What_Next Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Janey listen to what has been said, the majority of us are saying the same thing, PATIENCE. You have said you are not impatient, but I disagree, you are. You need to realize just how long this will take. You need to realize that yes there is a chance that your husband will not be able to handle your betrayal and leave. In fact there is a chance that he will himself cheat, many of us BS feel the exact same way. All of these things are your reality now, just as his reality contains all those awful images YOU put there. The bottom line, relax, let time pass and a piece of advice, stay faithful (there's some humor for you).
John Michael Kane Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 See, what you don't get is your advice hasn't been valuable to me. I know who is giving valuable advice and who is just making more assumptions and ridiculous judgments. You've already proved in your posts that you know nothing about me. You think I'm selfish and impatient (and many other things that I'm not). I'm none of those, so your advice can't help me. That's just the truth. If it hasn't been valuable or should I say, doesn't "phase you" then you wouldn't be here right now nor would you be posting what you are posting.
TMCM Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Please don't assume her BS will have a revenge affair just because a lot of BSs think about it or actually do it. Give the man a little more credit. He hasn't done anything wrong. He's not assuming anything. He's simply pointing to a very real possibility which would be very foolish to ignore.
TMCM Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 You are entertaining yourself, so I guess that's worth something. It LOOKS like you and Johnny only like to post to female cheaters but not to male cheaters. Interesting.
John Michael Kane Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 It LOOKS like you and Johnny only like to post to female cheaters but not to male cheaters. Interesting. Sorry dude you're totally off base.
What_Next Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Please don't assume her BS will have a revenge affair just because a lot of BSs think about it or actually do it. Give the man a little more credit. He hasn't done anything wrong. Did I say it was a certainty he would? Careful now.
TMCM Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Done. You're welcome. Great. Though I feel that you further fed his misplaced self-righteousness. Now the only one yet to post is Johnny boy.
TMCM Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Sorry dude you're totally off base. C'mon Johnny. You can dooo it!
What_Next Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Just because you had a revenge affair doesn't mean Janie's h is likely to have one. Fantasize about it? Sure. But nothing she's posted indicates he is prone to actually doing it. So yes I think it is unfair, without knowing something more about her h, to cast that aspersion at him. Do you have anything constructive to add to any thread except to argue with those of us that are actually trying to participate in a positive way in this forum? Of course not. I have seen so many come into this forum like you, hit like a bomb, spout venom and argue with everyone and anyone and then boom, you're gone. Can't happen soon enough if you ask me.
John Michael Kane Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 C'mon Johnny. You can dooo it! I actually posted in that thread.
John Michael Kane Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 At least if you're going to be confrontational full disclosure is warranted, you're not just a BS, you're a madhatter or BS/WS. He had a "revenge" affair with another woman.
What_Next Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 At least if you're going to be confrontational full disclosure is warranted, you're not just a BS, you're a madhatter or BS/WS. Full disclosure? Are you bloody kidding me? Do you realize just how big of an idiot you have made yourself look like? Ask ANY (and I mean ANY) of the regular posters around here. My story, the FULL story is well known. I have a thread which details every single aspect of the agony my wife and I went through. I hid nothing. Did you even bother to look for the posting history before you shot your mouth off? Of course not. I have NO issue with being confontational, either in person or on a forum, I have NO issue with full disclosure as I have DONE it. Have you? No you chose to argue and bash away at those of us who actually care about the posters in this forum, those of us who have formed friendships with some of the posters on LS. Good lord, you don't have a clue.
What_Next Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Why is it so important, it often seems, for cheaters--and you yourself are one, obviously--to twist things around so as to bring the BS down a peg or two, regardless of the facts? Are you bloody kidding me? Seriously? You have NO clue what you are talking about with regards to my situation, no clue at all. Bring the BS down a peg? Holy bloody hell. You simply are ignorant of the facts. You want to learn what I have been through, find my thread and READ IT. You can see that my heart got bloody near ripped out, my family nearly destroyed, my relationship with my own blood family is torn to bits, nearly lost my job, and that is only the bullet points of what I've been through.
jnj express Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 If you guys wanna argue with each other, fine---but start your own thread and do it there----Otherwise answer JA, and get off---all this repetition does nothing for anyone---or do you guys have nothing else to do, with your time????????
