food 4 thought

[crazy love]

If a man with 3 children ages 11, 16, 17 chooses to get a divorce from his wife, after 10 years of a "dead" marital relationship, would you view this man as somebody who has "walked out" on his family?

 

I recently had a conversation about this, I feel like in todays society the Nuclear family where Mommy Daddy are together is highly thought of as a necessity in being a "good" parent.

 

Does there have to be broken dishes and raging fights in a household to justify a divorce?

 

Any opinions are welcome, I am curious to see how the majority here would view such a situation.

[Emme]

I believe that when a marriage is over it's over. The ages of the child only come into play if they are too young, lets say toddlers. To hold off until the child reaches early teenage years is healthy to keep the family dynamic from changing too early. Those ages you listed are fine, I would be concerned mostly with the 11 year old. Dishes should not have to be flying at all. People can become better parents when they get out of a marriage that's unhealthy for them.

[crazy love]

I feel like in some cases the father even has more time with the kids after a divorce has been finalized as his time with the children is more concentrated time and it is just about the kids instead of dealing with marital issues and stress of being in a situation where you are not happy with your spouse.

 

I kind of feel like, a happier parent is a better parent in many many ways.

[crazy love]

I have also read posts from children (now adults of course) of divorced parents.

I have read more than one instance where the parents waited for the kids to be "the right" age before separating.

They (the child of the divorce) said they wished that their parents had actually been more honest about their lack luster relationship instead of pretending that things where all good and fine for the sake of the kids.

She said it gave her a false sense of security and left her with many issues as an adult about what a "real" relationship should be.

[26pointblue]

I have no idea. I feel like my parents should have divorced if they couldn't work out their issues. I think they would both be happier. But I'm sure it would have been hard as a teenager to go through a divorce. I know I would have been angry & hurt. But I really think in the long run I would have been better off & so would everyone else. :-( In my parents' case I certainly wouldn't have called it leaving/abandoning a family, just that they had issues they couldn't resolve & decided to go their separate ways. I really feel I would have felt this way at the time even through my hurt. Now if infidelity were involved then I bet I would feel differently & feel that the parent who cheated was 'leaving' us to go be with someone else, & that would hurt even worse & yeah I would probably look badly at that parent. [but, hey, I was a teenager & so I was looking badly at both my parents anyway! ]

 

I actually had a lot of conversations about this with my xMM because he has teenagers & he was afraid to tear the family apart. Yeah I know it could have been a line but I could also see that he was terrified of doing the wrong thing & hurting them. I pointed out that he was already hurting them. That they knew things were awful & that even if he tried to be fake, that's no way to live either. So he needed to either really work on his marriage or leave. But to be honest with himself & with them. That is what I wish my parents had done. I guess I'm realizing this plays out now with my not-so-bright decisions as an adult. I really feel I was replaying all of it & was stuck working out different scenarios for teenage self. I could really relate to xMM's daughter when he would tell me about her reactions. The messed up thing is that I knew I was causing them pain & I continued, but, at the time, I really felt that if he were that unhappy he should leave & they would be better off in the longrun. I almost feel like I was trying to save my teenage self, as messed up as that is. Sorry if this is a t/j & I didn't mean to be so long-winded. I am just having a lot of self-discoveries today along these lines so I found your post very interesting.

[crazy love]

I have no idea. I feel like my parents should have divorced if they couldn't work out their issues. I think they would both be happier. But I'm sure it would have been hard as a teenager to go through a divorce. I know I would have been angry & hurt. But I really think in the long run I would have been better off & so would everyone else. :-( In my parents' case I certainly wouldn't have called it leaving/abandoning a family, just that they had issues they couldn't resolve & decided to go their separate ways. I really feel I would have felt this way at the time even through my hurt. Now if infidelity were involved then I bet I would feel differently & feel that the parent who cheated was 'leaving' us to go be with someone else, & that would hurt even worse & yeah I would probably look badly at that parent. [but, hey, I was a teenager & so I was looking badly at both my parents anyway! ]

 

