xMW broke NC...for closure?

[FightClub]

So, I found a e-mail waiting for me this morning, it was from the xMW with a new e-mail address, one that I didn't recognize after reading the e-mail.

 

The gist of the e-mail was trying to 'explain' why she left and the reasons behind her leaving which unfortunately really didn't explain anything, they were just very glossy pieces of information, not really anything noteworthy.

 

The e-mail hasn't set me back to far, I read it a few times, deleted it and blocked that e-mail address for the future.

 

I don't know what the real purpose of the e-mail was to be honest, it just seemed...saddening to read, as if to say, we were the right thing at the wrong time but quite frankly it's over.

 

She so vague even though she was trying to express herself, the whole thing was just more emotionally charged and confusing more than anything else.

 

Why now try to apologize or look for closure...shouldn't that be something you find within yourself? I mean, that's what I did, I walked away and have continued my own journey.

 

Which she did acknowledge was thankful that I let go and didn't look back.

 

In the end, it didn't really serve to make me feel any better, it was just sad to read and then delete.

 

-FC

[whichwayisup]

Do nothing. Either she was fishing and hoping you'd reply or she sent you that to make herself feel better.

 

Good that you deleted and blocked her..Though you might want to change your email address since she knows yours and it's so easy for her to create another one and still email you.

 

Bottomline is, she's still married so there's no point of her contacting you, the A is over and it's best for YOU to be in NC mode so you can properly grieve and heal.

 

If you ever get the urge to unblock her and write her back come here and post, someone here will push you back into reality of why it's best for you to be in NC. (Not saying you will, but just in case.)

[FightClub]

I wanted to add, deleted that e-mail address now and looking back at it, I'm disappointed in her.

 

I respected her enough to not pursue or continue past the point that it ended, I think it's disrespect to both me and her husband if she is trying to fix her marriage seven months after the fact.

 

To be honest, it doesn't seem like anything changed in that timeframe and yet I've gone through so much post Affair, she is just too confused, I doubt she herself knew what she was trying to say at this point.

 

Call it intuition but it just didn't seem to make any sense. Thankfully, my side of NC is still in full protection mode.

 

As I said previously, I let her go so I can one day find my own single woman, nothing more, nothing less...just someone for me.

 

-FC

[Silly_Girl]

FC, I find her actions selfish but there's a chance it was done with her marriage in mind as opposed to being disrespectful. If there were emotional 'loose ends' or her focus was in the wrong place perhaps this was - as you say - a closure issue. Perhaps it was one of many stages in furthering her bond with her husband.

 

Maybe she just wanted some attention.

 

I'm glad you don't feel too de-railed.

[whichwayisup]

FC, I also wouldn't try to figure out the why's and how's of her sending you an email. Don't waste your time and energy on that, it's just not worth it.

[Emme]

Wow! good for you. Keep on that same road you have been walking. She's trying to lead you astray. I know its not easy and that's why she probably fell apart and contacted you. As long as you don't respond I say she'll get the picture. I never knew matters of the heart were so complicated. Affairs just seem to drain and exhaust the mind and body more than a simple relationship. FightClub you did good. Keep strong and hold your ground. She chose her husband and that's where her efforts should go, not you. *High Five*

[FightClub]

Wow, this definitely hit me a bit harder this morning than I thought it would. I have to agree with what a few others have said about receiving communication of any kind from a xAP, it definitely puts you right back

where you were when the healing began.

 

I'm confident though, it just really does sadden me but I am just trying to phase the feelings out again by letting it out.

 

I know my path is the right one. Thanks guys.

 

 

-FC

[bentnotbroken]

She is pathetic. Stay tough.

[so-wrong]

Wow, this definitely hit me a bit harder this morning than I thought it would. I have to agree with what a few others have said about receiving communication of any kind from a xAP, it definitely puts you right back

where you were when the healing began.

 

I'm confident though, it just really does sadden me but I am just trying to phase the feelings out again by letting it out.

 

I know my path is the right one. Thanks guys.

 

 

-FC

 

I really admire your strength FC. I hope one day to be able to respond as you have done, with silence. Well done!

[TigerCub]

FC,

 

I am so proud of you!!

Even if you're realizing that it hit you a little hard afterwards, that's totally fine.

You're doing the right thing by deleting and blocking - you should be very proud of your strength and will to move on and not get sucked back into it.

 

As for why she wrote what she did - I have a feeling that it is for closure - I know that you may not have felt the need to write something to her - but sometimes people feel that need.

 

I felt it and I wrote xMM a long email before completely cutting him off - I did because I needed to get things off my chest and I knew that I would always look back and wish I had said those things - So in order for me to truly move on and be done with it, I HAD to write him that email and get it all out so that I could just close that chapter and move on.