What_Next Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 jnj you are correct. Normally I would not let myself get dragged into such silliness, but this poster seems to have annoyed me enough to fall into his trap. Oh well I can easily ignore him and as we have seen countless times here on LS he will burn himself out and go away as he has nothing to offer except the same drivel anyway. Back to the show, Janey I apologize for the sidetrack. A question for you, is your husband religious in any way? You had mentioned him telling you to read yyour bible etc. Perhaps he might feel more comfortable talking to someone involved with your church if you are active? Or possibly you might want to suggest he find a close friend to confide in. While MC did not work for us, talking with some very close friends did help me a great deal.
Author JaneyAmazed Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 jnj you are correct. Normally I would not let myself get dragged into such silliness, but this poster seems to have annoyed me enough to fall into his trap. Oh well I can easily ignore him and as we have seen countless times here on LS he will burn himself out and go away as he has nothing to offer except the same drivel anyway. Back to the show, Janey I apologize for the sidetrack. A question for you, is your husband religious in any way? You had mentioned him telling you to read yyour bible etc. Perhaps he might feel more comfortable talking to someone involved with your church if you are active? Or possibly you might want to suggest he find a close friend to confide in. While MC did not work for us, talking with some very close friends did help me a great deal. I know this sounds terrible because we are Christians, but sometimes Christian counselors don't have a clue. Some of them (not all of course) have a step-by-step fix it program that someone came up with that is very black and white...for "all" situations. Also, many say right up front "divorce is never an option." We know a pastor that we really trust. He gives good advice but doesn't necessarily help from a typical "church" point of view. He talked to my H right after all this happened, and I'm hoping that he can talk to him again. He has no agenda and is very experienced in marital issues. He even went through some infedelity issues in his own life. I think it really does help to learn from someone who has been there. I think my H would benefit from talking to him some more. I will ask him. If not, at least he has agreed to go back to MC with me. I'll take what I can get.
Author JaneyAmazed Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 First of all, thank you to those of you who made me realize I can't MAKE my husband go to IC. I have benefited from IC because I've had to face some real truths about myself that aren't necessarily pleasant. My intentions are usually good, but the way I go about getting what I want is not always good. I see why my husband got so angry the other night. It's because he didn't know my intentions, he just knew how I was making him feel. He felt attacked and accused of being dishonest and of course he lashed out at me. I realized something else about myself. I've always been afraid to say what I really feel around him. He blows up easily (even before the affair) and I just wanted to avoid confrontation and arguments. Eventually, as I mentioned before, I began to hold those feelings inside and it screwed me up royally. Not to mention, it put distance between us. I just don't want the same thing to happen to him. I don't want him to hold all these feelings in with no outlet. But my aha moment of the day is just because I don't want that for him doesn't mean I can MAKE him do anything about it. I can't force him to talk to anyone. I have to let go and stop trying to control the situation. I, (gasp) don't always know what's best for him.
Author JaneyAmazed Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 Janey listen to what has been said, the majority of us are saying the same thing, PATIENCE. You have said you are not impatient, but I disagree, you are. You need to realize just how long this will take. You need to realize that yes there is a chance that your husband will not be able to handle your betrayal and leave. In fact there is a chance that he will himself cheat, many of us BS feel the exact same way. All of these things are your reality now, just as his reality contains all those awful images YOU put there. The bottom line, relax, let time pass and a piece of advice, stay faithful (there's some humor for you). I get that now. I was thinking impatience meant I was being impatient with my H for not getting over this yet which was far from the truth. I don't expect him or me to be "over it" for a long time. I was just concerned that he was letting too much build upinside and if he doesn't get some sort of help soon, he will run. I do need to learn to be patient with this whole process. When he's angry, I get into panic mode (like when I started this thread) and I hate facing the unknown. Can you tell I like to be in control? I'm learning though. I really am. If I don't, I'll lose my man. Nothing worse than an emotional wreck trying to control a situation with an already wounded and betrayed spouse.
