mmiller5373 Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 She left me 9 months ago without any REAL answers. Just lies and a coverup because she left me for another guy. 3 months later, she's pregnant and engaged. I've been NC for 7 months. I'm definitely not depressed or sad. I feel like i'm at a good place in my life now. I'm glad she's out of my life, but there's still a part of me that thinks about her. I wonder what happened to her, why she changed, how she could treat me that way after 2.5 years... Things like that. It's almost like a chip on my shoulder kind of feeling. Like, I gave so much of myself away and it didn't matter to her. I recently talked with a close friend of mine and she said 9 months is a long time to still be thinking of an ex everyday. That I may need to seek therapy. I'm trying to move on, but her presence still lingers in my mind. I'm back in the dating world and that doesn't seem to help much either. Link to post Share on other sites
jquest1280 Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 Everyone heals at their own pace. I thought of my ex everyday for more than 3 years. We were together for 10 intense months. So your 9 months is not a cause for worry. You sound like a sensible person who tries to do the right thing - see, you managed an NC of 7 months. I got there, and so will you. Link to post Share on other sites
Good Arms Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 I agree - you're already seeing progress, if you can confidently state that you're not depressed or sad. I'm far from where you are, 6 months on from only a 2.5 month relationship (but my first) which didn't end in such a cruel way as yours. I think about her (or more to the point the relationship breakdown) virtually all the time. Really, when you think about it, 9 months flashes by, so I don't think it's unusual to be thinking of her every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Andymack Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 I still think about mine all day, every day after 10 months. I just can't move on. I know I need to, but am finding it really difficult and just don't know how to start. I've found out recently my ex is seeing someone else and that has put me back to square one as all I do is think about her where as before I was out having fun and meeting other people. I'm still thinking in the back of my head that even after all this time and even tho she's seeing someone else we still could have a chance though this obviously will never happen. It just seems impossible to me that it's actually over and I can't seem to come to terms with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Graceful Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Hi M, If you're not depressed or sad, don't want her back, and feel good about your life right now, then thinking about your ex is just the last step in the path. I suspect until you meet someone that blows her out of the water, she's your "benchmark" if you know what I mean. The way you felt about her is the way you want to feel about someone new, you just haven't met the new person yet --- but she's out there. Just a matter of time. However, it appears your self-esteem is what really took a hit after the breakup. That's something you have to work on, getting the focus off of your ex, and putting it onto you. Thinking about her is just re-living a chapter in your life that was very hurtful to your heart and caused you to feel bad about yourself. So you might want to consider the idea that thinking about the breakup is still hurting your self-esteem. I'm glad she's out of my life, but there's still a part of me that thinks about her. I wonder what happened to her, why she changed, how she could treat me that way after 2.5 years... Things like that. We all wonder what happened to the ex, that's normal. But wondering how she changed or how she treated you, that's something you have to accept -- hopefully soon. Her feelings changed, and that's over and done. If you're trying to still figure out if it was something you said or did over time, if you can't put your finger on anything, then that's not it. If you were treating her well, respectfully, and being a good BF overall, then when her feelings changed, that was just the way she felt. Nothing could have prevented it. So don't let this continue to plague your mind. If, however, you can identify things you said or did that might have caused her to pull away from you, then come clean with yourself about them, learn from them, and bring that knowledge to your next relationship. What's done is done, but if you can make yourself a better person, it was an experience worth having. Take care, and I'm glad you're making strides. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 welcome to the 9 month club my friend. nearly the same situation as mine, and who cares what people think about "how long" it should take. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mmiller5373 Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 Another great post, Graceful. I always love reading your replies. Hi M, If you're not depressed or sad, don't want her back, and feel good about your life right now, then thinking about your ex is just the last step in the path. I suspect until you meet someone that blows her out of the water, she's your "benchmark" if you know what I mean. The way you felt about her is the way you want to feel about someone new, you just haven't met the new person yet --- but she's out there. Just a matter of time. I suspect you're right. Since I've been back in the dating world, I've only met one girl who blew her out of the water... but that only lasted a few weeks, as she turned out to be bat-sh*t crazy. Lol. Definitely didn't come close to my ex's benchmark. However, it