How can i get over her past??

[williamk]

hey guys im 18 and my girlfriend is almost 17 we have been dating for 5 months and i cant get over somethings she done to me in the past

 

She used to always been on facebook and it stressed me out so i got onto her facebook to reasure myself and it all went wrong.

 

I first read some messages to her EX EX(these were sent about 1.5 months in)

Her: I heard about your orgy hahaha

EXEX: Yeah, it was cool

Her: Should of had some decent girls in it.

Her: We used to be good friends, can we hang out

EXEX: Yeah aslong as its not with your BF

Her: I wouldnt ask that of u

 

Then i also read from her recent EX(this was sent 4weeks in)

Her:have you moved on

Him: No wbu

Her: Just kissed someone

Her: your the last person i slept with

(wee took it slow to make sure it was not a sex based relationship)

 

Then i seen pictures uploaded on her facebook of her with her EX smilling and laughing stairing into his eyes and poseing, i thought it was her cousin but it was her EX.

 

She has changed since then and not done something like that to me since i found it out and it ruined me, but i cant get over the past, i always get flash backs of the pictures, and the convo i read and it makes me feel like **** i get hot flushes and stuff, and she has changed and i really love her i just dont know what to do to get over the past, can anyways please help

[smudge21]

All comes down to trust and whether you can put the past in the past. If you really love this girl and want to make a go of it, then you need to be honest with her and address these concerns, otherwise they will build up and you will never be able to believe a word she says - your gut just won't ever let you. You'll just make yourself believe she is a totally liar and out sleeping with everyone.

 

People have pasts, we all do. Most of us move on totally, some stay in touch with people from their past, ex's and the like. I guess it depends how these ex's became ex's. If they dumped her, then she may be making contact to cure the hurt she feels, wanting them to want her again so she can blow them out, get her ego back after they shattered it. If she dumped them, maybe she's regretting it and still wants to see if she has that power over them; to see if they still desire her. Either way, she may only be testing the water, rather than taking a swim.

 

If the love is real, then she'll be honest with you and understand how you feel, but only after you've been honest with her. I know it's hard - I bet you're thinking the worse, like if you push her, you may not get the answers you want, but the truth is always the truth.

[denise_xo]

If you can't get over it then you can't. No point in beating yourself up over it. Find someone else.

 

This here. Find yourself a virgin, sounds like that's what you need.

[oldguy]

I'm happy FB wasn't an option for me, back in the stone age, because I can sit here all self righteous and talk about how wrong it is and how that can never end good but at 17 or 18 I don't know if I could over come the temptation.

So I guess all I can say is; "don't do that". Hmmm, I wonder if my SO is on FB JK.

[denise_xo]

Let's try something realistic. Find a girl who isn't keeping exes around as backups.

 

You're right, I realise now I read the OP too quickly.

[nordic]

hey guys im 18 and my girlfriend is almost 17 we have been dating for 5 months and i cant get over somethings she done to me in the past

 

She used to always been on facebook and it stressed me out so i got onto her facebook to reasure myself and it all went wrong.

 

I first read some messages to her EX EX(these were sent about 1.5 months in)

Her: I heard about your orgy hahaha

EXEX: Yeah, it was cool

Her: Should of had some decent girls in it.

Her: We used to be good friends, can we hang out

EXEX: Yeah aslong as its not with your BF

Her: I wouldnt ask that of u

 

Then i also read from her recent EX(this was sent 4weeks in)

Her:have you moved on

Him: No wbu

Her: Just kissed someone

Her: your the last person i slept with

(wee took it slow to make sure it was not a sex based relationship)

 

Then i seen pictures uploaded on her facebook of her with her EX smilling and laughing stairing into his eyes and poseing, i thought it was her cousin but it was her EX.

 

She has changed since then and not done something like that to me since i found it out and it ruined me, but i cant get over the past, i always get flash backs of the pictures, and the convo i read and it makes me feel like **** i get hot flushes and stuff, and she has changed and i really love her i just dont know what to do to get over the past, can anyways please help

 

just do what everybody else seems to have to her. Have sex with her for a while until you get tired of it, and then let her go. You are still young and there will be other, more stable, girls down the road.

