chucksagent Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Women out there PLEASE give us an inside scoop on this; and Men, tell me if you've noticed this too. Throughout ALL the places I've lived I had the chance to speak to many men (many are good friends) and discuss our issues with women. Recently, some close friends and I were discussing women and we stumbled across a few issues that aren't among the MOST COMPLAINED about issues, but things women seem to have been getting away with for a long time. 1.) Ghosts from your pasts following you: Granted, I'm sure this happens occasionally with men, but WHY does it seem like any girlfriend you have you have to deal with ex's texting, calling, posting on Facebook, etc. ALL of my friends have dealt with this a lot, and we ALL agreed we never brought this crap into a relationship. Aka, our girls never had to deal with it. When it's done it's done and all parties know that, lol. 2.) Dressing up nicer hanging with your friends than with me: Again, I understand many men don't make an effort, but there ARE some great guys out there. At the beginning of a relationship the woman is ALWAYS dressed to the 10's to try and win you over. But after even just a few months sometimes she's back to just dressing in whatever. BUT THEN she will have a girls night and dress all sexy. I understand the whole "girls dress for girls thing" but women should ALSO KNOW men are visually beings. If they know their men like them dressed sexy, why is it such a chore to dress up for them, but not for a girls night? Again, please don't come back with "Men do dumb stuff, blah blah blah" I understand we DEF do...But I'm SIMPLY asking, why do these two issues ALWAYS come up with women????
maniktwin Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Yes, I did all that, but I grew up around 22 (I'm 41 now) and knocked that stuff off. I sleep better now. I guess we live and learn.
Stung Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I don't know. My experience has usually been the reverse of #1, and I know many other women who would say the same. My thought is that it's really more a case of 'birds of a feather' than a gender-specific trait. People have all kinds of different ideas of how to handle breakups, and a lot of people try to remain friends after, both male and female. Sometimes that works, sometimes it turns into a ****-storm. #2 is probably pretty simple. Dressing to the nines is usually uncomfortable for women. You can't just lounge and be comfortable in high heels, stockings, underwire bras, tight skirts, etc. If a woman has to dress up for work, chances are good she wants to relax and be comfortable in jeans and a sports bra and t-shirt or whatever in her off-hours, unless she is doing something that specifically calls for fancier clothing. Girls night, going out on the town, is one of those specific things. Presumably a date night with her boyfriend/husband would be one of those specific things, too--if a guy wants to see his woman dressed beautifully (and uncomfortably), he might want to take her out somewhere nice, and then he can enjoy unwrapping her later. Also, A) those clothes are expensive, and sometimes a pain to launder. It makes sense to save them for special occasions, and B) a lot of men seem to appreciate them more, or at least are more obvious about it, if they don't see it every day. Familiarity breeds contempt/absence makes the heart grow fonder, maybe?
vsmini Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 I'm a female and you know how I avoid #1 (but with men that still get texts and keep in contact with their female exes) - I don't get involved with them or I get out. Big rule - if they still live/go out/keep in contact with their ex I'm not allowing myself to be in the picture....and I don't think you should either. It was a break up for a reason and I'm just not interested in it. "ohhh but that's so immature to not allow someone to be friends with their ex" Say that if you want and I'm sure there are people out there that can do it and maybe I have missed out on a couple opportunities with a guy because I dropped him due to his constant communication with his EX. I don't care. I'm not risking Bullsh*t that comes along with all of that.
Lil1 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Chuck I think that Stung hit it on the nail. I don't see these 2 issues as being gender specific. Personally I have never remained friends with an ex, its just too complicated and not a real friendship. Maybe my view on this will change when Im older (im 29). I am currently dating a single father and he does have a good relationship with his ex but I see it as a positive thing (for his daughter) and he's assured me that he has no feelings whatsoever for his ex. As far as dressing up for the girls... I'll be real with you, we do it for the guys too. It's nice to feel sexy, confident and get noticed (by both sexes). I always dress up when im going out on a nice date with my man also (not just for the ladies).
