we are pathetic

[NSDNQ]

look at this.

 

we rant and rave and cry and scream and beg and plead.

 

read the titles of these threads.

pretend for a second you are the persons ex

 

would you take them back?

 

when you ask yourself that question you'll get the same feeling I got when I woke up this morning and looked at myself in the mirror.

 

where the **** is our pride?

our confidence?

 

all the **** that made them fall in love with us in the first place.

 

I might allow myself to be the needy, insecure, demanding, and paranoid ******* that I am from time to time on here.

 

but after reading a few of my posts from my first day or two on the site.. its no longer a mystery to me why she left.

 

I used to say she couldnt love me for me so **** her.

 

but then i realized this isnt me.

 

this isnt the man she fell in love with and it certiantly isnt the man I used to be proud of.

 

dont **** her. **** me.

 

and **** you guys too.

 

lets get our lives together

[sabienne]

Or wow, here's a crazy idea - if you want to get your confidence and self esteem back up, stop being so damn angry, bitter and miserable. I can almost feel the hate coming out of your post.

 

First you were angry, bitter and miserable at your ex.

Now you're angry, bitter and miserable at other posters on LS.

Do something that makes you happy - and maybe get off LS for a while.

[NSDNQ]

you missed my point sab,

 

I lay profanity on pretty thick when Im trying to emphasize a point. not display anger. I display anger in a totally different way.

 

I mean it just reaches a point where you wake up one day and say c'mon dude. the only person im even slightly angry at is myself for being miserable for so long.

 

what I'm trying to say is this depressed attitude we all share is a huge part of the reason we are all single right now.

 

think about it for a second.

 

"just ****ing smile" is the essence of the way I'm starting to approach this.

 

I've reached to point where im sick and tired of being sick and tired and I'm ready for something new.

 

not the pat on the back sympathy we pass around, but dont lie like the majority of us here ar'nt wallowing in self pity which is (and I say this in the most emotionally neutral tone possible) pathetic.

 

it is. you know it is I know it is. everyone here knows it is.

 

granted my title and first post was borderline trollish but I'm making a quasi-valid point here

[Andymack]

I was going to write a big tirade of how this wasn't the right thing to be saying and you shouldn't be on here if all you want to do is say is negative then I went to reread the post and there is a lot of truth in what you said.

 

I've been pining for ages and I just really need to give myself a good kick up the arse as I have been wallowing in self pity for faaaaaarrrrr to long. I'm not sure I would have put it in the way that you did as it does come across as a bit bitter, but I think everyone here understands the frustration and the wanting to get out of the situation and hurt that they are in.

 

Tbh it was probably something that I needed to see after the sappy post I put up about 5 mins ago, but that is also the good thing about this place as there are lot of people who do care and want to help and understand and want everything to turn out well for you. It can encourage wallowing sometimes as it has done with me but it's always nice to know that there are people out there you can speak to when you feel down and it's sometimes cathartic to get it all out.

[Graceful]

I get it, because I know you. And to a certain extent, you're right. The people who "get" this, are going to be at a certain stage of their recovery, and they're also going to be able to see the dark humor in it. As you know, I love your dark humor.

 

But you know the expression, "when the student is ready, the teacher appears" ??

 

And hyperbole, to make a point, sometimes goes over the top -- yes, to make a point.

 

Well, it's all rolled into the OP.

 

This is what this post is about. Until you can actually get some distance from ... yes, yourself ... you can't see yourself. You have to step outside yourself and take a good hard look to see if there is something you're not getting, something you're not doing, something you're in denial about -- and that takes some people more time than others. And it takes perspective, self-awareness, and lots of other things that we all arrive at on different time tables.

 

If there's anyone here who knows what anger is, it's the OP. My take is that he's not angry at anyone on LS, no way.

