scaredandalone1223 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 I would like to start by saying THANK YOU to the member of LS who offered me support and advice during mine & my husbands separation in Oct/ Nov of 2010. It was by far the most difficult thing I've ever been through and the words of support and encouragement I received here were amazing and for that I am sincerely grateful. With that said I will move along to the update. You can read the backstory on my posts but to sum it up quickly my husband and I separated at the end of October. It was what I wanted, or so I THOUGHT! There wasn't another man in the picture on my end. I just felt after almost 13 years of marriage I was done. My husband and I never had the fairy tale beginning. We got married @ 20 and already had a 3 month old son. My husband had never been w/ anyone else and even though we waited until our son was born so we couldn't say 'I only married you because you were pregnant' or 'the only reason you married me was because I was pregnant' we both knew that was the main reason. We never had that strong 'new love' and going in there was resentment on both sides. It took years for us to deal with this and overcome it, although I don't think I ever really did. Things were going relatively smoothly until I went to a concert last April. It was one we had planned to go to together w/ some friends, but my husband's job prevented him from going at the last minute. I went anyway at a time he NEEDED me home. From there things went down hill in a hurry. He lost trust for me saying I wasn't there when he needed me, his overreaction had me fearful of him and I felt like he was trying to control me like a parent would a small child. In the 6 months that followed all the previous resentment resurfaced and I decided this was it I finally wanted OUT. I had a great friend supporting my decision. She was actually a mutual friend, very much like a sister to my husband. They were friends first but over the years she and I had gotten extremely close. She was the sister to both of us. She had had enough of my husband's behavior too and thought a divorce was the best for EVERYONE involved. It only took my husband being gone a week before I realized I had made a HUGE mistake. Through all his faults and all the things he had worked to change I finally saw the things in me that I needed to change. My husband had ALWAYS been a great provider for our family and the trust we had for each other was incredible. I knew I never had to worry about him being unfaithful or letting me down when I needed him. He did not return home right away, he needed to make sure I had really come to terms with everything and wasn't just saying what he wanted to hear so that he would come home and everything go back to the way it was. He returned home after a month of separation. We began counseling. We cut our mutual 'friend' out of our lives. I am now happy to report things are better now than they have ever been. We are more in love with each other than ever. And wile last year was one of the worst things either of us have ever gone through the end result is VERY MUCH worth it. I'm not going to say it was easy because it wasn't but it was rewarding. I will never take for granted what my husband provides for our family. And while we may not have had the storybook romance to begin with we have been married over 13 years and no matter what beginning you have it's the years after that matter. The struggles we have gone through together, the ups and downs we've shared, the life we've built for ourselves that truly shows how much love is there. Like I said last year was tough and I NEVER want to experience anything like that again BUT the benefits we reaped from it will be with us the rest of our lives and for that I am thankful. So for anyone out there reading this know that there is hope if both sides work for it and most importantly never place too much blame on your spouse unless you first look in the mirror and are honestly willing to accept your blame too.
Mauschen Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Thank you for posting this. I think it gives some people here hope for the future to be better than the present. To add a different kind of hope for those who end up divorced: life improves with time. A friend of mine and I got divorced around the same time. She is now very happy single (and not planning on remarrying) and I am happily remarried. Marriage is not easy and is a lot of work! Remarriage is even more work! But, yes, if BOTH parties are willing to work at it, then marriage can be wonderful and fulfilling.
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