drewdude Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 hello LS, this is a little long but I'm hurt and really need some advice and next plan of action.... I was recently seeing(not exclusively) an ex gf whom I had dated back in 2006. I noticed earlier this year we were going out lots, I brought her into my group of friends and hung out regularly, went out to places/dinner......also kissed, held hands/messed around (did everything except intercourse, I wanted to wait till if we got back together) after our nights out Now this past saint pattys day. Me, my ex, along with a group of friends went out to a bar, had a blast. Though I did notice a friend of mine brought a new guy, lets call him Jim. whom I had never met before and neither did most of my friends. This Jim guy I hear, is the ultimate scumbag, he hits on anything that walks and tried to even hit on a few female friends of mine. But they saw through it I noticed he was kinda eyeing her that night but thought nothing of it. The next day on facebook, I notice my ex and Jim are now friends on facebook. Out of respect since i'm not exclusively her BF, I dont ask her anything about it but I watch her FB page, I noticed as time passed he would flirt way too much with her on her page. Even to the point where my friends were giving me a heads up. I didnt say anything again, especially since during that time she was still coming around going out lots still. Now last month, we were at my friends house and she had an anxiety attack, I took her outside and did my best to help her calm her down..I really cared about this girl. So she felt better and left home for the night. The next day she tells me the doc says she has a sinus infection and vertigo and that is what causing the anxiety, she says she prolly wont be able to come around for a week. Later, that week turns into 2, then 3, and 4, now I thought that was very strange...so I laid off asking her to hang out because when I would ask, she would say she was still sick and couldnt drive....I figured she would ask me to hangout when she got better... Now this weekend, I find out from a friend in my circle of friends that my ex is now dating that guy Jim and they are taking it slow....This really got me mad. I feel so decieved, she couldn't even tell me like an adult woman. I know I wasnt officially with her but its one thing to date someone whos known in my circle of friends i brought her around and her not tell me a thing. I confronted her about it via text and she didnt say nothing but a facebook post this morning saying "I'm nobodys property" on her FB post.... I'm lost as to what to do...my friends dont really want her around no more but I still really like her...any advice? Im thinking of confronting more about it later today....thank you
vsmini Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 "I'm nobodys property" on her FB post.... This is annoying and shows how immature she is as far as communicating passive aggressively through facebook. LAME. On the other hand - it's not a matter of her being right or wrong. You guys aren't officially together, you never asked her to be your girlfriend - she can date whoever she wants. I understand it can hurt but she really isn't doing anything wrong. Another example of why friends with an ex does not work when one party likes the other.
Author drewdude Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 I understand that, I wouldnt mind so much if it was someone else. but what really gets me is this person is known in my circle of friends and thats just a really bad low blow....even my friends agree...esp since she couldnt even tell me
vsmini Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 It's tough and it sucks because now you'll have to deal with seeing her and this guy in your circle of friends. And because nobody owns anybody neither of you can keep each other away from the circle to help avoid the pain. The best thing you can do is to leave her alone about it and not mention it and distance yourself from her too to lessen the anger and pain. There's really not much else that can be done.
Author drewdude Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 its all BS, I want her back, anything I can do to try to get her back? everything was fine until a month ago....
vsmini Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 If you want her back then you have to completely lay off her. Be cool and civil and act like you don't care that she's dating this guy. Pestering her about it or getting angry will only push her away. Do no call, text or email her that you're now "cool with it" just act cool with it and get on with your life. I guarantee that getting on her case about it will not make her come back.
John Michael Kane Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Vsmini is correct: While you two weren't official nonetheless she did play you and then stated some whack FB message. You don't need a woman like that with that stinking attitude.