Author chucksagent Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 You guys are awesome! Great responses... However, the dressing up thing I have to disagree - I think it IS a gender specific issue - please allow me to tell you why. If I go on a date to a nice restaurant with my girlfriend I may wear a button down shirt and khaki pants. If I go out for wings on a guys night with the boys to watch the game, I will be wearing khaki shorts and a polo or tee shirt (maybe even a jersey). Whereas if I take my girlfried to a nice restaurant she will wear a beautiful sundress or skirt. If she goes out for girls night she will wear a beautiful sundress or skirt. Lol. Do you see my point? Women say one thing and do or mean another. "I'm going with my girls, just wanna be comfortable." Then they wear clothing that will be "uncomfortable" to wear to a movie with me. BUT when a man says "I'm just hanging with my boys, I wanna be comfortable." He will actually wear clothes he normally wears on a day to day basis to be comfortable. Lol. But you DID ADMIT that girls dress for men AND women alike...so perhaps my worries were half real.
sally4sara Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 r a beautiful sundress or skirt. If she goes out for girls night she will wear a beautiful sundress or skirt. Lol. Do you see my point? Women say one thing and do or mean another. "I'm going with my girls, just wanna be comfortable." Then they wear clothing that will be "uncomfortable" to wear to a movie with me. BUT when a man says "I'm just hanging with my boys, I wanna be comfortable." He will actually wear clothes he normally wears on a day to day basis to be comfortable. Lol. But you DID ADMIT that girls dress for men AND women alike...so perhaps my worries were half real. So she wears the same thing for a nicer occasion whether its with you OR her GFs? I don't see the difference because the venue likely calls for the same standard of attire. Being comfortable isn't always a physical feeling. If I went to a funeral, I would be "uncomfortable" wearing broke in jeans and a tshirt. If I'm at home on the weekend I would be physically comfortable in the same outfit that would have made me "uncomfortable" for its lack of suitability at a funeral. If I am going somewhere knowing the company I will be mixing with will be dressed to a particular standard or style, I'm going to attempt to match it for "comfort".
Author chucksagent Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 The place wasn't a FANCY place; it was a bar/restaurant type place - nothing upscale. The same kind of place if I went with my friends I would wear khaki shorts and a polo. And I'm really not PICKING on my girlfriend - I've noticed it in my past relationships and with MANY of my close friends and their girlfriends. Sally4Sara - I think you are on to something. I think women want to look good when they are out with their girlfriends (whether for themselves, for their girlfriends, for men, or for all 3); but that still doesn't explain why women don't feel the need to dress up around established boyfriends. Like the second responder said - is it because she already has me? That's not very fair to be quite frank. AND if she is doing it for herself when she is out with her friends, why not when with me as well? Again I don't want to pick on my girlfriend because SOOOOOO many women I've seen do this. Women can say they wouldn't care if rolls were reversed but they'd be lying. My aunts ALWAYS complain "(insert uncles name) Why don't you ever dress up when we go out?" If he was going out with his buddies and DID DRESS UP (and didn't with his wife) I am pretty sure she would flip out...LOL! But prior to marriage and for younger people it seems to happen a LOT! Even couples I barely know who hang out at mutual places. This one girl who dates an associate of mine would ALWAYS dress to the 10's...now she has been with him for several months and it's ALWAYS jeans and a tee. I almost feel like women dress for the WRONG reasons. My best friend said it best to me the other day "Dude, you've been wearing the same type of outfit before,during, and after a relationship (unless it's out to a nice place than I will dress up very nicely) but I don't change my dress depending on who is going to be at a location lol. If anything I dress BETTER when I go out with my girlfriend because I want to look good for her.