 

I have to defend the OP. He's just at a certain stage of his recovery where he is using his anger (at himself for one thing) to be able to look at himself from the outside in. If other people are not ready for this, it's not a criticism. But it might give you a different perspective to see things his way, and laugh through your tears once in a while. Even when I was in absolute agony over my breakup, crying my eyes out, I'd often stop and start laughing at myself for wasting my time on my ex (cheater, liar), who had already made me a footnote. So you might want to try that, too. A good laugh at yourself is not a bad thing, and a good look at yourself from the outside in, is also in order when you're ready.

 

I'll never forget one day when I was crying, out of control, sitting with my mum, and she was so upset seeing me cry that way. Suddenly she said to me, "would you want "ex" to see you this way? would you want him to know you're this upset?" --- I immediately stopped crying, and said "NO, of course not!" so fast it wasn't even funny. Stopped crying. New perspective in less than a minute. Helped me adjust my attitude ... about myself; had nothing to do with my ex. It was about ME, not him. That was the beginning of me working on getting MYSELF back, not him. That's what this is about, getting yourself back. Once you get the focus off your ex, if you don't like what you're seeing in yourself, dry your tears and get to work.

 

you missed my point sab,

 

I lay profanity on pretty thick when Im trying to emphasize a point. not display anger. I display anger in a totally different way.

 

I mean it just reaches a point where you wake up one day and say c'mon dude. the only person im even slightly angry at is myself for being miserable for so long.

 

what I'm trying to say is this depressed attitude we all share is a huge part of the reason we are all single right now.

 

think about it for a second.

 

"just ****ing smile" is the essence of the way I'm starting to approach this.

 

I've reached to point where im sick and tired of being sick and tired and I'm ready for something new.

 

not the pat on the back sympathy we pass around, but dont lie like the majority of us here ar'nt wallowing in self pity which is (and I say this in the most emotionally neutral tone possible) pathetic.

 

it is. you know it is I know it is. everyone here knows it is.

 

granted my title and first post was borderline trollish but I'm making a quasi-valid point here

[plasma]

look at this.

 

we rant and rave and cry and scream and beg and plead.

 

read the titles of these threads.

pretend for a second you are the persons ex

 

would you take them back?

 

when you ask yourself that question you'll get the same feeling I got when I woke up this morning and looked at myself in the mirror.

 

where the **** is our pride?

our confidence?

 

all the **** that made them fall in love with us in the first place.

 

I might allow myself to be the needy, insecure, demanding, and paranoid ******* that I am from time to time on here.

 

but after reading a few of my posts from my first day or two on the site.. its no longer a mystery to me why she left.

 

I used to say she couldnt love me for me so **** her.

 

but then i realized this isnt me.

 

this isnt the man she fell in love with and it certiantly isnt the man I used to be proud of.

 

dont **** her. **** me.

 

and **** you guys too.

 

lets get our lives together

 

your on the right path!

 

at least your aware how retarded your feeling/acting right now, i feel the same things and made active changes to get out of the trenches, first step get off computer and do something other then " relationship" things... look for triggers cope with them, then keep it moving!

 

it can be done, with effort and time !

[hellon]

Ok OP, I get what you're saying- but as Graceful said, we're all at different stages in the recovery. So if you're so big on not hating yourself at the moment, then don't hate on yourself or us for doing/saying things that may seem pathetic at another stage of the process, because that's exactly what it is- a process. And being hurt and expressing it doesn't make us pathetic.

 

Besides, I don't post on here for my ex... I post on here for me.

[flitzanu]

you're right man, that's what everyone IS saying, is quit whining and get over it...but i think that's what everyone wants. saying it doesn't make it happen though.

 

how can you be strong when you are emotionally broken? the point though...if i'm understanding...is DON'T BE THIS WAY TO YOUR EX.

 

be this way in private, but don't show your weakness, or they're never going to want you again. nor will anyone else (probably). it's one thing my ex said to me, that after our "break" i turned needy and clingy instead of arrogant and detached. funny though she left bc i'm arrogant and detached.

[NicoleM]

I totally get what you are saying. I guess I am pathetic too.....

[Jdw_Icequeen]

Actually I feel great, I feel awesome, I feel accomplished.. I have seen myself take leaps in diffrent directions.. I don't feel bad that I was broken. That I begged pleaded cried and felt like I was on my death bed.

