jonny78 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 The full story consists of my girlfriend of 2 years (both at university) cheating on me with my 'mate' and left me for him. It was a bad bad breakup - she also played a lot of cruel mind games on me. For weeks and weeks any time that I went out I would have to watch them all over eachother on the dancefloor etc ... We shared all the same mutual friends. I really hit rock bottom, the lowest I've ever been in my life That's when I enforced full NC and stopped going out with that lot and got new friends. For 4 months, not 1 attempt at contact as far as I'm aware. She is still with this lad. But something happened last night and it's really eating away at me, because I feel guilty and I need some opinions... I saw my ex out drinking last night, long story short - she visibly had an awful night, she was starring at me like a serial killer all night and text somebody who she knew would get back to me "drinking away the pain of losing Jonny, my BF, who I still love" and also "I saw Jonny tonight and I just don't know what to do, I can't believe what I did to him I am so ashamed of myself". The last I saw of her was a broken down crying mess at the taxi rank ready to go home being comforted by her friends. I am 99% certain that is due to me, I blanked her all night and got a lot of attention from other girls and all my old friends, along with the texts. I walked directly past her, twice, on the way in, and on the way out.... Even after everything I didn't like to see her in that pain - I refuse to speak to her , I never ever will after what happened, and she knows this. I didn't know whether to buy her little act last night anyway. But nothing she could say or do could change how I feel about everything, and what good would breaking NC have done for me? Could have set me back months. I single handedly believe NC is how I have come so far since the heartbreak. Did I do the right thing? It wasn't worth the risk for what could potentially have been breadcrumbs right? And even if it was genuine, it wouldn't have helped me... right? So why do I feel so guilty?
bl22 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 you said yourself you hit rock bottom. Now shes craving attention from you and playing the victim, she just wants to know your stil pining for her. Its more about her than it is about you. Dont feel guilty, its a trick.
Sugarkane Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Hi Jonny78 I remember we had similar breakups, they were both really bad. I don't think you should feel guilty at all! Why should you? You didn't do anything wrong at all! You didn't betray her and then start seeing on of her friends. If she was drinking away the pain of losing you, she's got no one to blame but herself. Maybe she should've been so two faced! You know who's in the wrong here and its not you.
MidnightinMadrid Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Good for you and hold strong Johnny-dont budge! Maintain NC and dont break down. Show these women or your ex you mean business. You only hurt yourself if you dont stand your ground,kudos for you
Sugarkane Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Jonny I have also maintained full NC the whole time. Even though I'd like to yell at my ex
melenkurion Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 You have nothing to feel guilty about, you did absolutely the right thing. The strict NC is to avoid the biggest triggers that cause the pain and hurt so that eventually you can heal. That's all that matters. You really do have enough on your plate taking care of yourself. After what you have been put through, that's a major job. As long as you are not deliberately inflicting any pain on anyone just for the hell of it, you've done nothing wrong. You're not trying to hurt anyone, you are simply doing what you must do for yourself. But you know what? It sounds to me like you are doing great, you sound the healthy one here.
plasma Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 The full story consists of my girlfriend of 2 years (both at university) cheating on me with my 'mate' and left me for him. It was a bad bad breakup - she also played a lot of cruel mind games on me. For weeks and weeks any time that I went out I would have to watch them all over eachother on the dancefloor etc ... We shared all the same mutual friends. I really hit rock bottom, the lowest I've ever been in my life That's when I enforced full NC and stopped going out with that lot and got new friends. For 4 months, not 1 attempt at contact as far as I'm aware. She is still with this lad. But something happened last night and it's really eating away at me, because I feel guilty and I need some opinions... I saw my ex out drinking last night, long story short - she visibly had an awful night, she was starring at me like a serial killer all night and text somebody who she knew would get back to me "drinking away the pain of losing Jonny, my BF, who I still love" and also "I saw Jonny tonight and I just don't know what to do, I can't believe what I did to him I am so ashamed of myself". The last I saw of her was a broken down crying mess at the taxi rank ready to go home being comforted by her friends. I am 99% certain that is due to me, I blanked her all night and got a lot of attention from other girls and all my old friends, along with the texts. I walked directly past her, twice, on the way in, and on the way out.... Even after everything I didn't like to see her in that pain - I refuse to speak to her , I never ever will after what happened, and she knows this. I didn't know whether to buy her little act last night anyway. But nothing she could say or do could change how I feel about everything, and what good would breaking NC have done for me? Could have set me back months. I single handedly believe NC is how I have come so far since the heartbreak. Did I do the right thing? It wasn't worth the risk for what could potentially have been breadcrumbs right? And even if it was genuine, it wouldn't have helped me... right? So why do I feel so guilty? i stopped reading your post from there rid yourself of this toxicity, he not your friend and shes a whore, unless you want people to know your a low self no self esteem having bum then id run away from this situation. Do some soul searching as why you feel the wasy you do, its not your fault they tango'ed in bed, they were going to do it reguardless if you were alive or not.
Author jonny78 Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 Thank-you all for your wonderful words of confidence. They make it a lot easier! I know the logic behind what i'm doing is the right thing, I just need the reassurance sometimes
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