Author 26pointblue Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Today I woke up feeling great. :-) I've been really productive all weekend de-cluttering my current house & moving stuff over to my new place. Yesterday I had a lot of anger at xMM because he was supposed to help me do a bunch of house-related stuff & never did. But today I feel self-reliant, like, who needs him?! To me it is symbolic of what I put up with during the affair . . . a lot of empty promises & good intentions [sometimes . . . sometimes I think he may have said stuff just to get me off his back that he had no intention of actually trying to do], but when it came down to it he just couldn't be there for me & after our last D-Day we had barely any 'relationship' at all, which is why it had to end. I need to add this to my list Crazy Love. :-) Anyway I've been sleeping on my couch because my bed is in the new place & needs to be set up, & this morning my three pets were all in the living room with me snuggled up . . . I was happy to have this life even though it's chaotic right now & there's a lot of up & down emotions over xMM. I think a big part of me is relieved it's over & I can finally start moving on. Thanks everyone for the help, again . . . I'm off to move heavy boxes!! I hope everyone has a fantastic Sunday & for those of us in the States, a good long weekend. :-) It's funny how one day I can feel so down/depressed, the next so up & euphoric, the next really mad at xMM & full of hate [although it came & went, with other more positive feelings at times], & today, I'm not up up up, but I'm content-happy, which is really where I want to be long-term.
SunsetRed Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Hang in there OP. One day God/Karma/The Universe will allow you to see what a sorry sack of sh#t your xmm is. When that day comes, you'll close the door, walk away and never look back and he'll never be able to penetrate your life again. Ok, keeping it humble, I've been totally messed up over my xmm until just recently and my break up was in Sept of last year. It's taken a long process of good days and Sh#tty ones like you're having right now. But I did get over him and I'm going to go on and have a fabulous life. His life is going to be pretty much the same and he'll be telling the same lies and stories to some other woman. Your life will end up being fabulous too. I love what your sister said about not finding a good single guy when you're tied to an old married guy. She's right. Let the old married guy go..he's not worth one tear that fell from your eye.
Breezy Trousers Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Today I woke up feeling great. :-) I've been really productive all weekend de-cluttering my current house & moving stuff over to my new place. Yesterday I had a lot of anger at xMM because he was supposed to help me do a bunch of house-related stuff & never did. But today I feel self-reliant, like, who needs him?! To me it is symbolic of what I put up with during the affair . . . a lot of empty promises & good intentions [sometimes . . . sometimes I think he may have said stuff just to get me off his back that he had no intention of actually trying to do], but when it came down to it he just couldn't be there for me & after our last D-Day we had barely any 'relationship' at all, which is why it had to end. I need to add this to my list Crazy Love. :-) . XMM did you a favor yesterday by not showing up. Not only did he show you his true colors again, his crappy behavior allowed you to see that you are all that you need. Priceless. Anyway I've been sleeping on my couch because my bed is in the new place & needs to be set up, & this morning my three pets were all in the living room with me snuggled up . . .. Life is taking sweet care of you. I was happy to have this life even though it's chaotic right now & there's a lot of up & down emotions over xMM. I think a big part of me is relieved it's over & I can finally start moving on. It always chaotic, but you're already in a different place, 26, and just think of where you'll be by the end of the summer. You are brave to be exposing your vulnerabilities with all of us here. Sharing your experience is probably helping many others who are going through the same process but are too shy to come forward. Thanks everyone for the help, again . . . I'm off to move heavy boxes!! I hope everyone has a fantastic Sunday & for those of us in the States, a good long weekend. :-) It's funny how one day I can feel so down/depressed, the next so up & euphoric, the next really mad at xMM & full of hate [although it came & went, with other more positive feelings at times], & today, I'm not up up up, but I'm content-happy, which is really where I want to be long-term. Very normal to have the mood swings during this! I'm glad you're having a good day today, 26. Enjoy!
Author 26pointblue Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Hang in there OP. One day God/Karma/The Universe will allow you to see what a sorry sack of sh#t your xmm is. When that day comes, you'll close the door, walk away and never look back and he'll never be able to penetrate your life again. Ok, keeping it humble, I've been totally messed up over my xmm until just recently and my break up was in Sept of last year. It's taken a long process of good days and Sh#tty ones like you're having right now. But I did get over him and I'm going to go on and have a fabulous life. His life is going to be pretty much the same and he'll be telling the same lies and stories to some other woman. Your life will end up being fabulous too. I love what your sister said about not finding a good single guy when you're tied to an old married guy. She's right. Let the old married guy go..he's not worth one tear that fell from your eye. I'm glad to see it can be done. :-) Right now I'm seeing that he was the sack of ***** you mention . . . but I'm struggling with that because I don't like feeling hate & I also feel stupid for letting someone like that do that to me. And honestly I was like him too, I was full of ***** myself. I just want to get to indifference so badly. My sister is a very wise woman. :-) Thanks for your support.
Author 26pointblue Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 XMM did you a favor yesterday by not showing up. Not only did he show you his true colors again, his crappy behavior allowed you to see that you are all that you need. Priceless. Oops . . . I just want to clarify that I wasn't expecting xMM to show up yesterday. I meant in general he was supposed to help me move stuff to Goodwill etc. & he kept putting it off & never doing it, & yes, this weekend when I was planned to be totally moved out he was going to help me but I also feel he would have not been able due because he was hiding the affair, his wife was on high alert & would have no explanation as to where he was all day. But once we broke up it was no longer expected of him to come. I just meant in general I look back & see all the things he said he would do & never did, including things having to do with moving, & this weekend would have been no different I'm sure! I just tell myself that things are the same - he's not here to help - except that now at least I'm not let down & disappointed because I believed he was going to keep his word [silly me]. Thanks for your support Breezy. :-) I appreciate your positive posts!
Author 26pointblue Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 But I did get over him and I'm going to go on and have a fabulous life. His life is going to be pretty much the same and he'll be telling the same lies and stories to some other woman. Your life will end up being fabulous too. Oh, meant to say, I think about this a lot. I think xMM & I have a lot of the same issues. I used to joke to my sister that he was my 'twin' - there was certainly something that propelled us together & attracted our dark sides, & I could recognize his weakness because they were mine & vice versa. Except I feel that his weaknesses were mine times a hundred, & his strengths were his times a hundred. He was basically an exaggerated verson of me - perhaps because he's older? And this is what started to scare me - that if I kept going along like I was going, I would be where he was at - an emotional, confused, conflicted mess who was messing up his family, business, everything because he didn't know how to be true to himself. I used to naively think we could help each other get better. Now I realize the relationship was just so unhealthy & built on a horrible dynamic. I want to be happy - I am already much happier - & I sincerely want him to be happy, but when I'm honest with myself I feel as you do, that he will keep continuing in the same pattern. But at least I won't be affected by it anymore. I chose to get better, he probably chooses to stay the same [although again I do hope he gets better!]
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