Progress : I Think I'm Finally Kicking Him off that Pedestal!!

[MissMoni]

Hi all,

 

I don't know if this will be helpful to anyone, but I wanted to share my story in the hopes it will inspire someone else. A couple of days ago, I posted a frenzied "How do I not get sucked back in by my ex??! Ahh!!" post and realized within the past couple of days...he really isn't worth my time at all. The fact that he came to my school (my GRADUATION nonetheless) for a second time this year and again made absolutely no attempt to see me whatsoever confirmed in my mind he is a coward who isn't worth my time. When he saw me at graduation, he was PETRIFIED. Why? I'm not sure. I have not been violent or mean to him since our breakup 7 months ago. In fact, the only thing that seemed to bother him was me deleting him from FB (?!?). AND he had the nerve to say, "It's a shame we didn't get to talk, let's catch up another time."

 

I'll believe it when I see it.

 

Anyway, what I am trying to say is, this is all about how WE view ourselves and VALUE ourselves. It doesn't matter what the ex thinks, because they aren't in a relationship with us and no matter what we do, we will most likely still not be in a relationship with them. So the best revenge? Living well. I don't mean to brag, but since my ex broke up with me, I have lost 30 pounds, graduated from college, gotten interviews at big name companies, and made new friends...so this week I was sitting around thinking - why the hell am I still hung over you, who is still doing the same thing you were doing 7 months ago - nothing?

 

We deserve to be happy and we deserve so much more! Don't settle for someone who doesn't see you for ALL the wonderful qualities you have. One's man's "trash" is another man's treasure . I am sure that I may still have days where I miss him because it's only natural to miss someone you dated for almost 2 yrs..but he is not the person I thought he was. I used to feel like there was something wrong with ME because he wasn't talking to me and he was avoiding me -- it's not us, guys. It's their own guilt and cowardice. He completely expected never to see me again after breaking up with me over the phone, but karma came back and bit him in the ass

 

What I am trying to say is - don't let anyone else determine your worth. Go out there and live your life. Your ex isn't some super demi-God. They are a regular person. And chances are, they are a lot more messed up than they lead you to believe.

[yolatanga]

Great post. Good for you. Congrats!! Your post made me feel better. Thanks.

 

This is so true:

 

"I used to feel like there was something wrong with ME because he wasn't talking to me and he was avoiding me -- it's not us, guys. It's their own guilt and cowardice."

 

I spent 8 mos feeling this way after an 8 yr relationship. All I did was cry, blame myself and lost myself. I'm done punishing myself for his abusive actions. I finally see him for what he is. A coward and a very dishonest person who violently ended our relationship because he was doing something wrong. I saw him last night because he keeps showing up where I go and I'm glad I was all dressed up from work. He looked old and sweaty. I ignored him and laughed with my friends. He left.

 

I blocked him today via e-mail and text. I'm getting back to working out like I used to. I signed up to go back to school. Hopefully I can afford it. I want to get back into dating. I have to worry about me now.

[Arikel]

No no, you don't have to worry about yourself, you have to live and do good to and for yourself

[radiodarcy]

great post MissMoni! and congratulations on all you've accomplished; including knocking your ex off that undeserved pedestal! i am a week shy of 3 months of NC - - after having to restart NC back in march. but i hope to be where you are one of these days. from time to time i find myself feeling low as i havent heard from him since i went back to NC. but you're right, it's most likely his own guilt and cowardice for treating me the way he did. besides, it's better i don't hear from him rather than deal with the temptation of responding to his texts and phone calls (which is how i wound up breaking NC last time).

 

of course, i'm sure the main reason i haven't heard from him is because he's probably got a girlfriend now. and i'm sure he's treating her like a queen. but i'm also willing to bet the royal treatment won't last long; as he has yet to do any kind of self-improvement or personal reflection into his own issues - -of which he has PLENTY. he's too insecure to be in a relationship with one person because he needs the approval of many. but his problems are not my problems anymore - - in fact - - they never were. they're his.

 

i have to say when i do hit those low points it feel as though i haven't gotten very far in my healing at all. but then i think about the fact that that i've been able to maintain NC so much longer than i thought i would. i've also made changes in my diet - - and recently made the decision to go vegetarian - - something that i never though i would be able to do. but i have been able to stick to it and as a result i have been feeling great! plus i've started a new work out routine that i love and i am finally starting to notice other guys even though i'm not ready to start dating just yet. but that's a far cry from when i told myself i would never ever date again!

 

so when i take all that into consideration i realize that i have come farther than i'm giving myself credit for. the low points are just a normal part of the healing process. but it can be hard to see past those moments when you're feeling that way. but i know eventually those will start to fade as well...

[yolatanga]

No no, you don't have to worry about yourself, you have to live and do good to and for yourself

So true. So true. Thanks.

[MissMoni]

I agree with everyone - we don't have to "worry" about ourselves we can just live our live

 

i have to say when i do hit those low points it feel as though i haven't gotten very far in my healing at all. but then i think about the fact that that i've been able to maintain NC so much longer than i thought i would.

 

so when i take all that into consideration i realize that i have come farther than i'm giving myself credit for. the low points are just a normal part of the healing process. but it can be hard to see past those moments when you're feeling that way. but i know eventually those will start to fade as well...

 

Radiodarcy, I understand how you feel! I by no means don't have bad days, but those days are gradually becoming few and few. There are still some days that I can get set off by the smallest things and cry but I force myself to get up, write, and pray about my feelings. I remind myself that the reason I feel the way I do is because I am human and DO have feelings, and that it is normal to still feel sad. I used to think that made me weak, but at least I am strong enough to have feelings and admit to having them, which he is not. However, on the other hand I am glad he hasn't expressed any doubts to me, because even though now I think he's a jerk, at least he hasn't "led me on".

 

I understand what you mean when you say that you feel like you have no progress. I have those days as well, esp when I break NC and try to reach out to him. But I don't think I'll be doing that anymore. I keep trying to reach out and be friends, and I'm the only one trying. What's the point, I say. Sure he's "scared" but I'm scared too, and that doesn't stop me. It all goes to show that they are cowards and not worthy of our time.

[radiodarcy]

but at least I am strong enough to have feelings and admit to having them, which he is not. However, on the other hand I am glad he hasn't expressed any doubts to me, because even though now I think he's a jerk, at least he hasn't "led me on"

 

i completely agree with you MissMoni. i think that's why i continue to allow myself to feel the pain and the sadness even though he was over me a long time ago (and i'm sure he experienced a fraction of the pain - - if any - - that i have been going through). but you know, acknowledging our feelings is what makes it easier for people like you and i to move on. people like our exes - - who refuse to acknowledge their feelings are the ones who will struggle down the road. feelings are part of who we are - - to deny them is to deny that part of ourselves that makes us loving, compassionate individuals. in a way -- i almost feel sorry for our exes because they refuse to allow themselves to have that. but that is their cross to bear not ours.