I actually had a lot of conversations about this with my xMM because he has teenagers & he was afraid to tear the family apart. Yeah I know it could have been a line but I could also see that he was terrified of doing the wrong thing & hurting them. I pointed out that he was already hurting them. That they knew things were awful & that even if he tried to be fake, that's no way to live either. So he needed to either really work on his marriage or leave. But to be honest with himself & with them. That is what I wish my parents had done. I guess I'm realizing this plays out now with my not-so-bright decisions as an adult. I really feel I was replaying all of it & was stuck working out different scenarios for teenage self. I could really relate to xMM's daughter when he would tell me about her reactions. The messed up thing is that I knew I was causing them pain & I continued, but, at the time, I really felt that if he were that unhappy he should leave & they would be better off in the longrun. I almost feel like I was trying to save my teenage self, as messed up as that is. Sorry if this is a t/j & I didn't mean to be so long-winded. I am just having a lot of self-discoveries today along these lines so I found your post very interesting.

 

 

I tried to highlight the later half of your post Point...I havent perfected my "quoting " skillz just yet So dunno how this will appear when I post

 

No I do not consider this post a T/J in the least. I am having a self reflective week too. It started on Sunday so it's been a helluva ride!

What you expressed as your teenage self, is what I am talking about exactly. I've worked with young children for many years and they are soooo reseptive...teenagers...give me a break they can see right thru. Me personally, I recall asking my Mother to divorce from my Dad, I was just tired of the drama.

I don't know why so many people feel obligated to stay for fear of leaving the kids..,,is this an idea that has been ingrained into us by societies standards of right and wrong?

[26pointblue]

I tried to highlight the later half of your post Point...I havent perfected my "quoting " skillz just yet So dunno how this will appear when I post

 

No I do not consider this post a T/J in the least. I am having a self reflective week too. It started on Sunday so it's been a helluva ride!

What you expressed as your teenage self, is what I am talking about exactly. I've worked with young children for many years and they are soooo reseptive...teenagers...give me a break they can see right thru. Me personally, I recall asking my Mother to divorce from my Dad, I was just tired of the drama.

I don't know why so many people feel obligated to stay for fear of leaving the kids..,,is this an idea that has been ingrained into us by societies standards of right and wrong?

 

Okay I'm glad I wasn't off topic for your purposes.

 

I have younger sibs, like, younger than teenagers, & one of them says to my parents all the time whenever they fight 'why don't you just get divorced?' I'm not sure if she has heard them throw that word around or if it is from the influence of one of my older sibs who always says they should, or what. She will even point out some of her friends who have divorced parents & say it works well. I feel really bad for her. :-( I mean it literally breaks my heart.

 

As far as why people feel obligated, well, I think that for one thing every parent wants to make their kid happy & it would be very tramautic for a child to know their parents are splitting up. There's just no getting around that, I think even if they knew their parents didn't get along they would be shocked & hurt at realizing that they are no longer a family like they have known all their lives. So the parent knows that & wants to protect the kid from it & takes the easier way out of trying to keep things status quo while really being miserable. I also think that most people get married & have kids with these dreams of being a couple/ family forever, & it is hard for people to give up on dreams or walk away from them, even if they are unhappy. Also, fear of change & the unknown.

 

Finally I think with men this is particularly hard because to me they seem to care about image & status much more than women do. It's like they are defined by being the father, the family man, the king of the castle, & they don't want to be looked down upon for leaving. Awhile ago while still in the affair & confused I was reading something really interesting online about the 'Home' theory or something, where an MM is miserable with his wife but for some reason is happiest sitting in his kitchen even if the wife is nagging at him or *itching at him. [i'm not trying to portray all wives like this - I'm saying, in the MM's mind, his wife is horrible but he's happiest at home, & how does one explain that?!]

 

It's because the comforts of home are very primordial to a man, it reminds him of his mother & being a kid & being taken care of etc. It provides a security that many men find hard to leave even if they are truly madly deeply in love with their OW & their OW fulfills all kinds of other needs for him. Reading that helped me understand things better & I felt like I took MM not really leaving much less personally. I think the idea of a family is very engraved in most men [i've always read that most women tend to blossom after a divorce, while most men wilt - & that it is much more often the woman who files for a divorce, not the man], & even if they are truly unhappy they cling to home. So the idea of kids is in there but it's also something with the MM. Again this is a bit off track but I hope it might help in your analyzation.

[whichwayisup]

If a man with 3 children ages 11, 16, 17 chooses to get a divorce from his wife, after 10 years of a "dead" marital relationship, would you view this man as somebody who has "walked out" on his family?

