she might want what she cant have. You have to make her work for you, THATS what will make you attractive to her, and to any woman.

Edited May 27, 2011 by Eddie Edirol

[DD1]

I'm sorry to interrupt and not give any advice, but I was just wondering what it means when a relationship gets routine-ish?

 

THanks and I apologize for the interruption.

 

What I meant is that after the initial "honeymoon" period ends, you get in a more comfortable "routine-ish" zone, which is not bad, it's completely natural. I think the honeymoon can last for a different amount of time for every couple. My ex and I were on cloud-9-completely-in-love-he/she-is-the-most-perfect-person-in-the-world phase for like a year and a half. We shared everything!

 

But you inevitable get to a point where you're just comfortable and content with that person, without necessarily feeling that same high that you get at the very beginning. It the natural progress of love, and I think you need to realize when this happens and mostly not take the other person for granted, and keep making efforts in the relationship, while maintaining other interests in your life for balance. I really do believe that you can't be happy in a relationship until you're happy on your own and in other aspects in your life. For me, I was suuuch a happy person when we met, but I lost that recently and now I'm getting that back.

 

So after 2 and a half years, my ex said that he doesn't feel the same HIGH and EXCITEMENT he felt for me before, and I was like YEA NO S**T!! My parents love each other to death and I don't think my Mom gets butterflies in her stomach and her blood pressure goes up when my Dad calls her friday afternoon to ask what groceries he should buy for the weekend. That's infatuation, not LOVE. Plus added to that he felt like most of the good things in his life now were because of me, and he wanted to do and experience things on his own. He's a very good and honest person so I believe him, but it sucks still.

 

Hope that answers you

[Arob]

OK guys/gals here is the skinny.

I trusted her way to much. I talked to her the day I told you but it was not in person it was on the phone. But she told me that she wants to be single right now and make sure that i am the one for her. she said it started when this guy saw her at applebees and struck up a conversation with her she said he is a smooth talker and she said she has always had a feeling that no im sorry but i have a boyfriend and that would be the end of it but she said as of late she has not been having those feelings. I had already suspected something was up with her and him because she did add him on facebook and she has so many friend request that she doesnt accept i knew there was something fishy that she accepted a stranger from the bar at applebees. he lives just a few min from her house. she says that she want to have someone that will support her because when she gets a job as a teacher she thinks that she will always go back to teaching prek. She said this new guy made a thousand dollars last week. But i am still trying to graduate so i do not make that kind of money but i am working at ace hardware right now just for the summer and until i graduate with my Bachelors in computer science. I will be making enough money in support her. so i dont understand why ending a relationship without knowing the end result.

 

So this guy surprises her at work one day with a dozen roses and a card and watches her teach. I never did anything like that. (It was hard to find a job but i finally did and i got broke up with the day i got my pay check.) I was like damn thats good lol. she said she was shaking when he did that. but she says that he is trying to take it really fast. He is 25 and she is turning 23 in a few months. they have went to the park together and she said they already kissed and i know that they met 3 weeks ago. and he already went to her house to meet everyone. and she says that no one likes him. she told me that he is a total opposite of what she likes to date. he as a kid already and she said she never want kids. so my hope is that when she clears her mind she will not want to pursue that anymore. At times like these its easier to see the bad things that you did to this person and never the good. I can not really think of any good things i have did for her but i can think of all the things i have not did and what i would do differently if there is a next time.

 

When i say differently its not in a sense of being a different person its just the things that I did not do that anyone in a respectable relationship would do. like go out with her as a couple with her friends and their boyfriends. have a book read together, she had this book about how having god in your relationship can really help you grow as a couple and i did not do that because i was so interested in my new hobby i did not really think making her happy i was just thinking of myself. Also bringing her flowers to let her know that she is so special to me. She really wanted to take dancing lessons and i was really hesitant about that but i told her i wanted to but it never went into effect. Its just very hard for me to think of one reason why she would ever want me back but i can think of all the reason to not want me.