 

Thats what makes me human.. Love can move mountains the loss of love "WOW", Its the hardest hit you will ever suffer in your life. Wether you lose someone to death or being dumped,divorced..

 

Do I feel bad I wasn't strong enough to just disapear and not fight for what I loved.. No.. Did it make things better of course not.. Point is I think everything happens for a reason whats meant to be will be.. If they are meant to come back they will.. Not all the sniffling and blubbering is going to keep them away forever..

If its meant to be..

 

No one should feel like crap because they were feeling like crap.

I don't care how long it takes someone to move on.. We all go at our own pace.. I do understand your meaning behind it. Once you do stop feeling sorry for everything is when your at the point to beable to better yourself.

 

One of the hardest things to do is pull yourself out of your hole and push yourself into happiness. Even though we all know no one can do it for us..

You yourself have to be ready to pull yourself out of the flame all in good time...

Edited May 26, 2011 by Jdw_Icequeen

[BlindRage]

It sounds like it's time for you to get off LS OP. I like your tactic, they way I started seeing it is 'life is too short to not enjoy yourself'. It has been improving useful to help myself. I like how you grab the tail of bull though, give yourself sometime. Give us an up date on how it's been working out for you. It'll help a lot of the LS community to hear positivity.

[stopthemadness]

Yea, I agree with blindrage. I think its time to take a well needed break from L/S. People come on here to vent and get things out of their system. Some of us are healing at different stages then others but we are all here for the same reason. So if you think we pathetic maybe it time to step away for a while. Good luck..check in from time to time let us know how its going...

[Frank13]

I've reached to point where im sick and tired of being sick and tired and I'm ready for something new.

 

 

Well good for you. Others haven't reached that point yet. It is easy for someone who has gotten over their ex to come here and spew profanities at how pathetic they are. Maybe that's why your ex left. Who wants a garbage mouth?

 

You are like the guy who has been overweight for most of their life and then finally loses weight so goes around calling overweight people pigs.

[jonny78]

Let me give you my €0.02. If you think you are pathetic then that is your choice. I for one think I am great - I am me I am proud that my feelings go so deep that they allow me to both love and grieve.

 

My ex left me not because I was depressed, I became depressed because my ex left me. She had already made the decision to do the horrible thing that she did to the guy that she did fall in love with. And that's the case of most people here.

 

For a lot of people, such as myself - this was our first heartbreak, and if an anonymous forum is not the place to be 'pathetic' then I ask you friend, where is? When what happened to me first happened I had nobody, I was lost confused, depressed, in shock - in a hole and I could not see an escape.

 

It took me a long time to get over what happened, but I have nobody other than the great people on this website to thank. They taught me the power of NC, the power of self worth, how to love myself - but most of all they gave me advice and CONFIDENCE / REASSURANCE.

 

If you look at my first posts, down to my last - you will see how I have changed through stages throughout 4 months NC , from wanting to practically kill myself to a stage a few days ago where I left my ex in tears (without breaking NC because 'she lost the greatest thing that ever happened to her')

 

Without being 'pathetic' and without this forum and the great people who post here I would never have healed properly and would not be where I am today. It takes time to grieve and heal and I wouldn't change anything 'pathetic' that I did because it has made me a stronger person today.

 

I will never forget the lessons that I have learnt here, nor will I stop posting here when I still need advice and support to continue growing stronger from my nightmare experience. And I will use what the whole experience and most of all what this forum has taught me to ensure that the next girl I meet and the next relationship I have is a better one.

 

And I also know what to do next time I get my heartbroken if it happens, again, due to this forum.

 

If you think me, or any of the people on here are 'pathetic' then do one, I don't think anybody is, nor do I think you are. We are, infact, the opposite of pathetic, we are deep caring individuals.

 

I hope you heal soon.

[jonny78]

And I discraced myself infront of my ex before i went NC, I cried, begged, wrote letters, sent her mix tapes, kicked off with her new man - and I wouldn't change a thing.