 

I recently had a conversation about this, I feel like in todays society the Nuclear family where Mommy Daddy are together is highly thought of as a necessity in being a "good" parent.

 

Does there have to be broken dishes and raging fights in a household to justify a divorce?

 

Any opinions are welcome, I am curious to see how the majority here would view such a situation.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

Too many people these days give in and walk away too soon without really trying to fix their marriage. Too many people are just damn selfish and put their own happiness above their spouse and kids. Too many people forget about sacrifice. Sacrifice is not a bad or negative thing!

 

If the home is happy and the parents get along, why not stay together? Just because a marriage has it's ups and downs doesn't mean you throw in the towel.

[bentnotbroken]

There is quite a bit of new information on the ages of children and the effects that divorcing has on a particular age group. It was once thought that teens and young adults could handle divorce better than younger children...those thoughts are changing. Just when a minor is transitioning from the status of childhood into adulthood is a very difficult time. Add the failing economic uncertainty, world instability and more pitfalls than ever before, all lead to this age group needing the stability more than once believed. Toddlers and infants adjust better, than older children(pre/teens).

[Silly_Girl]

Crazy Love, my parents are fairly incompatible despite 30+ years of marriage. It's easy for me to SAY, I realise, but since I was about 10 I wished they would split and be with someone who fulfils them/makes them truly happy.

 

We had a couple of bad rowing seasons back then, money worries, dad working away etc. But I remember being aware that it wasn't the arguing that bothered me, that had mostly stopped. They just did not bring out the best in each other in any way at all. My sister and I talk about it from time to time... How they 'manage', but don't seem to enjoy their relationship fully and the positive things that happen seem like a lot of hard work. I mean real hard work, no holiday for two years because they couldn't agree for example.

 

So for me, it doesn't need to be about the yelling and the plate-throwing, BUT if they'd split up maybe I'd have found that more traumatic... It's hard to say.

[Got it]

Another one who's parents didn't divorce until I was an adult and we celebrated them finally doing it! And we all agree it should have happened much sooner.

 

Some people are just not compatible regardless of having kids. Shoot there are many I feel who marry for various reasons that do not pan out long term. I don't agree with the idea of having to keep the "family" together because that is believed to be ideal. If both parents can work together then married or divorced that is the ideal set up.

[Heart On]

I stayed for the "sake of the kids" in a dead,abusive,asexual marriage,until it became imperative to divorce for the "sake of the kids".

 

Our kids are much better off now.

 

Staying in an unhappy marriage is for cowards and codependants.

 

I got tired of having no self respect within my marriage.

 

Co-parenting is alot smarter than co-hating!

[oldguy]

If a man with 3 children ages 11, 16, 17 chooses to get a divorce from his wife, after 10 years of a "dead" marital relationship, would you view this man as somebody who has "walked out" on his family?

 

I recently had a conversation about this, I feel like in todays society the Nuclear family where Mommy Daddy are together is highly thought of as a necessity in being a "good" parent.

 

Does there have to be broken dishes and raging fights in a household to justify a divorce?

 

Any opinions are welcome, I am curious to see how the majority here would view such a situation.

 

If he walks out on his family, yes, he can leave his wife but not his kids, no way. If he walks out on a bad marriage he may being doing the best thing for them. there are child psych books that suggest a two parent family is best, I don't necessarily agree with that other than I would want all the help I could get. A two parent family would be the best example for children who you would want to emulate that but, the "traditional" family is subjective IMO. Two loving parents I believe is a good thing. I say two because statistically it is financially much more difficult for a single parent as as I mentioned; emotionally it's just a hard thing for two people let alone one.

Edited May 26, 2011 by oldguy

[Lucky_One]

Would I view him as "walking out"? Depends on what he does and how he behaves post-marriage. If he never sees or talks to his children, if he is a deadbeat on providing financially, then yes - I may say he walked out. If he honors his emotional, loving, physical and financial obligations, then no - I may say he simply left a dead marriage.

 

I am confused on the scenario, though. Is this 10 years of "dead marriage" a continuation of a longer, 20 year marriage, or a second marriage after the first one where the kids were born?

 

I actually do think that too many men throw in the towels on marriages where there are children and the wife's attention has wandered to raising kids and having a family. Once children leave the marital home, there is far more time to concentrate on each other and see if there is anything left from the early years of passion and happiness.