sally4sara Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 The place wasn't a FANCY place; it was a bar/restaurant type place - nothing upscale. The same kind of place if I went with my friends I would wear khaki shorts and a polo. And I'm really not PICKING on my girlfriend - I've noticed it in my past relationships and with MANY of my close friends and their girlfriends. Sally4Sara - I think you are on to something. I think women want to look good when they are out with their girlfriends (whether for themselves, for their girlfriends, for men, or for all 3); but that still doesn't explain why women don't feel the need to dress up around established boyfriends. Like the second responder said - is it because she already has me? That's not very fair to be quite frank. AND if she is doing it for herself when she is out with her friends, why not when with me as well? Again I don't want to pick on my girlfriend because SOOOOOO many women I've seen do this. Women can say they wouldn't care if rolls were reversed but they'd be lying. My aunts ALWAYS complain "(insert uncles name) Why don't you ever dress up when we go out?" If he was going out with his buddies and DID DRESS UP (and didn't with his wife) I am pretty sure she would flip out...LOL! But prior to marriage and for younger people it seems to happen a LOT! Even couples I barely know who hang out at mutual places. This one girl who dates an associate of mine would ALWAYS dress to the 10's...now she has been with him for several months and it's ALWAYS jeans and a tee. I almost feel like women dress for the WRONG reasons. My best friend said it best to me the other day "Dude, you've been wearing the same type of outfit before,during, and after a relationship (unless it's out to a nice place than I will dress up very nicely) but I don't change my dress depending on who is going to be at a location lol. If anything I dress BETTER when I go out with my girlfriend because I want to look good for her. Its not done for any particular gender or self VS others. Its a societal thing and men have dress code expectations placed on them as well. Some places wont let you in without a collared shirt. Others don't allow jeans. Others still, no admittance without a suit jacket and/or tie. Women have more wardrobe options available to them without someone raising an eyebrow; we can wear pants or a skirt and no one takes issue. But then consider the different perception with things we can both wear - a wife beater tank on me might be seen as scanty, but not to near the same level if you wear one. Women's bodies are more scrutinized so we pay more attention to what we wear and where we wear it than you will feel compelled to. So if you're around us on the day to day you will see us come home and enjoy not having to keep up to the expectations we deal with. You get to see us vulnerable and without our "armor", without the artifice because we trust you, you are a member of our inner circle. You already know its all wrapping and hopefully, value us for the person we are rather than what we are wearing like all the strangers on the street and in the office do.It makes all the difference in the world and what sets YOU apart from "them" (everyone else).
EyesWideOpen Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 1.) Women can never get enough attention. They turn the tables around on men to get more like a player exploits women for sex. There will always be boys in the back she is feeding off of. 2.) She dresses to the nines on her "girls' night out" for the guys. She already has you. She doesn't need to do a thing to win you over. If she wants another man's interest or to have a fling behind your back then she still needs to look as good as the day you met her. One study showed women who had a boy but he wasn't around would move the most on the dance floor to get noticed more. As soon as she has the security of having a male then she can mate with whomever and has a guy right there to support her and any children. In some primates, the male uses the female's tail as a leash because she can't be trusted more than an arm's length away. Why do you think men created marriage and made them think it was their idea all along? A woman can only be trusted through the chains of marriage. Even then you have to watch her like a hawk. First...ignore pretty much everything this person has said, since it is absolute nonsense. My take? In regards to the first question - I read somewhere that statistucally woman are more likely to walk away from a relationship. According to the survey, about 2/3rds of break ups are initiated by women. Think about that. More often than not, women are done - over it - ready to move on. Whereas the men who got dumped were perhaps not expecting the end, have not come to the same point of closure, and perhaps are still clinging to that hope. Is it really a big surprise then that women don't do the haunting? As for the second question - the fact that a girl is comfortable enough with you and your relationship to NOT go out of her way to be decked out all the time for you is a good thing. It means that she trusts that you accept her for her...and not for her body and appearance. It also signifies that she's moved (or is moving) past the romance stage (which is little more than flirtation and twitterpation and rose-colored-glasses) and is moving into stages of a relationship built more on stability and commitment. That she gets dressed up to go out with her friends has little to do with you...and everything to do with her just wanting to feel sparkly for an evening out with the girls. It's like a 10 year old playing dress up with her friends. It's a chance to just be silly and girly together.