 

She told me that since we are not together she will tell the truth and during this time i asked her what she liked about me and she said my sense of humor because i always made her laugh. and my heart was always in the right spot when doing things. I also asked what she didnt like about me and she said that there isnt anything that she did not like about me. but one thing she would change is that she did not like that i was not very motivated. and talked about how that new guy is very motivated ( not sure how he hasnt been to college and is working for comcast. not saying that is a bad job but i dont see the motivation he has a scholarship to a music school and hasnt went so i dont see how that is motivating). I feel like there is some truth to that though i am not very motivated and she said she wished i was very motivated because she knows that i am very smart. she said that she told that new guy that there was nothing bad she could say about me and she said that he told her that that stung his heart. but I took that to heart and signed up for summer classes and i am trying to graduate the fastest that i can instead of just cruise through. she said that she doesnt want to be in a relationship with him and want to be single. but what she says and is doing is totally different. she can not talk or text to me but she can with him. but I have deleted her off my facebook and out of my phone. I have flipped the pictures around but i need to put them in a box and store them in the attic. everything she said that he has said I have did the same exact thing he respects her choices that she does and i do too. I feel like its easy to be the knight in shining armor when the relationship gets routine-ish I know this because i was hers in her other relationship when it was ending.

 

The fact that she was my best friend makes this very hard. I know she even said that i was her best friend also so i dont see how she can just stop talking to me and want to move on so fast since we broke up last week without even wanting to talk to me. I think that finding someone else right after the breakup makes it easier for you to move on when you have someone else. But i dont think its right for me to pursue anyone else when i have such strong feeling for her. I have 3 other best friends that are guys but 2 of them live out of state now and the other one was camping with his gf yesterday. I find that it makes this alot better talking to others about this situation i held this pent up for almost a week without telling any friends or family. because i was ashamed of what has happened because she loved my family so much they were nothing like hers, my family was loving and my mom was like the mom she always wanted because her mother left her when she was 5. I liked seeing her family also. she said her family was not very happy that she ended it with me.

 

Its been very hard for me to get to sleep. you know when you roll over at night and its no big deal you just fall back asleep but not for me because right when i know im away she is the first thing i think about its getting easier because i know that she doesnt want me anymore and its her loss i can be the greatest thing for her instead of someone she met at a bar that really is telling her one thing but really wants to get into her pants. For me the sex was great but that was by no means why i was in this relationship of course i was attracted her physically but the love i felt was second to none. I dont think like most men that sex = love because if you truly love someone you can do it without sex.

 

But her main purpose if this is because she wants to know if there is someone who can love her for who she is and not about anything like sex ect... but I loved her for the reason that she was saying she was literally saying the way i feel but her after i said those things she said yea now you do because we are broke up. i understand that she thinks that but its because i do have those feelings not because we are broke up its just that i never said those things but i felt them so now i was saying them and she thinks i was just saying that because i did wanted her back. she says that i am too much of a temptation to her because if we were left alone in a room she would start grabbing my crouch or something to that extent and almost everytime she was the one who initiated it. I wouldn't do those things until we got married if i could have her back.

 

She told me that i could have a second chance after she gets this phase out of her system but i am not going to sit here waiting for her just to get let down again. I would love to have the ball in my court someday but we will see if that happens. I would just like to date her while she is dating some others at the same time just to show her that i am so much better than those guys and she can always count on me.

 

sorry for this long reply again but i am trying to heal and get this stuff off of my chest thank you guys for your words and I really dont think i could start healing the right way without this site.

Thank you guys very much,

Aaron

[DD1]

Hey I'm so sorry to hear this. It makes me angry when someone who's in a good relationship leaves just to see what kind of attention they can get from the opposite sex elsewhere. She probably saw that guys were noticing her in bars and stuff, and she always used to reject them but now started wondering what would happen if she didn't... So very immature and disappointing in my opinion. And it's all promoted by this culture of ours. Apparently you're not supposed to stay stable with one person in your 20s, but go out, f**k around, date everyone and "find yourself". I get that, if you DONT have a good relationship, but if you DO it's just immature, like you're trying to make your life look like some dumb teenage American movie and fall into the trap of thinking that you're gonna be happier that way.

 

In any case, we can vent, but she made her decision, and trust me I know exactly how you feel. You need to ABSOLUTELY stop talking to her. Don't date her while she dates others!!!!! Whatever you do don't do that!!! A girl will NEVER have respect for a guy who settles like that. Trust me! Not contacting her is the best thing, it's gonna be extremely hard at the beginning, but it will get easier. And if she has any respect for you, she shouldn't contact you either, at least for a few months, to let all the dust settle.

