Realised that i pushed her away, finding it a lot harder to cope now :(

[roman_pavluchenko]

I only really realised lately that it was pretty much my fault for being dumped. I became infatuated with her before i even got to know her and when we did finally start talking i was really happy. I got drunk one night at a party and asked her out, she said yes but wandered if i knew what i was going on about because i was drunk, so i asked her again the next day when i sobered up. From day one i started to question her actions. There was a group of us down at the beach, i had gone off looking for egg shaped rocks (habit) and hadn't noticed the group was leaving, so i ran to catch up with them and i figured she may have waited for me, but she didn't. We we all on holidays at the time and it was the day we were leaving, she just got into her car with her friend without saying bye to me as we left our holiday.

 

Anyway she was hesitant when it came to kissing, wouldn't make the first move, always stopped first, preferred doing things whilst other people were present rather than alone etc etc, but would always talk to first/text me first and we would always have something to talk about. I pinned everything on the fact that it was because i was her first boyfriend and she was just nervous, but then i began to think that maybe she realised she had made a mistake and didn't want me, i began to feel insecure and always question her and when she would ask me why i worried so much i would tell her i just didn't want to lose her because she was special. I didn't realise at the time that this was very unattactive in a male as it came across as needy.

 

She eventually dumped me after 2 months, had a hard time doing so, cried and wanted me to stay at her house so we could talk as friends as she desperately wanted to stay friends, i tried begging her to take me back and it didn't work. Few weeks later i got pissed off and removed her from my life, apparently this didn't sit too well with her and she thought i was really immature. It's been 4 months since we split, no contact from either of us so i doubt it'l work out again. I just can't get over the fact that if i didn't worry so much we could still be together. Then again i think that if she might of shown me more affection/interest then i wouldn't have worried and if she really did like me, she would've pushed through it and made an effort to show me there was nothing wrong, to show me there was no reason to worry, to show that she did really care about me but these thoughts aren't enough to tell my heart otherwise.

[EricaH329]

Then again i think that if she might of shown me more affection/interest then i wouldn't have worried and if she really did like me, she would've pushed through it and made an effort to show me there was nothing wrong, to show me there was no reason to worry, to show that she did really care about me but these thoughts aren't enough to tell my heart otherwise.

 

That's logic. It's obvious what she did wrong, and could have done differently. However, we don't tend to feel emotions with our brains.

 

I'm glad you are able to recognize that she treated you in a way that would only make a person assume she didn't want a relationship. The ways she acted were text book definitions of not being romantically interested. You did nothing wrong. You pushed for something that clearly wasn't there on her part, that is not your fault.

 

Just know that this pain will subside. Also, take from this the lesson that you deserve to be wanted/appreciated/cared for the same way you care for them. Don't settle for less.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this! You deserve better.

Edited May 26, 2011 by EricaH329

[usabup]

I think the relationship was doomed the moment you left her alone to go and look for "egg shaped rocks"