EyesWideOpen Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I think women want to look good when they are out with their girlfriends (whether for themselves, for their girlfriends, for men, or for all 3); but that still doesn't explain why women don't feel the need to dress up around established boyfriends. Like the second responder said - is it because she already has me? That's not very fair to be quite frank. AND if she is doing it for herself when she is out with her friends, why not when with me as well? I have a question...do you ever fart in front of your girlfriend? Or burp? Or really any action or opinion that you would have NEVER considering let loose when you first started dating her? Seriously. There comes a point when a relationship has moved past the need for appearances or to be on best behavior. Simply put...as a relationship evolves the need to impress each other diminishes because the relationship starts to be built on something deeper and more meaningful. I would argue that it is unfair of men to expect their women to play the Barbie doll roll indefinitely.
KR10N Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 If I go on a date to a nice restaurant with my girlfriend I may wear a button down shirt and khaki pants. If I go out for wings on a guys night with the boys to watch the game, I will be wearing khaki shorts and a polo or tee shirt (maybe even a jersey). Whereas if I take my girlfried to a nice restaurant she will wear a beautiful sundress or skirt. If she goes out for girls night she will wear a beautiful sundress or skirt. Lol. Do you see my point? Women say one thing and do or mean another. "I'm going with my girls, just wanna be comfortable." Then they wear clothing that will be "uncomfortable" to wear to a movie with me. BUT when a man says "I'm just hanging with my boys, I wanna be comfortable." He will actually wear clothes he normally wears on a day to day basis to be comfortable. Lol. Sounds as if you're way too concerned about how you think your GF should dress. No woman wants to look like a slob when she goes out, even w/ her friends.
ready4more Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 I am a woman and used to try hard to look good for my man but always got cut down anyhow - after a LOT of pain in life that I wont even get into, I gave up for years even trying, 5 years since I even been on a date now. When I was younger I did all the guy would want me to do to look a certain way then he'd dump me for something else after the "transformation." You really can't (Generalize), I could do that too about all men, But I am smart enough to know I just had the wrong guys and stuck around way to damn long and low self esteem. Pay attention to the kind of girls you let in your life, Take it from me it's your life and your memories so be more careful with them and best wishes.
Zolie Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Another possibility for #2 - being dressed to the nines is great and all (I personally love it and do it often), BUT, it's also uncomfortable sometimes. I am short, so I feel great in heels. I can't wear them for long, though - the sexier, dressier, higher they are, the better they look, but also the more they hurt. And for some of us, looking great in certain outfits might require some "support" garments. And yeah, those aren't so comfortable, either. It's also a lot of work ( a lot!) to do the hair, the nails, the makeup, the clothes, the accessories, etc. Why do you think it takes us so long to get ready, lol? So, we do it, but only when we think it's warranted, such as going out where other people will be. We figure you love us enough to love us in our casual clothes, too. :love: Thanks for the reminder, though, that our man might like to see us all dolled up. Reminders are always good!
Author chucksagent Posted May 31, 2011 Author Posted May 31, 2011 First of all, let me say something; this thread is PROOF to me that there are still SOME good people out there. Nobody assaulted me for the situation going on in my life. And EVERYONE gave INTELLIGENT feedback and THOUGHTFUL feedback. Allow me to elaborate: Sally4Sara - That's a good point. And I do TOTALLY accept her for who she is. We actually live togeher so I see her 6 out of 7 days hair pulled back in sweats and don't bat an eyelash. BUT, that's also why I think date night is important - we both get dressed up and go out somewhere nice. EyesWideOpen - I LOVE YOU!!! I am in shock! A person actually using FACTS to support an argument or opinion. I am in heaven!!! Ha ha ha. You have honestly now 100% totally educated me and it seriously makes sense now. AND as a matter of fact, I can (now because of what you said) recall in college; our one good friend got dumped and she was just GONE, she was done. And we were like "Wow, she is cold, she wants nothign to do with him" And he'd be calling and writing and hurt. THEN the sympathy of the girl comes in and may respond minimally or whatever. So I totally believe 2/3 of the time it's women because I've seen it. Leaving only 1/3 men breaking up with women and a lot of women are TOO PROUD to grovel and beg I would assume which would explain why it's usually the men doing the haunting lol. Well Done!