 

Granted, I didn't write him anything since NC and I wouldn't now.

 

I'm just saying that although its extremely selfish of her to do it now - after you've made such progress - I guess she just felt it needed to be done.

 

in the end, it is what it is, and you are so strong, and you will get past this, just like you were able to get past everything else.

 

Don't lose sight of all your progress and be proud of your strength and all that you have accomplished.

 

[fooled once]

I think she emailed you to get an ego boost - expecting you to write back how much you missed her, etc.

 

Glad that you deleted it and blocked that email addy.

 

Hang in there FC.

[FightClub]

I believe the true pain is looking back again and seeing how things are almost exactly like they were before the affair, she's essentially in the same place, only remorseful and using analogies about how we were right for each other at the wrong time.

 

It's hurtful because it doesn't tell me anything other than the fact I made the right choice to walk away and let her live her life, without me as an influence.

 

I will never ask someone to force a decision, if you're going to decide let it be because it is you who has decided, not the person forcing you to choose.

 

 

Fate is what we make of it and I choose to be Happy with my life. Thanks everyone!

 

 

 

Thank you for the suggestion Garrgoil, I'll keep that in mind.

[Emme]

I will never ask someone to force a decision, if you're going to decide let it be because it is you who has decided, not the person forcing you to choose.

 

*Applause*

[East7]

Hi FC,

As you know my MW has broken NC many times and even after 7 months after just like you.

I agree with Tiger, she might feel the need to find a closure. She also may feel guilty to having hurt you. The NC is a kind of filter which make them think about you with fondness.

Another theory is that she may be in a low with her H and a nostalgic period about you and the A.

 

If basically she ended the e-mail with "it is over" i find it really stupid : why sending a letter 7 months later for saying it is over ?

 

Anyway, I know it makes you wondering and going to square one but think about this : Contact or No Contact what can you reasonably expect from her ?

Even at the peak of the A she told you she was never going to leave her H. She followed a sexual/passion instinct not a need for a new relationship.

[growingpains]

Hi FC

 

I'm sorry you had to go through the feelings associated with reading that email. It does sound like maybe she did feel the need to explain things, but as you know and as others have said, it doesn't change anything and you know that you cannot respond.

 

It is a difficult situation and as you know one I've struggled with myself, but it is best to just stay strong (as you clearly have been) and try not to overanalyse. Easier said than done, I know.

 

You know in your heart you don't want to go through that pain again. As you have said yourself, you deserve better and there is something better out there.

 

I wouldn't necessarily say her contact is for selfish reasons, however perhaps not everyone understands the purpose of NC and maybe she felt ready to explain things one last time.

 

When xOM sent me that email after about 6 months I was so confused and really struggled with whether to acknowledge it or not. It was quite upsetting at how raw the feelings were just from reading his words.

 

I know that the best thing to do is ignore and carry on being strong, just as you are doing. You've done so well already. Don't let that dark side of the mind take over

 

Sending you powerful strength and rational thinking vibes

 

GP

Edited May 26, 2011 by growingpains

[FightClub]

growingpains,

 

Ironically I believe I was experiencing the same kind of broken NC you were feeling with your exOM. The feelings and considerations have passed and I feel strong in knowing I continue to make the right choices for my exMW and I.

 

The more I analyzed the e-mail in my mind, I'd say she wasn't really looking for closure because it wasn't a very well-written letter, it was a blocks of information, apologies and vague references to the past we shared.

 

While it was interesting to read, it really did come off as more of an attempt to get my interest and she knew that I would feel something because of the connection we had. A lot of it was uncertainty about whether she made the right decision in staying.

 

But in the end, she made a decision and I made a decision to walk away all those months ago. I loved her and I let her go and my silence is not because I don't care but because I love her enough to not allow this affair to happen again.

 

In time, I know in my heart everything will work out for the best as long as I continue to walk forward in life, not backwards and hopefully one day she'll understand.

 

I believe in something greater than myself and that's why my beliefs sustain me, because everything will work out for the best when we make a choice, it's always about choices & consequences and what we can learn to help better ourselves and the lives of others.

 

Appreciate all your thoughts GP!

 

-FC

[growingpains]

FightClub, that is a good way at looking at things, and often what I try to remind myself when I feel a little bit melancholy.

 

I think your analysis is probably right. I felt a similar way with the email I received, as you know. It is confusing to read something like that and it does make the feelings resurface, but the hard work you've already done and your current resolve will stop them breaking through.

 

I'm sure she will understand and will probably respect what you are doing. She knows that you need to find happiness and protect yourself and your feelings.

 

GP