appears your self-esteem is what really took a hit after the breakup. That's something you have to work on, getting the focus off of your ex, and putting it onto you. Thinking about her is just re-living a chapter in your life that was very hurtful to your heart and caused you to feel bad about yourself. So you might want to consider the idea that thinking about the breakup is still hurting your self-esteem. I agree. The months leading up to the breakup, the breakup itself, and her post-breakup actions have killed my self esteem. The hardest part for me is that I loved this girl like no other. I put 2.5 years into her, thousands of dollars into our time together, and plenty of my love and respect. And it still wasn't good enough. She basically lied to me during our last few months together. In a way, she used me as a means to make sure the new guy was what she really wanted. It hurts me to think about that (I know I shouldn't think about it, but it's easier said than done). Then to top it off, during an already trying time in my life, she sends a breakup text, leaves me for another guy, makes me out to be the bad person, and goes NC with me. Any other person would look at all of her actions and think, "Why are you so hurt? She's a bitch. She's selfish. She's not a nice person. Time to move on." But, obviously, I feel different. I feel like that's not the girl who fell in love with. That's someone else. That can't be her. I am working on my self-esteem. I'm making some great strides in my life. Moving up in my career. Finally got my own place. I'm in the best shape I've been in during the last 3 years. I've got myself some great new friends. So, yes, I am doing good. REALLY good I might add. We all wonder what happened to the ex, that's normal. But wondering how she changed or how she treated you, that's something you have to accept -- hopefully soon. Her feelings changed, and that's over and done. If you're trying to still figure out if it was something you said or did over time, if you can't put your finger on anything, then that's not it. If you were treating her well, respectfully, and being a good BF overall, then when her feelings changed, that was just the way she felt. Nothing could have prevented it. So don't let this continue to plague your mind. If, however, you can identify things you said or did that might have caused her to pull away from you, then come clean with yourself about them, learn from them, and bring that knowledge to your next relationship. What's done is done, but if you can make yourself a better person, it was an experience worth having. Take care, and I'm glad you're making strides. I made many mistakes in our relationship. I let my stress get the best of me during my senior year of college. I gained a lot of weight due to the stress. I let other people's opinions of what a relationship should be (mainly my Mom's) affect my relationship with my ex. My ex clearly saw that and knew it was a problem. So, I've had plenty of time to look back at the mistakes I made. I know I did things wrong (she wasn't perfect either, trust me), so I'm using this failed relationship as a learning experience. A way to better myself. I've read plenty of articles and books (and I wouldn't have done that if things didn't end this badly) to help me with the coping, but I still feel like something's missing. I can't put my finger on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Heatemyheart89 Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Hey 9 months is nothing you were together for 2.5 years.2 years on I still think about my ex and we were only together for 5 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 [quote=mmiller5373;3422332 I suspect you're right. Since I've been back in the dating world, I've only met one girl who blew her out of the water... but that only lasted a few weeks, as she turned out to be bat-sh*t crazy. Lol. Definitely didn't come close to my ex's benchmark. I agree. The months leading up to the breakup, the breakup itself, and her post-breakup actions have killed my self esteem. The hardest part for me is that I loved this girl like no other. I put 2.5 years into her, thousands of dollars into our time together, and plenty of my love and respect. And it still wasn't good enough. She basically lied to me during our last few months together. In a way, she used me as a means to make sure the new guy was what she really wanted. It hurts me to think about that (I know I shouldn't think about it, but it's easier said than done). Then to top it off, during an already trying time in my life, she sends a breakup text, leaves me for another guy, makes me out to be the bad person, and goes NC with me. Any other person would look at all of her actions and think, "Why are you so hurt? She's a bitch. She's selfish. She's not a nice person. Time to move on." But, obviously, I feel different. I feel like that's not the girl who fell in love with. That's someone else. That can't be her. So, I've had plenty of time to look back at the mistakes I made. I know I did things wrong (she wasn't perfect either, trust me), so I'm using this failed relationship as a learning experience. A way to better myself. I've read plenty of articles and books (and I wouldn't have done that if things didn't end this badly) to help me with the coping, but I still feel like something's missing. I can't put my finger on it. I 100% understand how you feel, your breakup is so much like mine, I honestly feel like I've written all this myself! I still think about my ex after about 10 months and we dated a year. I know I wouldn't feel like this if it wasn't for the way my ex decided to breakup with me. I wouldn't have to analyse what happened if my ex didn't pull a 180 on me, dump me by text and in a completely callous way, for no reason. Talk abotu a complete mind****! How they breakup with you, really speaks volumes what type of people they really are! My ex also did exactly the same thing. Dumped me by text, left me for someone else, tells everyone I'm the crazy one [hypocrite] and then goes complete NC on me. Refuses to even talk to me, let alone meet up with me. I never actually got a conversation about WTF happened. I also can't for the life of me understand why they act so pissed off at us for? Such extremely cold hearted people! What an utter joke! Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 It also hasn't helped that I haven't found someone better either. I was crazy for someone, but he was immature and played games. In the end I had enough and he didn't know what he wanted and "wanted to be single". More heartache for me. I'm angry that my ex screwed me over, yet still comes out alright in the end. I had become good friends with all his friends. Yet even after being screwed over by my ex, no one wanted to even know me. Makes me wonder what horrible lies he told them all, to turn them all against me. I hope he screws them all over, they deserve it for being stupid enough to take his side. Is it any wonder I became very depressed? Its pretty hard to "know what you did wrong in the relationship" if these people don't even have decency to talk about what happened and what went wrong. What are you supposed to do? And then they call us crazy for not being over the breakup? Is it any wonder? I hope you exes new bf knows what a liar and a slut she is. I wouldn't want someone with those qualities, let alone have a child with them! He must be pretty crazy himself? Good luck to garbage I say! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mmiller5373 Posted July 30, 2011 Author Share Posted July 30, 2011 So, on August 24th, It will be 1 year of being free from my ex girlfriend. I've been NC for about 8 months. She's been NC for about 10 months. I don't know why, but I still think about my ex EVERYDAY. I'm tired of it. I don't miss her. I know she's not the right one for me. But I still think about WHY? Why did she come back, only to hurt me again? Why couldn't I see what she was doing? Why did I let myself get so low after she left and pretty much become a stalker? I seriously hate myself for what happened to me and I have no idea why. I'm a good guy with a good heart. I have a great job, some amazing new friends, a pretty good social life, I work out and keep myself busy, yet, the thoughts of her still linger ALL THE TIME. Why can't I just let it go? I've even been on several dates in the past few months, though nobody has even come close to my ex, which is really sad. My ex-girlfriend hasn't been my only breakup. I've had dozens of breakups in the past, but none of them have killed me like this one has. This was my second LTR, though honestly, I think this was the only relationship where I was actually in love. 2.5 years is a long time for me. My other LTR was only 8 months. The other breakups hurt, but I just moved on. Here I am, almost a year later, and I just can't get over it. WTF? Link to post Share on other sites
xeros Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 It's different for everyone. It's great you managed to go 7 months with no contact, that's a feat and well done Link to post Share on other sites
Rockyb87 Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 your not the only one, i think im on month 10 idk but i still think bout mine. The other day i went on a date with this one girl, of course later on you know what happened. I dont think im fully recovered bc i had no feelings for this girl at all and thats the same for the other girls. Im waiting, well not waiting, for some girl to sweep me off my feet but until then im just letting things flow. Link to post Share on other sites
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reimeivn Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 you are not sad, you are just wondering why. hey if you saw an UFO 9 months earlier, you would be still be thinking about it, and wondering why. what happened just strange to you, and you dont know why, and its a big why, because you dont have any one in the place she used to be right now. so calm down its totally normal. Link to post Share on other sites
coltsfan1 Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I have to agree I don't think that 9 months is to long to think about your ex, it is more about what you have done in those 9 months to change yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mmiller5373 Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 I have to agree I don't think that 9 months is to long to think about your ex, it is more about what you have done in those 9 months to change yourself. Done a lot. Lost over 30 lbs. Work out like crazy. Got a whole new circle of friends. Moved out of my mom's place. And oh, yeah... I'm on TV. Link to post Share on other sites
melenkurion Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 It's been nearly ten months for me and I still think about him a lot. It varies. It can go weeks on end with almost no thoughts of him whatsoever, or thinking of him daily. I think it's pretty normal. Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 you are not sad, you are just wondering why. hey if you saw an UFO 9 months earlier, you would be still be thinking about it, and wondering why. what happened just strange to you, and you dont know why, and its a big why, because you dont have any one in the place she used to be right now. so calm down its totally normal. Wow, I love your advice! Awesome perspective, really cool and very true. Keep it up, please! Link to post Share on other sites
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