dale_gribble Posted May 27, 2011 Posted May 27, 2011 I don't know you personally, but as a BS who's wife keeps pushing me to "speed up" the prsocess of reconciliation- It does seem that you are being somewhat impatient with him. Consider yourself luck that he can even atand to be in the same room with you because I've just about checked-out on my marriage. The thing that bothers me the most about my wife is her being sooo needy at this point. It feels as if though she is trying too hard to make me feel that she still wants me and needs me. This pisses me off to no end because I now how independent she really is- Its so ****ing insulting! By the way, when she told me this- as you did to your husband "I love him more than I've loved anyone in life," I totally lost it. I know you probably meant well, but can you understand how a statement like that might sound vacant and hollow. You know what my response was- "I'd hate to see if you hated me."
Author JaneyAmazed Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 I don't know you personally, but as a BS who's wife keeps pushing me to "speed up" the prsocess of reconciliation- It does seem that you are being somewhat impatient with him. Consider yourself luck that he can even atand to be in the same room with you because I've just about checked-out on my marriage. The thing that bothers me the most about my wife is her being sooo needy at this point. It feels as if though she is trying too hard to make me feel that she still wants me and needs me. This pisses me off to no end because I now how independent she really is- Its so ****ing insulting! By the way, when she told me this- as you did to your husband "I love him more than I've loved anyone in life," I totally lost it. I know you probably meant well, but can you understand how a statement like that might sound vacant and hollow. You know what my response was- "I'd hate to see if you hated me." This is sad, but true, it took almost losing him to realize just how much I loved him. I never loved the other guy more.
John Michael Kane Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 I don't know you personally, but as a BS who's wife keeps pushing me to "speed up" the prsocess of reconciliation- It does seem that you are being somewhat impatient with him. Consider yourself luck that he can even atand to be in the same room with you because I've just about checked-out on my marriage. The thing that bothers me the most about my wife is her being sooo needy at this point. It feels as if though she is trying too hard to make me feel that she still wants me and needs me. This pisses me off to no end because I now how independent she really is- Its so ****ing insulting! By the way, when she told me this- as you did to your husband "I love him more than I've loved anyone in life," I totally lost it. I know you probably meant well, but can you understand how a statement like that might sound vacant and hollow. You know what my response was- "I'd hate to see if you hated me." If your wife keeps telling you to "speed up," you might want to seriously reconsider staying with her if she has that type of attitude.
whichwayisup Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 If he doesn't want to go talk to someone and has pent up anger and stuff building in him, he needs a release. Suggest to him to join a gym, to work out, do boxing, running, squash, anything that helps release that energy. It'll make him feel better pounding a ball or hitting a boxing bag.
Author JaneyAmazed Posted May 28, 2011 Author Posted May 28, 2011 If he doesn't want to go talk to someone and has pent up anger and stuff building in him, he needs a release. Suggest to him to join a gym, to work out, do boxing, running, squash, anything that helps release that energy. It'll make him feel better pounding a ball or hitting a boxing bag. He has started exercising and lifting weights more, but he still works so much that he hardly has time for much else. I do encourage him to do something he enjoys. He has a motorcycle but never has time to ride it. I'm hoping he will make more time for himself. I know that's what he needs.
John Michael Kane Posted May 28, 2011 Posted May 28, 2011 If he doesn't want to go talk to someone and has pent up anger and stuff building in him, he needs a release. Suggest to him to join a gym, to work out, do boxing, running, squash, anything that helps release that energy. It'll make him feel better pounding a ball or hitting a boxing bag. He needs to recover how he feels he needs to.
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