Kezu Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 (edited) The only bad thing in there you should be caring about is that he might be a step down from you since he fails with most girls but got it with you ex. And that should ring a bell. Having someone who found me attractive would find this person attractive would kind of be an insult too. But maybe she thinks it's better than you seemingly very clingy behaviors though, but I wouldn't know for real as i'm not in your circle of friends. But if she avoided telling you there must have been a reason, she knew you were going to overreact. You were not back together anyways, so you were not entitled to it. Stop chasing her, maybe then she might see you as more attractive. Just moving on is probably what has the most chances of working right now, she will see you as much stronger and independent than before. If I was in your shoes i'd move on though, she seems like bad material who changes her mind often or takes what's available then move for better. She tried to get back with you then blocked you out completly for 'that' guy? Come on you need better to be happy. Edited May 26, 2011 by Kezu
Suchislife86 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Hey man, Read your post and I guess we can all kinda relate to that in some way. Let me start by saying that for me personally - getting back together with an ex doesnt work. But in your case you were kindve hoping you would get back together eventually - which is a good attitude btw. But I think what she did to you was wrong, straight up. She was obviously just hanging around you, kissing, cuddling and messing around because she felt lonely at the time (not that youre a bad bf or anything like that at all) but because thats what girls in that situation do I guess. Sounds to me like she was waiting for something better to come along and just used you in the mean time. The fb comment just proves that. My advice - forget about her (which I know is easier said than done but possible with time), move on and know that there are many other women out there genuinely looking for relationship with a good guy. And when you find one and she finds out she realize how she messed up and shell come running right back.
Chi townD Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 This girl is one big oxymoron. True, you guys weren't offically together so she can do what she wants with whomever she wants. However, if things were coming together with this OM then she was being immature and not talking to you about it and coming up with lame excuses. Basically, she used you to take care of her physical and emotional needs until someone she thought was better came along. Which isn't fair to you at all. Just remember, you see it and your FRIENDS see it. You do have support there and I think that this guy may have blacklisted himself with your friends. They know that if he was capable of doing this to you what would stop him from doing it to someone else in the group.
OldOnTheInside Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Neither of you were "in the wrong" per se. Your ex has just made the very stupid decision of dating a known sleeze bag, and their relationship is obviously unlikely to end well. But that is none of your business really. I'm guessing that you are a fairly young guy. I think you really need to move one from her. Find out what makes her so attractive to you to help you realise that your feelings are temporary, and that you can do better.
sanskrit Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Sorry to say, but you need to get the notion of getting her back right out of your head. She lied to you blithely about illness that could cause you stress and anxiety without a second thought, and then blew you off without any explanation at all. This is not a prospect for anything good, only misery for you. She never cared about you nor respected you in the least. Get out of denial, heal up, and then pursue other options. This woman is not a legitimate option for you going forward and hopefully in time you will realize this.
Author drewdude Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 I really want to thank you all for taking the time to answer this. Yeah one part of me doesn't want to give up...but majority of my friends say F' it and move on. I was going to confront her again(its so hard not to since i feel played/used) one last time but after reading these replies I think I should withhold.......she was always the one who came back to me in the past, I was the "good" one. Whats ironic is the other day just walking down the street I ran into the female friend of "jim" who was there on saint pattys day with him. She told me on that day she was actually on a date with "jim" but cut things off as she felt they were better off as friends. But she did tell me that jim had told her he was dating/going out with this new girl(my ex) a few weeks ago...bummer, who woulda known i found more of a direct answer just by walking down the street
vsmini Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 It's better to withhold. There is very little you could tell her that she isn't already aware of. She knows her own behavior. Rehashing and giving her a stern talking to....it won't do anything.
Author drewdude Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 taking it pretty rough this weekend...I hate to say this but I miss her, it doesn't help too that she hasn't deleted me off FB yet, I see her updates and that douche is planning things with her...I kinda wanna take the plunge but its just I have history with her and I feel if i do delete her, ill prolly never talk to her again
Sazerac Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 taking it pretty rough this weekend...I hate to say this but I miss her, it doesn't help too that she hasn't deleted me off FB yet, I see her updates and that douche is planning things with her...I kinda wanna take the plunge but its just I have history with her and I feel if i do delete her, ill prolly never talk to her again Delete her. It will be one of the best gifts you ever give yourself. You don't need the stress and anxiety, and what's more, you don't need her. Ever. Period.
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