So whatever you do, DO NOT keep trying to convince her, DO NOT date her, DO NOT be her doormat!

 

Let us know how everything goes, go out, take care of yourself, see friends, take up on a new hobby, go to the gym, LOVE yourself!!

[Pikachu]

She sounds like she doesnt know what she wants. When my exe broke up with me she said most of the same things your exe is saying and like you I started to blame myself. At one point she actually told me she was angry that I wasnt jealous enough cause it made it seem like I didnt care. Overtime when I came to LS and realized that by the end she was just trying to find reasons we shouldnt be together anymore. You just have to come to grips with the fact that there was nothing you could have done to stop this from happening. Once someone gets these thoughts in their head they start to sabotage the relationship even if they dont realize what they are doing. I watched my 12 year relationship fall apart in 6 months in front of my eyes because my exe "had to find herself". And like you I still have a hard time understanding how my best friend for so long could just abandon me so easily. For awhile I blamed the other guy (and still do in a way) but eventually came to understand that he isnt making her act this way. If it wasnt him it would be someone else in time. Dont get me wrong I still think hes a piece of garbage and wonder why someone would pursue a woman with a b/f but maybe I have more morals than most. Some would call this G.I.G.S....and it does help to categorize it in a way but in the end it doesnt really matter. All that matters is you feel alone, confused, and scared that the woman you loved isn't really that person anymore. Im still trying to figure out how to come with terms with my loss, but time really is the only healer.

[sinnister]

She's going to bang this dude silly. Your r/s has gone routine..and yeah I say u kinda deserve a karma hit for taking someone else's chick away...but I will ignore that. Still, she is completely fishing for ways/reasons to get rid of u and make it ur fault. You did play into it by being to immersed in your hobby..but I got heat for just liking a few games after a long time of it being only us-online for lots of time. Women can find any reason/intensity to call it time for reassessment, but don't think, unless it is true that this has anything to do with sex. He just made her feel the "butterflies" that she isn't with u right now b/c she got disappointed. He's laid on the lothario s--t thick. Once he has sex with her, the r/s will fall apart but I don't think she will come back to you. She'll probably internally use the shame/thrill of bangin this guy over your head and just start her single life..she's hopped from r/s to r/s...so she's bored, not ur fault, and the reason I know he's playing her is that he's told her how much he's made so soon and went to her job to watch her teach and she didn't find that creepy. She is sexually attracted to him...but it won't be long-term. What you should worry about is why she is telling you one thing...trying to guilt u for something she obviously wants. I think it is to make you stay passive while she gets it from elsewhere and you're there battling yourself and promising to change, both internally and to her. Yeah, stop it if you can although it will be very hard as you're emotionally invested and she has the power and the higher ground...your replacement is already in place and she has a reason to get rid of u both. Good luck if you still want her. Just skip out on the mind game period and keep up your studies.

 

The next girl...get some anti-anxiety meds and go out with her friends. They can keep you out of danger and go half-half with hobbies. Don't be a doormat and do everything b/c you'd have to keep topping urself and that bcomes routine fast too but at least have enough genuine interests to stay connected...u'd need those too when the next girl, and she will, becomes indecisive to herself.

Edited May 29, 2011 by sinnister

[sinnister]

Sinnister,

 

I hope you stick around and keep posting. You read situations well and tell it like it is... I like that!

 

Appreciate that..some might not like my humor..and although I'm trying to get happy..I know it's not all about me and if I can help someone out...hell yeah, even as this recent exp has hit my cred a bit..I've seen and lived b/f this rut.

[sinnister]

If it makes you feel any better... I just left that party (broke up due to G.I.G.S.) about a year ago.

 

Ex came back last month and wanted me back. Still had the same "good time" friends and the same lifestyle... I said as long as she has those "good time" friends and still wants to live that lifestyle... Thanks, but no thanks.

 

Funny... She is miserable, lonely and doesn't have anyone she can really talk too or be herself around. Her self-esteem has taken a hit and she feels empty inside. These are her own words and she even said she knows why.... because of the the people she hangs around and the lifestyle she is living.