---------------------------------Also, we've been together about 10 months now and lived together for about a month and have recently started burping and farting in front of eachother. Not to the point where its gross and doing it just to be gross, but if one of us has gas or something we are past the point of CONSTANTLY excusing ourselves from the room...lol..if that's what you mean. And I don't expect the Barbie Doll roll everyday - far from it, 1 day a week when we go out on date night. If it's good enough for her friends and for when she was single, it should be good enough for the man she supposedly loves so much, isn't that fair? Ready4more - you made a VERY interesting point. She has told me SEVERAL times that her ex NEVER complimented her the way I do. He never told her she was beautiful or amazing the way I always tell her. So it may be planted into her head that it's not even worth trying with her man. BUT, that theory only falls slightly flat because ALL her facebook pics from before we got together (previous summer and such) when she was single she has her hair down. She told me "its like that because most of the pictures are taken when I'm "out."" My counter was "well should we start going back to the bar all the time because that's what constitutes out? Isn't going to dinner and a movie, going out?" I hate this whole "bar bar bar bar bar bar bar mentality. It's ridiculous. I have fun at the bar too, but people today (thought i guess like people today are with EVERYTHING ELSE) do it sooo much in excess. I know people at the bar 4 nights a week....CRAZY! Zolie - You are a lady and an amazing person - I can tell just from what you wrote. Honestly. You were honest with me and you were honest with yourself. Which is the first and most important step with being an amazing person. Trust me. Soooooo many people think they have it ALL figured out. And unless you are a billionaire, who never works, who has the greatest family ever, the best friends ever, not a SINGLE stress in your life, you DO NOT have it all figured out. I.e. My girlfriend made a comment the one night I wore khaki pants and a button down to dinner " You look sooooo handsome in that!" So, I was like "Wow, ever since the weather got warmer I ALWAYS only wear kahki shorts and polo's..." So it REMINDED ME that I should make the extra effort for her. And think about it, women arent even as visual creatures as men are...Men REALLY like it when his lady dresses up. In winter, I wil often wear jeans, a button down collared shirt, and a sports coat. BUT it's also much colder. I don't want all those layers on in summer. Women have the great option of sun dresses or skirts WHICH I LOVE and which keep a nice breeze going. Again, not askig for dress up often, just maybe once a week or once every two weeks. I agree with many of you that this is just another step in our relationship, but all good things take work and effort. You shouldn't just get comfortable and say "who cares if I look good for him."
Mimolicious Posted May 31, 2011 Posted May 31, 2011 Women out there PLEASE give us an inside scoop on this; and Men, tell me if you've noticed this too. Throughout ALL the places I've lived I had the chance to speak to many men (many are good friends) and discuss our issues with women. Recently, some close friends and I were discussing women and we stumbled across a few issues that aren't among the MOST COMPLAINED about issues, but things women seem to have been getting away with for a long time. 1.) Ghosts from your pasts following you: Granted, I'm sure this happens occasionally with men, but WHY does it seem like any girlfriend you have you have to deal with ex's texting, calling, posting on Facebook, etc. ALL of my friends have dealt with this a lot, and we ALL agreed we never brought this crap into a relationship. Aka, our girls never had to deal with it. When it's done it's done and all parties know that, lol. 2.) Dressing up nicer hanging with your friends than with me: Again, I understand many men don't make an effort, but there ARE some great guys out there. At the beginning of a relationship the woman is ALWAYS dressed to the 10's to try and win you over. But after even just a few months sometimes she's back to just dressing in whatever. BUT THEN she will have a girls night and dress all sexy. I understand the whole "girls dress for girls thing" but women should ALSO KNOW men are visually beings. If they know their men like them dressed sexy, why is it such a chore to dress up for them, but not for a girls night? Again, please don't come back with "Men do dumb stuff, blah blah blah" I understand we DEF do...But I'm SIMPLY asking, why do these two issues ALWAYS come up with women???? Perhap's the term "women" is used loosely here. These sound like "girls".
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