 

I know too many couples whose children have left home and who have experienced a rejuvenation of their marriage and their partnership. So much shared history and deep friendship bind them, and they have time and freedom and money to explore each other again and re-learn about the other.

[jwi71]

If a man with 3 children ages 11, 16, 17 chooses to get a divorce from his wife, after 10 years of a "dead" marital relationship, would you view this man as somebody who has "walked out" on his family?

 

I recently had a conversation about this, I feel like in todays society the Nuclear family where Mommy Daddy are together is highly thought of as a necessity in being a "good" parent.

 

Does there have to be broken dishes and raging fights in a household to justify a divorce?

 

Any opinions are welcome, I am curious to see how the majority here would view such a situation.

 

Depends really.

 

If he/she simply walks out to everyone's surprise ( aka the managed exit) then yes, he is walking out on his family.

 

However. If he/she has invested real, true and honest effort to Save or repair the union and it cannot be saved, then I do NOT he has walked out.

 

It's all about effort. If he/she makes an honest effort and it doesn't work then I do not think he walked out.

[Spark1111]

I have also read posts from children (now adults of course) of divorced parents.

I have read more than one instance where the parents waited for the kids to be "the right" age before separating.

They (the child of the divorce) said they wished that their parents had actually been more honest about their lack luster relationship instead of pretending that things where all good and fine for the sake of the kids.

She said it gave her a false sense of security and left her with many issues as an adult about what a "real" relationship should be.

 

The most recent studies conclude that it is not how happily married or divorced you are.

 

It is the degree of ACRIMONY in the marriage and or the divorce that affects children deeply and lifelong.

 

If momy and daddy, whether married or divorced, can remain calm, pleasant and RESPECTFUL to each other, the kids will be fine.

 

How happy you are romantically is of no interest to your children. How kindly you treat each other IS!

[ladydesigner]

Just my 2 cents.

 

Too many people these days give in and walk away too soon without really trying to fix their marriage. Too many people are just damn selfish and put their own happiness above their spouse and kids. Too many people forget about sacrifice. Sacrifice is not a bad or negative thing!

 

If the home is happy and the parents get along, why not stay together? Just because a marriage has it's ups and downs doesn't mean you throw in the towel.

 

This is exactly how I feel. If I can save my M I will do everything in my power to do that. My kids would be DEVASTATED if mommy and daddy were to divorce.

 

Sure we have had our ups and downs, but we get along 99% of the time and my H and I still love each other. I think it is worth saving and fighting for.

[OWoman]

My H's kids were teens when he got D. They're much better now than during that M.

 

My kids were young when I got D. We struggled financially at times (as a single parent, with no child support) but they did just great and are happy, well-adjusted adults now with mature attitudes towards Rs and Ms and D.

 

My parents "stayed together for the kids" until we were grown, then got D. It was very damaging. As a small child I begged my father to D my mother, but he felt it was his duty to stay put. He can now admit that he made a mistake on that one, but he really did feel he was doing the right thing at the time.

 

I hold it against NO ONE for leaving a M that isn't working for them. If it's not working for them, it's damaging the kids even if that damage is not obvious.

 

It is far too easy to get M, and far too difficult to D, in many countries.

[2sure]

 

I feel like in todays society the Nuclear family where Mommy Daddy are together is highly thought of as a necessity in being a "good" parent.

 

I disagree, and I think that since literally MOST people divorce, many of them would also disagree that being divorced makes them a "bad" parent.

Sure, studies show that children with intact nuclear families do better - but so do families who live in Connecticut,and kids that go Ivy League schools. Few families have all of the advantages - being divorced is a common disadvantage to some - while being in a family without loving role models is often considered worse.

 

Does there have to be broken dishes and raging fights in a household to justify a divorce?

 

While domestic violence often leads to divorce, divorce does not hinge it upon it. ??

[crazy love]

Thanks for all your responses. So many great points of views.

I think I'm getting this "quoting" thing down a lil better so here goes

 

 

Okay I'm glad I wasn't off topic for your purposes.

 

I have younger sibs, like, younger than teenagers, & one of them says to my parents all the time whenever they fight 'why don't you just get divorced?' I'm not sure if she has heard them throw that word around or if it is from the influence of one of my older sibs who always says they should, or what. She will even point out some of her friends who have divorced parents & say it works well. I feel really bad for her. :-( I mean it literally breaks my heart.