 

Girls like that never change, and she will end up one of those girls who have such rich past in the end, that nobody is gonna want her, when she finally choose to try and settle. then you will be happy you just went for sex with her, but nothing more. Try to stay out emotionally though.

 

Shouldnt be too hard. Just think of the group thing with her and her exex and his buddies, should cure you of any warm feelings:-) Besides threesomes with one girl and two boys always mean two holes are being used simultaneusly. Just ask her which ones that were, and you will also be cured of any love you have for her:-)

[Lucky_One]

just do what everybody else seems to have to her. Have sex with her for a while until you get tired of it, and then let her go. You are still young and there will be other, more stable, girls down the road.

 

Girls like that never change, and she will end up one of those girls who have such rich past in the end, that nobody is gonna want her, when she finally choose to try and settle. then you will be happy you just went for sex with her, but nothing more. Try to stay out emotionally though.

 

Shouldnt be too hard. Just think of the group thing with her and her exex and his buddies, should cure you of any warm feelings:-) Besides threesomes with one girl and two boys always mean two holes are being used simultaneusly. Just ask her which ones that were, and you will also be cured of any love you have for her:-)

 

This young girl's private conversation AND the OP's post NEVER indicated that she has had a threesome or anything of the sort. She said something about her EXEX's orgy - there is ZERO evidence in this thread.

 

And if you take Nordic's advice (just f^ck her and dump her), you are simply adding to her "rich past" and becoming part of the problem, instead of part of the solution.

 

Young girls (let's face it - the kid is 16 now, and she was obviously having sex at 15) TEND to have sex because they 1) believe that it is expected of them and 2) think that is the best way to get the love that they are craving.

 

And there are many many guys who tap into those beleifs (and I use the word tap literally) and take advantage of a young girl's willingness to go that far.

 

OP, she is still basically a child, and she very likely has made some mistakes in the past. You have certainly made bad choices in the past, and you will continue to do so. Being a teenager and learning to navigate through adult behavior while having an immature brain leads people to not-so-good choices.

 

You have a choice here. To accept and love her for who she is growing into, or to hold the fact over her head that she has had sexual experience prior to you and be paranoid over the fact that she is still friendly with her XBF's.

 

FYI - waiting a month to have sex isn't really waiting a long time at all, to make sure that it wasn't a sex-based relationship. I am, too, curious to know if you have any prior sexual experiences with other girls, and to know if you are still friendly with them.

[nordic]

This young girl's private conversation AND the OP's post NEVER indicated that she has had a threesome or anything of the sort. She said something about her EXEX's orgy - there is ZERO evidence in this thread.

 

And if you take Nordic's advice (just f^ck her and dump her), you are simply adding to her "rich past" and becoming part of the problem, instead of part of the solution.

 

Young girls (let's face it - the kid is 16 now, and she was obviously having sex at 15) TEND to have sex because they 1) believe that it is expected of them and 2) think that is the best way to get the love that they are craving.

 

And there are many many guys who tap into those beleifs (and I use the word tap literally) and take advantage of a young girl's willingness to go that far.

 

OP, she is still basically a child, and she very likely has made some mistakes in the past. You have certainly made bad choices in the past, and you will continue to do so. Being a teenager and learning to navigate through adult behavior while having an immature brain leads people to not-so-good choices.

 

You have a choice here. To accept and love her for who she is growing into, or to hold the fact over her head that she has had sexual experience prior to you and be paranoid over the fact that she is still friendly with her XBF's.

 

FYI - waiting a month to have sex isn't really waiting a long time at all, to make sure that it wasn't a sex-based relationship. I am, too, curious to know if you have any prior sexual experiences with other girls, and to know if you are still friendly with them.

 

well, being a woman, you obviously have no clue what this is about. he already has hot flushes from anger, where do you expect things to go from here? i had those myself first time in his age. i am 41 now. the only things i learned over time are. 1) you need to bring the problem to person who owns it, which is the woman. 2) that never really works, so just stay away from sluts, or you will never be really happy. there will always be these moments of anger when you look at her, every now and then.

 

well, if he takes my advice. yes , the problem adds up. but for her. not for him. which is ok, since its her problem to start with, not his.

[nordic]

This young girl's private conversation AND the OP's post NEVER indicated that she has had a threesome or anything of the sort. She said something about her EXEX's orgy - there is ZERO evidence in this thread.