 

She still has some growing up / learning to do and has not been "hurt" enough yet. From my experience and what I have seen... It takes years for them to figure it out. My Ex is no different.

Mine was all of that this year...last year...ever since that happened. She just needs to be in a r/s and needs control. Doesn't get a chance to have it much and defers too much. Like this OP, but unlike, a weak person just used a way to muscle someone she could...thought she was doing it for jealousy, and it went too far for both since we were so invested. I'll keep this one short, lol. She's only happy now when it's spiting me/stalking me-using friends to/attacking/making trite comments on his profile photos...she made all her friends lock everything down so I'd never see when they met. Supposedly together, but there's available profile photos but they're not brave enough to show them together on either profile b/c it's a sham..or shameful. It was a game gone wrong from my reaction n her pride can't walk it back..plus she isn't the one that has to deal with any fallout. My estimation..it is immature as f--k, n no less devastating..but thanks for that.

Edited May 29, 2011 by sinnister

[John Michael Kane]

Okay you're jacking someone's thread

 

To the OP I don't even know why you're even second guessing this immature woman's intentions. She obviously doesn't care about the fact that you guys have been together for a long time and wants a new guy to set her eyes on (or probably already has her eyes set on one). Either way you don't need someone this childish and heartless who wants to use the word "break" to try and have her cake and eat it. Drop her and tell her to grow the hell up.

[EgoJoe]

Yeah dude. I'm getting to this mindset too, except, mine was wayyyy more convoluted.

 

Tell her to kick rocks and get lost. You're done for good.

[sinnister]

Okay you're jacking someone's thread

 

Was just giving him thanks for a comment he meant for my answer on his thread. Not trying to step on any toes the first real day here..but I know thread etiq. Trust me, I apologize if I even seem to do it on my own friend's FB page w/o any1 even thinking of scolding me for it..plus I answered OP's question as well as I could before any extracurriculars. Won't happen again master.

[Eddie Edirol]

Aaron the reason she can cut you off so easily is because she has been losing attraction for you for the past few months, waiting for her opportunity to drop you and start with the new guy. Dont believe anything she says. She says one thing to avoid a confrontation from you, but theres a bigger story behind all of it. She says she met him a week before she broke up with you, probably more like a month or more, and slept with him before she broke it off with you.

 

She is still trying to make you wait for her by saying that this is a phase, but she knows she doesnt want to ever try with you again.

 

And STOP talking to her. You have to show her you mean business. You have to make her think you moved on. The way top do that is to ignore her. Dont give her updates, dont answer her calls and texts. It will be hard, but you dont take her texts/calls unless she says she wants to work it out. You have to let her miss you, she wont miss you if she knows youre readily available and waiting for her. When you ignore her, she will think you moved on, and thats exactly what you want her to think, because now she might want what she cant have. You have to make her work for you, THATS what will make you attractive to her

Edited May 29, 2011 by Eddie Edirol

[Chi townD]

So, she "want's to be single right now." Yet, she's went on dates with this guy. This guy bought her flowers and a card. They've gone to the park. She's taken him to meet her family. Yeah, sounds like she wants to be single. Or, perphaps she just wants you to be single. I really hate when girls lie like this.

 

Look, you have to go NC now! Delete her from Facebook. No texts, no, phone calls, no e-mails. DON'T RESPOND TO ANY OF HERS!!!!! This is going to be the hardest for you, but post here instead. She chose to have you out of her life and that's EXACTLY what you should give her. Either she wants all of you or else she gets nothing of you.

 

The best revenge you can get is to live a great life. Finish your degree, get a good paying job in a carreer that you love. Get a nice ride and an awesome townhouse. Save for trips to places that you've always wanted to see. And go do it! Find the movitation! Believe me, you may not know it, but she will be keeping tabs on you. And she's gonna know how well you're doing.

 

And as far as her current relationship is? Well, let look at that. This guy moved in on a girl that was in a committed relationship, but made a move anyway. Therefore, he really didn't give a damn about your relationship. Hence, he really doesn't give a damn about her. And what does that say about her, breaking up with you because she thinks she upgrading? I think she's going to be in the shock of her life when this relationship ends.