Djshmh Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Conflicted I lay here numb... Wondering how time could be passing so fast... I really need a peace of mind... These feelings of uneasiness won't let me rest... I keep thinking about the hurt and pain... The pain of the past... With open arms I took him in... If only I knew of his kind of man.... I wouldn't have consented to him coming in... Cold hearted... Shadows of a secret man... He laughed at me but lay in my bed... I can't "say" rape... Although it feels that way... But how could I say such a cruel act... I never felt that way of him... but maybe deep down inside it felt that way... I fell in love with a man who never cared... What is wrong with me... I feel like he wheeled me in... With all my trust.. With all his will... He stole from me, over and over again... This is a poem that i wrote about a man that came into my life...This man already knew who I was, I later found out (long story) and I felt he took advantage of me. He works in law enforcement and his tactics were cruel to me. I have endured so much pain and I feel as though I will never get over this. I am conflicted between love and hate. Love -- for the sole purpose that I truly believe that he wanted me to become a better person. Hate -- for the sole purpose that he knew that he wasn't going to stay in my life. He knew that he was going to up and leave without a trace or so much of a phone call. This man is 13 years older then me and has had plenty of life experience. When he fell off the face of the earth (which I was unable to cope with and lost everything), he never even tried to call me or reach out. It bothers me to think of what he thinks of me now (a year later) after still chasing this issue. He probably thinks of me as a piece of garbage and I just cannot handle it. I am emotionally disturbed... When I think about him, I cry either because I love him so much and I cannot let go...or because I hate him so much for how much he doesn't care.
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