 

And if you take Nordic's advice (just f^ck her and dump her), you are simply adding to her "rich past" and becoming part of the problem, instead of part of the solution.

 

Young girls (let's face it - the kid is 16 now, and she was obviously having sex at 15) TEND to have sex because they 1) believe that it is expected of them and 2) think that is the best way to get the love that they are craving.

 

And there are many many guys who tap into those beleifs (and I use the word tap literally) and take advantage of a young girl's willingness to go that far.

 

OP, she is still basically a child, and she very likely has made some mistakes in the past. You have certainly made bad choices in the past, and you will continue to do so. Being a teenager and learning to navigate through adult behavior while having an immature brain leads people to not-so-good choices.

 

You have a choice here. To accept and love her for who she is growing into, or to hold the fact over her head that she has had sexual experience prior to you and be paranoid over the fact that she is still friendly with her XBF's.

 

FYI - waiting a month to have sex isn't really waiting a long time at all, to make sure that it wasn't a sex-based relationship. I am, too, curious to know if you have any prior sexual experiences with other girls, and to know if you are still friendly with them.

 

and also. women have sex for all sorts of reasons, you can add at least hundreds after the two reasons you listed.

[Lucky_One]

well, being a woman, you obviously have no clue what this is about. he already has hot flushes from anger, where do you expect things to go from here? i had those myself first time in his age. i am 41 now. the only things i learned over time are. 1) you need to bring the problem to person who owns it, which is the woman. 2) that never really works, so just stay away from sluts, or you will never be really happy. there will always be these moments of anger when you look at her, every now and then.

 

well, if he takes my advice. yes , the problem adds up. but for her. not for him. which is ok, since its her problem to start with, not his.

 

He has hot flushes from anger because he read something which, in one case, was nothing more than a touching base of old friends and, in another, was a telling an XBF that she had moved on? Maybe HE is the one with a problem; maybe HE needs anger management classes.

 

And what indicates here that this 16 year old girl is a slut?

 

You are 41, and I can pretty much guess that you don't have a daughter. Thank God.

[nordic]

He has hot flushes from anger because he read something which, in one case, was nothing more than a touching base of old friends and, in another, was a telling an XBF that she had moved on? Maybe HE is the one with a problem; maybe HE needs anger management classes.

 

And what indicates here that this 16 year old girl is a slut?

 

You are 41, and I can pretty much guess that you don't have a daughter. Thank God.

 

two boys:)

 

i dont think my view would change much though, if i had a girl.

 

she is discussing recent group sex with one of her exes, behind her boyfriends back. and then tries to set up a meeting with him without her bf.

 

what do you think that guy is thinking?

 

either way, its trademark slut behavior. and thats why her bf is angry. i would also be equally angry. so you probably dont get it coz you are a woman.

 

another trademark is that you can never find out what happened anyway. she is gonna lie her ass off, if she did something. or she gonna give him the p rated version. so he might as well assume what is most likely.

[Lucky_One]

two boys:)

 

i dont think my view would change much though, if i had a girl.

 

she is discussing recent group sex with one of her exes, behind her boyfriends back. and then tries to set up a meeting with him without her bf.

 

Her: I heard about your orgy hahaha

EXEX: Yeah, it was cool

Her: Should of had some decent girls in it.

 

Where in this conversation do you read that she had group sex with an X?

 

what do you think that guy is thinking?

 

either way, its trademark slut behavior. and thats why her bf is angry. i would also be equally angry. so you probably dont get it coz you are a woman.

 

I see nothing that shows this young girl is a slut. Trademark slut behavior? Kids hang out all the time together, and she asked to HANG OUT with an old friend - not participate in an orgy or film some porn.

 

another trademark is that you can never find out what happened anyway. she is gonna lie her ass off, if she did something. or she gonna give him the p rated version. so he might as well assume what is most likely.

 

What in the world does my being a woman have to do with anything? If anything, you write like a paunchy 41 year old misogynist who would be lucky to get screwed by a woman while bemoaning during the entire encounter that she was a slut and only out to steal your money or your soul.