 

As far as why people feel obligated, well, I think that for one thing every parent wants to make their kid happy & it would be very tramautic for a child to know their parents are splitting up. There's just no getting around that, I think even if they knew their parents didn't get along they would be shocked & hurt at realizing that they are no longer a family like they have known all their lives. So the parent knows that & wants to protect the kid from it & takes the easier way out of trying to keep things status quo while really being miserable. I also think that most people get married & have kids with these dreams of being a couple/ family forever, & it is hard for people to give up on dreams or walk away from them, even if they are unhappy. Also, fear of change & the unknown.

 

Finally I think with men this is particularly hard because to me they seem to care about image & status much more than women do. It's like they are defined by being the father, the family man, the king of the castle, & they don't want to be looked down upon for leaving. Awhile ago while still in the affair & confused I was reading something really interesting online about the 'Home' theory or something, where an MM is miserable with his wife but for some reason is happiest sitting in his kitchen even if the wife is nagging at him or *itching at him. [i'm not trying to portray all wives like this - I'm saying, in the MM's mind, his wife is horrible but he's happiest at home, & how does one explain that?!]

 

It's because the comforts of home are very primordial to a man, it reminds him of his mother & being a kid & being taken care of etc. It provides a security that many men find hard to leave even if they are truly madly deeply in love with their OW & their OW fulfills all kinds of other needs for him. Reading that helped me understand things better & I felt like I took MM not really leaving much less personally. I think the idea of a family is very engraved in most men [i've always read that most women tend to blossom after a divorce, while most men wilt - & that it is much more often the woman who files for a divorce, not the man], & even if they are truly unhappy they cling to home. So the idea of kids is in there but it's also something with the MM. Again this is a bit off track but I hope it might help in your analyzation.

 

 

Wow..this is so very interesting to me. I never thought of it that way, almost like "home" is an entity all of it's own, which actually makes sense to me in a way. I agree that men do naturally fall into that role and look for comforts from child hood.

like cooking your Man his favorite dish from child hood when he 's had a tough day. Maybe a dish that his Mom or Gramma cooked for him as a child ...it could be something as simple as kraft mac n cheese.

 

SUch an interesting view, I will have to look this Home Theory.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

Too many people these days give in and walk away too soon without really trying to fix their marriage. Too many people are just damn selfish and put their own happiness above their spouse and kids. Too many people forget about sacrifice. Sacrifice is not a bad or negative thing!

 

If the home is happy and the parents get along, why not stay together? Just because a marriage has it's ups and downs doesn't mean you throw in the towel.

 

I agree with this. Of Coarse if the parents get along for the most part you should definitely work things out. Any relationship has peaks and valleys, moments where you just don't see eye to eye and you need a breather fromthe other person. This happens in affairs, marriage, even friendships.

 

What I am referring to is when the unhappiness out ways the happiness (within the spouses relationship, not the kids). When the only thing keeping these two people in the same room together for any length of time is the children. When they are simply co existing. No peaks..only valleys Where do you draw the line?

 

There is quite a bit of new information on the ages of children and the effects that divorcing has on a particular age group. It was once thought that teens and young adults could handle divorce better than younger children...those thoughts are changing. Just when a minor is transitioning from the status of childhood into adulthood is a very difficult time. Add the failing economic uncertainty, world instability and more pitfalls than ever before, all lead to this age group needing the stability more than once believed. Toddlers and infants adjust better, than older children(pre/teens).

 

I am reading a book right now that leans towards this new take on children and divorce. I believe that there is some truth to this.

I think that it is probably more difficult for the divorced parents to deal with caring for young ones (toddlers, babies) without the spouse there to help out as younger children require so much more.

But I agree, if the parents can hack it and live up to the huge task of parenting very young ones on their own then the younger ones could likely fair better in adjusting to a divorce than older children.

 

Another one who's parents didn't divorce until I was an adult and we celebrated them finally doing it! And we all agree it should have happened much sooner.

 

Some people are just not compatible regardless of having kids. Shoot there are many I feel who marry for various reasons that do not pan out long term. I don't agree with the idea of having to keep the "family" together because that is believed to be ideal. If both parents can work together then married or divorced that is the ideal set up.

 

Got it: Yes my brother and I urged my mother to divorce for so long as kids/teens that it became a common conversation, which looking back is actually kind of sad.

