just_some_guy Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Just curious about the experience of other guys who have dated much younger women. Say a 45 yo man dating a 25 y.o. woman? Interestingly enough, I have mostly dated older women all my life, usually from 5-10 years older. Dating a much younger woman would be a very new experience for me. I haven't really started dating since my divorce, but I have met several women in friendly circumstances, including one much younger. There seems to be some mutual attraction between us and it is fun to think about. It would seem that the biggest problem would be not having an equal footing in life. With age comes a certain level of security, both emotionally and financially. She's not there yet, not too doing bad at her age though. But 20 years of hard work is a lot of ground to cover.
thatone Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 i've done up to 10 years, but past that is pushing it (i'm 34). regardless of their youthful virtues, i can't really have a woman around who has no concept of social grace. purple hair streaks and tattoos won't fly at a dinner with business acquaintances. then again i'm not 40 yet. my attitude might very well change. i could see having a 28-30 year old at 45. of course there's attraction. you have what men their age don't. have a blast. ....or read the bullsh*t all those younger angsty men and delusional women are posting in the "would you support a husband" thread and convince yourself that you should ignore them, lol.
EasyHeart Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Just curious about the experience of other guys who have dated much younger women. Say a 45 yo man dating a 25 y.o. woman? Interestingly enough, I have mostly dated older women all my life, usually from 5-10 years older. Dating a much younger woman would be a very new experience for me. I haven't really started dating since my divorce, but I have met several women in friendly circumstances, including one much younger. There seems to be some mutual attraction between us and it is fun to think about. It would seem that the biggest problem would be not having an equal footing in life. With age comes a certain level of security, both emotionally and financially. She's not there yet, not too doing bad at her age though. But 20 years of hard work is a lot of ground to cover.I'm 49, the woman I've been dating (for a little over 4 months) is 27. Last year, I dated a woman who was 24 (when we met) for over a year. When I was 40, I dated someone who was 19 when we met, and we dated for almost 3 years. All of them were mature and intelligent women, so I certainly never had any issue with being embarrassed by them in any way. In contrast, I've dated a few women in their late-30s and 40s who were embarrassing sometimes because they were (frankly) a little bimbo-esque. Things of which to be wary: (1) What are you looking for out of the relationship? She may enjoy dating you, but chances are she's not going to want to marry someone as old as her father. (2) How will your friends react? My male friends tended to be very nice, but some of their wives were down right awful to my dates. Conversely, her female friends were usually very nice to me, but other guys tend to resent an older guy in the group. My female friends tend to be nice to my GF's face, but when we're in private they lecture me about how she's all wrong for me. (3) Are your lifestyles compatible? You mentioned that you're divorced, so you may have lifestyle issues, especially if you have kids. I'm single, no kids, so that's never been an issue for me, but I've seen the flip-side when a I date more "age-appropriate" women -- they have responsibilities to their kids and ex, and they usually have a fixed-set of friends and little interest in doing anything new. I lump that all together as "lifestyle" issues between people who are used to being married and people who are used to being single.
Cee Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I have had two LTRs with men 16 years older than me. (23/39; 32/48) Both relationships lasted 2 years. Currently, I'm 41 in a relationship with a 24 year old man (4 months so far). The tables have turned for me. Here are my thoughts about age gap relationships. 1) Avoid "age arrogance:" A lot of people think their biological age as somehow special. And they look down on other people's age. I have heard 20-somethings say negative things about people older than them. And I've heard 40-somethings denigrate younger people. If you treat people as having something amazing to offer independent of age, you'll do better with dating. 2) Your extra years on the planet will mean squat to your younger date. She has no concept of it. Therefore, it's probably best to talk about current events and common interests. I don't know about you, but I have noticed I reminisce a lot. (Maybe too much). One time my friends and I were out with my boyfriend. One of my friends was talking about the good old days in 1989. My boyfriend smiled and nodded, but had nothing to contribute. He's born in 1987. 3) Try not to live in the future. You are recently divorced so resist the temptation to want to marry a younger woman you are dating. Younger women (and men) have a lot of career ahead of them and may want to break free to travel, go to grad school, etc. This is the most important advice. Live in the moment. 4) Sexual mores and customs have changed quite a bit over the past 20 years, but things are almost the same. However, there are things that younger people do that I've learned to adopt (lots of shaving, certain positions, etc). I think the sexual bar is much higher now. I think younger people know more than I did at that age. But try not to get intimidated. Let a younger woman share her favorite experiences and practice that stuff on her. TL;DR: Go for it and date the 25 year old, if she's interested. Live in the moment and learn from her. Don't project too far into the future.