[nordic]

What in the world does my being a woman have to do with anything? If anything, you write like a paunchy 41 year old misogynist who would be lucky to get screwed by a woman while bemoaning during the entire encounter that she was a slut and only out to steal your money or your soul.

 

yeah, thats mature.

 

how is that there is always a reformed slut that steps up and explains to everybody that men actually loves sexually history, they just dont know it yet?

 

yes, the reason you dont get why he is angry is most likely that you are a woman. i understand it, and i would feel exactly the same.

 

she is discussing group sex with an ex and setting up a meeting with him after he wants explicitly asks not to have her bf there, which she agrees to. maybe some people hang out, but this boy is not thinking of that, believe me. or ask any man in your vicinity.

 

the fact that its impossible to know if she did have group sex is enough. i think its likely that she did. but its impossible to know, and she will never tell if she did. women lie about their sexual history, i can give two hundred examples of that, from what i have seen.

 

and about the sentence.

 

i actually love sluts, so that would not be anything negative. my money is safe, coz i would never marry a slut. i do love having sex with them though. and my soul is safe, its too black by now from the moneymaking to be an item somebody would care to steal:)

[Untouchable_Fire]

What in the world does my being a woman have to do with anything? If anything, you write like a paunchy 41 year old misogynist who would be lucky to get screwed by a woman while bemoaning during the entire encounter that she was a slut and only out to steal your money or your soul.

 

Personally, I think she is saying the girls in his orgy were not as good as her and that she plans to meet up with him to prove it.

 

It is also possible that this "orgy" isn't real and is some kind of inside joke.

 

Either way this convo is very, very inappropriate. People like this don't change.

 

 

Her: I heard about your orgy hahaha

EXEX: Yeah, it was cool

Her: Should of had some decent girls in it.

Her: We used to be good friends, can we hang out

EXEX: Yeah aslong as its not with your BF

Her: I wouldnt ask that of u

 

It also kind of bothers me that she dogs her BF at the end.

[FlowerGirly]

hey guys im 18 and my girlfriend is almost 17 we have been dating for 5 months and i cant get over somethings she done to me in the past

 

She used to always been on facebook and it stressed me out so i got onto her facebook to reasure myself and it all went wrong.

 

I first read some messages to her EX EX(these were sent about 1.5 months in)

Her: I heard about your orgy hahaha

EXEX: Yeah, it was cool

Her: Should of had some decent girls in it.

Her: We used to be good friends, can we hang out

EXEX: Yeah aslong as its not with your BF

Her: I wouldnt ask that of u

 

Then i also read from her recent EX(this was sent 4weeks in)

Her:have you moved on

Him: No wbu

Her: Just kissed someone

Her: your the last person i slept with

(wee took it slow to make sure it was not a sex based relationship)

 

Then i seen pictures uploaded on her facebook of her with her EX smilling and laughing stairing into his eyes and poseing, i thought it was her cousin but it was her EX.

 

She has changed since then and not done something like that to me since i found it out and it ruined me, but i cant get over the past, i always get flash backs of the pictures, and the convo i read and it makes me feel like **** i get hot flushes and stuff, and she has changed and i really love her i just dont know what to do to get over the past, can anyways please help

 

I hate facebook. seriously, find more important stuff to worry about.

[lino]

If you just want sex, keep her around.

 

Trying to make her your girlfriend will give you nothing but headaches.

You're very young so you'll see how this sort of thing works as you get older.

[g450]

I agree with what most have already said.

 

She is young and she is sowing her oats of sorts.

 

You will only wind up being a notch on her bedpost. Your too young to worry too much about this. Have your fun but remain unnatached or find a better class of girl.

[sanskrit]

Not going to get in the heat of this hopefully, other than to offer some "other shoe" quiz.

 

Lucky One, in OP's shoes, if your BF, or your daughter's BF, of ANY age, was talking about orgies on FB with another female and then making plans to get with that female under -whatever- pretense, SPECIFICALLY excluding you, and then was having a conversation with another woman, a known, recent ex, where he was TEASING this ex with your current relationship, given all that, what would be your reaction to someone trying to make excuses, based on age or whatever, for your BF's behavior? Be honest How would you advise your daughter in such a situation, "love and accept him?"