She did eventually leave when we were both grown and had families of our own. We were supportive of her decision but frankly didnt care so much as we were not living in the house with them anymore.

If you don't mind my nosiness, was there anything in particular that spurred this action to finally divorce? Which parent initiated to split?

 

I stayed for the "sake of the kids" in a dead,abusive,asexual marriage,until it became imperative to divorce for the "sake of the kids".

 

Our kids are much better off now.

 

Staying in an unhappy marriage is for cowards and codependants.

 

I got tired of having no self respect within my marriage.

 

Co-parenting is alot smarter than co-hating!

 

Love your handle by the way HeartOn

 

Good for you. Congrats on taking your happiness into your own hands!

thanks for sharing your story.

 

How old where the kids when you two split?

 

The most recent studies conclude that it is not how happily married or divorced you are.

 

It is the degree of ACRIMONY in the marriage and or the divorce that affects children deeply and lifelong.

 

If momy and daddy, whether married or divorced, can remain calm, pleasant and RESPECTFUL to each other, the kids will be fine.

 

How happy you are romantically is of no interest to your children. How kindly you treat each other IS!

 

I like this, and SO TRUE! I think that is what bothered me the most as a child with my parents was the meanness and the tension between the two of

them.

For awhile in my younger years I did follow the example of my parents relationship, some good examples, but most really bad ones. I found myself beginning to repeat that cycle and found drama filled relationships of my own. I thought that it was normal to scream and throw stuff when you are mad. I have sense found my own inner peace and grown to realize what I was doing and why.

I did a great deal of soul searching, read a lot of great books. I am thankful for the clarity that I have now in finding the person that I am, not who my parents where. At times I wish that I'd come to this place much sooner in life, but I also feel that EVERYTHING in life happens for a reason even if you don't know what that reason is.

[crazy love]

My H's kids were teens when he got D. They're much better now than during that M.

 

My kids were young when I got D. We struggled financially at times (as a single parent, with no child support) but they did just great and are happy, well-adjusted adults now with mature attitudes towards Rs and Ms and D.

 

My parents "stayed together for the kids" until we were grown, then got D. It was very damaging. As a small child I begged my father to D my mother, but he felt it was his duty to stay put. He can now admit that he made a mistake on that one, but he really did feel he was doing the right thing at the time.

 

I hold it against NO ONE for leaving a M that isn't working for them. If it's not working for them, it's damaging the kids even if that damage is not obvious.

 

It is far too easy to get M, and far too difficult to D, in many countries.

 

 

I SOOOO believe this last line that I bolded.

I wish that there were a way to regulate M just like how we regulate giving out drivers licenses. Some people choose wisely and have happy healthy M but so many couples are just so ill informed and jump that broom stick way to soon IMO.

 

As a child I did the same as you. I begged my Mom to leave. Like you, I fault neither of my parents now as an adult. I know that they did what they felt was best like we all do. But I did vow to never do the same.

 

I've stayed true to that vow and am currently raising my two very young children on my own. They are thriving and so smart, very well adjusted, everything that I'd hoped for. Granted it is extremely hard at times to do everything on my own, we too struggle financially at times but I have noticed an interesting thing happens, when times get hard and almost unbearable you make a way. Even at the hardest times, we are all much happier.

[seren]

I stayed for the "sake of the kids" in a dead,abusive,asexual marriage,until it became imperative to divorce for the "sake of the kids".

 

Our kids are much better off now.

 

Staying in an unhappy marriage is for cowards and codependants.

 

I got tired of having no self respect within my marriage.

 

Co-parenting is alot smarter than co-hating!

 

I couldn't agree more, my second marriage was that to a T, we were all unhappy. My son and I left, XH decided to have no further contact, it was this that hurt him the most, not the divorce. A divorce coupled with both parents working together to ensure the break is not hard on the children works far better than staying in a poor marriage and children being amongst that.

[Got it]

Crazy love - apparently my father had decided years back that he wanted to divorce when the youngest went to college and that pretty much happened to the day. He threw down some ultimatums for my mom that he knew she would accept and hinged it on divorce. She refused so they filed for divorce.

 

If we had been younger she would have been much more upset but at that time, it really was the best time for them to divorce and really there was no marriage to speak of. They were cordial and all but nothing connecting them outside of the kids.