nothappyjan Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I was having a discussion with a group of people and every guy who was crazy about his wife admitted they knew the second they saw her that she would be the girl he married. A lot of other people agreed that the happiest marriages they know are people who say they knew right away. We also discussed the time it takes to get engaged and I think the quicker a guy proposes the more he likes you. Why would you leave the love of your life single longer than necessary. Surely if you truly had no doubts you'd propose sooner rather than later and i'd rather a guy sure about me and our future. Maybe i think this as i attract guys who are wishy-washy in their feelings and commitment phobes but i wanted to get your opinions.
denise_xo Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I see it as a bit irresponsible to propose or get married before you really know each other. A lot of warning flags are often missed during the infatuation phase, and instant attraction does not necessarily equal long term compatibility. I'm not saying at all that it can't work out, but the point is that you never really know. And you don't 'leave someone single' if you are in a committed relationship where you are getting to know each other with a view to build a long term relationship and/or marriage. I always get 'instantly' attracted to men when I like someone - it's kind of that or nothing. Some of them I have been compatible with in a more long term perspective, others not so much. I'd rather wait a bit and have it confirmed.
Jazzari Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I agree with love at first sight. But I wait for the marriage part. My heart may be in love, but I want my mind to catch up.
Author nothappyjan Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 I'm talking within 2 yrs or so. Not a few weeks. I personally take awhile to know if im really in love with someone myself. The issue is guys who are lukewarm who keep with you for years putting off marriage and then within 6 months have married a new girl once you have broken up. Some part of me thinks that if a guy shows no sign of proposing within 2 yrs then he doesnt want to marry you, full stop. Every guy can go on about money issues, time, work etc but if they really want too they will make it work as there will never be a perfect time for anyone. Not that im in a rush to marry, im in a pretty good place being single.
Jazzari Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I'm talking within 2 yrs or so. Not a few weeks. I personally take awhile to know if im really in love with someone myself. The issue is guys who are lukewarm who keep with you for years putting off marriage and then within 6 months have married a new girl once you have broken up. Some part of me thinks that if a guy shows no sign of proposing within 2 yrs then he doesnt want to marry you, full stop. Every guy can go on about money issues, time, work etc but if they really want too they will make it work as there will never be a perfect time for anyone. Not that im in a rush to marry, im in a pretty good place being single.I agree with your timing. Any longer than that, and I would seriously question the relationship.
Lucky_One Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 2 years is a little long. By the 2 year mark you should have been married. By the 1 year mark you should be planning your wedding. I don't agree with this at all. I don't think that you know someone well enough to marry them in the first year. I am already firmly of the opinion that far too many women are into the thought of a wedding and don't pay that much attention to the biggest wedding detail - the groom. If people spent more time getting to know each other for two years rather than spend their time whining because Daddy won't pay for a dove release, then there would be less marital discord.
tigressA Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I agree with your timing. Any longer than that, and I would seriously question the relationship. I agree as well. I left my longest relationship shortly before the 2-year mark because I knew I didn't want to marry him. If we had stayed together he likely would've proposed. As to the OP's query...I'm not sure I believe in love at first sight. I do believe in lust at first sight. My BF did say he felt he would marry me when he first saw me, and he has asked me already, though we decided to re-evaluate when 2 years have elapsed.
vsmini Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I'm not saying it's not possible but I don't understand love at first sight. I don't think I'm cynical but something in my mind makes me want to evaluate a person and my relationship to them first. Oddly enough -the best relationships I've had were not love at first sight at all. The guy I'm with now I was really unsure about and waited for a few dates - but...I'm a wait and see kind of person. Now I'm a lovebug for the guy. I just don't know how "you know"....you know?
MrNate Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I disagree with a designated timeline all together. Not sure when 2 years became the deadline. Guess I missed the memo.
PinkInTheLimo Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I agree with love at first sight. But I wait for the marriage part. My heart may be in love, but I want my mind to catch up. Well said. There are no "should's" in these matters.
MrNate Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I don't agree with this at all. I don't think that you know someone well enough to marry them in the first year. I am already firmly of the opinion that far too many women are into the thought of a wedding and don't pay that much attention to the biggest wedding detail - the groom. If people spent more time getting to know each other for two years rather than spend their time whining because Daddy won't pay for a dove release, then there would be less marital discord. Amen, Amen, Amen. This paragraph is so good it deserves to be put in bold and underlined.
denise_xo Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I disagree with a designated timeline all together. Not sure when 2 years became the deadline. Guess I missed the memo. I agree with this. To me it's about what kind of commitment I see and experience as part of daily life and interaction with a SO, not about pre set time frames.
MrNate Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I agree with this. To me it's about what kind of commitment I see and experience as part of daily life and interaction with a SO, not about pre set time frames. 'Congratulations honey! We've been dating for a year! I hope you have your colors picked out for your Groom tuxedo. We only have a year left!':laugh:
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