 

OP, dump and move on, she is trash, no matter if she hasn't done it lately, that just means she hasn't done it on her FB wall, and has likely gotten with both these guys in person while you have been dating.

Edited May 27, 2011 by sanskrit

[Feelsgoodman]

This is how you move on: pump 'n dump, and for god's sake, don't fall in "love" with this slut. A 17 year old girl who engages in orgies is clearly not LTR material.

[mr.dream merchant]

Stick and move, stick and move, stick and move.

[nordic]

What in the world does my being a woman have to do with anything? If anything, you write like a paunchy 41 year old misogynist who would be lucky to get screwed by a woman while bemoaning during the entire encounter that she was a slut and only out to steal your money or your soul.

 

my guess is that you asked a guy about this, and he told you what every other man here is telling you. this girl is bad news.

[williamk]

This young girl's private conversation AND the OP's post NEVER indicated that she has had a threesome or anything of the sort. She said something about her EXEX's orgy - there is ZERO evidence in this thread.

 

And if you take Nordic's advice (just f^ck her and dump her), you are simply adding to her "rich past" and becoming part of the problem, instead of part of the solution.

 

Young girls (let's face it - the kid is 16 now, and she was obviously having sex at 15) TEND to have sex because they 1) believe that it is expected of them and 2) think that is the best way to get the love that they are craving.

 

And there are many many guys who tap into those beleifs (and I use the word tap literally) and take advantage of a young girl's willingness to go that far.

 

OP, she is still basically a child, and she very likely has made some mistakes in the past. You have certainly made bad choices in the past, and you will continue to do so. Being a teenager and learning to navigate through adult behavior while having an immature brain leads people to not-so-good choices.

 

You have a choice here. To accept and love her for who she is growing into, or to hold the fact over her head that she has had sexual experience prior to you and be paranoid over the fact that she is still friendly with her XBF's.

 

FYI - waiting a month to have sex isn't really waiting a long time at all, to make sure that it wasn't a sex-based relationship. I am, too, curious to know if you have any prior sexual experiences with other girls, and to know if you are still friendly with them.

 

I have no contact with any girls i have ever slept with, i have only had sex with 2 girls before this and it ment nothing. I have no contact with any girls, she wont even let me talk to girls i grew up with cuz she just makes out like im doing something wrong and stuff i just end up feeling like ****. I cant even go out and drink with my mates with out her there and we always end up fighting over nothing, i have never done anything wrong and i have giving up so much to be with her, she told me she hates her ex's for cheating on her and she goes behind my back and messaged them. i guess i take it to harsh cuz i would never do a thing like that to anyone

[Fondue]

I have no contact with any girls i have ever slept with, i have only had sex with 2 girls before this and it ment nothing. I have no contact with any girls, she wont even let me talk to girls i grew up with cuz she just makes out like im doing something wrong and stuff i just end up feeling like ****. I cant even go out and drink with my mates with out her there and we always end up fighting over nothing, i have never done anything wrong and i have giving up so much to be with her, she told me she hates her ex's for cheating on her and she goes behind my back and messaged them. i guess i take it to harsh cuz i would never do a thing like that to anyone

That's all the proof you need, man.

 

She's out hanging with other dudes and makes sure you're not around (and probably without you ever knowing), and yet gets pissy if we talk to other women.

 

She's just trash, nothing more.

 

In my opinion, disconnect yourself emotionally 100%, have some kinky sex with her that she isn't comfortable with. Explore the boundaries (you know what I mean ), and dump her after that. If you can't enjoy the relationship, at least try and have fun with the physical stuff.

[liverpool fc]

honestly i can just say keep her for the sex then dump her or sit down and have a deep long talk about her about this and just see exactly how her feelings are and everything else and discuss concerns etc. good luck

[Lucky_One]

You know what makes me sick? A bunch of grown men who can't get GFs or wives telling a young kid to just keep his under-legal age GF around for just sex (and oh yea, try to f&ck her up the ass, especially if she is uncomfortable with it).

 

On BOTH genders, we are raising our children to be stupid with their bodies and lax with their emotions.

 

How about counsel him to simply break up with her? Why do you want to lead him to being callous, or lead her into being just one more screwed- up young woman who becomes so anxious about her sexuality that she feels she has to do whatever some guy wants her to, in order to be loved?