alexlakeman Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 D/man, I am going to have to try that, dating a woman in her 20's or early 30's.. .. I'm mid 40's, and certainly don't want to someone older, rolling into 50 .. The problem I've seen when I've glanced at ladies in the high 20's, low/mid 30's online is that they want kids still
oldguy Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Just curious about the experience of other guys who have dated much younger women. Say a 45 yo man dating a 25 y.o. woman? Interestingly enough, I have mostly dated older women all my life, usually from 5-10 years older. Dating a much younger woman would be a very new experience for me. I haven't really started dating since my divorce, but I have met several women in friendly circumstances, including one much younger. There seems to be some mutual attraction between us and it is fun to think about. It would seem that the biggest problem would be not having an equal footing in life. With age comes a certain level of security, both emotionally and financially. She's not there yet, not too doing bad at her age though. But 20 years of hard work is a lot of ground to cover. When I was 45 or so I did date a woman who was 25 & another who was 30 when I asked the 30 yo why she dated older men her response was; the guys she had dated that where her age where more interested in themselves or things like their cars. I doubt that is a universal truth but it made sense to me at the time. As for equal footing in life I would agree but there are the exceptions. For me there was a little bit of a yuk factor dating a woman in her 20's when my kids where near 20 & one just turned 20 But that was my demon
bac Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Just curious about the experience of other guys who have dated much younger women. Say a 45 yo man dating a 25 y.o. woman? It would seem that the biggest problem would be not having an equal footing in life. With age comes a certain level of security, both emotionally and financially. She's not there yet, not too doing bad at her age though. But 20 years of hard work is a lot of ground to cover. I am a female but I had some experiences like that. No, it is not a problem but it is an advantage because it makes you both a perfect match for a serious LTR. You can give her what she does not have but she wants that a lot. She wants to feel secure and financially stable, and she is lucky enough to get it all with very little effort. All she has to do is to say 'yes' to you and be cooperative with different kinds of fun which you can offer to her. She wants an emotionally secure man for advice, help and emotional attachment. Your sex drive and her sex drive match perfectly as well because the younger a girl and the older a man, the less their libido is.
thatone Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 D/man, I am going to have to try that, dating a woman in her 20's or early 30's.. .. I'm mid 40's, and certainly don't want to someone older, rolling into 50 .. The problem I've seen when I've glanced at ladies in the high 20's, low/mid 30's online is that they want kids still of course they want kids. and they've woken up to the fact that the guys they were with through their 20s are not going to grow up any time soon, are not going to earn enough to support a wife who wants to stay home until the kids are in school, are not looking to give up the bar scene to spend all their time on family, etc. that doesn't mean you have to give them marriage and kids.
Lovelybird Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 (edited) the older men get, the younger women they want. Their bio clock is ticking, I guess. and older guys don't mind doing the nurture things, but younger guys are less willing Edited May 26, 2011 by Lovelybird
samspade Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 My opinion is that this kind of thing can be fun for both, but has little chance of being serious. Nothing wrong with a little fun though.
Author just_some_guy Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 Thanks for the thoughts. It is interesting to think about. One of the things I will admit that is exciting is that she is young enough to have a child with. Although at my age, it is hard to consider starting a family. Always wanted children, but never had any. Just the way two marriages and the complexities of life worked out. The thought of having a teenager in my 60's is pretty daunting, though a little baby at my age would just be wonderful. I like this young woman, a lot. Do not wish to lead her on, so I'm just being friendly and having lunch with her. Have no idea what path things might take. At this point, I'm not emotionally ready to do a lot more than that anyway. There are a lot of age differences. I feel secure in a lot of ways that I didn't in my 20's. I'm settled in my living situation, car, finances and the material things in ways that I didn't dream about 20 years ago. Have also been through a lot of painful times and survived them to my betterment.
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